kill yourself now.

Invest every penny you own in platinum you poor bastard.

Under the shirt, over the bra is the real second base. Go to hell Greg Sanchez, you lying son of a biatch!

Get a ride home on your 16th birthday.

Don't buy that crappy dirtweed.

Learn kung fu. And keep your mouth shut.

Get yourself on meds and don't go off them until you're 30.

Plastics.

Note to self: skip that "camping trip" with Father Flannagan.

Just keep doing what you do. Life will suck and you'll want to give up and you'll make bad choices and you will hate everything for a while. But hang on, because it gets better. Everything you do will lead you to a good place eventually. Just bear with the bad times. They will be worth it in the end.

I reserve the right to tell myself lots of things:

Eat right.

Don't date Evelyn. Not even once, much less twice.

Stop pitching side-armed.

Advise your mom to divorce your dad, and start getting cancer screenings NOW.

Warn your brother not to marry any women named Donna. You can do much better.

Wait til game 6 of the 1986 World Series, then bet the farm on the Mets.

Get into computers as soon as you can. Get out in 2000.

Confront bullies. Being beat up doesn't hurt as much as being humiliated.

Ask girls out. If they say no, it's not the end of the world.

Study harder.

Write more.

Believe it or not, you won't like the Bee Gees and Little River Band forever.

Keep your comic books and baseball cards.

Get your shiat together and keep it together.

Excercise.

/wear suncreen.

When that hyper, slightly wacky girl that works with your sister in law starts hanging around and wanting to go out, RUN AS FAST AS YOUR FARKING LEGS WILL CARRY YOU THE OTHER WAY.

/ps, she really doesn't like giving the BJs

Never stop telling your dad to stop smoking. Nag him and your mom to get his moles checked.

Start exercising more. Join a sports team. Do SOMETHING.

And yes, your math teacher really is the biggest biatch on the face of the earth- it's not you.

for god's sake, when he asks you to marry him, SAY "NO"!!!!

Do not fall in love during your senior year in college. That farker will break your heart into pieces and cause you to nearly join a convent.

Oh, and don't worry about what your stuckup classmates are thinking about you. They aren't really thinking about you at all.

HickPrincess: Oh, and don't worry about what your stuckup classmates are thinking about you. They aren't really thinking about you at all.

Good one, also most of them will work for you at one time or another

RESEARCH college. Don't go to the one next door because your friends are.

/not that I completely regret that, but I could have tried a little harder.

HickPrincess: Oh, and don't worry about what your stuckup classmates are thinking about you. They aren't really thinking about you at all.

Excellent one!! But chances are, my 12 year old self would not have listened to my 24 year old self telling me that.

use lots of hand lotion. it chafes.

In a mere year or two, you shall discover the greatness that is the internet. DO NOT STAY! Do not explore around and find life-sucking websites and games. In fact, as soon as you find this greatness, immediately burn the computer and throw the charred remains out the window. Becoming Amish may also help the problem.

Chicks dig confidence, dude.

Break off every friendship you have right this second.

Befriend a young kid named Bill Gates.

"Patent the following list of items:..."

\yes, a 12 year old can learn to patent ideas.

Go all the way with James G.

Start playing the clarinet again.

Major in antrhopology or archaeology.

ooooo shiat this might go green....

Don't go after older guys. The one you're looking for is 5 yrs younger than you are. And you won't find him until you're 25.

Jr. high and high school are going to suck. Stand up for yourself. Don't be a sniveling crybaby.

Don't go into journalism because you're going to suck at it. And don't go to college in town just because your family wants you to. Go somewhere else...like Canada.

Bonzo_1116: ooooo shiat this might go green....

Haha just went green. Nice.

Bonzo_1116: ooooo shiat this might go green....

Ain't no mights about it.

Don't alienate all your friends on your 16th birthday.

Stay in school and go to college. Don't become to clingy when a boy finally likes you.

This could get legendary, like the "dumbest thing done while drunk" thread, or the "valentine's day stories" thread. That would be awesome.

No matter how much you want to, don't date the crazy biatches

2006-10-21 09:34:04 PM CraicBaby [TotalFark]

Bonzo_1116: ooooo shiat this might go green....
-.--.-.-.-.-.-.-.
Haha just went green. Nice.

It had the "lonely black in a sea of red" look.

Don't ride your bike off a ramp that's more than three bricks high
Don't take that candy from the store if you ain't got the dime
Don't pick a fight with a little guy that doesn't talk that much
Don't pick up a cherrybomb thinkin' it's a dud
And don't sneak out of a 2 story house usin' bed sheets as a rope
Don't ask me how I know

(Chorus:)
Sell your truck while it's still runnin', save the Jesus off the dash
Say a prayer when you feel like cussin', save your money pay with cash
Forget your pride, buy the roses, if you're sorry tell her so
Don't drink the water in Mexico
Don't ask me how I know

Don't quit your high school football team halfway through the season
Don't bust your buddy in the nose when you know he didn't mean it
Don't lose a girl you love at home for a night in Panama City
Don't rush off the phone when your Mama calls you ain't that busy
Ya oughta make that drive to say goodbye to your grampa 'fore he goes
Don't ask me how I know

(Chorus)

Forget your pride buy the roses, if you love her tell her so,
Don't go to Vegas with your heart broke,
Don't bum your cousin for that first smoke
I'm tellin' ya, don't drink the water in Mexico
Don't ask me how I know
Don't ask me how I know
I just know
sell your truck while it's still runnin', say a prayer when you feel like cussin'
I know,

"She's not as old as she looks."

South Carolina BigFish: Don't ask me how I know

Bobby Pinson.

Nice.

Don't kick your drummer out.

Green? Wow. This will be fun.

Well, I'd tell my 12-year-old self one of the following:

Take better care of your personal hygene.

Don't let the bullies get to you

Don't publically express your love for all things Pokemon

Deliver your newspapers on time

Don't fool yourself, the new place you're moving to is much worse than your old place.

Get checked out for Sleep Apnea and acid reflux disease.

Don't drink Mountain Dew.

submitter: If you could go back in time and tell your 12-year old self one thing, what would it be?


Go to culinary school, not recording engineering school.

Two things:
When your coach says "You aren't ready to do that." Believe him.

Ignore those other kids, you won't be a fat, geeky dork forever

(had a bad gymnastic accident when I was 12 that ended my career before it began.. as a result of not being able to suddenly exercise 15-20 hours a week, I got VERY large for a time)

Chill the Fark Out!!! i.e., don't sweat the small stuff!

To the 12-year old me, from the 32 year old me:

"Be comfortable with your no boobs and boyish figure. You'll love the woman you become one day."

Kiss her, you fool

And be more sure of yourself. You're just as good as everyone else.

RyoShin: Don't publically express your love for all things Pokemon

*psst*, you still aren't listening.

/likes Pokemon
//has a Pikachu mousepad

charmed1782: And be more sure of yourself. You're just as good as everyone else.

works even now

buy your Dad that damned ice cream

(my Dad was such a joker..great sense of humor ... also loved ice cream but was diabetic. The last time we ended up on a road trip together was to see my mom in the hospital .. all the way he was saying "ooo ice cream" "hey, there's ice cream" "how about we stop for ice cream" .. 2 hours later, I said "NO! No farkin' ice cream! You can't have it!" He did two months later of cancer that we didn't know about :( Miss ya tons Dad )

You got two choices. Either really study and get good at chem, or just realize that that blueberry of a chem teacher you're about to get is full of crap and you suck at it.

Oh, and teaching? No. Don't go there, just a waste of time.