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(Headline T-Shirts are still available for archive links.)
Sun January 25, 2009
(Daily Express) Stupid In these testing economic times, if you're serious about getting a job, you'll need to pump your face full of botox (30)
(Reuters) Strange HJ Heinz to be acquired by Kraft or Unilever once credit markets become unstuck and start slowly, slowly flowing again (20)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida While the rest of the country argues over Yucca Mountain, one state is simply making a half square mile, 70 foot tall open air pile of radioactive waste (25)
(LA Times) Interesting Unintended problem of putting massive Airbus A380 into service? It completely shuts down airports as large as LAX so it has space to land (56)
(NYPost) Sad Gordon F*cking Ramsey's f*cking restaurant empire is in deep f*cking sh*t (42)
(The News & Observer (NC)) Strange Hello and welcome to the Jack-in-the-Box drive-thru. My name is Rajiv, I mean, Bob. How may I take your order please? (39)
(Independent) Stupid Union blocks unemployed bricklayer from taking job, as he had been unemployed for eight months and thus was no longer a union member (61)
(Bloomberg) Obvious SEC set to investigate Apple and the past year of "Steve Jobs is sick, not sick, dead, alive, only a flesh wound, cured, dead, sick again". In other news, Steve Jobs is too sick to comment, wait he's cured, oh he's sick again (27)
(CNN) Strange Video Professor urges Obama to fix housing debacle, try his product (33)
(London Times) Obvious Newly laid-off white-collar workers proving age-old maxim: Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach (70)

Sat January 24, 2009
(Globe and Mail) Cool Ontario Premier "Iron Balls" McGuinty considers harmonizing sales tax, juggling cats (23)
(Seattle Times) Sad Starbucks to lay off another thousand people, or possibly send them to work at the Starbucks across the street (35)
(NYPost) Interesting In the first concession to modern dress codes since opening as a speakeasy in 1922, ties for men at the hallowed '21' Club in NYC are now optional. EVERYBODY HABERDASH (36)
(Yahoo) Asinine March, 2008: Freddie Mac is "well capitalized." November 2008: "Um, we're totally well capitalized, but give us $14B just to be safe." Today: "HALP GIEV ME MOAR MONEY LIKE $30-35B PLZ" (44)
(CBC) Interesting Scottish-sounding distillery with Scottish-sounding CEO in Scottish-sounding town in province named after Scotland wins lawsuit against Scottish whisky makers who say their new whiskey sounds too Scottish. Everyone take a drink (19)
(CNBC) Interesting Meet the man who made $3.7 billion betting on the complete collapse of the financial system. Here come the calls for his head (92)

Fri January 23, 2009
(CBC) Misc Lobster industry feeling pinch of recession, trying to claw back to profitabilty, you submitted this with lemon juice and a butter headline (25)
(SLTrib) Interesting COBRA is too pricey for many laid off workers. Their only hope is G.I. Joe (79)
(Newsarama) Sad Alfred E. Neuman starts to worry a bit, MAD magazine goes quarterly (74)
(MSNBC) Sad Still hoping to retire one day? Don't get your hopes up (50)
(News.com.au) Interesting Fruit grower uses bagpipes to scare fruit bats away from orchard, annoy neighbors across countryside (5)
(Bloomberg) Scary Hey, Capital One. What's in your wallet? Answer: $1.4 billion less than last quarter (10)
(Huffington Post) Interesting GE profit falls 46%, contemplate selling off Sheinhardt Wig Company in order to drum up capital (15)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Amusing CNBC explains the "green" economy: "The Whole Country Needs A Bong Break" (39)
(Yahoo) Asinine After signing on as CEO of Yahoo for an offer reportedly around $38Mil, Carol Bartz does the responsible thing in this time of economic uncertainty....She freezes the salaries of everyone (82)
(SMH) Fail If you're planning a week-long series of promotional events to boost tourism to your country, try not to schedule it at the same time as any other major happenings, such as the presidential inauguration (8)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Asinine Bank of America takes recent bailout money, gives it to its management as bonuses, and pats itself on the back for a job well done (162)
(Chicago Tribune) Misc Harley to cut 1,100 jobs as 4Q profit falls; Davidson reportedly nervous (33)
(Mirror.co.uk) Interesting Credit crunch "will set women back 20 years." Aw - you're not mad, are you, hun? (53)
(NPR) Sad Old and busted: hiding mass layoffs by announcing them on Inauguration Day. Big Blue and busted: not announcing them at all (15)
(WFAA) PSA 500 UPS employees find out what pink can do for them  T-Shirt (22)
(Reuters) Interesting Luxury adventure holiday providers weathering the faltering world economy. Lower income folks risk taking by poking bears with sticks, drunk driving, or eating off the Hardee's dollar menu  T-Shirt (31)
(Bloomberg) Obvious The $1.2 trillion hedge fund industry just became the $750 billion hedge fund industry (14)
(CNN) Cool Google beats Wall Street estimates. Estimates wonder why they keep getting beat (15)
(CNN) Amusing T. Boone Pickens calls for $150B wind energy program. And by "wind energy" he means "his pocket" (58)
(Yahoo) Obvious Lane Bryant likely to shut down in 2009. Oh the Hugewomanity (40)

