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Sun February 08, 2009
(1010WINS) Misc Price of gas up six cents a gallon on word that stories about the rising price of a barrel of oil hasn't been in the news lately (19)
(Some Guy) Interesting Defying recession, sales of comic books rise five percent in 2008 (20)
(MSN) Obvious Study on how boys and girls view money basically confirms what Farkers already knew: Girls view boys as wallets with legs and boys view money as a way to get girls (45)
(Bloomberg) Cool U.S. Government hires bankruptcy lawyers to get the $17.4 billion back from GM and Chrysler (38)
(Newsweek) Interesting Canada: 1 Financial Meltdown: 0 (64)
(London Times) Sad Guinness results may go flat. Must have been all those free bar towels that did it (15)
(abcnews.com) Interesting Laid off? Why not check out the hottest new thing: The Pink Slip Party, where the unemployed and job recruiters mingle (23)
(International Herald Tribune) Obvious Got a running car in Russia? Someone will trade you a whole assload of underwear for it. Welcome back, barter (15)
(London Times) Sad Economic recession leads to crying in De Beers (52)
(Wall Street Journal) Asinine "Wall Street bonuses are getting a bad rap, but they're an important and useful part of the financial services industry." Like the millions of umployed give a rat's ass (191)
(International Herald Tribune) Asinine Wondering where your bailout tax dollars went? Why, to pay off the prostitution debts of corporate CEO's, and wall street bankers and lawyers, of course (103)

Sat February 07, 2009
(Some Guy) Interesting Cutting taxes on single-malt whisky called "best way to boost Scottish economy", create spinoff benefits among companies that make mixers to make it drinkable, such as Mountain Dew and Snapple (53)
(Yahoo) Sad Disney's "It's A Small World" ride, now with less culture and more blatant marketing. Kiss your fond childhood memories goodbye (104)
(WTOP) Sad Today's magic numbers are 25 (banks failed last year), 9 (banks failed so far this year) and 0 (effect of the TARP giveaway). Ah, ah, ah (54)
(Bloomberg) Scary World's advanced economies already in a Depression, and it could get worse according to IMF (75)
(CNN) Sad This Friday's bank closures brought to you by California and Georgia (17)

Fri February 06, 2009
(CNN) Interesting Consumers ditching cable, preferring to watch their TV online for free. Why do consumers hate the economy? (195)
(Chicago Tribune) Obvious Horse drawn carriage business hurt by economy, invention of the automobile (61)
(Stuff) Amusing New Zealand's national phone company moves its call center to the Philippines, trains the workers there to speak typical Kiwi phrases such as "netball", "strewth", and "who's been a baaaaaaad girl then?" (25)
(Seattle Times) Spiffy Seattle comic book guys expand chain of stores despite recession, credit "Watchmen" movie, popularity of Obama-Spidey issue, and fact that a good comic only costs as much as a latte (30)
(NJ.com) Followup TicketMaster issues half-assed apology to Bruce Springsteen and his fans, adding "So are we good now? Will you please stop investigating us and let us merge with Live Nation, hmmm?" (29)
(Some Guy) Interesting Executive compensation limits could come to all businesses (229)
(Seacoastonline.com) Followup Massachusetts wants businesses in New Hampshire to collect 5% sales tax on anyone from Mass that buys products there. Not surprisingly, the Live-Free-Or-Die state has a problem with this (102)
(Reuters) Obvious Toyota disappointed with getting an AA+ from S&P. GM, Ford, and Chrysler just hoping to pass (14)
(NYPost) Interesting Want a copy of the Sports Illustrated annual swimsuit issue? You won't be able to buy it at Wal-Mart (129)
(Boston Globe) Misc Brandeis president: We're liquidating our art museum to pay for hookers and blow. World: DIAF. President: I meant we might sell a "minute number" of works if absolutely necessary. World: DIAF (17)
(thenewamerican) Scary ♫ They say two thousand zero nine party over -- oops, out of time ♫ So tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1929 ♫ (36)
(Seattle Times) Obvious Realizing that no one wants to spend three and a half hours looking at somebody else's coffee cup jammed full of used Kleenex, airlines start cleaning up planes in hopes of luring passengers (16)
(Telegraph) Obvious Founder of Papa John's Pizza says you shouldn't stuff a whole pizza down your cavernous gob (41)

