If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.
Fark SearchWeb Fark

         more options... Create account

(Swift Reports) Obvious Rash of recent aircraft laser incidents blamed on gay nightclubs   (swiftreport.blogs.com) divider line 183
More: Obvious  
•       •       •

20653 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Feb 2005 at 12:21 PM   |  Make this a Fark FavoriteFavorite    |   share: Share on OMGTWITTER WEB2.0share on StumbleUponshare on Facebook  more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!

183 Comments   (+0 »)


Archived thread
First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all
 
DistendedPendulusFrenulum 2005-02-15 08:35:36 AM  
Interestingly, if you browse that site (swift news?), you'll find this article is under the category of *religion*


Ima print myself a new bumper sticker today. It's gonna say "If you're not saying WTF in utter amazement, you're deaf, blind, dumb, stupid, retarded, or some combination thereof."



.

 
MorningBreath [TotalFark] 2005-02-15 09:12:27 AM  
Oddly, a lot of rashes are blamed on gay nightclubs as well.

 
CCCPSpy 2005-02-15 09:38:53 AM  
Oh God, the Gays have lasers now? Does that mean we have to invade Massachusetts?

 
doccm9 2005-02-15 09:57:17 AM  
Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous!

 
LesserAtuin [TotalFark] 2005-02-15 09:57:19 AM  
Homosexuals,Terrorists, or Both?

Oh my.

 
StrikitRich 2005-02-15 10:09:41 AM  
Wonder if the heat given off by these nightclubs causes turbulence, too?

 
Haydash 2005-02-15 10:35:20 AM  
Gays with freakin' laser-beams strapped to their heads!

 
Action Replay Nick [recently expired TotalFark] 2005-02-15 10:43:09 AM  
I'm protected from the homosexual laser invasion. In my underground hetero-bunker I've got my Bible, some Holy Water, a stash of consecrated Hosts, 104 issues of Guns N' Ammo, and a sock full of quarters (to beat my children with when they disobey God).

 
mostly_harmless 2005-02-15 10:44:12 AM  
You know, they could just put some tint film on those plane windows and they'd be fine.

/you know it's a fake news site, right?

I can get a green laser for $15? Where?

 
KyngNothing [TotalFark] 2005-02-15 11:47:57 AM  
And now the government is funding studies to point laser pointers at aircraft!

Go here!

The story itself is too funny for me to even address...

 
StrikitRich 2005-02-15 11:53:44 AM  
Suddenly all these black SUVs surrounded our MiniCoop, says Garcia. Next thing we knew, we were in the back seat of a Ford Explorer wearing handcuffs." Adds Feldman: "We're open to a lot of stuff, but S&M is not big on our list."

This story is the funniest thing I've read in a while. Not familiar with the site so I can't tell if this is unitentionally funny or satire.

 
KyngNothing [TotalFark] 2005-02-15 11:58:27 AM  
mostly_harmless: I can get a green laser for $15? Where?


Any local "gay supply" store should have them...

 
dukeblue 2005-02-15 12:07:56 PM  
Haydash

Exactly what I was thinking!

 
jst3p 2005-02-15 12:25:47 PM  
If you outlaw homosexuals with lasers only outlaw homosexuals will have lasers!

 
Earth138ad 2005-02-15 12:26:18 PM  
The best qoute from the article has to be, Suddenly all these black SUVs surrounded our MiniCoop, says Garcia. Next thing we knew, we were in the back seat of a Ford Explorer wearing handcuffs." Adds Feldman: "We're open to a lot of stuff, but S&M is not big on our list."

 
bocadem 2005-02-15 12:26:40 PM  
I call bullshiat on this one....

"We're open to a lot of stuff, but S&M is not big on our list."

uh huh

 
DrumCorpsAlum 2005-02-15 12:26:46 PM  
Suddenly all these black SUVs surrounded our MiniCoop, says Garcia. Next thing we knew, we were in the back seat of a Ford Explorer wearing handcuffs." Adds Feldman: "We're open to a lot of stuff, but S&M is not big on our list."

Haha. There's lots of stuff in there, penetrate, COCKpit.

 
a_cure_for_gravity 2005-02-15 12:27:18 PM  
Cool! Now the Bombs 'n' Jesus crowd can blame something else on them evil queers and have one more reason to persecute them.

/seriously, if homosexuality didn't exist the Christian Right would have had to invent it

 
F42 2005-02-15 12:27:45 PM  
Were obviously at the beginning of our inquiry and were not sure if this particular individual was intending to try to bring down the aircraft or was just a homosexual having a bit of fun, says John Parris, an FBI spokesman.
[...]
Fans of the pocket searchlights are also quick to draw a distinction between red lasers, typically used by teachers in a classroom lecture setting, and the green lasers used by homosexuals and terrorists.

ROFLMAO

 
john_frink 2005-02-15 12:29:06 PM  

Hmmmmmmm?

 
boohiss 2005-02-15 12:29:44 PM  
Best obvious tag use ever.

 
RX_Cowbell 2005-02-15 12:30:11 PM  
Wow... terrorism and hating gay people all in one.

Somewhere George Bush is masturbating like a wild monkey right now.

/This is a fake news site, right?

 
Favoritemonster 2005-02-15 12:30:19 PM  
DNA KIT?

 
jst3p 2005-02-15 12:30:20 PM  
seriously, if homosexuality didn't exist the Christian Right would have had to invent it

As a Christian I am proposing a name change from the Christian Right to the "Christian opposite of left" because clearly that group of Christians are not "right".

