Britney fears the raunchy footage will destroy her wholesome image

Sorry to break it to you, hun, but you started whoring yourself out a long ago.

Wait wait wait

"At the time the two of them were in the honeymoon stages of the relationship and couldn't keep their hands off each other. They did nothing all day but have sex-and play the odd game of chess."

Say what?

odd only in the fact they only had checkers

That's what I was thinking. "Dude, that's called checkers"

Cletus, you have one chance to redeem yourself.

You must release the videos of Britney when she was naked and hot, minus the stretch marks.

We'll give you bonus points if you have yourself digitally edited out of the video.

But, if you don't release these videos, your man card is revoked, and you'll have to live out the rest of your days alternating between watching The View and Oxygen with your cock and balls taped back up between your buttcheeks.

Doesn't describing the videos in detail pretty much ruin the "wholesome" image? Whatever. Every public appearance she has had with him she has looked like they just had sex.

/just saying
//release the tape and be done with it.

SchlingFo: and you'll have to live out the rest of your days alternating between watching The View and Oxygen with your cock and balls taped back up between your buttcheeks.

Dude... that was a visual i did NOT need.

Isn't "give me what I want or I'll reveal info to ruin your rep" extortion or something? Seems like it ought to be illegal.

/has no desire to see said tapes
//thinks Britney was to nasty to envision nekkid even before the stretch marks.

Dumbfark.
It really killed Paris Hilton's career.
I hate him.

If he can blur out his face and ass, leaving Britney in focus, then I might consider a purchase....


/I can spend the rest of my life never seeing K-Jizz....

what wtc said.

I'd buy that for a dollar.

She should've had it the tape copywritten in her name the minute it was made. IIRC, federal copyright laws trump state community property laws. She could tell him to get stuffed.

Do you think she's upset about the fact that there's a video of her having sex or that there's a video of her having sex with Fedex?
/ hoping for a Britney/Madonna sex video.

From TFA: At the moment Kev is in talks with a company in Arizona about putting the four-hour sex vid online

A four hour sex vid? The poor internet tubes are gonna choke and die when that's released.

But he should totally release a clip, just to show he's serious.

LyleDAL: Seems like it ought to be illegal.

Yeah, it's extortion and it's illegal.

Fedo, you have one chance to become a hero to the world.

Wouldn't it be easier and cheaper for her to just have him killed?

carnifex: Wouldn't it be easier and cheaper for her to just have him killed?

Frankly, I think Britney owes the world Fed-Ex's head on a silver platter. She subjected us to him for all this time. The very least she could do is clean up her mess and disappear this asshat forever.

Yeah, devastating.

Devastatingly awesome.

He's such a douche. It's just not enough for him to ask for the money, he also asks for the kids too. I wonder why he wants custody of these kids, but won't even bother to visit his other 2 kids with his ex. Oh yeah, Britney's loaded and he'll hit the child support jackpot.

Isn't "give me what I want or I'll reveal info to ruin your rep" extortion or something? Seems like it ought to be illegal.

You'd think that'd be the case. But high profile celebrity divorce cases are strange things. As the late, great Hunter S. Thompson once said - this is bat territory.

cheap whore

Britney fears the raunchy footage will destroy her wholesome image...

Ohhhh, it's satire!

Who wrote this article? Judging from the shiate grammar and punctuation, it must have been K-Fed himself.

Dear Mr. Federline,

Enclosed in this envelope is 500$.

10$ is for a copy of your "sex tape" with you edited out.

The rest is for you to purchase a handgun with, and end your pathetic life.

Sincerely,

pagan_punjabi :)

Porn-o-zao?

Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh
Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh
Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh
And all the girlies say I'm pretty fly for a white guy
Uno dos tres cuatro cinco cinco seís
You know its kinda hard just to get along today
Our subject isn't cool, but he thinks it anyway
He may not have a clue, and he may not have style
But everything he lacks, well he makes up in denial
So don't deflate, play it straight
You know he really doesn't get it anyway
Gonna play the field, keep it real
For you know a way, for you know a way
So if you don't break, just over compensate
At least you know you can always go on Ricki Lake
The world needs wannabees
Hey, hey, do the brand new thing!
Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh
Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh
Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh
And all the girlies say I'm pretty fly for a white guy
He needs some cool tunes, not just any will suffice
But they didn't have Ice Cube so he bought Vanilla Ice
Now cruising in his Pinto, he sees homies as he pass
But if he looks twice, they're gonna kick his lilly ass!
So don't deflate, play it straight
You know he really doesn't get it anyway
Gonna play the field, keep it real
For you know a way, for you know a way
So if you don't break, just over compensate
At least you know you can always go on Ricky Lake
The world loves wannabes
Hey, hey, do the trendy thing!
Now he's getting a tattoo yeah, he's getting ink done
He asks for a 13, but they drew a 31
Friends say he's trying too hard and he's not quite hip
But in his own mind he's the, he's the dopest trick
Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh
Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh
Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh
And all the girlies say I'm pretty fly for a white guy
Uno dos tres cuatro cinco cinco seís
So don't deflate, play it straight
You know he really doesn't get it anyway
Gonna play the field, keep it real
For you know a way, for you know a way
So if you don't break, just over compensate
At least you know you can always go on Ricky Lake
The world needs wannabes
The world loves Wannabes
Let's get some more wannabes
Hey, hey, do the brand new thing!

I would think that him acting like this would actually help out Britney with the sympathy factor. He's acting like an extortionist and that isn't right. That being said, she should be smarter than to make any sort of sex video. Nobody said you had to be smart to be famous.

Sounds like straight-up blackmail. I don't think K-Fed thought his cunning plan all the way through.

I can't really imagine that watching sex with Britney, or actual sex with Britney, could ever approach "devastating." I've had devastating, she doesn't have it in her.

Are honeymoon sex tapes a Hollywood tradition?

Get your goggles ready.

This is blackmail, right? Which is against the law, right?

Where is Golden Palace when we need them.

She didn't even have the guts to divorce him to his face, and wants to cut everything off from him and raise her children with whichever Father-Of-The-Month she can get. He should get every penny he can (especially as he'll be making jack shiat after McMahon's done with him in January) just to maker her admit to her kids that she's a user.

Isn't blackmail illegal? Since the blackmail attempt is public knowledge, can't she just press charges?

Sure, I'll watch it. But first I want to see a picture of Rupert Murdoch's cock.

http://notwats.blogspot.com/2006/11/britney-sex-tape-blackmail.html

hey, makes it easier to convict him for various charges once the tape is released, i mean who else has a copy?

and yeah, wholesome image, bwahahahaha!

.. of men, that is.

Mr Sunshine
You know they do nothing, right?

EWW! Am I the only one noticing some serious droopage in this woman's chestal region?

"She is worried she will become infamous like Paris Hilton"

Don't worry about being infamous like Paris Hilton.
Paris Hilton WISHES she was infamous like Britney Spears.

It is extortion, and it is illegal. Let's not overlook the fact that if he benefits financially from this, she is entitled to half of it. I think the story is a hoax that some bored wanker cooked up.

Female- likes twigs and berries- but not k-fags.

Nail him for extortion. If the tape goes public demand copyright and 3/4 of the profits since she is the star and he is the stand in. She has lawyers and money, he doesn't.
Conveniently tie up all of his assets until he caves.
At this point a sex tape might actually improve her career.

Cletus's position is even worse now that he told the world there IS a sex tape, actually.

Incidentally, I made a "cunning plan" image from a picture of Cpl. Charles Graner doing the thumbs up next to a corpse (one of those photos everyone has seen already), but I never posted it because I thought it might be in bad taste. I think I made the right decision, but please feel free to advise.

Can you say blackmail?

Linkman (with rather forced bonhomie) Well, those were the titles. And now for the first item this evening on the Menu - ha ha - the team have chosen as a little hors d'oeuvres an item - and I think we can be sure it won't be an ordinary item - in fact the team told me just before the show that anything could happen, and probably would - so let's have ... the item.

Cut to the word 'Blackmail' in letters four feet high, picked out in lightbulbs which flash on and off. Big showbiz music crashes in. Camera pulls back to reveal glittery showbiz set. A presenter in glittery showbiz jacket sits behind a glittery desk, with a telephone on it.

