I still want a viking funeral.

I've already ordered the mariachi band.

I may need a dispensation from the pastor for them to wear their sombreros in church, though.

I hope they play "Disco Inferno" during my cremation...

♫"burn baby burn"♫

the obvious answer

don't be catholic
have fun dying
profit!

The letter this guy's talking about comes from some podunk bishop in a diocese ninety miles northwest of Ottawa. He's only doing it to get attention. No church in the world would pass on getting the payday of a funeral just because they didn't want to hear "You Lift Me Up" for the umpteen-millionth time.

\just sayin

Always thought the way to go would be a full on Celtic barrow, with all sorts of replica swords, axes, armor, loads of faked out burial goods. Then, just a huge pile of plastic skulls in a mound at my feet. Aside from the great joy of my friends and family, it would fark with some archeologists head a thousand years later.

/Yep, more than a little geeky.

Just shoot me in the head and bury me in the backyard next to the cat.

Here comes the flame war.
\Gathering marshmallows

They took all the fun out of pedaphilia, too.

If they manage to find any of my remains for my funeral, then I didn't die the way I wanted to...

And as long as the service can still be followed by lunch with an open bar, then all is well.

This needs the asinine tag.
Funerals are always sad, no matter what. Why make it WORSE by doing something idiotic and insensitive like this.

Funerals are for the living. So you can grieve, get on with your lives. Do you think God (or the spirit of the person for that matter) would be mad if you said something funny about the person and made others laugh....???

At my husbands cousins funeral, hubby made a speech... it was all very touching, and at the same time funny, so that people would remember the good side of the dead cousin.

He said that his cousin and him once tried to make Hot Dog Gravy when they were 12.

Now I know he's going to hell for saying that. How disrespectful of him.

/crock of shiat
//happy as hell I'm not catholic
///slash those that are

man, the catholic church just hates people that smile or laugh at all. any emotion aside from guilt is right out in that wacky religion.

then again, what do you expect from people that belive in some old dude living in the clouds with a hippy beard, or i suppose if your a follower you'd just call him god or whatever.

Old fashioned drunken Irish wake.

The only way to go!

FF Mac, how about Rage Against the Machine?

Lets put the 'fun' back in funeral.

/WKRP show had a great jingle way back when.
//Hey you're young and swinging.
///No worrys about tommorrow.
////But one day you're gonna buy it.
//Theres no way you can deny it.
//Ferrymans.Ferrymans....lalalallalalallalalla

Was it just me, or was that the poorest written excuse for "journalism" we've had to deal with in awhile. To even have half a clue what he was talking about, you had to go through have a page's worth of shiatty setup and irrelevent information.

This shiat pisses me off, when one of my buddies died at the age of 19 we all went to his funeral at the local Catholic Church. There was not one word said about the deceased at the funeral, it was simply a Mass, not only were there no eulogies the priest did not even mention my friends name. Sickening.

/Catholic.

I want a porn themed funeral.

/stuffed and mounted.

People are still Catholic? Who knew!

I always told my son I do not want a funeral, just treat me like one of our pets, dig a hole and bury me out back. Recently he informed me that if I didnt loose some weight it was going to be too much work to dig a hole so he planned on rolling me into a ditch instead, I counter offered to leave him enough in the old will to rent a backhoe. He E-mailed me the other day and said he had talked it over with some college buddys and they decided to use the backhoe money to buy booze and hang my body in the garden as a ugly azz scarecrow, just sent him a reply saying good enough.

sorry to hear about your disease caesar1313. i hope it clears up soon.

I've ordered groucho marx glasses for the first row. You must put one on if you want to talk about me.

"Let's talk about the word funeral. Starts with the word FUN, doesn't it?"

-The Tick

Bullshiat about how funerals are just to hope and pray that the deceased actually make it okay in the afterlife pisses me off.

The way to go is with a bang: me, I want an all out Cajun funeral, with a large marching band playing "When the Saints Go Marching In" all festivally and happy, and so much food that when people leave, they go,

"Damn but that was a fine-ass funeral. Ain't never gonna forget that biatch. Now for some Alka-Seltzer and a nice long nap."

