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Sun February 15, 2009
(Philly) Fail Peanut Corporation of America files for bankruptcy. NUTS (69)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Obvious Why MapQuest is losing to Google Maps, in a nutshell: AOL sucks (57)
(Statesman) Interesting Women may soon outnumber men in the US workforce. So get back in the kitchen and make her some dinner (25)
(BBC) Spiffy "They don't all understand risk management as well as they should because they all got busted when they came to prison, but when it comes to execution and marketing - they get it" (35)
(Newsweek) Asinine Once again, the price of crude falls to historic lows while the price of gas keeps rising (22)
(TC Palm) Florida Gay bucks shrinking, no longer tops as tourism bottoms out (4)
(chapeau d'étain) Scary With air fares lower and a more favorable exchange rate, Europe looks forward to its summer tourist season. The food riots will be an added attraction (6)
(The Consumerist) Dumbass When the website asks you to confirm your order before you click okay, it's always a good idea. Bonus: Delta still rewards moran with 5,000 FF miles (31)
(Wall Street Journal) Misc Egged by contracts flying the coop, chicken farmers can't stay abreast of mortgage payments so they're plucked (5)
(The Morning Call) Interesting Is a bonus necessary just to do your job? (72)
(KBZK) Obvious Fuel price analyst: "There's absolutely no reason why the price of gasoline should be as high as it is." Welcome to the party, pal (76)
(London Times) Interesting How Kindle could save the newspaper business after it was gutted by idiots posting it for free on their stupid websites (53)

Sat February 14, 2009
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles) Cool Hard times stimulate condom sales in soft economy (25)
(Some Guy) Asinine Old and busted: Getting unemployment because you were laid off. New Hotness: being denied unemployment because your ex-job lied and said you were fired for misconduct (83)
(Reuters) Amusing Walmart Canada to slash prices on 20 percent of its products, update its lougo and slougan to be more Canadian (24)
(UPI) Obvious Canada home sales down 41 percent as more and more people realize that, holy merde, they live in Canada (23)
(Bloomberg) Spiffy President Obama is close to addressing your most pressing problem, reducing monthly mortgage payments. You'll have to take a raincheck on the unicorn (466)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Donald Trump to himself..."You're fired" (21)
(WorldNetDaily) Scary USA's Federal obligations now exceed the WORLD'S GDP. That's right "World," with a capital "W." (104)

Fri February 13, 2009
(Billboard) Interesting Rhapsody revenue up 14% on news that a bunch of people forgot to cancel after the one month free trial (36)
(AlterNet) Strange If US Automakers need a bailout, and the US Government won't give it to them, they can always be bailed out by... Mexico? (23)
(The Consumerist) Fail Papa John's "Heart-Shaped Pizza" looks more like a 14 year old Pac-Man (87)
(AP) Obvious Abercrombie & Fitch profits down 68% as teens realize they can get tattered, worn out clothes with holes in them at Goodwill for next to nothing (86)
(UPI) Interesting Mortgage rates continue to fall, former homeowners reflexively request new financing for their cardboard boxes (43)
(Bloomberg) Ironic And the first major economy to show signs of recovery after huge stimulus is... China. Man, those commies really know how to do capitalism (42)
(Bloomberg) Followup Live Nation's largest shareholder says he will oppose proposed merger with Ticketmaster if that no-talent prick Barry Diller is put in charge (10)
(Time) Amusing Time releases 25 names responsible for Wall Street crisis and Barney Frank doesn't make the list. Its as if millions of whars garbled and were suddenly silenced (419)
(Telegraph) Spiffy Price war among lingerie producers raises hopes of getting panties more than half off (26)
(Some Guy) Obvious 1 out of 9 Americans have filed for, or are considering bankruptcy. I can haz do over? (103)
(Washington Post) Interesting If Washington wants to overhaul healthcare they should follow Wal-Mart's example (70)
(Forbes) Interesting Insurance... in... Spaaaace (26)

