we're a peaceful people. must have had some trouble making norwegians in the crowd.

Peaceful people my ass.

LMAO. Great headline.

JerseyTim

That's HILARIOUS.

/1/4 swede so that's OK

Bork! Bork! Bork! GOOOOAAAALLLL!

Sven, this is shiat!

/I <3 Lewis Black

Soccer Riots are not busted.....


They are classical it's like sex... violence especially random pointless violence never goes out of style.

It's sad that the most exciting part about socker is the riot afterwards. I had more fun watching "Le Tour de France (Lance)" on TV today.

JerseyTim: Peaceful people my ass.

It's painfully funny.

What the hell just happened?? I've never seen something like this on Fark and I've been coming here every day for a couple years now.
I clicked on a link the read
"The Top 10 Songs That Killed 8o's rock"
and then my computer froze up. Then it sent me to the website but requested a TotalFark password. It freaked me out. Now I'm scared and confused. I'm going to the basement to sob quietly.

and later attacked police with cobble stones, beer bottles and furniture

Put him in the comfy Bjorsund armchair!

Any reporter who can work "Swedish hooligans" into an article is ok in my book.

Hmmm, it's not as if AIK fans just started being dipshiats. They've been at it for years. But since no Swedish clubs play in the elite leagues, they haven't made a name for themselves like others have. But in Sweden they're well-known for having a large contigent of dickheaded followers.

Isn't Sven a Norwegian name?

WAIT a SECOnd...theres Swedish guys....

**********************************************************

furiousxgeorge: Isn't Sven a Norwegian name?

better be sure before one steels your 5 wood.

I call bullshiat. Everyone knows the Swedes invented the concept of the hooligan. They just went by a different name.

SVEEDIN 4EVAR!!!

I was in Stockholm in 2004 when Sweden won a match against Denmark (IIRC) in the Eurocup. The Swedes went crazy jumping in a fountain and shouting. But the most obnoxious and loudest group of people were the arab asylum seekers. I really got the feeling they were trying to over compensate for not being really swedish.

Some of you feel sorry for this lamp. That's because you're crazy.
It doesn't have any feelings, and the newer one is much better.

/ obscure?

"The fight started among fans of Stockholm club AIK..."

Last time I was in a soccer riot we fought the other team's fans, not ourselves. Political correctness has much to answer for.

wait isnt sweden just a place where beautiful blondes are manifactured...people live there?
*******************************************************

Available for comment??

Attention ALL RIOTERS
I Repeat.......
Attention ALL RIOTERS"

Testicles

Thank You...
...That is all.

/Petre and I,Geneyuses.
//Don't call the stupid people retarded
///.....We prefer little people
////Beer For The Slasheys....They THIRST!!!!

jayday

I you owe me a new M1 Garand. I'll never be able to get the coke out of the Op-Rod.

Crosshair,

You really shouldn't be doing lines off the barrel anyway.

/Credit cards are better

RabidSquirrel

That's so 6 hours ago.

See, and I was trying to conform to better size standards, too. Sniff.

RabidSquirrel

It's ok. Apparently tgirls are all the rage now.

/If you don't know what they are, look it up
//Don't GIS tgirl...REGULAR google search

apparently rabid squirrel isnt privy to the topic a few threads down.

3 people involved and no cops injured is hardly "soccer rioting". This is being drunk and disorderly.

I bet that more people get injured after the drunks get merry after your American bruteball games.

Or Sveedish Pigskin Deathmatch

and apparently im not privy to the posts 4 above my own :(

DOH!

REDARMYVODKA: apparently rabid squirrel isnt privy to the topic a few threads down.


He is, actually. Jeff's major complaints about it was that they took up colossal amounts of space (which I rectified) and that they threadjacked...which in this case is only true BECAUSE of the presence of the prior topic and the fact that it's being pointed out, making it a bit of a self-fulfilling thing.

Either way, at least I was posting on-topic.

Another thread hijacked thanks to HA! HA! guy...

/Jeff, there's nothing you can do now, escape while you can

mwsku83: //Don't GIS tgirl...REGULAR google search

I cannot thank you enough for the advice. That could have been real nasty.