So I guess this means no having one's ashes shot out of a canon?

Caesar1313

This shiat pisses me off, when one of my buddies died at the age of 19 we all went to his funeral at the local Catholic Church. There was not one word said about the deceased at the funeral, it was simply a Mass, not only were there no eulogies the priest did not even mention my friends name. Sickening.

I had the same experience when a Brother-in-law passed away, too. No mention about him and his life...just a bunch of crap about FAITH!!!

Lots of prayers and praise for the all-so-forgiving and just Almighty...an 'Almighty' who needs his ego constantly stroked in order to keep his little feelings from being hurt and avenging this by sending people to HELL...The "Catholic" god more like a petty dictator or spolied brat film star who thrives on adoration.....some 'perfect being'!

Which is why I agree with Thomas Edision in saying religion is BUNK!

"When Christians gather for the funeral Mass, we do so to praise God the Father. We gather not to praise the deceased but to pray for them. For this reason, eulogies are not given."

"It ain't Catholic," I say.

If you don't plan on having a funeral, be frozen. FARK Party at Noon, Venice Beach CA, august 17, 2506. Or same time, Mt Whitney if global warming floods out the place. We'll show the episode of the Mary Tyler Moore show in which Chuckles the Clown dies.

Ennuipoet;

I've already made it known that if the funds are available in my estate, I am to be buried in a barrow, wearing my chainmail, sitting upon a thrown, sword in hand. I also have two treasure chests I want at my feet.

I still have to find dry ground somewhere in Canada so I can mummify.

I really like the bit about the skulls, though. I wonder if you can legally get real human skulls in quantity.

Or a throne. Whichever. Seated upon a thrown might be interesting to see.

A catholic monk dies and goes up to heaven. As a reward for his lifetime of virtue, he receives an autographed copy of the Bible. A few days later, Jesus looks in on him and finds him distraught, and yelling "celebrate!".

"What's the deal, yo?" says Jesus.

"Celebrate!" says the crying monk, bible in hand. "Celebrate! There's an R!!!!1!"

/ ;)
//recovering catholic

My burial instructions are as follows:

I am to be buried in a pair of bermuda shorts and the loudest hawiaiian shirt you can find. Contents of the coffin MUST include the following:

A fifth of jack daniels
2 bottles of Capt. Morgans 'special stock' spiced rum
1 six pack pinapple juice
1 packet of orange juice (dried concentrate is fine)
12 gauge shotgun, sealed in an air tight container.
3 boxes of ammo, sealed in an air tight container.

I am to buried within easy walking distance of the guy who was buried with his jag.

When Judgement Day comes and we all pop out of our graves, i'm gonna carjack that rich SOB and tool around looking for chicks. I wanna be the only guy God does a double take on before he layeth down the smack on my ass.

LOL!!

Thanks for the laugh, Weaver95. I needed that.

I don't want a priest at my funeral unless I am friends with one at the time then he is welcome as a guest not as a preacher. Fill the coffin with bottles of beer and plop me into the hole. Oh and my sword, need a burial weapon.

Funerals in my large Catholic family are excuses to get together, party, drink, and all that good stuff. Funerals are practically family reunions.

I remember the best one was my grandfather's funeral (which was unfortunately on my birthday) when I told my cousins that they had to cut his legs in half to fit him into the coffin.

Hilarious! (no really, it was. The wake is an even bigger party. Lots of cousins running around, playing games, going crazy. Sure it is sad, but the deceased would like us to party.)

The Greek Orthodox church started doing this several years ago in Canada. The Catholics are not the first to the party, so to speak.

The reason is because, a service is religious, in the church. There is a protocol to be followed if you're having a religious service. They said that you can say anything you want at the reception afterwards.

People were a little put out at first because everyone was so used to what the protestants and other denominations were doing.

Simple solution is to not have a religious service if it's that big a deal that people yap away on the pulpit.

