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(Headline T-Shirts are still available for archive links.)
Sun May 24, 2009
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(NYPost) Cool For just $300 million, you can own the entire intellectual property of Playboy Enterprises. That's correct, their historic treasure trove of great articles and interviews would belong to you  (nypost.com) (48)
(Yahoo) Unlikely AOL seeks another fresh start with ex-Google exec as new CEO. In other news, AOL still exists? Really?  (tech.yahoo.com) (25)
(SFGate) Stupid Oil speculators keeping price of oil high because they think economy will recover sometime around the end of the year. Maybe  (sfgate.com) (32)
(Marketwatch) Spiffy Ford, the last remaining solvent American car company, introduces a cool, affordable work van to the American market. (pic)  (marketwatch.com) (94)
(Wall Street Journal) Sad In the saddest story yet of this recession, man on mission to visit every Starbucks derailed by store closings. "If the store closed before I visited, I would lose another piece of my soul."  (online.wsj.com) (140)

Sat May 23, 2009
(Some Guy) Stupid Introducing the newest competitor in the big-box consumer electronics retail wars: Circuit City. Wait, what?  (internetretailer.com) (43)
(Examiner) Obvious Another week, another $200 million Ponzi scheme uncovered. Stocks in coffee cans and shovels skyrocket  (examiner.com) (28)
(Reuters) Scary If you guessed Strategic Capital Bank as the target for this week's FDIC Friday step on up to claim your prize  (reuters.com) (7)
(Bloomberg) Followup Xerox's Burns takes reins during daunting time. Excellent, Smithers  (bloomberg.com) (4)

Fri May 22, 2009
(Some Guy) Interesting "[T]he top 1% of earners account for about 50% of state revenue. We're the ones who can--and will--leave." And this billionaire explains why he did  (speakupwny.com) (784)
(WBBM) Interesting Court rules cigarette makers can no longer call their products "low tar," "light," "ultra light" or "mild" but have not yet ruled out "healthy, charming, and good-for-you"  (wbbm780.com) (94)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Ironic U.S. Attorney says businesses should help reduce crime by hiring felons  (suntimes.com) (101)
(Some Johnson) Obvious Johnson & Johnson plan to acquire Cougar  (investor.jnj.com) (24)
(Some Guy) Amusing Beer company gives two-fingered salute to Nanny State, advertises beer as 'The Bottle of Britain' and promises 'No Nazi Aftertaste'  (pc.blogspot.com) (18)
(The Sun) Sick Neighbors say whole lot of shakin' goin' on at 18-stone hooker's apartment. "She's a one-woman demolition job." Wrecked 'em  (thesun.co.uk) (48)
(Bloomberg) Florida Today's bank failure story brought to you by BankUnited Financial Corp. of Florida. Bonus: largest U.S. bank failure this year  (bloomberg.com) (24)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Interesting Time Warner to buy Midway Games. This means after you beat the new Mortal Kombat on expert, you can unlock Anderson Cooper  (suntimes.com) (40)