Thu January 22, 2009
(Silicon Alley Insider) Obvious Playboy consolidating print and Web editions, still trying to figure out how to compete with endless supply of free porn, availability of natural girls not airbrushed beyond recognition (29)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Interesting Ben Affleck offers surprisingly cogent thoughts on the financial meltdown and the bailout. Matt Damon available for comment, but can only say MAAAATT DAAAAMON (66)
(Brandweek) Cool Domino's tells Subway to go suck it by setting fire a cease-and-desist letter on national TV (155)
(CNBC) Asinine Why is Merrill Lynch in Trouble. Maybe because the CEO spent $1.22 Million to refurbish his office, including $35,115 for a commode on legs (84)
(CNN) Misc Fortune's list of 100 best companies to work for along with available positions for you to drool over while you sit in your cubicle (30)
(Spiegel) Cool New Porsche Museum lets you enjoy the beauty and power of Porsche without the douchebaggery of Porsche owners (33)
(The Consumerist) Interesting Circuit City employee dishes on the liquidation: Yes, the prices suck. No, they can't change them. And please, don't gloat or make fun--when they close, all you have left is Best Buy (132)
(Some Guy) Sad The latest car manufacturer to fail? Checker Motors, who hasn't built a car since 1982 (25)
(MSNBC) Scary Congress mildly concerned that next stage of banking bailout has $3-4 trillion estimated price tag (215)
(MacWorld) Spiffy Global recession and Steve Jobs' health send Apple reeling. Just kidding; company posts record profits, jump in stock price, increased iPod sales and all-time levels of smug (95)
(All Things Digital) Interesting Microsoft feels economic pinch, will shed 5,000 jobs over the next 18 months so that Steve Ballmer can afford to blow his nose with $100 bills, not $20s (126)
(Bloomberg) Asinine Sony projects record operating losses upon receiving word that consumers don't like overpriced hardware that may or may not be outdated in the near future (23)
(AP) Interesting California home prices fall to median price of $249,000, a 38% drop over a year ago (61)
(My Way News) Fail Because Time Warner has been so successful over the years, especially after the AOL merger, former CEO Richard Parsons has been picked as the new chairman for Citigroup (10)
(Telegraph) Interesting Why did banking stocks tank on Tuesday and rebound on Wednesday? Blame this guy (18)
(The Trumpet) Obvious Kiss your high standard of living goodbye, Californians. "The state is spending so much money that Governor Schwarzenegger could fire every single California civil servant and still not come close to balancing the budget" (177)
(Yahoo) Dumbass CEO of JP Morgan buys $11.5M of stock in his company. Well, if you plan to go down with your ship you might as well be on board (27)

Wed January 21, 2009
(LA Times) Obvious EBay posts first-ever quarterly drop in sales, just in time to ruin any chance Meg Whitman may have had at a successful political career (21)
(Wall Street Journal) Scary UK pound plummets to $1.36, lowest level since 1985. On the bright side, tons of tourists will now find it affordable to visit Britain this January, eating in legendary British restaurants and buying quality British high-tech goods (41)
(CNN) Sad United Airlines to cut 1,000 jobs, impose passenger pressurization fees (14)
(CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth) Dumbass Exxon CEO says gas prices are too low. Also thinks kittens are ugly and beer is bad (117)
(Some Guy) Dumbass What do you call your console when the second place console sold more than double what you sold at Xmas? If you're Sony you call it being the "industry leader" (193)
(Some Guy) Amusing Zsa Zsa Gabor and her husband, Prince Frederic von Asshat, face financial ruin after he convinced her to bet everything on Madoff. Either that or he is just attention whoring again (39)
(International Herald Tribune) Sad General Motors loses title of "world's largest automaker" to Toyota, gets demoted to Colonel Motors (37)
(CNBC) Followup CNBC "As Seen On TV" tournament down to the Sweet 16, with eagerly anticipated Oxiclean v. Shamwow battle beginning today. Duke sucks (69)
(Yahoo) Amusing United Airlines has grown tired of losing money due to fuel prices being too high, decides to lose money due to fuel prices being too low instead (21)
(CNN) Interesting Good-paying jobs in which you work less than 40 hours a week. Also known as "jobs you can't have." Not yours (68)
(Gawker) Asinine Dear employees. We know we just laid off 3,000 of you and we want each of you to take a week unpaid time off, but I want you to know we feel your pain. Now watch this drive (37)
(The Local (Germany)) Scary Germany expects worst recession since World War II, ponders annexing the Sudetenland (39)
(Gizmodo) Obvious SEC investigating Apple for the way it handled news about Steve Jobs' health (79)
(MSN) Interesting Should you prepare your own tax return? Or should you entrust it to some part-time chucklehead at a tax firm who took a course? Take the quiz (90)
(Expatica) Obvious Despite the best efforts of committees, bureaucrats, consultants, vendors and vermin, Europe's multi-national, multi-lingual, bi-directional, synchronized and transactional security database has managed to fail (6)
(Guardian.com) Sad Luxury fish-and-chips chain files for bankruptcy. In related news, there is a luxury fish-and-chips chain (though not for long) (18)
(Baltimore Sun) Ironic Car thefts are down because nobody can afford to buy the stolen cars. Which probably isn't ironic, but I'm going with it anyway (23)
(Reuters) Followup You know that guy who ran off after losing $350 million of his investor's money? Turns out he was "America's Top Ranked Money Manager." (33)

