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(Canoe) Followup If you suspect that your girlfriend is chatting with other guys on her cell phone, do you (a) press *69, (b) check the log on her cell phone bill, (c) shove the cell phone down her throat?   (cnews.canoe.ca) divider line 80
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DandamanFL [TotalFark] 2007-02-04 12:30:43 AM  
Was he screaming "can you hear me now biatch?"

 
mialynneb [recently expired TotalFark] 2007-02-04 12:42:52 AM  
I remember when this happened a while back.

Marlon Brando Gill

With a name like that - you're only meant for greatness!

 
log_jammin [TotalFark] 2007-02-04 12:46:09 AM  
I was going to be snarky about this story but I won't because I'm to chicken shiat

 
Anti_Freak_Machine [TotalFark] 2007-02-04 12:53:35 AM  
Is this a trick question?

 
skinink 2007-02-04 12:54:52 AM  
Shoved a cellphone down her throat? Thank heaven she wasn't chatting to guys on her computer's IM ...

 
Dwreck 2007-02-04 12:54:56 AM  
I'd have to say, C sounds like a good option to me.

 
mama's_tasty_foods 2007-02-04 12:56:34 AM  
I came here to say I hope there's a special place in hell for douchebags who beat up their women.

And I do feel that way but then I saw DandamanFL's post and laughed.

 
Fenshi 2007-02-04 12:57:56 AM  
I wonder if she dialed 911 with her tonsils.

 
Mouse-Pin_Dropping 2007-02-04 12:58:09 AM  
I suppose *69 would be appropriate...

 
phatface 2007-02-04 12:58:38 AM  
put it the form of a hair question please

 
ChronicallyCanuk 2007-02-04 12:59:15 AM  
Hell I found out an ex of mine was cheating through MSN records and all I did was e-mail those records to her mom and friends and sat back as she had to explain herself to them and me.

/Question I have was it a LG Chocolate Phone, Always wondered what they tasted like.
//probably like Hubert Cumberdale.

 
occasionalcontributer 2007-02-04 01:00:28 AM  
Well, if you've already told her twice...

 
VeloVol 2007-02-04 01:02:20 AM  
I haven't looked at the article, but I'm guessing it's not (b).

 
Holodigm 2007-02-04 01:03:12 AM  
Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a biatch with her cell phone?

 
Thenixon 2007-02-04 01:03:17 AM  
Dateline exclusive - The hidden danger of small cell phones: choking hazard.

 
MeanJean 2007-02-04 01:03:42 AM  
ChronicallyCanuk

/Question I have was it a LG Chocolate Phone, Always wondered what they tasted like.
//probably like Hubert Cumberdale.


Eew. Like soot and poo.

/Salad Fingers rules.

 
VeloVol 2007-02-04 01:04:04 AM  
Hey, I was right!

 
nytyper 2007-02-04 01:06:59 AM  
Why can't I do all three?

 
You_mean_Im_gonna_stay_this_color [TotalFark] 2007-02-04 01:07:21 AM  
C ?????????????

What do I win?

 
Reactron [TotalFark] 2007-02-04 01:07:44 AM  
www.reactron.net

 
TwistedFark 2007-02-04 01:08:22 AM  
This is a trick question.

You shove the cell phone down her throat, then punch *69 with your fist while holding the bill and screaming, "SO? WHO'S NUMBER IS THIS???"

 
Sweaty Jerry 2007-02-04 01:08:26 AM  
Well that's an interesting problem solving method.

 
conniemac 2007-02-04 01:09:17 AM  
Since this happened in December, 2005 & the original article was posted on fark, shouldn't this have a FOLLOWUP tag? Not being snarky here, just curious.

 
Bon_Scott 2007-02-04 01:09:44 AM  
Never shove a cell phone down your girlfriend's throat. It'll just get in the way...

 
Sergent D 2007-02-04 01:11:08 AM  
Thread over after the boobies.

 
Bon_Scott 2007-02-04 01:12:53 AM  
Prosecutors said Marlon Brando Gill, 25, had a history of abusing his former girlfriend, Melinda Abell, before he forced the cell phone into her mouth in December 2005 while they were arguing.

Two years old news. And I thought that Marlon Brando was dead?

 
DanThe1Man [TotalFark] 2007-02-04 01:15:06 AM  
I think she should keep it real.

 
overlord 2007-02-04 01:19:01 AM  
img.fark.com

 
gradatim 2007-02-04 01:20:04 AM  
(d) Find out their names, and then insist that she compare and contrast you to them at "special" times. Like during sex.

"So, how was that, hon? Is that how DOUG does it? Or does DOUG do it better? How 'bout BILL? How does BILL do it? Huh? Here's your cell, maybe you should call and ask. Again."