Yay. Two Hahas!

The first one was on topic, and small. Good jorb. The second one, however, is a blantant attempt to PO the admin Jeff, and I for one am ashamed that it's come to that. However, it is making me smile as it does point out the relative hopelessness the situation is about the whole Haha guy thing.

Oh, and something about Swedes, lesse, um... er... Oh here's something: they have cool planes like the Drakken and the Grippen.

And Soccer is teh dum, but that's just me, I'm sure.

I am disapointed. I was hoping for some good Sweed bashing jokes...

It's probably due to the heat wave.

Oh yeah, and probably the rioting too.

"later attacked police with cobble stones, beer bottles and furniture, police said Sunday. No officers were injured."

Ha! Ha! What crappy rioters!

furiousxgeorge: No, that's Svein. And in Denmark it is Svend. So in other words the Swedes are the only one who spell the name correctly.

Scottish Soccer Hooligan Weekly

Andy Gray.....Mike Myers
Ian Daglers.....Mark McKinney
Ted Engler.....David Hyde Pierce


[ open on ESPN2 graphic ]

Announcer: You're watching ESPN2 - The Deuce! Coming up later on The Deuce: Women's Seniors Indoor Beach Volleyball, qualifying tournament, from Lincoln, Nebraska. But, right now on The Deuce, we have Scottish Soccer Hooligan Weekly.

[ dissolve to random scenes of soccer hooliganism ]

Voiceover Jingle: "Scottish! Soccer! Hooligan! Weekly!"

[ product graphics appear as they are mentioned ]

Andy Gray V/O: Brought to you by.. Doc Marten boots; they're great for kicking in heads, and I'm not kidding! Also brought to you by.. Truflite Darts; remember: those are for dart boards, not for throwing at rival fans! Also, brought to you by.. Milk; it does a body good.

[ dissolve to Andy and Ian sittng behind table of their set ]

Andy Gray: Hello! And welcome to "Scottish Soccer Hooligan Weekly"! I'm your host, Andy Gray!

Ian Daglers: [ speaks haggardly throughout ] And I'm your other host, Ian Daglers! Hey!

Andy Gray: Ah, alright then, tonight's topics are: "Scotland's soccer team - great on paper, crap on grass!"

Ian Daglers: Also, on tonight's show - new techniques in dart throwing! Hey! Head's up on ye! [ throws dart offscreen, hooligans scream ]

Andy Gray: Alright! [ they clink steins ] And, finally, firebombs: pro and con.

Together: Prooooo!!

Andy Gray: Alright, let's get down to business, because I'm steamin' piss drunk, and I'm gonna be sick!

Ian Daglers: Hey!

Andy Gray: Ohhh, I'm hummin'! [ lowers heads, spits a chunk onto the table ] And, besides, I've got a court appearance in, ohhhhh... [ looks at his watch ] 43 minutes.

Ian Daglers: Hey! What'd you do this time?

Andy Gray: It was during the Scotland-Denmark game. Evidently, I threw a live jaguar onto the field, 'cause of a disupted penalty kick.

Ian Daglers: Hey! What'd you do that for?

Andy Gray: Why not?

Ian Daglers: What do you mean, why not?

Andy Gray: What do you mean, what do you mean, why not?!

Ian Daglers: I asked ya' a question, you wee girl!

Andy Gray: [ a change of heart in his attitude ] Alright.. give us a kiss here.. [ reaches his arms to Ian lovingly, then smashes his skull into Ian's nose ]

Ian Daglers: Ow!! [ grabs hand to nose and lowers head, raises it back up to reveal a serious blood flow ] Bloody hell! Oh, you broke my nose again, you bastard!

Andy Gray: Alright, let's get this show on the road, 'cause I've quite a face on and I'm gonna start chundering like a snowblower!

Ian Daglers: Okie-dokie! Alright now, as you know, hotels on the continent don't rent rooms to soccer hooligans like ourselves. Hey!

Andy Gray: Okay. So let's start with a topic: where's the worst place you've ever had to spend the night?