Thu February 12, 2009
(Seattle Times) Stupid Starbucks introduces instant coffee. Merriam-Webster updates definition of "market saturation" (28)
(Reuters) Dumbass Once again following Apple's lead, Microsoft to open line of stores. Will be just like Apple stores, but slower, uglier, and harder to buy from (183)
(My San Antonio) Sad Thanks to the bad economy, Six Flags may be lowered to half staff by the end of the year (141)
(Boston Globe) Sad Midway Games fights economy in mortal combat; economy throws Midway through roof, told to FINISH HIM (37)
(Yahoo) Obvious Media are shocked, SHOCKED, that retail sales went up one percent in January. They hurriedly add that "the relief is unlikely to last" (33)
(BusinessWeek) PSA Got a Pioneer flat-screen TV? It's about to become a collector's item (48)
(Breitbart.com) Interesting Cable company Charter Communications files Chapter 11, now officially sucks as bad as its programming lineup (38)
(London Times) Dumbass Madoff 2: British Boogaloo (19)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Asinine Steve Ballmer still grasping at straws, now warns companies to upgrade to Vista now so they don't end up in a situation "where applications are no longer supported on Windows XP and not yet supported on Windows 7." Riiiight (148)
(BusinessWeek) Unlikely United Airlines is doing such a great job keeping all their flyers happy that they're going to disconnect their complaint phone line (49)
(CNN) Obvious Economy makes Las Vegas magician's income disapear (47)
(Financial Times) Obvious China to continue to buy US Treasury securities because they are the safest investment and most secure bet on the planet short of betting on bacon tasting good (67)
(USA Today) Stupid GM CEO says that his company is "crouched and ready to pounce" on returning customers. Crouched and ready. Crouched and ready. Crouched and ready. Crouched and...ow, cramp (209)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Bank of America and JP Morgan executives may refuse government bail-out money and keep their bonuses after seeing their colleagues prostrated before Congress in a legislated prostate exam (86)
(Guardian.com) Obvious China begins bailing out companies, in exchange for ownership stakes. And so it begins (30)

Wed February 11, 2009
(Reuters) Obvious In a shocking turn of events on the housing front, Toll Brother reports that high-end buyers no longer want their cheaply made McMansions (56)
(Gawker) Stupid Yelling at Bankers: The Movie (89)
(Cleveland) Cool CEO, facing declining business, decides give back $600,000 to the company instead of laying off employees (109)
(News.com.au) Obvious Oil drops to $35 on news that Blink 182 have reunited (36)
(The Consumerist) Obvious Blockbuster adds video games to its TotalAccess service, Netflix breaks its jaw yawning (31)
(Bloomberg) Asinine GM asks the Swedish government for $600 million to "fix" Saab, so GM can sell it (33)
(Gawker) Ironic Cessna says: Frugal businessmen who've given up their jets are biatch-ass punks. So there (84)
(New York Daily News) Asinine Greed is Good II: Merrill Lynch (104)
(Bloomberg) Fail Hedge funds post first two-month gain of this recession, which is like a parachute that finally works on the tenth try (24)
(CNN) Obvious Proof that Americans are workaholics. This headline would be funnier, but I'm late for a meeting (169)
(Metro) Weird Harmonic Pepsi logo is nature's simultaneous 4-cornered brandcube (73)
(London Times) Obvious India bottling cow urine and selling it as a refreshing drink. Hey, it worked for Budweiser (202)
(Guardian.com) Interesting University graduating classes of 2009 urged to take low-skill jobs like dishwashers or computer programmers to tide them over after companies announce widespread hiring, salary freezes (120)
(Globe and Mail) Obvious Restaurants report that "recessionary consumers" are increasingly cutting back - besides eating at restaurants every day, they are no longer ordering $300 bottles of wine but instead settling for $100 bottles (20)
(Yahoo) Cool The economy may be going to hell in a handbasket, but KFC spends more money to increase security at the place where the original recipe is located, Fort Coqs (13)
(News.com.au) Scary Global economic crisis: it's serious this time (16)
(Network World) Interesting Microsoft shareholders angry that too much money's getting spent on R&D and not enough on making Vista not suck (175)