Thu May 21, 2009
(Yahoo) Followup UAW says it has tentative deal with GM, government, Satan  (news.yahoo.com) (30)
(MSNBC) Interesting Chrysler to sell 60,000 to 70,000 vehicles this month. In other news 60,000 adults in America don't have a tv, or computer, and cannot read  (msnbc.msn.com) (53)
(The New York Times) Obvious Banks have raised 56 billion. Unfortunately, they need $75 billion  (nytimes.com) (37)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Jobless number 6.66 million which will no doubt inspire new round of speculation that people think Obama = Antichrist  (bloomberg.com) (35)
(Wall Street Journal) Cool Gamestop records higher net profit, but warns on slower growth due to Battletoads being backordered  (online.wsj.com) (114)
(Fox Business) Interesting Stock market down on signs of economic improvement. The Aristocrats  (foxbusiness.com) (20)
(Telegraph) Interesting UK may have its AAA bond rating downgraded. Knowing how the Brits drink, maybe AA is appropriate  (telegraph.co.uk) (35)
(Wall Street Journal) Stupid Barnes & Noble posts bigger than expected first-quarter losses, because people would rather watch movies and sitcoms than read. Tag is for the average American  (online.wsj.com) (91)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Hedge fund managers hesitant to invest in unionized companies because with Chrysler the Obama administration showed that it won't hesitate to burn bondholders to a crispy golden brown  (bloomberg.com) (54)
(Guardian.com) Interesting Xerox CEO Anne Mulcahy to retire July 1  (guardian.co.uk) (86)
(AP) Interesting Xerox CEO Anne Mulcahy to retire July 1  (hosted.ap.org) (27)
(ABC News) Interesting New social networking-powered airline ticket matching service hopes to solve the problem of sitting next to Fatty, Chatty, and Scatty. Submitter posting his love of rapier thin, and well sedated, deaf mutes to Facebook now  (abcnews.go.com) (29)
(Bloomberg) Asinine Federal Reserve reluctant to guarantee the most secure debt there is, municipal bonds. Still prefers to secure toxic garbage from Wall Street whiz kids  (bloomberg.com) (37)
(Engadget) Dumbass Sprint CEO expects Palm Pre shortages. Wait... seriously?  (engadget.com) (43)

Wed May 20, 2009
(Some Guy) Obvious Study reveals that disposable plastic bags are safe, while re-usable bags are rife with bacteria, mold and fecal matter. In a surprising twist, study was commissioned and funded by the Plastics Industry Council  (calgaryherald.com) (44)
(Mercury News) Spiffy Coming soon: Robot Chicken Spore expansion pack. YA RLY  (blogs.mercurynews.com) (55)
(11 Alive) Obvious Oil companies in 2008: "Demand is up, so we've regretfully had to raise prices." In 2009: "Demand is down, so we've regretfully had to raise prices"  (11alive.com) (220)
(CNN) Ironic UAW reluctant to assume ownership of Chrysler, GM. Cites strained relations with labor, crushing retiree obligations  (money.cnn.com) (166)
(AP) Obvious After the stunning success of the Merrill Lynch and Countrywide deals, BofA CEO Ken Lewis says "We'll be sitting out this new wave of financial consolidation. I've done enough damage."  (hosted.ap.org) (8)
(Google) Sad HP profit drops; 6,400 workers to get the boot (6,218 after formatting)  T-Shirt  (google.com) (38)
(Telegraph) Unlikely With no more important legal matters to settle, appeals court rules that Pringles are potato chips  (telegraph.co.uk) (77)
(Funny Or Die) Silly "Now going to the bank is like going to the f**king DMV."  (funnyordie.com) (39)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious Seven reasons why the government can't run a successful business. Most significantly, the executives (politicians) always want headlines and votes, not efficiencies  (online.wsj.com) (217)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Oil soars past $61 on news that Gwyneth Paltrow is licking mad at Scarlett Johansson  (bloomberg.com) (24)
(Yahoo) Obvious Target profit beats estimates on news that people are still willing to pay 20% more than Walmart for the same stuff on clean floors  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (59)
(New York Daily News) Obvious Senate passes credit card reform bill requiring lenders to clearly spell out terms, including arcane clauses such as IVb: "This is money," XXII: "You have to pay it back," and XXXVI.5a: "We charge interest"  (nydailynews.com) (182)
(Detroit News) Obvious Home builder retrospectively realizes that now may not have been the best time to sink all her money on a 22,000 square foot mansion in the Detroit suburbs  (detnews.com) (118)
(CBC) Cool New Zealand's "Love Plane"... soon will be making another run. The Love Plane promises something for everyone. Set a course for adventure, your pants off a mile high  (cbc.ca) (12)
(Some Guy) Stupid The new Palm Pre will be out on June 6, which should be very exciting for the six or seven of you still using Palm phones  (informationweek.com) (137)
(Google) Obvious The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corp., the government agency that covers bankrupt companies' pensions, is likely going to need its own bailout  (google.com) (27)