Ian Daglers: [ thinking ] Oh, uh.... that would be the, uh.. rancid manure and rotten vegetable compost heap in Baden-Baden, Scotland vs. Germany, 1991. And you, hey!

Andy Gray: Scotland vs. The Netherlands, 1987, the Hague. I feel asleep inside a policeman's horse!

Ian Daglers: [ bewildered ] How'd you do that, then?!

Andy Gray: Oh, it was three o'clock in the morning, as cold as a witch's teat! No room in the inn for this Scottish soccer hooligan! Necessity being the mother of invention, I managed to hack my way inside the horse using some crude farming implements! You know, I say it was the worst night I ever had, but, actually, I slept like the Baby Jesus inside my equine cocoon.

Ian Daglers: I might try that, I might try that!

Andy Gray: You might, eh, you might? You know, I remember one particularly unpleasant innkeeper in Antwerp, Belgium. I inquired about a room, to which I received the reply, "Oh, we have plenty of rooms, Sonny Jim, but not for you, you scummy soccoer hooligan!"

Ian Daglers: Well, that's not very nice.

Andy Gray: Oh, aye. I was -- at first, I was quite taken about.

Ian Daglers: Oh, I can imagine..

Andy Gray: But then, I stuck a Coke bottle up his stinkin' Flemish bum!

Ian Daglers: Hey! Good idea!

Andy Gray: You could see why I was thrown into some sort of Fatty Arbucklian dementia. Now, in the end I was forced to take a toffee hammer to his rectal vault and smash the Coke bottle into a thousand wee shards.

Ian Daglers: Hey! Why does it always have to end that way? Hey!

Andy Gray: I don't know, I just don't know! I'm steamin'!

Ian Daglers: Oh, that reminds me. Once, I chewed a Belgium's ear off!

Andy Gray: How was it?

Ian Daglers: Oh, you'd be surprised.

Andy Gray: Oh, really?

Ian Daglers: Yes! Now, let's bring out our guest, then. He's from America. Now, interestingly enough, he's not a soccer hooligan!

Andy Gray: Ohhhh, what's he doing on the show, then?!

Ian Daglers: Because he's a tennis hooligan! Now, please welcome, from the Chicago, U.S.A., Ted Engler!

[ Ted Engler enters studio to welcomed enthusiasm from Andy and Ian ]

Andy Gray: Alright! There we are! Ted Engler! Welcome to "Scottish Soccer Hooligan"!

Ted Engler: Hello, Ian; hello, Andy. It's great to be here!

Ian Daglers: Hey! Are you drinking? Do you need a plastic can?

Ted Engler: No, thanks, I don't drink.

Andy Gray: What do you mean, you don't drink? You're a hooligan, aren't you?

Ted Engler: That's right! I'm a tennis hooligan!

Ian Daglers: What exactly do you do, then?

Ted Engler: Well, what I like to do is, go to a match and pick out the player that I hate, and right before he serves I like to do something distracting, like shift in my seat or yawn!

Andy Gray: Hey?

Ian Daglers: Hey?

Ted Engler: Hey.. hey, one time I coughed. Really loudly. That was great.

Ian Daglers: Hey! Do you ever throw darts at the opposing player's fans?

Ted Engler: Oh, good Lord, no, that would be dangerous.

Andy Gray: [ lowers stein ] You know, I rather like what that retarded chap in Germany did to Monica Seles. Now, that was first-rate hooliganing!

Ian Daglers: That was bloody magic!

Andy Gray: Magic!!

Ian Daglers: Magic! Teddy, hey - you ever stabbed anyone?

Ted Engler: Uh.. no. Nope.

Andy Gray: Uh, you ever thrown anyone under a bus?

Ted Engler: Mmmm.. never.

Ian Daglers: Let me ask you, Teddy - how fast can you run?

Ted Engler: Oh, very fast.

Ian Daglers: [ stands over Ted ] Oh, well, you better get started, 'cause I'm about to kick your ass!

Ted Engler: [ offended ] Oh! That's not very nice!

Ian Daglers: [ mocking ] Oh, that's not very nice, is it?

Andy Gray: [ puts hands on Ted' shoulders ] Oh, you're alright. Come here, give us a kiss. [ butts his head against TEd's head, bloodying him up ] Boom! There you go!