Tue February 10, 2009
(Greg Mankiw) Amusing Calvin and Hobbes comic strip from 15 years ago describes the bailout situation today (392)
(Some Guy) Sad Wal-Mart so desperate for profit that the have now begun to rollback employees (38)
(Bloomberg) Scary Schwarzenegger plans to terminate 20,000 (31)
(CNN) Fail Failopoly - Sirius XM to file bankruptcy within days (87)
(Reuters) Cool Intel announces their own $7 billion stimulus plan: "You never save your way out of recession. You invest" (36)
(The Atlantic) Scary Think the recession is bad in the West? Japan is contracting at a double digit rate, South Korea is losing jobs, Taiwan's dollar is crashing, and China is so bad a revolution might come soon. 2009 - it's gonna be a hell of a year (143)
(The Consumerist) Amusing Hey, CEOs of failed, bailed-out banks: Can't figure out how to live on a mere $500K per year? The Consumerist can help (39)
(ABC News) Interesting Five part-time jobs you can get right now, even if you're unemployed and reek of desperation (35)
(Yahoo) Obvious Geithner: Well, it's not so much that I have a plan, it's more like I have a plan to write a plan, you know, later. Wall Street: Oh oh (34)
(Reuters) Scary Live Nation to acquire Ticketmaster for $2.5 billion, plus $700 million in convenience charges (102)
(Salon) Obvious GM cuts 10,000 salaried jobs, trims employees' pay, wants you to please click on profile wishlist (595)
(Globe and Mail) Asinine Newspaper figures out a viable business model in today's market: fire all the staffers and have unpaid interns put the paper out (27)
(NYPost) Scary Chrysler CEO says they are doing just fine with your money, now please ignore the fact he has started transferring assets into his wife's name (173)
(Telegraph) Silly 11:38: "Sitting here writing a promotional message." 11:42: "About to send the promotional message." 11:55: "Paying Twitter's new subscription fee so I can annoy my customers with promotional messages" (19)
(WTOP) Misc MillerCoors: Great taste, Less profit (22)
(Marketwatch) Scary 34 Down ... Only 966 more failed banks before things turn around.. in 2014 (19)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Just how entrenched is the bonus culture among bankers? These guys failed so badly their banks were nationalized, but plan to sue if their bonuses are denied (332)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Asinine New York Lottery abandoning investments in Treasuries in favor of more high-risk fare, like stocks, hedge funds, and real estate. Sounds like a big gamble (5)
(Daily Kos) Scary September 18th, 2008: The United States is three hours away from economic and political collapse. No, this is not an episode of "24" (254)
(CNBC) Interesting Treasury unveils their new solution to the banking crisis: "Bring out yer bad assets. [clang] Bring our yer bad assets. [clang]" "I'm not a bad asset." "Well, you will be soon. You're very toxic." (34)

Mon February 09, 2009
(USA Today) Asinine Chase: "The economic bailout isn't enough, so we've added a $10 a month fee for credit card customers who have low-interest, high-balance credit card accounts. Thanks, suckers." (78)
(CNN) Interesting Bob Lutz to retire. Who? Oh, just the man who brought us the Dodge Viper, Ford Explorer, BMW 3-Series, and the new Camaro (63)
(CNN) Interesting It's time to buy US stocks, according to "Buffett's metric," so load up on Margaritaville Inc (63)
(Reuters) Interesting Bernie Madoff reaches a settlement in the civil case against his Ponzi scheme. Details were not released, although he turned down the SEC's offer of not paying anything back in exchange for a "weeklong righteous cornholing" (286)
(Wall Street Journal) Unlikely Report says US home prices will bottom out at the end of the year. This is not a repeat from 2007 or 2008 nor is it preview for 2010 or 2011 (51)
(Guardian.com) Obvious "The New Deal kept millions from starving and gave them jobs. And it generated economic activity - rural electrification, for example - that brought society tremendous benefit. And how might only tax cuts or doing nothing have done?" (227)
(Salon) Interesting Whirlpool fourth-quarter profits swirling down the drain (11)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Asinine Goldman Sachs CEO says they're really, really sorry their models were wrong, but they've learned their lesson and fixed them now, so they don't need any more regulation (or pay caps) along with those bailout billions. No, really (54)
(Boston Globe) Obvious Woman is shocked, SHOCKED that the many 'intimate grotesqueries' she posted to her blog prevents her from getting a job (52)
(Bloomberg) Ironic Wells Fargo takes out full page NYT advertisement to defend their junkets as something more than just a waste of money  T-Shirt (67)
(Google) Interesting How did America's financial system completely collapse? Here's how (73)
(Yahoo) Scary Nissan plans to slash 20,000 jobs. Everyone knew that the recession would affect Japanese car makers, but no one thought it would happen Datsun  T-Shirt (51)

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