Remember how OPEC was going to cut production to boost oil prices? Yeah, a funny thing happens when you only have one export to fund your government	(20)
		"CNBC's dilemma is to make a recession seem entertaining" - maybe that's not such a good goal, ya think?	(37)
		AIG will hand out $165 million in bonuses to execs to congratulate them for the biggest corporate loss in history last quarter. By the way, you paid for those bonuses	(194)
(Chattanooga Times Free Press)		Little Debbie mulls turning their snack cakes into bio-diesel, that might not affect the taste	(29)
		Prosecutors want to nail Madoff's wife whilst Bernie is being nailed in the can	(32)
		Americans are rapidly turning to Chapter 7 and Chapter 13 to expunge their debts. Turn to Chapter 11 to watch what happens to credit card companies and banks	(68)
		Recession forcing supermarkets to put security tags on high-end items like parmesan cheese, lobster and steaks as yesterday's customers become today's thieves	(32)

		197 words that can kill a resume. Reading this with your acute sense of perception will optimize its functionalities	(85)
		L@@K....What's it going to take to fix eBay?	(57)
		Bad economy teaches new graduates the art of spin. I studied finance, but my dream was always to go to outer Mongolia and learn to shave yak	(15)
		Chart reveals which countries in particular own America's debt. Say hello to your new Asian overlords	(67)
		NBC execs on Thursday: "Jim, you are going on the Daily Show to defend our honor." NBC execs on Friday: "That incident never happened"	(121)
		The downturn may kill suburbia	(127)
		More people than ever are turning to the funeral industry in a recession economy, which is a great idea right up to the point of the zombie apocalypse	(39)
		USPS takes 47 years to deliver postcard from Montana to Ohio, proudly announces new on-time performance benchmark	(14)
		Washington Post drops weekday business section, since there's nothing less relevant than business right now	(21)

		Jones Soda hopes to weather the economic storm by focusing on availability, trials, and not making you puke while drinking the Holiday Box	(31)
		Desperate for good publicity, Chrysler crashes funeral to collect tissue sample from former employee	(57)
		World's oil companies reincorporating in Switzerland to avoid punitive corporate tax rates in the U.S. Democrats pondering how to pay for universal health care with hot swiss cocoa sampler boxes	(162)
(Some Guy)		Laid-off Sony workers in France take management hostage to protest company's crappy severance plan	(66)
		Good news: The US trade deficit shrank six months in a row. Bad news: It's because the economy blows. Good news: Your wife is awesome in the sack. Bad news: You didn't know that until you read this headline	(34)
		Recession-proof business: Drug dealer?	(21)
(WHEEEE)		Six Flags on the verge of filing Chapter 11. Restructuring terms will force debt collectors to stand in a gigantic zig-zag line for hours, only to have the check printing machine break down when they're next in line	(45)
		Obama last week: Crisis crisis crisis. Obama this week: what the hell is wrong with you people? Everything is fine	(507)
		Chicago Sun-Times decides not to outsource its copy editing and page design to Canada or India. But it will hire low-cost Mexican immigrants to cover zoning appeals board hearings	(7)
(Some Guy)		India is set to receive its first Taco Bell. Subby wonders how patrons will outsource those chalupas	(26)
		Facebook to use "language ads". Fark you	(16)
		Berkshire Hathaway and General Electric lose their AAA rating. Their eBay feedback should be amusing	(15)
		The "comedian" owns the stock wizard. Full uncensored video of Jon Stewart's interview with Jim Cramer on The Daily Show (in 3 parts, all in link)	(373)
		Feng shui practitioner says you're going to see more and more green cars on the road. "There's this urban myth that green cars are unlucky ... that they'll crash in to you ... it's quite a prevalent myth."	(15)
		China is "worried" about its holdings of U.S. Treasuries and wants assurances that the investment is safe. U.S. responds: Look at all our shiny nukes. Reassured?	(55)
		How a Wal-Mart bank could save the economy	(32)
		Asian markets are soaring into the stratosphere Friday as global optimism continues to rise. EVERYBODY UNPANIC	(65)