Presenter: Hello, good evening, and welcome to 'Blackmail'! And to start tonight's programme, we go to Preston in Lancashire, and Mrs Betty Teal!

Cut to a slightly blurred black and white photo of a housewife with her face blotted out by a black oblong.

Presenter: Hello, Mrs Teal!

Cut back to presenter. He picks up a letter and reads it.
Presenter Now this is for £15 and it's to stop us revealing the name of your lover in Bolton.

SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: '£15' (which flashes on and off quickly)

Presenter: So Mrs Teal...if you send us £15 by return post, please, and your husband Trevor, and your lovely children, Diane, Janice and Juliet need never know the name of your lover in Bolton.

Cut to a nude man (except for a collar and a tie) at organ. He plays a few stirring chords. Cut back to presenter.

Presenter: (as he speaks he holds up the various items) And now...a letter...a hotel registration book...and a series of photographs...which could add up to divorce, premature retirement, and possible criminal proceedings for a company director in Bromsgrove. He's a freemason, and prospective Tory MP.. that's Mr S. of Bromsgrove...£3,000...

SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: '£3000' (which flashes on and off)
Presenter ...to stop us from revealing your name, the name of the three other people involved, the youth organization to which they belong, and the shop where you bought the equipment.

Cut back to nude man at organ with chords again. Cut to still of two pairs of naked feet and lower legs. Organ music over this. Cut back to presenter.

Presenter: We'll be showing you more of that photograph later in the programme...unless we hear from Charles or Michael. And now it's time for our 'Stop the Film' spot!

SUPERIMPOSED FLASHING CAPTION: 'STOP THE FILM'

Presenter: The rules are very simple. We have taken a film which contains compromising scenes and unpleasant details, which could wreck a man's career. But, the victim may phone me at any point and stop the film. But remember the money increases as the film goes on. So the longer you leave it...the more you have to pay! So now, with the clock at £300 this week 'Stop the Film' visited Thames Ditton...

The following film is shot in murky 8mm. As the film progresses we have a £ sign with numerals in one corner which increase. Shot of a residental street in Thames Ditton (sic). Another section of a street with a figure in a Robin Hood hat and raincoat - in the distance on the far side of the road, so we can't really make him out. Cut to slightly closer shot of him about to cross the road. Cut to suburban house. The man is standing at the door pressing the bell and looking round rather furtively. Again shot from some distance and over a hedge. Cut back to studio. The presenter looking at a monitor and then at a phone. Back to the film: a woman opens the door. She wears a dressing gown over lingerie. A shaky zoom in to reveal her clothing. Wide shot of the house with door shut. Jump cut to shot obviously taken from a window in the house. Shaky zoom in on window. We can see in the window...both the man and woman enter the bedroom. He goes out of shot, taking his coat off. Cut back to studio.

Presenter: He's being very brave here...

Cut back to the film: even closer perhaps of window. A series of short jump cuts. She is undressing. She throws off her dressing gown. A jump and she's taking off her negligee. Underneath she wears black corsets. She produces a whip and seems to be beckoning to the man. Phone rings. Cut back to the studio. The presenter picks up the phone.

Presenter: Hello, sir, hello, yes. No sir, no, I'm sure you didn't. No, it's all right, sir, we don't morally censure, we just want the money....Yes, and here's the address to send it to:

Voice Over (and CAPTION:)
'BLACKMAIL
BEHIND THE HOT WATER PIPES
THIRD WASHROOM ALONG
VICTORIA STATION'

Presenter: Not at all, sir...thank you. (he puts the phone down)

Cut to a hallway in which a middle-aged man in dinner dress is putting down the telephone rather furtively. He leaves the booth and goes through a door into a large room where a banquet is in progress. There are tables on three sides of a square and he joins the head table which faces as it were downstage. He sits beside other middle-aged and rather elderly men all of whom are the city of London ex-public school type. As he sits, the toastmaster standing behind speaks.

Man: Sorry chaps, it was my mother.

Sure, I've got a quarter.

It's not like we haven't all seen her having simulated sex in her videos since she was 17.

Let him release the tape, then demand all the royalties.

Devastating? What, was the sex that bad?

/*snickers*