For those of you who missed the last two threads (see link after voting candidates), we're finally getting around to putting together a contest for the best headlines of the year. Nice to get this out of the way before Christmas, eh? These are the top thirty candidates from July, August, and September. You vote on the best ones, and the top five will make it to the final round, which we'll post next Monday. The big contest will be on Monday.

Note: In addition to these, there were some categories that we felt were worthy of their own separate voting thread. Sports headline of the year, Entertainment headline of the year, Politics headline of the year, etc. I'm also working on a Dumbass of the Year category and one for Parents of the Year. Headlines that feature lyrics, rhymes and puns will get some extra love, as will the clever ASCII/Braille/Morse code ones.

So enjoy these and vote for the ones you like.

If you took $500,000 worth of copper rods, the Victoria Police would like to Cu soon



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2150044

Skydivers' plane crashes, killing all aboard. A life-saving device for surviving free-fall would have come in handy


http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2201034

Some Korean guy has, so far, excreted 3.5 pounds of cocaine since his arrest. He is reportedly quite popular in PMITA prison, inmates refer to him as "the coolest vending machine ever"



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2193869

Teenagers bagging mothballs to get high, no word on how they got those little legs apart



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2196197

Man falls from porch. Good news: the porch was ground-level. Bad news: he fell face-first. Good news: in the grass. Bad news: onto a broken pickaxe



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2183122

In Canada, it's illegal to incite 14-year-olds to bestiality, advertise Viagra and scare the elderly and children to death. Submitter's weekend plans have gone right out the window



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2165030

Church camp shuts down after outbreak of gastroenteritis bring a whole new meaning to holy crap



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2195959

Jelly Belly rewards the one millionth visitor to its factory with his or her weight in jellybeans. Unfortunately, it turned out to be Fattie Day at the ol' sugar mine



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2196584

British Army bagpipers told to wear earplugs, unlike the rest of us advised not to run as fast as one possibly can from the skirted man torturing a cat in his armpit



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2187758

Shuttle set for hot, steamy docking action with ISS. Canadarm being deployed for Dutch Rudder maneuver



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2155785

Explosion inside a Post cereal plant blows one unfortunate employee to Alphabits



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2250012

Today's "truckload of penguins overturns on highway" story brought to you by Marshall, Texas. Initial reports indicate they blew a seal



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2219581

West Virginia deemed the least diverse state. Officials counter that it's all relative



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2232578

Apparently, "I was pretty much drunk when I had sex with the corpse" is not a good defense in Georgia anymore


http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2252634

To escape the monotony of his routine as a Greyhound bus driver, Bob would often daydream that he was piloting a low-flying airplane. This morning, he attempted his first barrel roll



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2258042

B a n n e r p l a n e c r a s h e s i n E g g H a r b o r T o w n s h i p



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2212930

A woman's sex drive begins to plummet once she is in a secure relationship, according to research conducted by almost every married man on planet earth



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2229499

Serial killer donates one of his kidneys to brother of an ex-girlfriend. It could be an altruistic gesture, or it could be escape on the installment plan


http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2261334

Dennis Miller to join Fox News this fall. This makes about as much sense as Beowulf having sex with Robert Fulton at the first battle of Antietam



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2219814

Words you don't want in your obituary: "...discovered naked with KY Jelly and a condom next to his body"



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2249573

Never bring a gun to a cockfight. Or is it a knife to a gunfight? Anyway, one guy's dead


http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2268452

Trying to soften John Gotti's image, defense attorneys tell jurors that the mobster has written a children's book, "If They Know What's Good For Them, Nobody Saw Nothing on Mulberry Street"



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2284288

Triple amputee arrested for assaulting wife. Even though he was unarmed, state attorney says he hasn't a leg to stand on with self-defense claims



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2286654

World's largest corn maze built in Nebraska. Maze is designed to be much like Nebraska in that you enter, see nothing but corn, then leave



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2272532

Drunken Brit drowns during contest with friends to see who could hold their breath underwater the longest in hotel pool. On the bright side, he won, and he's still going for the record



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2288575

If your idea of a great family vacation is sitting blindfolded and bound in a cave while Marxist rebels scream that they're going to kill you if their ransom demands aren't met, boy, does Columbia have a tourism package for you



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2276764

Actual Headline: Penis set on fire with fondue fuel



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2286790

Unfortunately, there is no Hallmark card available yet that says, "Sorry I accidentally shot you in the face while teaching you about gun safety"



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2298532

Traumatic head injuries fall. Next time, traumatic head injuries should wear a helmet



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2265026

Scientists create carbon nanotube nanosensors, capable of detecting H3 drivers' penises



http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2293543

For those of you desperately looking for the ASCII shark headline, it will be up later with some of the other clever ASCII, Braille, and Morse code headlines that we got this year. It was good enough that it deserved its own category with like headlines. You'll be seeing that one next week, too.

For those of you who want to see the last two threads from Tuesday and yesterday, they can be found here:

Fark's 2006 Headline of the Year contest, Round 1: January through March

Fark's 2006 Headline of the Year contest, Round 2: April through June

Headline of the Year candidate: If your idea of a great family vacation is sitting blindfolded and bound in a cave while Marxist rebels scream that they're going to kill you if their ransom demands aren't met, boy, does Columbia have a tourism package for you

Sorry, submitter of this one, but spelling counts.

Unfreakable: For those of you desperately looking for the ASCII shark headline

Oh god.

In other news, I think I voted for all of them :(

Unfreakable

Will we also have a "Best use of Fark cliches" category?

I had a good one earlier this year, but this type of headline is (in my opinion) a little too Fark-specific to warrant inclusion in a category like 'Best', which is presumably intended for a wider audience.

classic stuff here

Kind of a weak group compared to the previous ones.

Alphabits FTW! Some great ones here, but maybe I just remember more here than in previous threads...

I like the idea, Palmer Eldritch, but it's been a whole lot of work to go though so many links per month. That one might have made the tech subpage, but I don't have it here to be able to tell.

Please make the links clickable

Thank you.

Yeah, so reading those and trying not to laugh myself to tears while sitting right next to my boss wasn't the wisest idea evar... good show!

Do a Barrel Roll!

Still awesome.

LandofChocolate
If you have Firefox and the Farkode extension, you can open threads by highlighting the thread number and right-clicking. See www.fark.com/firefox

You guys must be going through keyboards like there's no tomorrow unless beverages aren't allowed in the reviewing room.

LandOfChocolate: Please make the links clickable

Firefox and Linkification are your friend.

I think we need a Best of TFD.

I'm stuck to my chair. I'm so very scared. Help. (Details In thread)

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2018473

Not just best headline but best thread EVAR

//no, no idea how to make link clicky. Sorry.

The links are deliberately not clickable because this contest is about the headlines, not the thread.

Never bring a gun to a cockfight. Or is it a knife to a gunfight? Anyway, one guy's dead

Gotta love a headline that makes Subby owe me two new keyboards, months apart - with the same headline.