[ Ian smashes Ted's head against the table, as Andy looks at his watch ]

Andy Gray: Oh, Christ! Look at the time! [ knees Ted in the groin and punches him in the face; Ted falls under the table ] Alright, well that's all the time we have for the show! I'm Andy Gray!

[ Ted's bloodied hand rises above the table, so Ian smashes it with his elbow ]

Ian Daglers: And I'm Ian Daglers!

Andy Gray: Piss off!

Ian Daglers: Piss off!

[ Andy and Ian continue to kick at Ted under the table, as the theme music pots up and the title graphic appears on the screen ]



Scottish Soccer Hooligan Weekly

Andy Gray.....Mike Myers
Ian Daglers.....Mark McKinney
Kevin McCracker.....Jim Breuer


[ open on ESPN2 graphic ]

Announcer: You're watching ESPN2 - The Deuce! Coming up later on The Deuce: Senior Women's Beach Lacrosse, from Sandusky, Ohio. But, right now, stay tuned for Scottish Soccer Hooligan Weekly.

[ dissolve to random scenes of soccer hooliganism ]

Voiceover Jingle: "Scottish! Soccer! Hooligan! Weekly!"

[ product graphics appear as they are mentioned ]

Andy Gray V/O: Brought to you by.. Doc Marten boots; stylish, and stronger than a dane's head. Also brought to you by.. Bollock's Weiners; you can't have a weiner unless you have Bollock's! Also, brought to you by.. Delta; we love to fly, and it shows.

[ dissolve to Andy and Ian sittng behind table of their set ]

Andy Gray: Hello! And welcome to "Scottish Soccer Hooligan Weekly"! I'm your host, Andy Gray!

Ian Daglers: [ speaks haggardly throughout ] And I'm your other host, Ian Daglers! Hey!

Andy Gray: Ah, alright then, tonight's topics are: "Effigies: Are They Worth The Effort?" Why not just get the real guy?!

Ian Daglers: Very good point!

Andy Gray: And, uh, "Braveheart"; what battle tactics could we learn from this cinematic masterpiece?

Ian Daglers: Hey!

Andy Gray: Alright, let's get down to it, because I'm piss drunk, and I'm gonna be sick!

Ian Daglers: Why do ya suppose it is that, uh.. that soccer and pissing go so well together, hey?!

Andy Gray: Well, ah think the soccer piss actually acts as some sort of powerful gastric mag-a-net!

Ian Daglers: Hey! What?

Andy Gray: What do you mean, what?

Ian Daglers: I don't know then, do I?

Andy Gray: Ah, piss off!

Ian Daglers: Hey, you piss off, you wee girl!

Andy Gray: [ a change of heart in his attitude ] Alright, don't be like that.. give us a kiss, come on.. [ reaches his arms to Ian lovingly, then smashes his skull into Ian's nose ]

Ian Daglers: Ow!! [ grabs hand to nose and lowers head, raises it back up to reveal a serious blood flow ] Oh.. oh.. oh, Christ, you broke my nose again, you wee bastard!!

Andy Gray: Alright, let's get to our next topic, because I'm so bevy I'm gonna honk! And I'm gonna paint this room like an esophageal Jackson Pollock canvas! Which brings us to our next topic: Odd Items That I Found In My Vomit After Soccer Riots.

[ graphic ]

Andy Gray: Quiz me!

Ian Daglers: Right! Scotland vs. Spain, 1995!

Andy Gray: Ah, that's easy! Buttons! I found buttons! [ reaches below desk, and drops a packet of buttons onto the counter ]

Ian Daglers: [ surprised ] Hey?

Andy Gray: Aye! A combination of sunstroke and a magnum of Bailey's Irish Cream had caused me to go on a machete-wielding rampage through the local marts and Spencer's.. where, according to a police report, I had eaten a plush toy!

Ian Daglers: Was it, a.. Paddington Bear toy, then?

Andy Gray: Aye, it was, actually.

Ian Daglers: How'd it taste?

Andy Gray: Ah, better than you'd think.

Ian Daglers: Hey! I've done that. Quiz me!

