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Sun February 01, 2009
(Boston Globe) PSA If you lose your job in Massachusetts you may get a little extra bonus from the state -- a fine for losing your health insurance (54)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Old and busted: You making mortgage payments to your bank. New hotness: Bank making mortgage payments to you (11)
(London Times) Weird The newest craze in corporate team-building: Plane crashes (30)
(The New York Times) Interesting Paul Krugman uses Milton Friedman's economic theory to explain why spending is a better stimulus than tax cuts (166)
(Ebaum) Ironic Ebaum fired from Ebaum; new CEO drives off in Ebaum's big van with his logo all over it (108)
(Bloomberg) Cool Jamie Dimon is not living in denial: "I take full blame for all the American banks and all the things they did. God knows, some really stupid things were done by American banks." (38)

Sat January 31, 2009
(Boston Globe) PSA People who carry low balances on high limit credit cards to boost their credit scores are in for an unpleasant surprise (92)
(Yahoo) Stupid Nike says online sales are way up, as cost-conscious consumers try to save gas money when they buy horribly overpriced shoes made by kids (22)
(Yahoo) Interesting Tesla motors: Oh where, oh where can I build my new car? Oh where, oh where will that be? I wanted to build it in Silicon Valley, now that plan just won't work for me (30)
(CNN) Sad Job losses exceed 100,000 for this past week alone. You meant to submit this, but were too busy looking in the "want" ads (104)
(CNN) Sad Don't be surprised if you turn around and see a giraffe, sea lion, and tree frog in line behind you at the unemployment office (14)
(Internet News) Obvious AOL to cut 700 jobs, consider merger. If your mom works for AOL, maybe you have time to warner  T-Shirt (14)
(Autoblog.com) Fail Company promises first U.S.-built taxi since the Checker. From the looks of things, they are poised for as much success as America's other automakers (43)
(Some Guy) Sad Even the Amish are not immune to the effects of the recession (23)
(Baltimore Sun) Sad Suburban Federal in MD is the latest bank to be closed by the feds. No word on Expedition Savings or Navigator Bank & Trust (8)

Fri January 30, 2009
(CSMonitor) Obvious Don't panic about 401k plans. Here comes the finance (107)
(Bloomberg) Dumbass Hollywood attributes falling DVD sales to those newfangled "rentals" instead of the $25.00 sale price they started demanding after the Supreme Court said they could set price minimums (78)
(MSNBC) Obvious Coke decides to drop the "Classic" from its label, citing belief that young consumers find it "too stodgy." Wouldn't seem too stodgy if you'd been around to drink the Slurm residue back in 1985, you whippersnappers (281)
(BBC) Unlikely Bill Gates predicts downturn will last for 4 years, 640K should be enough memory for everyone (39)
(MSNBC) Unlikely Consumer confidence rises to a four-month high in January among Americans who have not yet been laid off, says new study by the Maybe If We Say It Online It'll Come True Institute (97)
(AP) Obvious In today's meeting, what to do with a $45.2 Billion profit. But first, THE WHORES (218)
(CNN) Spiffy A green economy will never produce as many jobs as the traditional energy economy, or will it? Wind industry now employs more than coal industry (117)
(Buffalo News) Stupid New York refuses to provide data to Carfax about junked use cars, citing privacy concerns. And by "privacy concerns" they mean they want more money (9)
(Yahoo) Scary In a desperate attempt to survive the current global economic crisis, Boeing lays off its entire landing gear manufacturing division. What could possibly go wrong? (31)
(NYPost) Spiffy Watch out, bankers - you done gone and pissed off Barack now: "That is the height of irresponsibility. It is shameful ... there will be time for them get bonuses. Now is not that time." (283)
(CNBC) Obvious Economists predict a fourth quarter GDP number of negative 5.6 percent. This is not good, sports fans (24)
(News.com.au) Obvious Oil prices rise above $45 on news that Jessica Simpson looks horrible in mom jeans (23)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Japan's seeing more zeros than WWII (29)
(Bizjournals.com) Obvious That former Circuit City near you just might re-open as a Best Buy store (58)