TFA: Otherwise, why go to funerals?

To hit on the bereaved, of course.

/occasional church organist
//has played freebird at a catholic funeral; padre was none the wiser

Kurland;

If you die with a blade in your hand, you go to Valhalla, right?

I just want to be well armed JUST IN CASE the ancient Egyptians were right. And I don't want to be worrying about a limited supply of ammo.

On the other hand, if any of the major faiths are right, I'm gonna burn and no sword will help.

At my friend's dad's funeral (Episcopalian), his suicidal daughter (friend's sister) came up to the pulpit and started talking about that if he dad had commited suicide (up to debate, but it's officially ruled a homicide for insurance purposes) he was the bravest person she knew, because she'd been to that "brink" but never had the "guts" to go over it.

So, can we just make a rule saying that eulogies are okay, but not if SHE gives them?

Tonight at 10, Do religious Clerics sometimes say extreme things to get attention?"

A couple of weeks ago we attended "A Celibration of Life" for the son of my friend who died suddenly at 19. My kids are friends with his younger step-brothers. It was non-demoninational and basically a series of family and friends telling us about this great kid. My grief for his parents, who are our friends, and his little brothers, who stay at our house all the time, was immense. I didn't know him myself. But at the end, I wished very much that I did. That's the way I want to go out.

/recovering catholic
/"Hey, Benedict, losin' up dude. It's just death."

Day_Old_Dutchie: I had the same experience when a Brother-in-law passed away, too. No mention about him and his life...just a bunch of crap about FAITH!!!

Lots of prayers and praise for the all-so-forgiving and just Almighty...an 'Almighty' who needs his ego constantly stroked in order to keep his little feelings from being hurt and avenging this by sending people to HELL...The "Catholic" god more like a petty dictator or spolied brat film star who thrives on adoration.....some 'perfect being'!

Which is why I agree with Thomas Edision in saying religion is BUNK!

Hey, don't dismiss all religion just because some groups have whiny kids as god.

Why not consider upgrading to a 20th Century religion? They have all the modern conveniences you might not get out of older models, and many come with a sleek retro design. Hell, we'll even throw in a few extras you won't get as standard in any oboslete religions.

No matter what you're looking for, Modern Religion has something to suit your taste. Want to meet Aliens? Raelism is the belief system for you. Want to get rid of the Aliens inhabiting your body? Scientology is available with a very reasonable introductory offer*. Want a god that actually replies? Discordianism is one of our classic models. Like fat chicks? Wicca is for you!

From Wicca to Waco, 20th Century Religions offer you a religion tailored to you. Give us a try!

/Hail Eris!



*Just $250 for the first six months and $18,000 for each month after that!

I am glad I am not Catholic, when I die I want people to have fun at my funeral. Just remember the good times and the bad and make jokes dammit, I might just give you a little giggle or two from the coffin! :)

I could care less about my service, as long as they play that song with the lyrics "You're feelin' alright? I'm not feelin' that good myself..." as they put me in the ground.
Now the grave marker, that's a different story altogether. I want a marble statue consisting of a ten foot tall monolith (of the Washington Monument kind) with a succubus perched atop it. I want it to scare the hell out of little kids. And this inscription:

Much Beloved,
Sadly Missed.
He Went To Hell-
He Must Be Pissed!

junkevil

sorry to hear about your disease caesar1313. i hope it clears up soon.

FTW

Thanks, I needed a good laugh! Now my dog is looking at me funny and my monitor has coke spray on it...

Reveilled;

If you've read the Book of the Heavens, and considered the Book of the Earth, then you must accept that Eris is the best possible representation of a deity that is not in disagreement with existence as we know it. The nice thing about Eris is that she doesn't seem to be jealous of people worshipping false Gods.

Hail Eris.

I'm having a bonfire at mine and hopefully a weenie roast. I like weenie roasts..

...go ahead, bash 'em all! catlicks, muslims, budd-ies,

..i bet the trolls haven't attended any of these services..

...nor ever will..cause then they would have to be human.