Andy Gray: Ah, alrighty.. Scotland vs. the Camaroons, 1989.

Ian Daglers: Oh.. oh, I do have a story, but, uh.. it came out my ass!

Andy Gray: [ offscreen ] Judges? [ acceptance bell rings ] Press on!

Ian Daglers: Okay.. uh, after the game, I extracted a piece of the comet Carhutex from my large intestines. Apparently, I had stumbled into the Geological Museum in Aberdeen, and somehow wound up with a piece of an infrequently-returning comet in my rectal chamber, hey!

Andy Gray: If I had a pound for every time that's happened to me, Jimmy.. I'd have five pounds. Moving on, for those of you heading to the continent for the European Finals, let's bring on our resident expert of the fighting styles of the various countries!

Ian Daglers: Yes! Please welcome Kevin McCracker!

[ theme music pots up, as Kevin McCracker enters studio to exorbitant enthusiasm from Andy and Ian ]

Andy Gray: Alright, let's get to it, Kevin..

Ian Daglers: Let's do it!

Andy Gray: We'll tell you the country, if you give us the fighting style of said country, starting with Holland.

Kevin McCracker: Fifers.

Ian Daglers: France!

Kevin McCracker: Stompers.

Andy Gray: Belgium!

Kevin McCracker: Soft heads..

Ian Daglers: Uh.. Germany!

Kevin McCracker: That reminds me.. of a time that I ws taken with an old German man. I was talking to him, and he was walking his dog. Suddenly, he says to me.. "May the best.. team.. win.."

[ Andy and Ian slam their steins down, angry at the quote ]

Andy Gray: Bastard!

Ian Daglers: Yeah, he did!

Andy Gray: Bastard!

Ian Daglers: He did!

Kevin McCracker: So! I beat that Nazi bastard to death with his own Shih tzu!

Ian Daglers: [ confused ] A Shih tzu?!

Andy Gray: Ah, ah, ah.. you'd be surprised what you can do with a wee dog.

Ian Daglers: Aye..

Kevin McCracker: Hey, uh.. but if properly applied-

[ they all start talking uncomprehensibly at once ]

Kevin McCracker: But still, I've gotta say.. I like the Germans.. they've got hard heads!

Andy Gray: I totally agree. I still can't get over what that retarded German chap did to Monica Seles - now that was first-rate hooliganism!

Ian Daglers: Oh, ya!

Kevin McCracker: That was great!

Andy Gray: Aye. We should really wrap this up. Alright.. join us this weekend, for the Scotland vs. Ireland match, where all professional hooligans will be rooting for..

[ Andy & Ian yell, "Scotland!" as Kevin simultaneously yells, "Ireland!" ]

Ian Daglers: What?!

Andy Gray: Did you say Ireland?

Kevin McCracker: Yeah, I said Ireland! I'm Irish!

Ian Daglers: [ dumbfounded ] Irish?! What are you doin' on this show, you beady-eyed bastard! Hey!

Andy Gray: No, no, no, no.. come on, everyone's welcome on this show.. Give us a kiss.. [ reaches his arms to Kevin lovingly, then raises his knee and smashes it into Kevin's nose ]

[ vomit ]

Ian Daglers: Hey! Hey! How do you feel?

Andy Gray: Ahhh.. better out than in, I always say.

Ian Daglers: [ reaches into Andy's vomit ] Hey, look! Look what you puked up!

Andy Gray: Ah, it's my specs! That's where they went! [ grabs the puke-soaked glasses, puts them on his face ]

Together: [ singing ] "I can see clearly now, my specs are back..!"

Andy Gray: Alright, look at the time.. that's the end of the show. And I'm Andy Gray!

Ian Daglers: Amd I'm Ian Daglers! Hey!

Andy Gray: Piss off!

Ian Daglers: Hey! Piss off, now!

Andy Gray: [ reaches hand to mouth, worriedly ] Oh, it comes in twos.. it comes in twos..

[ Andy relieves a massive puking spree once more, as the theme music pots up and the title graphic appears on the screen ]

[ fade ]

[url=http://www.fark.com]Yep[/url]