		Read it and weep: Bernie Madoff's court confession about his Ponzi scheming	(259)
		Sirius XM Radio planning to stream to iPhones and iPods. iSuck it, Zune owners	(74)
		Chrysler threatens to pull out of Canada if it isn't allowed to stick it further in Canadian taxpayers	(76)
		While every other financial business craters, Bloomberg makes $4.5B at his part-time job	(29)
		Recession has gotten so bad, even repo men are hurting although they work all night, every night	(43)
		Madoff pleads guilty to multi-billion dollar blockbuster fraud. That's a lot of rewind penalty charges	(167)
		"Like the rest of us, the richest people in the world have endured a financial disaster over the past year." Oh, fark you	(62)
		British Petroleum widens their search to replace Sutherland. THEY'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME	(10)
		U.S. home foreclosures rise 30% in February. Surprise, surprise, surprise	(42)
		Obama gets a failing grade from economists who are upset that he has not fixed the problem they failed to predict	(142)
		Cramer: The rally isn't over yet. Tomorrow's DOW: Down 300 points	(106)

		The FDIC, the organization responsible for insuring banks, has not collected premiums in a decade because it was so unlikely there would be a crisis	(91)
		What do Bextra, Vioxx, Lyrica, Celebrex, and Effexor all have in common? If you guess "involved in fabricated medical studies," you may claim your prize: a new and clinicallly-proven anti-anxiety medication of your choice	(254)
		Fake billionaire and real thief Allen Stanford is not cooperating with the SEC. Probably ought to keep in mind that CNBC and the federal government have very different approaches when interviewing criminals	(30)
		Are you two paychecks away from complete financial catastrophe? 50% of Americans would like to welcome you	(402)
		UAW cuts its workers' wages to $55 an hour. EVERYBODY PANIC	(125)
		Alan Greenspan thinks his opinion matters. WSJ agrees	(25)
		Casino mogul files for divorce. Looks like a Wynn/Wynn situation	(19)
		Meehive: Your own personal newspaper but without the paper thingie	(16)
		People are finally starting to get it: "Let AIG Go Bankrupt, Not America"	(283)
		Google saves employees, screws shareholders. Oh and the world is round	(32)
		Capitalism has failed, according to Iran's president, who's upset people won't pay $140 a barrel for the only thing his country produces other than armed religious fanatics	(238)
		Time Magazine considering making people pay for news they can get anywhere else online for free, Yeah, everyone has a lot of disposable income right now for that	(41)
		State wants to stimulate economy by loosening the rules on construction permits, eliminating impact fees and cutting in half the time allowed for reviewing permits for wiping out wetlands	(175)
		Auto union boss says auto workers must "fight back" against perception that they are overpaid and underworked. Auto workers agree, as long as they get time and a half for it	(105)
		The world's youngest billionaires. Bonus: list begins with the world's most ridiculous sideburns	(58)
		Once upon a time, Nokia was the unquestioned #1 player in the cell phone world. Now they're trying to figure out how to stay relevant even though Apple and Crackberry addicts are purchasing their competitor's phones	(99)
		AT&T to add 3,000 jobs and invest $18 billion to expand their network of crappy service	(20)
		Unexpected benefit of worldwide financial meltdown: more smokers than ever are quitting to save money	(45)

