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(Headline T-Shirts are still available for archive links.)
Sun January 18, 2009
(Del Marbrook) Interesting As print news dies, how to pay for web news? (57)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Girls - Earn $10k in 9 months (25)
(AJC) Silly Inventor of Gatorade furious that company is changing the drink's name to "G" (60)
(LA Times) Ironic The death of Circuit City attracts customers (57)
(London Times) Sad Aston Martin can't pay their bills. Hopefully, Q has something up his sleeve (32)

Sat January 17, 2009
(CNBC) Amusing CNBC unveils 64-product "As Seen On TV" championship bracket, including top seeds Thighmaster, Foreman Grill, Girls Gone Wild, and The Clapper. Whoa, BluBlockers is only #15 (75)
(CBC) Followup Canada would like to remind all U.S. Americans that its Circuit City stores are still open for business and have no plans to liquidate. Yet (47)
(Network World) Obvious Here we go again: Microsoft has taken Park Place, but the EU is gunning for Boardwalk. Opera sits in the corner, nuzzling B&O (106)
(London Times) Obvious Barclays Bank is worth about as much as a packet of crisps. Bullet Tooth Tony is on the case (12)
(Bloomberg) Florida Today's hedge-fund manager disappearing after losing $350 million is... Arthur Nadel (52)
(Reuters) Sad Hertz, don't it? (27)
(MSNBC) Interesting Let us pay our respects to the pickle on the Heinz ketchup bottle (56)
(Wall Street Journal) Asinine Clear Channel Communications clears out 7 percent of its employees, plans to syndicate Ryan Seacrest radio show to even more stations to fill void of crappy music and on-air douchebaggery (45)

Fri January 16, 2009
(Yahoo) Interesting Six-Figure jobs you don't need a degree for. Nigerian prince strangely absent (46)
(Gawker) Fail Wall St. bigshots are about as good at being funny as they are at keeping the economy healthy and robust (14)
(LA Times) Obvious Chrysler kills the PT Cruiser. Fat, balding guys and 60-something blond hottie-wannabes everywhere shed a tear (84)
(Yahoo) Stupid Steve Jobs' cancer may have returned, say doctors using the Bill Frist pull-a-diagnosis-out-of-my-ass method (59)
(Marketwatch) Scary Everyone expecting a tax refund take one step forward. Whoa, not so fast there Californians (236)
(Bloomberg) Amusing Want to make a few bucks in this tough economy? Rent out your house for porn shoots (42)
(BBC) Scary After losing $8.29 billion last quarter, Citigroup to split into two companies, each of which will only lose $4.145 billion next quarter (22)
(The Local (Sweden)) Obvious Ace reporter Riik Römeerö finds out unemployed people lie to the unemployment office about job-seeking in order to keep their unemployment benefits (26)
(SeattlePI) Spiffy Enter Pabst Blue Ribbon beer can art contest for cash, possibility of your work being featured. Don't let possibly of winning year's supply of PBR deter you (19)
(CNN) Dumbass Former six-figure mortgage broker applying for part-time retail job tells CNN, "It feels very degrading, some of the places I'm applying. I'll take anything at this point." That should help (86)
(BBC) Scary Zimbabwe unveils Z$100 trillion note. That's $30/£20 (£25 if you're reading this after lunchtime) (120)
(WTOP) News Circuit City blows fuse, liquidating assets, laying 35,000 employees off (442)
(Reuters) Obvious CSPI sues Coca Cola over Vitamin Water claims, points out sugar is not a vitamin (30)
(NPR) Obvious YES WE CAN (exploit Obama campaign imagry in advertisments and branding) (52)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Fail Star Tribune files for Chapter 11. More details in here and here (26)
(Marketwatch) Obvious 30-year mortgages fall below 5%. The fact that no one can qualify for a mortgage might be the reason (96)
(Washington Post) Followup Bank of America stole $120 billion whilst you slept. I thought robbery was illegal? (96)

Thu January 15, 2009
(MSNBC) Obvious Countryside Home Loans in court: You know all that stuff we say in our ads about how we're going to work to help you out with your mortgage? Yeah, that's bullshiat (53)
(Guardian.com) Interesting British government approves plans for sixth terminal and third runway at Heathrow, enabling BA to increase its baggage loss by at least 20% (18)
(Guardian.com) Strange Deutsche Post buys stake in Deutsche Bank so Deutsche Bank can buy Deutsche Post subsidiary Postbank. New entity will be know as DeutscheDeutschePostPostbankBank (26)
(Wall Street Journal) Scary Smurfit-Stone to file for bankruptcy due to financial crunch, weakening sales of cardboard boxes. Oh for smurfin' smurf's sake (26)
(Advertising Age) Interesting Coke to unveil a new tagline, "Open happiness," to replace its current slogan since 2006, "The corn syrup water side of life" (45)
(Reuters) PSA Kellogg's pulls peanut butter snacks from shelves after discovering Keebler elves fail to wash hands after each bathroom break (57)
(Gizmodo) Amusing To protest the over-photoshoppery of ad images, some guys paste giant stickers of photoshop toolbars onto subway ads (115)
(Bloomberg) Sad Black Angus Steakhouse files for bankruptcy. Something about going broke buying letter G's to fix their constantly vandalized signs (177)
(Marketwatch) Interesting Oil falls to $37 a barrel on report of soft Corinthian leather shortage (33)
(The Morning Call) Stupid No wonder Quiznos is so expensive -- they're paying a million bucks for an ounce of meat (79)
(NYPost) Obvious Manhattan loses its last virgin (77)
(CNN) Fail After announcing multi-billion dollar deal to acquire Merrill Lynch, Bank of America is announcing they need a government bailout to acquire Merrill Lynch (70)
(Wired) Interesting What the American car manufacturers can learn from the Japanese toilet industry, before they go down the drain completely (15)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Interesting Second richest man in the world is finally the master of his domain after winning it back from Indonesian squatter, who demanded $55 million or he'd route his connect requests to Pornville (14)
(Wall Street Journal) Scary Foreclosures skyrocket 81% in 2008. How's that "Ownership Society" working out for you? (94)
(Gizmodo) Asinine As if you needed another reason to hate American Idol, AT&T is spamming customers with AI text ads (21)