Tue May 19, 2009
(Boston Globe) Hero President Obama gets the Republican governor of California, the Democratic governor of Michigan, the US auto manufacturers, and the unions to agree on major fuel standards and cuts to emissions and 2012  (boston.com) (620)
(PennLive) Ironic Apparently unaware that temp is short for temporary, temp workers shocked to be let go when their jobs get outsourced  (pennlive.com) (52)
(New York Observer) Asinine Dick "I drove Lehman Brothers into a ditch" Fuld puts his $32 million "fixer-upper" co-op on the market. 25,000 former employees raise their bottle of Thunderbird and middle finger  (observer.com) (18)
(Globe and Mail) Interesting How screwed are the Phoenix Coyotes? Pretty screwed  (theglobeandmail.com) (96)
(SeattlePI) PSA Spokane distillery, looking for volunteers to pack its gin and vodak bottles in exchange for free lunch and shots, says they are booked for rest of year  (seattlepi.com) (36)
(Yahoo) Scary 67.2% of Las Vegas homes have negative equity. Craps  (finance.yahoo.com) (103)
(Some Guy) Unlikely The anals say, that one day, Apple may, sell their computer attache, at a, Wal-Mart? I like hay  (blogs.barrons.com) (42)
(CNN) Dumbass "At first, it may seem ridiculous that someone would pay for virtual currency in order to buy a T-shirt icon to put on a social-network profile." At first?  (cnn.com) (45)
(C|Net) Cool Daimler announces they've bought a 10 percent stake in Tesla's pyramid scheme  (news.cnet.com) (26)
(Yahoo) Asinine To those who don't carry balances and pay their credit cards in full and on time, prepare to bend over, your time has come  (finance.yahoo.com) (212)
(CNN) Misc American Express to 4000 employees: "Don't leave home"  T-Shirt  (money.cnn.com) (27)
(Washington Times) Interesting Travel agents say many are skipping vacations because they're afraid they won't have a job when they come back  (washingtontimes.com) (48)

Mon May 18, 2009
(Seattle Times) Spiffy Just like day-trading and house-flipping, Starbucks Coffee is an obnoxious artifact of an economy that won't be coming back  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (105)
(Wall Street Journal) Amusing Portland faces modern economic dilemma: Too many hipsters are chasing too few jobs appropriate for their skills, now that alt-weekly papers, indie coffeehouses, and hole-in-the-wall record stores are disappearing en masse  (online.wsj.com) (66)
(CNN) Interesting How Obama invests his personal money. Surprising lack of unicorn-fart-based derivatives  (moneyfeatures.blogs.money.cnn.com) (61)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Unlikely Blogger says that because no one's paying for Facebook and Twitter, the Internet is doomed. Subby's latest update brought to you by Viagra, Coors Light, and Buick  (startribune.com) (92)
(VentureBeat) Asinine Facebook raises $150 million to pay out employees who have toiled away at the company for all of two years  (venturebeat.com) (36)
(MSNBC) Interesting Automotive garbage of the last 25 years, not surprisingly Detroit is well represented  (editorial.autos.msn.com) (46)
(Reuters) Obvious Federal Reserve tells Lowes and Home Depot to STFU about the recovering ecomony and continue putting things on sale  (reuters.com) (17)
(The Morning Call) Strange The only thing saving the Sands international casino empire from bankruptcy could very well be the opening of a slots-only casino in the small Pennsylvania city of Bethlehem  (mcall.com) (14)
(Globe and Mail) Obvious Cash-strapped American high-school grads increasingly flock to Canadian universities to take advantage of cheap, high-quality education in ways of hockey, poutine, and pronouncing words with "u"  (theglobeandmail.com) (107)
(Bloomberg) Fail Volkswagen halts Porsche merger talks after less than two weeks of negotiation. According to the director of the Center for Automotive Research at the University of Duisburg-Essen, this means war  (bloomberg.com) (29)
(Rutland Herald) Cool Study: Gay marriages pump $111M into Mass. Not that there is anything wrong with that  (rutlandherald.com) (147)
(Washington Post) Strange Wal-Mart reshaping to get the customers of a store no one shopped at  (washingtonpost.com) (36)

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