		Prime Minister Stephen Harper predicts Canada will emerge from the global financial crisis faster than any other country. What a bunch of loonies	(29)
		Saving forests can create 10 million jobs. Mostly branch managers	(79)
		Nine years ago today, the Nasdaq reached its all-time high before the DotCom bubble burst. With "where are they now" list	(61)
		Bernie Madoff to plead guilty	(306)
		Honda to rollout new sub-$20,000 hybrid car, just in time for people who can't afford gas, or a place to live	(60)
		Lawyer defending Madoff in his criminal case discovers a slight conflict of interest that will likely force him to withdraw from the case: His parents are among Madoff's victims	(21)
		The Syrian stock market starts trading today with "XPLOSV", "MRTYR" and "JHAD" stocks seeing the biggest gains	(12)
		Markets surge on the news that Britney Spears' p***y fell out	(74)
		Ford Canada CEO suggests tax incentives so that people will buy a new Toyota	(9)
		A video search engine? What if it's not in a video form?	(10)
		Newspapers could survive by firing a bunch of their reporters and having university professors write articles for free, says professor of history and unicorns at Magical Fairyland State College	(18)
		Jim Cramer fires back, "I predicted this whole mess"	(91)
		Maytag recalls 1.6 million refrigerators due to fire hazard. If only there were some person who could have repaired them	(27)
		British researcher proves what welfare queens have known for decades: It's easier to be unemployed and on the dole than to keep a stressful job	(77)
(Some Guy)		Fed-Ex offers 25 free resumes today to aid job seekers in bad economy. Can also be crumpled and used as insulation for your cardbaord box in the alley	(59)
		You know those two big drug company mergers that are going to cost 35,000 jobs? You'll be pleased to know they wouldn't have been possible without TARP bailout money	(33)
		Airbus returns to profitability on news that its airplanes float pretty well	(9)
		World Bank announces planetary economic collapse is in progress	(59)
(MediaMemo)		Think web ads are annoying now? Not annoying enough, advertisers say. Meet "the pushdown"	(67)
		KC Star reports that the KC Star is laying off 15% of it's workers due to the recession, as reported free on the internet	(19)
(CFO.com)		Yale economist warns that the end is nigh. But wait, there's more	(22)
		Applications to the top liberal-arts schools drop 20% as students realize there is no longer any need to earn a Liberal Arts degree to remain unemployable	(66)
		Now you can customize your fatness: Burger King unveils first "Whopper Bar," with 22 gut-busting toppings	(47)
		Want a job? Mortgage companies are hiring	(11)
		Megamerger mania rocks the pharmaceutical industry. Because we all know how well that worked for banks, insurance, and financial firms	(22)

		Clearwire installs new CEO after two months of buffering	(4)
		Snapple dissing high fructose corn syrup in favor of natural sugar this spring. Oh Snapple	(98)
		The average cell phone call costs $3.02 per minute	(125)
		Carmike Cinemas remembers that the Great Depression was also the Golden Age of Film, cuts concession prices to $1 in hopes of luring theatergoers. Now if only they offered some decent movies to go with it	(55)
		Wikioogle	(23)
		German discount store now selling cars online--at around 25% below dealer retail. But how will people be able to enjoy that false sense of getting a good deal through haggling?	(23)
		66% of people are on social networks. 100% of people still on porn	(38)
		Entrepreneurs devise plan to send college students to entertain the elderly, and the elderly only have to pay $40 an hour for the privilege. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this	(14)
		Autoworkers at Ford agree to freeze wages so the company can survive and continue building crappy cars nobody wants	(94)
		Recessions are self-correcting. All the government has to do is stay out of the way and not make them worse	(117)
		Citigroup finds it too flashy to send its brokers on their annual trip to Boca or Cabo, gives them up to $3000 in gift cards and a hot cocoa sampler instead. Your bailout dollars at work	(32)
		OK, is the last line of this article a joke or did Warren Buffett really say this?	(66)
		Medicare shuts down 18 fraudulent medical suppliers, then reinstates them. Shocked, SHOCKED to find that the suppliers proceed to scam $10 million after they were told not to. (with mugshot goodness)	(16)
		And on the third day, it rose again	(31)
		Couple only buys from black-owned businesses, though they may have some trouble the next time they want to buy Michael Bolton souvenirs or lacrosse equipment	(378)
(WeHo News)		Wormer dropped the Big One; National Lampoon faces eviction	(26)
		The Best Buy 'Geek Squad' visits Circuit City on the last day ... to buy their shelves	(41)
		If you're over 40, your company might be using the current economic situation to lay you off to get cheaper, younger, no-insurance-given employees. Note to young 'uns: Think it won't happen to you eventually?	(81)
(Providence Journal)		Man buys back his yacht building business from bankruptcy court for ten cents on the dollar. America's Cup still held by a land-locked country famous for stealing Nazi gold, chocolate, and cuckoo clocks	(32)