Thu January 29, 2009
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious Yesterday's feel good story about sales of pre-existing homes up by 6.5% dwarfed by today's new-home sales plunged by 14.7% story (57)
(Canada.com) Obvious New report from the Institute For The Stunningly Obvious finds house prices are still affordable provided you buy one in a shiathole where no sane person would want to live, like Detroit or Newfoundland (42)
(Reuters) Sad The company that which makes Jim Beam bourbon, Titleist golf balls and Moen faucets freezes corporate officers salaries and drops bonuses. CEOs to get drunk, play golf, and not give a shiat about some faucet (36)
(ABC News) Asinine Old and busted: Having your credit score go down because of not paying your bills. New Hotness: Your credit score and credit lines affected by where you shop (334)
(Canada.com) Unlikely Thanks to unemployment crisis, men in business suits are suddenly sexier to Canadians than firefighters, rock stars or models (28)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Nintendo cuts Wii sales forcast due to lower than expected sales over holidays. Perhaps if they were available in stores sales would have been higher (165)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Shell profits declined from $11 billion in the 3rd quarter to just $5.2 billion in the last quarter of 2008 as oil prices declined from "total assrape" to "mild sphincter massage" (18)
(WebProNews) Sad You know how you wish you could just stop dealing with dumb customers, yeah the guy that owns tshirthell.com can and just did (56)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Online security breaches cost companies $1 trillion last year, according to new study from Institute Of Rectally Extracted Statistics (7)
(BBC) Obvious Ford posts biggest loss in its history, raising fears among tow truck drivers and mechanics that company may go bankrupt and stop selling its crapmobiles, robbing their kids of their college funds (26)
(AJC) Interesting The average 401(k) balance went from $69,200 in 2007 to $50,200 last year losing an average of 27% in value, which is only half as bad as a divorce (43)
(AJC) Interesting Chick-Fil-A posts double digit sales growth despite the recession. CEO credits value menu and God (77)
(CBS New York) Asinine Mayor Bloomberg declares war on Salt. Pepa seen fleeing New York (130)
(Marketwatch) Interesting Will the global economic crisis destroy the dollar and force us to adopt a North American currency? You can bet your bottom Amero that it won't (196)

Wed January 28, 2009
(BBC) Obvious I'll have a venti triple-digit store closure, half-caf, 69% profit plunge, non-fat, 6,700 employee leaner cappuccino company please (75)
(Reuters) Misc Toyota recalls the Vitz due to its propensity to be used in filthy limericks (37)
(The New York Times) Sad It's tough times for gold diggers, too (173)
(Houston Chronicle) Stupid Bet you can't cheat just one (28)
(Wall Street Journal) Hero Spanish bank offers $1.82 Billion to its clients who were victims of Bernie Madoff (36)
(Reuters) Obvious Passengers on cruise ship stuck in ice are coping with situation best they can. PARTY (18)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Family decides to count number of credit card applications received in mail in a year, including those to sons, ages 8 and 11. Answer: 445. I think we've discovered how to save lenders some money (98)
(Some Car Guy) Stupid Problem: I am a douchebag, but my car doesn't effectively reflect how douchy I am. Porsche: We have a button for that (314)

Tue January 27, 2009
(BBC) Obvious Leading bank CEOs decide not to attend the World Economic Forum this year. Apparently the parties will not be up to the usual standard (9)
(Jalopnik) Obvious In a decision that is sure to devistate suburban moms and real-estate agents everywhere, GM halts production of the H2 (63)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting World's tiniest violin now playing for U.S. banks, which are complaining that customers are choosing to incur less ATM and check overdraft fees than they used to (56)
(CNBC) Followup Down goes Foreman, down goes Foreman - ShamWow wins CNBC's "As Seen On TV" championship bracket, knocking out Foreman Grill and becoming Greatest Of All Time (88)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Unless you live in Florida (44)
(Adweek) Stupid Coke Zero to remake the "Mean Joe Greene" commercial from 1980. Is nothing sacred?? (51)
(NYPost) Amusing Former Merrill Lynch CEO prays you won't hate him. "Here, take my money. Stop hitting me" (27)
(9 News) Obvious New feature on Mercedes Benz cars is a drowsy driver alert. Not to be outdone, Toyota reminds us of their smug driver alert feature on their Prius (39)
(AP) Spiffy Chocolate proves more recession-proof than alcohol: Hershey's reports 51% fourth quarter profit increase (35)
(AP) Spiffy Netflix 4Q profits up 45% as people realize they can stay home for roughly 3-5% of what it costs to go out (66)
(Guardian.com) Obvious The middle class is being hit worst by the collapse in asset values, because the rich have so much that losing a little doesn't bother them and the poor never had anything to begin with (151)