Tue January 20, 2009
(The Consumerist) Scary Eaten out lately? You may be one of the over 100 million credit card transactions compromised by spyware at a payment processor (126)
(Some Guy) Scary Even the stores that sell the goods from stores that go out of business are going out of business (18)
(The New York Times) Obvious Car manfacturers are listening to proposals to equip cars with social networking technology like Facebook. What could pos.... Michael is wrapped around a tree (33)
(Yahoo) Obvious Bose to cut 1,000 jobs on news that you can get much better audio equipment for much less than they charge (104)
(AP) Obvious Not to be outdone by Clear Channel Inc., Warner Brothers tries to avoid bad press by announcing massive firings on Inauguration Day (12)
(BBC) Silly "Speedball" brand beer may be banned in UK because it might confuse people into thinking that beer killed John Belushi and River Phoenix (34)
(C|Net) Interesting Logitech announces plans to right-click, delete 600 jobs (16)
(LA Times) Interesting Barack Obama to let states make their own automobile emissions rules. But it will be fine because the government can always bail out carmakers who have a tough time building cars to 50 different standards (78)
(Some Guy) Obvious Despite agreeing to freeze prices when they merged, Sirius/XM are planning on raising prices. Seriously, did anyone NOT see this coming? (114)
(InformationWeek) Fail Wanted: People to write fake reviews for our crappy products on Amazon. Must be able to mark others' negative reviews as "unhelpful". Apply at Belkin International (78)
(NYPost) Sad Redevelopment might eat Coney Island's 92 year old Nathan's Famous hot-dog stand faster than that guy from Japan who comes over to pig out every 4th of July (22)
(Independent) Followup The internets have done it again: Polaroid is saved (36)
(Reuters) Dumbass Bank of Ireland CEO takes a look around at the mess he's made of the Irish economy and says "I think now is a good time to retire." (7)
(Boston Herald) Scary Do you bank with Citzens? Congratulations, you invested in subprime mortgages and Credit Default Swaps. Your bank is now owned by the British Government (22)
(Bloomberg) PSA Failing, Toyota is. New leadership, Toyoda will bring, mmhm  T-Shirt (52)
(The Morning Call) Obvious Apple's new iTunes pricing won't save music lovers money, but it will put more cash in record companies pockets (54)
(International Herald Tribune) Obvious Dick Cheney's master plan of destroying the economy so people would have to join the military for jobs is now coming to fruition (187)

Mon January 19, 2009
(Telegraph) Followup That news story about the dream job of being caretaker on the Great Barrier Reef? Yeah, viral marketing designed to distract you from the flocks of deadly flying venomous kangaroos (15)
(Times Argus) Sappy Fed may bail out Vermont maple producers. How sweet (35)
(CBC) Asinine To ensure that outstanding balances can be paid off in these troubled times, credit card companies are... increasing rates? (94)
(The Local (Sweden)) Strange Lingonberry farmers have their lingonberries in a twist over planned U.S. lingonberry sanctions. Lingonberry (28)
(The Consumerist) Asinine Spirit tries to charge $90 cancellation fee for passengers it had flown to the Hudson River (86)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious College graduates face one of the worst job markets in years, and not just the liberal arts majors (138)
(kenosha news) Strange Somehow, I don't think a story about "mortician turned Subway restaurant owner" is going to bring in the business (17)
(BBC) Scary UK unemployment rating upgraded from "Spare me some tea & crumpets guv'nor?" to "Surplus of toothless hookers" (17)
(London Times) Spiffy Mexican billionaire comes to the rescue of The New York Times. That sound you heard was Lou Dobbs' head exploding (42)
(Yahoo) Obvious Liz Ryan is competing with Ric Romero with questions to never ask at a job interview. Examples include: Am I going to go through a backgrond check and whether or not there is a drug test (29)

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