Thu February 05, 2009
(CNN) Stupid IBM offering employees that it is firing the opportunity to work overseas in India, Czec Repulic and Russia "under local terms and conditions" (83)
(Forbes) Misc Women-only floors for hotels? Why, it's almost like the old college dorm . . . minus the panty raids and the pillow fights (52)
(Chicago Tribune) Amusing Larry King admits he was swindled by Bernie Madoff; purchases new pair of suspenders to cope (21)
(C|Net) Interesting Bad economy to result in lamer-than-ever video games (100)
(CNN) Asinine Libertarian ideas to stimulate economy: Eliminate corporate taxes, reduce union power, allow companies to hire more foreign workers, and more free trade deals. In other words do the same stuff that we've been doing for the past 8 years (218)
(CNN) Obvious CEO who received $20,000,000 when she was fired by HP says the government should not limit CEO salaries (72)
(Gizmodo) Sad The last day at Circuit City, from an employee's perspective (217)
(Reuters) Spiffy The limits on executive pay Obama announced yesterday have already saved taxpayers $10 billion (137)
(Breitbart.com) Interesting US retailers record sharp sales declines in January, except for Wal-Mart, which just laughs and laughs and lights cigars with $20s (36)
(Internet News) Interesting DELETE FROM employees WHERE COMPANY = 'Sun Microsystems' AND POSITION = 'MySQL founder'; (74)
(PRN Newswire) Obvious People now planning to delay retirement for five years. In other news, new graduates may be out of work for five years (59)
(Bloomberg) Spiffy Visa bucks the trend of negative earnings results by posting a 35% first quarter gain. CHAAAAAAAAAARGE IT (34)
(Yahoo) Followup Google kicks AOL in the googlies (13)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Paul Volcker lays down the law with Larry Summers, setting up perhaps the greatest economic Cage Match in history. Two men enter, one economic policy leaves (12)
(CNN) Obvious Cisco sees hard times ahead. The only solution is more Thong Song (21)
(Yahoo) Obvious Banks could still find wiggle room in PAY CAPS (28)

Wed February 04, 2009
(Reuters) Obvious Google wants out of AOL investment. AOL responds by offering Google another free month (36)
(IndyStar) Cool Here's a stimulus we can get behind. Baskin Robbins is planning to open 50 new stores near Indianapolis. We can eat our way out of the recession (21)
(Reuters) Obvious Kraft warns they're about to cut the cheese (30)
(Globe and Mail) Obvious Would it surprise anyone that Nortel's CEO used the company jet to fly home weekly during the past year? (47)
(Daily Mail) Strange Insurance company seeks bright, committed 20-somethings for part-time positions in sales and management. Only Capricorns, Tauruses, Aquariuses, Aries, and Leos need apply (61)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Interesting For around $5, a new Febreze scent can make your house smell like a Moroccan bazaar. Or you can save money by pooping in the corner and sprinkling cinnamon on it (49)
(NYPost) Sad New York's last gay and lesbian bookstore is closing as the Internet laps up their business and tourist dollars become increasingly hard to come by. *Bah-dum-tish* (28)
(The Street) Asinine Ticketmaster and Live Nation in talks to announce merger fees (33)
(NJ.com) Interesting New Jersey congressman requests a federal investigation of Ticketmaster after hundreds of Bruce Springsteen concert tickets show up on their TicketsNow resale subsidiary at four times their face value, just moments after they went on sale (272)
(Forbes) Sad Japan's largest consumer electronics company lost $4 billion this year. EVERYBODY PANASONIC (27)
(BusinessWeek) Hero Economic crisis over at last, thanks to Hostess Twinkie® Snack Cakes (34)
(The Daily Beast) Unlikely Women rack up cash by doing freelance dominatrix work as economy worsens; hope to whip downturn, clamp down on expenses (137)

