*slow, decisive, clap*

You know what the Ukraine is? It's a sitting duck. A road apple, Newman. The Ukraine is weak. It's feeble. I think it's time to put the hurt on the Ukraine.

Hitler never played Risk when he was a kid! 'Cause you know, playing Risk, you could never hold on to Asia. That Asian-Eastern European area, you could never hold it, could you? Seven extra men at the beginning of every go, but you couldn't farking hold it!

/Godwined?
//Or Not.
///You chose

am I a geek for getting the reference?

dedekind_cut: Hitler never played Risk when he was a kid! 'Cause you know, playing Risk, you could never hold on to Asia. That Asian-Eastern European area, you could never hold it, could you? Seven extra men at the beginning of every go, but you couldn't farking hold it!

That's only 'cuz he never got the strategy right. Holding Oceana was always a cinch, and if you can keep Alaska, North Africa, and Eastern Europe, the sanctity of your Asian juggernaut should remain involiate: just make sure to fortify your borders well. Yes, you remain somewhat vulnerable, but if you're that bad at the strategy, then you've no business playing Risk, now, do you?

/Kamchatka always amused me.

Because of this gross lack on his part, Hitler fell for the all-time classic blunder; never get involved in a land war in Asia.

Really, they should head southeast and grab australia, if no one's got it yet.

Maybe they'll stop putting out that terrible yet cheap as hell vodka that made high school bearable.

Cumchucker?

2006-04-21 09:16:28 AM gundamtsubasa
Because of this gross lack on his part, Hitler fell for the all-time classic blunder; never get involved in a land war in Asia

...and never, ever fark with madagascar

Ah, Kamchatka. Whenever we play Risk(once a week or so), and Kamchatka is attacked from Alaska, the phrase "Komminatcha from Alaska!" is always shouted.

/good times

Nice reference Submitter.

platypusjones: ..and never, ever fark with madagascar

Madagascar's got two sea routes leading right to it from southern africa...it's a sitting duck!

ahhhh risk, kudos submitter. risk kept my mind off of things while we were in Kuwait, waiting to fly into afghanistan.

The best salmon fishing of the world, not too many people but salmon out the wazzo. Good luck comrades. Last winter's snow ever melt? Buzzy.

You know, they say there are mysterious giant bears in Kamchatka.

2-4 players, go for North America.
5+ players, go for South America, or Africa if you're feeling bold.

Australia is a trap; it's easy to hold, but then the only thing you can do is take Asia, and that's not happening with two extra guys a turn.

My least favorite territory has always been Madagascar. Why is it even there?

Bravo, submitter. Good show!

lol awesome headline

A huge Fark Annual Risk Tournament (or FART) would probably be massively successful...or an unmitigated disaster.

/Eastern US, baby!
//Doesn't anyone play chess anymore?

At least Hitler never went up against a Sicilian when DEATH was on the line!

I allways loved South America. 3 Guys a turn, only 2 real boarder areas, and people leave ya alone to build strength to take North America

Autrailia can do it to, but with both S. America and Austrailia, you need to own the continent by the end of the turn, and if someone is close to owning N America or Asia, you need to push in to keep em out of enemy hands.

I for one would gladly participate in a FART.

/loves south america
//have had my ass handed to me more than once via Kamchatka

dedekind_cut
Thats not Godwin, That Eddie Izzard from Dress to Kill.
As for the choice...I choose death. No wait cake please.

I now know that God had a reason for the hours I have wasted on Risk. This headline and thread.

/still waiting on an explanation of how to make Axis and Allies worthwhile

All the eddie izzard references made me spit milk.

He who owns Australia shall one day rule the world.

Heh, Risk-y headline.

Baorao, I playtested A&A back in the day. Basically, it boils down to the Russian-German conflict over that one province..Karelia, I think?

Everything else is just postscript and footnotes.

*golf claps, Smitty*

Blah blah blah...I know you're all making silly Risk references but I am probably one of ten people (okay, maybe, like, 30) in the U.S. that's an expert on the seismicity in this area.

It's totally normal for this part of the world. Big earthquakes here are really farking normal.

Carry on.

Any Eddie Izzard reference gets my vote.

BTW in your experiences, do you allow border fortification through all adjacent properties? Meaning at the end of your turn, if you own S.A. you can move everyone out of the southernmost most countries to strengthen the defense of the Brazil/Africa border and the Venezuela/Central America border.

or do you only allow a one country move for forification?

We allowed the movement through any connected land owned by the player.

/this could be why I hated playing

If you don't know the geography, it goes Poland, Czechoslovakia, Holland, Venezuela, Africa, Beirut, the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, and then Switzerland...

Many a night playing Risk with my bud Dwayne. I always wanted to visit those far off provinces like Kamchatckakaturikstan.

PunGent
Basically, it boils down to the Russian-German conflict over that one province..Karelia, I think?

Ahh yes, Karelia. I've seen fist fights over that territory. My friend actually programmed a Karelia simulator, so if ever felt like a game of A&A, we'd randomly decide the teams, then simulate the Karelian conflict to decide the winner. Saved us a whole lot of time.