...etc. Keep it up until you never hear from her again.

 
theblitz 2007-02-04 01:21:42 AM  
I'm sorry but that is not a hair question.

 
CavemanCometh 2007-02-04 01:22:03 AM  
Definitely C

 
doctorwormwood 2007-02-04 01:23:03 AM  
you just tell her to go away ... you dont tell her why .. you refuse to discuss it .. just stop speaking to her until she goes away .. then let her try and figgure it out.

 
dewars-rocks [TotalFark] 2007-02-04 01:25:47 AM  
That's how we roll in KC

 
yeolcoatl 2007-02-04 01:28:53 AM  
Wait... there's nothing wrong with "chatting with other guys on her cell phone," is there? Every girl I've ever dated has chatted with guys on the phone.

...


OH!!!! I see... you mean....

right. sorry about that.

/Think I'd go with option B... Then stalk the guys while considering my next move.
//Two slashes for the price of one.

 
Kanemano 2007-02-04 01:37:57 AM  
gradatim: (d) Find out their names, and then insist that she compare and contrast you to them at "special" times. Like during sex.

"So, how was that, hon? Is that how DOUG does it? Or does DOUG do it better? How 'bout BILL? How does BILL do it? Huh? Here's your cell, maybe you should call and ask. Again."

...etc. Keep it up until you never hear from her again.


what if she gives you an honest answer? ie. better than Bill, but not quite up to Doug, miles behind Jose, and eons behind Kanemano.

 
Twister58201 2007-02-04 01:42:52 AM  
This chick loved every minute of it. I bet she is already back with him.

/Got what she deserved.

 
antron 2007-02-04 01:43:56 AM  
KHITBASH?

 
ElRonHubbardsBalls 2007-02-04 01:48:38 AM  
Dude....there was a time that I would have laughed at something like that, but...uh...um....ok Im still laughing at that.

 
Munchausen 2007-02-04 01:59:06 AM  
Bon_Scott:

"Prosecutors said Marlon Brando Gill, 25, had a history of abusing his former girlfriend, Melinda Abell, before he forced the cell phone into her mouth in December 2005 while they were arguing.

"Two years old news. And I thought that Marlon Brando was dead?"

Two years old? That's barely over one, Mr. Bigtime Round-upper!

 
Tapeworm21 [TotalFark] 2007-02-04 02:00:57 AM  
Gander understands a woman needs her privacy and thinks snooping on a cell phone is wrong.

/Hightlights Magazine.....
//Anyone?

 
Jument 2007-02-04 02:01:21 AM  
What do you tell a woman who has two cell phones shoved down her throat?

 
SuperCatBarf [TotalFark] 2007-02-04 02:10:25 AM  
It worked for me.

 
ChuckB 2007-02-04 02:10:31 AM  
The defence said Abell was drunk and tried to swallow the phone to prevent Gill from finding out whom she had been calling.

Rock solid defence.

 
kiapolo 2007-02-04 02:11:40 AM  
This should have been green lighted somewhere around December 2005 when this actually happened?

 
ougam1 2007-02-04 02:12:51 AM  
Jument

What do you tell a woman who has two cell phones shoved down her throat?

don't ruin your appetite, you're having yogurt for dessert....biaatch.

 
conniemac 2007-02-04 02:13:10 AM  
kiapolo

It was. Technically, this is a followup, as I mentioned in my previous post.

 
Phil Herup 2007-02-04 02:21:53 AM  
DandamanFL: Was he screaming "can you hear me now biatch?"


ROTFLMAO

 
shesablondebomb 2007-02-04 02:26:27 AM  
Marlon Brando Gill

"I'm doing this because I love you!"

 
kericr 2007-02-04 02:32:15 AM  
FTA: "The 911 tape showed that Mr. Gill's emotion and concern was real and raw," said William David Langston, Gill's lawyer, in a prepared statement.

"It was not the voice of a guilty man. He was desperately trying to help save her life."

"She had no memory of what happened but as news got out and the jokes began developing on late-night TV, the blame turned to Mr. Gill."

But a state witness testified injuries to Abell's mouth were consistent with the phone being forced into it.


Not that I'm defending the guy, but lemmie get this straight. He denies it. He's recorded on 911 as sounding genuinely concerned and scared for her life. She doesn't even remember it as she was drunk off her ass. But he's found guilty anyway because of forensic evidence? NAL, or a jury member, but this sounds sketchy at best. Perhaps the jury was watching a little bit too much CSI.

 
That Guy...From That Show! 2007-02-04 02:34:56 AM  
Followup?

 
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