Tue February 03, 2009
(Reuters) Obvious U.S. car sales hit 27-year low on news that Pittsburgh Steelers didn't cover the spread in Sunday's game (32)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Asinine Macy's on Monday: Swooning sales and poor earnings lead to 7000 layoffs. Tuesday: Macy's execs get $1.39 M in performance bonuses (295)
(AP) Amusing Amazon is so proud of its ebook device the Kindle that it doesn't want to disclose how many it has sold, but a spokesman assures reporters that it is in the "several dozens" at least (120)
(NJN) Obvious Study finds most cash-strapped Americans are willing to sacrifice everything except the internet (45)
(Yahoo) Asinine Wells Fargo to go ahead with lavish convention in Las Vegas for its top brokers. Why, yes, they did get $25 billion in federal bailout money, funny you should ask (65)
(The Atlantic) Interesting Poll shows that 40 percent of Japanese institutional investors think it's possible the US may default on its debt, fail to help Japan in event of attack by Rodan (33)
(Detroit Business News) Obvious California scores at bottom of fuel economy study, according to the National Institute of Duh (68)
(Komo) Unlikely Starbucks to begin offering Value Meals, dancing mermaids for the kids (36)
(Huffington Post) Asinine Senate budget chairman says Wall Street will need many more billions of dollars before it's solvent, promises to attach rider allowing taxpayers to inflict one free whipping to each CEO who takes a bailout (102)
(Independent) Obvious Global economy slows down, so people stop buying cheap Chinese crap. The result? Twenty-six million jobs lost in Beijing (59)
(IndyStar) Obvious More and more Americans realizing that borrowing money at 350% interest isn't really a good idea (147)
(Guardian.com) Strange Johnny Rotten can sell butter. Who knew? (27)
(NYPost) Asinine Having solved all their other problems, Citigroup sues All Citi Pawn shop for trademark infringement (26)
(Reuters) Silly Chinese see a funny side during the financial crisis. Jokes on them; we can't pay them back (25)
(Globe and Mail) Interesting In Canada, bankers EARN their bonuses (23)
(Houston Chronicle) Sad Mattel's profit statement about the size of a matchbox (17)
(CNN) Obvious Chrysler offering nothing of value to employees willing to leave the company. Yes, that means they're offering free Chryslers (36)
(Bloomberg) Scary If it quacks like a recession, I'd call it a recesssion. Aflac profit drops 48% (14)
(Daily Kos) Obvious How bad is it to work on Wall Street? "I'd almost rather say I'm a pornographer" (29)
(News.com.au) Asinine Woman saves boss's life, is given time off with pay, bonus, and personal thanks. Just kidding, she was fired (56)

Mon February 02, 2009
(Reuters) Amusing Slowing economy hits fashion models, may have to cut their daily diet to a quarter of an apple and just a couple of lines of coke (12)
(Gawker) Asinine Somewhere in a board room, an advertising agent has just convinced a financial company that tricking people into thinking their car has been vandalised will make them pick their products (23)
(News.com.au) Obvious The daily special you had for lunch at the diner was probably from yesterday (21)
(Gawker) Sad Serious money trouble at Vibe Magazine. Where's Peter Gibbons going to get his 40 subscriptions from? (36)
(UPI) Obvious Porsche cuts costs amid lagging demand...and it's not 1985 anymore (26)
(CBS San Francisco) Obvious Today's job cuts brought to you by Macy's... 7,000 (31)
(Daily Mail) Followup The Institute for Pulling Implausibly Large Numbers from Our Backsides says today's snowstorm will cost Britain (*touch pinky to mouth*) 4.2 BILLION dollars (13)
(Orlando Sentinel) Spiffy Don't forget your free Grand Slam breakfast at Denny's on Tuesday morning. Surely no one else will be there (92)
(LA Times) Followup Isuzu has officially bowed out of the United States car market. If I'm lying, may lightning hit my mother (72)
(Yahoo) Hero AP investigation finds that big bankers were trying to bring in foreign workers to occupy high-paying American jobs while they were screwing Grandma out of her retirement savings (81)
(International Herald Tribune) Scary How much is it going to cost to fix all the broken banks in the world? Here's a start: $4,000,000,000,000.00 (*Discover and Diners Club cards not accepted) (107)
(Bloomberg) Obvious General Motors likely to have their $7 billion tax bill wiped clean by Congress, and their ass powdered (45)

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