Because you touch yourself at night.

Just walk outside.. they're all around.

Because you're posting on totalfark on a Saturday night instead of talking to real people.

Because hot girls don't live in your parents basement.

Because you haven't gotten your allowance yet?

What do you mean?
You found one and you posted the pic.

Not to be all "sharp knees" and sh*t, but that chick has a man face.

Ones who are willing to pose naked on the internet for money?

Because your house is heated?

/Brrrrrrrrrrrr...

because she doesn't like you in that way, and just wants to be your friend.

Looks like the receptionist at my office.

Because when a woman is that attractive she can afford to date men much wealthier and better looking than you. Yes, even if her personality sucks.

/Way of the world. Nobody ever said it was fair.