/geek in high school
//been laid since then

Never played Axis and Allies, although I hear games take approximately the same time as the actual war.

/Bites at Risk, would give out some good thumpings in chess.

Actually, my wife showed me the RISK strategy of starting from Africa. It's a tough continent to hold, but if you can claim Africa early on, you have an entire continent to call your own with good access to the Europe and Asia. While the wars rage on for the various territories in Europe and Asia, the player controlling Africa can sneak up from Egypt to claim the leftovers. It works very well!!

/still likes to turtle in Australia

Eddie Izzard references almost made work worth coming to today.

/clap

Submitter, Well submitted


/risk champion

Oh, and I LOVE a good game of Axis & Allies. My friends usually have me play the Axis, and my crowning moment was taking England on the FIRST turn of the game with one German panzer. It involved a helluva lot of luck, though, including the acquisition of Heavy Bombers from the start, and bad defensive rolls by the Royal Navy the two infantrymen that start on England.

/infantry hordes rule the day!

I lived in Russia, but I never knew what Kamchatka was until I babysat a ten year old nerd for a summer.

Taking Australia is a newb mistake. If anyone I play with decides to take Australia, you just eliminate all their guys outside of Australia, and they are confined to slowly move through Asia, which of course never works. SA is a much more sound strategy as Africa and NA are much easier to work through and eventually hold (the Americas can be completely defended in just 3 territories). Of course, usually the most gutsy and novel person (meaning the guy who takes Europe or NA very quickly through some surprise tactic coming out of Asia or Africa) will win the game. Gaining control of most of a big continent early in the game can really pay rewards when risk cards start getting turned in.

Risk was probably the only game I ever played that has the ability to turn your friends and family into raving lunatics. The anger and frustration that a few lucky rolls can bring is truly breathtaking!

As for my favorite strategy, I was a master at holding Asia! There are basically two choke points: Kamchatka and Ukraine/MiddleEast. All you have to do is keep these three fortified (and I mean a metric buttload of troops) and just sit tight raking in that bonus every turn. It's not easy but it can be done. You obviously must also have australia for this to work, and forget about having any other campain anywhere else on the map.

Ooooh, Risk! I've lost much sanity playing that game against friends. Somebody always turned wild-eyed during play, usually me.

I always took Europe myself, but I should try Asia next time.

In 4th grade we had to do an oral report on "the sneeze that went around the world". As I described the sneeze's journey across the atlantic, Egypt, and the middle east, I got nothing but blank stares from the class and my teacher when I mentioned that he "...rested in Kamchatka before his long journey over the pacific."

That was 1980 - pre-internet, and we didn't have no damn encyclopedias. My knowledge of the world was the game of Risk dammit!

I got a B on the report, I think.

It's good to see truly funny headlines making a comeback.

submitter gets the golf clap. The RISK ref is worth it. Altho' I always prefered the North America hegemony. Border moves from Alaska to Kamchatka. A little detachment to take Japan and hold in Mongolia. The extra 3 countries make the country count 12, giving you 9 armies per turn. Add to that the Irkutsk, Yakutsk and Siberia (now Siberia & Mongolia are the border countries) and you get 10 armies per turn. If South America should become "available", well, you don't have to invite me twice.
baorao I believe you refer to the free move. At the end of the players turn there is an option to move any or all (except the mandatory 1-to-hold of course) armies from one country to an adjacent country. Almost always used to reinforce borders. We also used to use it to retrieve armies. Take a country (usually Afganistan, oddly enuff), move in the 3 armies, grab a card, and move back 2, hand the 3 red dice to the next player.
I recall once winning a 6 person game never holding a continent. Just kept on throwing all my armies into 1 big blob in Asia. Take a country, get a card, might free move if need-be. When the cash in got up a bit {and the others had weakened themselves}, do the All Your Cards Are Belong To Me w/ commensurate mid-turn cash-in. Good times.
My geek factor: I named the countries above from memory. Haven't played RISK in over 10 years, but it's still in there.
And, just 'cuz http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Risk_game

someone Mod submitter up for good headline.

/whereami?

Risk is by far my favorite board game. Kudos submitter for the morning chuckle.

As for Risk strategy, it's cake. Australia right off the bat if you can, those 2 extra men a turn sure wont help you in an invasion of Asia, but you can put them anywhere, and you put them in North America. These extra 2 a turn add up fast in a world with thinly spread armies.

You make your global domination advance from here. South America, through Africa and Europe, putting the pinch on Asia, which we all know is impossible to hold. If you can take one Asian territory a turn, you prevent them from their 7 men, and with Kamchatka right there on the border, it's cake.

Australia - 2 men a turn, 1 border to defend.
North America - 5 men a turn, 3 borders to defend.
South America - 2 men a turn, 2 borders to defend.
Africa - 3 men a turn, 3 borders to defend.
Europe - 5 men a turn, 8 borders to defend.
Asia - 7 men a turn, too many borders to defend.


/still lost the last game I played.
//blames amatuer players and their adherence to stupid treaties.