 
Mr. Clarence Butterworth 2005-02-15 12:31:51 PM  
Jeff Gannon exclusive report coming up?

 
ScottMpls 2005-02-15 12:32:38 PM  
See, if you let gays get married, they could stay home and be miserable with their spouse, instead of hanging around clubs with lasers. I think this is a very serious national security issue ...

/not really
//more afraid of rightist theocrats

 
Ward's_Back 2005-02-15 12:33:26 PM  
Time to:

"Start a nuclear war..."

"At the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar..."

 
SherKhan 2005-02-15 12:34:36 PM  
Let's blame them lib'rals or better yet gays for
Indecent outbursts of fairy lit lasers.

 
wiredroach 2005-02-15 12:34:56 PM  
it's a satire site, folks...

 
captincool 2005-02-15 12:35:44 PM  
well its a good thing they penetrated the pilots cockpit and not his asspit...

 
perfectmonday 2005-02-15 12:38:13 PM  
Action Replay Nick, don't forget to tune your channel to Spike TV. That way, everyone in your bunker will know you're straight.

 
SharkInfested 2005-02-15 12:39:03 PM  
Next thing we knew, we were in the back seat of a Ford Explorer wearing handcuffs." Isn't that how successful evenings at gay clubs usually end?

 
sirawesomeman 2005-02-15 12:39:05 PM  
When is this not funny?

omg, i cant stop laughing!!

 
therecksays 2005-02-15 12:39:45 PM  
GAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYS

/Ogre

 
PenGwen 2005-02-15 12:40:50 PM  
God, I loved the "are you gay?" DNA test site ad.

It almost made me ink myself.

 
NotSoSuperMan 2005-02-15 12:42:10 PM  
favouritemonster : DNA KIT?
I caught that too... what the fark? It makes no sense, as there is no "gay gene"
If there were, it would be passed on to children, and if you had a gene that said your children were more likely to be gay, then they would be far less likely to have kids. Therefore, the gene would quickly stop existing.

Oh wait, the only ones who believe there is a gay gene are the same people who don't believe in evolution...

 
SherKhan 2005-02-15 12:42:35 PM  
it's a satire site, folks...

That might well be true my friend
I'll still not let that my fun end

The light with which planes interferes
Can only be the work of queers
Light in the loafers now light in the hand
Makes it so hard this airplane to land.

 
moheeb 2005-02-15 12:43:03 PM  
The article is pretty funny....but the ad for the DNA kit to tell if you are gay or not....that is high quality comedy.



I'm really glad firefox's adblocker didn't get that one.

 
perfectmonday 2005-02-15 12:45:55 PM  
This HAS to be a fake site, or one messed-up site. Have you looked at the other articles:

Same Sex Valentines

 
ccc1138 2005-02-15 12:46:21 PM  

 
jst3p 2005-02-15 12:46:40 PM  
Oh wait, the only ones who believe there is a gay gene are the same people who don't believe in evolution...

Actually the ones who believe in evelution don't believe in a gay gene. If there were a gay gene it would mean people were born gay. Were they to be born gay it is a "natural condition" and God made them that way. This would be unacceptable to fundamentalist Christians.

 
JeanPoutine 2005-02-15 12:47:05 PM  
Dumbass faggots...

 
Arman N. Havana 2005-02-15 12:47:35 PM  
I assume this story is satire, but green lasers actually are marketed to and used by amateur astronomers as a pointing device (you can point out stars, etc. to others using the laser) or as a "finder" to aim a telescope at a particular object. Backyard astronomers aren't usually wild and crazy guys so I doubt they're the ones trying to harass airplanes.

 
moheeb 2005-02-15 12:47:47 PM  
I'm really sorry about posting that gay thing again: Here is my offering to fix it.



/hopefully it will last

 
Little Wolf 2005-02-15 12:48:11 PM  
You really need to check out some of the other stories on the site. My favorite was the one about the 14 year old that was suspended from a Kansas school for an 'evolution slur.' It involved drawing a cartoon about another student alledgedly evolving from monkeys.

 
Tulkas 2005-02-15 12:48:19 PM  
I do think that the site in question is satire, but you've got to admit that those Homosexuals sure do think of some funny names for their clubs. There is one here in Nashville called- I promise I'm not making this up- The Chute!

Everyone should post the names of homosexual clubs in their respective towns; it should make for a truly hilarious thread (just what we need on Tuesday...)

 
BrotherLove 2005-02-15 12:49:25 PM  

 
ski_adk115 2005-02-15 12:51:44 PM  
Anyone notice this part:

Under the Patriot Act, the men could have faced up to 25 years in prison and a $500,000 fine for disrupting the operation of a mass transportation vehicle.

Does that mean if I puke on the bus from a bad hangover and it has to be pulled out of service and cleaned, that I might be eligible for a $500,000 fine and a 25-year jail term?

 
NineInchNader 2005-02-15 12:53:31 PM  
Tulkas -- "Everyone should post the names of homosexual clubs in their respective towns; it should make for a truly hilarious thread (just what we need on Tuesday...)"

The Garden
The Frathouse
Saddles
Faces...

Man, we have one more but I can't remember what it's called. All in all, kind of boring names, if you ask me.

 
TightyWhitey 2005-02-15 12:53:39 PM  
Meanwhile, they are breaking another big story!!


Pressure Mounts to Remove Gay President from Rushmore

 
Displayed 50 of 183 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all


[Continue Farking]