Mon January 26, 2009
(Yahoo) Interesting Verizon Wireless selling $250 device to help "improve" service inside your home (73)
(Gizmodo) Amusing Video games outsell DVD and Blu-Ray for the first time ever. I don't think you thought your cunning plan all the way through Sony (137)
(Marketwatch) Scary American Express reports 79% drop in income, suspects people are leaving home without it (37)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Spiffy Old and Busted: Family style restaurants. The New Hotness: Breastaurants (51)
(Some Guy) Obvious Twitter founder says they're not worried about making money, which is good considering they don't have any revenue streams (17)
(NYPost) Asinine Today's exhibit on why bailouts to companies are a bad idea...Citigroup upgrades its corporate jet at the low price of $50 million. Do you know how many beers that would buy to stimulate the economy? (47)
(1010WINS) Strange Gas station raises price to $4.89 a gallon. This is not a repeat from last summer, it is to protest against a zone pricing policy used by Exxon which charges different gas stations, different prices (25)
(AP) Obvious When asked how many car dealerships would close this year, the president of the National Auto Dealers Association replied, "well, let me talk to my manager, and I think you'll be pleased with the result" (35)
(Some Chick) Obvious Facebook surpasses MySpace as the preferred networking site to socially incriminate yourself (85)
(CNN) Hero Canon comes up with the best policy EVER (52)
(Forbes) Interesting Home Depot soon to have 7,000 fewer employees who just can't seem to help you find a simple four-inch galvanized lag screw (71)
(ABC News) Interesting Unexpected benefit of economy going into the toilet? Trips to tropical paradises are now so cheap even you can afford to go (39)
(Fox Business) Interesting Oil up to $46 a barrel on news that Blagojevich almost nominated Oprah Winfrey to become Senator (19)
(Canada.com) Obvious Canadian auto workers are more productive than U.S. and Mexican auto workers.... according to the Canadian Auto Workers union (22)
(Reuters) Dumbass CEO of failed Lehman Bros. sells his $13.3M mansion to his wife for $100. Hmmmm, nothing fishy going on around here (60)
(Politico) Unlikely If the stimulus doesn't work, welcome to a post-apocalyptic nightmare world where China and India rule and America is just an overgrown Albania (534)
(Marketwatch) Interesting Existing home sales rise 6.5% on news that it's pretty much a buy one, get one free at this point (57)
(CNN) Sad What major insurING and investING firm is cuttING 7,000 jobs, hopING to increase its savINGs? If you guessed Citigroup or AIG, better hope you're not one of those 7,000 (27)
(USA Today) Obvious Sprint drops 8,000 employees, calls (34)
(Some Guy) Obvious *bam* *pow* *smash* *boom* *sales* *slump* (15)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass British publisher does Nazi a problem with reprinting Third Reich newspapers for distribution in Germany. What dummkopfs (87)
(BBC) Stupid Congressional Republicans are starting to sour on the economic stimuWOOOO WOOOO LETS RUN THIS MOTHER INTO THE GROUND (181)
(Bloomberg) Cool What credit crisis? Pfizer tenders $68 billion acquisition of Wyeth. Suck it, pessimists (40)
(Yahoo) Fail 10 worst Cars of the Year. 8 are American, a 9th is American-made-in-Europe (84)

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