Wed January 14, 2009
(Gizmodo) Interesting iLeave (119)
(Des Moines Register) Asinine Dear employees. We know working in the newspaper business can be stressful so we're giving everyone an extra week off Oh and we're not paying you for it (24)
(CNN) Asinine According to New York law, internet advertising (aka "click-throughs") amount to solicitation of business (58)
(Detroit News) Interesting Toyota managers voluntarily buying their cars to lift sales. US automaker managers agree to do the same, until they realize it means they'd have to buy their cars (70)
(NPR) Fail Wonder about GM's life after government investment? Listen to Vice Chairman Bob Lutz shiat a farking brick that he "can't stay in a decent hotel" anymore (99)
(Canada.com) Sad North America's largest maker of telephony equipment files for bankruptcy, surprising investors who thought it went bankrupt years ago (26)
(Some Guy) Scary Schindler Elevator cuts 25% of its workforce. List not released yet  T-Shirt (26)
(Marketwatch) Sad There's no way we'll have a recovery in 2009 (65)
(Forbes) Cool The worst of the recession is behind us, and we're primed for a recovery in 2009 (38)
(Yahoo) Spiffy If you ever wanted to star in your own cruise ship "passenger falls overboard" story, the good news is that it just got a lot cheaper to get on the boat (11)
(Daily Mail) Strange The credit crunch: It's all David Bowie's fault. Wait... what? (42)
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles) Fail L.A. Times figures now's a great time to raise their daily price by a quarter (26)
(Wall Street Journal) Spiffy Citigroup is breaking up faster than ice in the Northwest passage. All hail deregulation by market forces (43)
(Reuters) Sad Oracle cuts 500 jobs, if only there was someone who could have foreseen this (15)

Tue January 13, 2009
(MSN) Spiffy "The person's score could be unchanged; it could go down. Or in some cases, it could go up." Says hard hitting analysis on new credit scoring system (84)
(Forbes) Sad Pfizer pfires 800 unpfortunate scientipfic stapf (32)
(OC Reg) Amusing How do you sell 54 Lamborghinis in 8 days? Well fraudulently, duh (26)
(Autoblog.com) Obvious Lotus delays next James Bond supercar to A) Fit cooler weapons. B) Find more room for suggestively named vixens. C) Make it a hybrid (27)
(Crains Chicago) Stupid Chicago Tribune adding tabloid format Monday. One thing Chicagoans don't like, is change, so expect a fail tag followup (17)
(Dallas News) Asinine Neiman Marcus realizes maybe people aren't interested in lifesize Lego figures, football endzones and other luxury crap in this recession, is forced to cut 400 jobs (14)
(Yahoo) Interesting Yahoo rumored to be hiring an extremely hittable CEO (37)
(MSN) Interesting Ten investing tips from Warren Buffett. Surprisingly, "stick money in mattress" not one of them (31)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Avon ladies becoming popular in England as respectable businesswomen are sacked and forced to find new line of work (18)
(Google) Interesting Citigroup in discussions with Morgan Stanley to create the world's largest bankrupt brokerage in search of a handout (13)
(CNN) Interesting Bernanke says Bush's stimulus moves are better than Obama's, the clockwise swirl is preferred over the pinch (18)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting Spending $30 billion of the stimulus plan on new electric and broadband infrastructure will transform the US economy, not just prop it up for a while by cutting everybody a $500 check to spend on crap made in China (85)
(SFGate) Scary Another sign of the pending economic apocalypse: Consumer Electronics Show attendance down 23% from last year (32)
(Yahoo) Asinine Bernanke says Government action key to recovery. In other news: The Fed orders 100 more printing presses (24)
(The Local (Germany)) Scary German grocery store chain plans big push into American market, hopes to attract shoppers who find Wal-Mart too suave and sophisticated (85)
(Yahoo) Interesting Oil falls below $37 a barrel. Remember a time when this would have been fantastic news? (65)
(CBC) Spiffy Panel recommends national securities regulator for Canada, which will make things much easier for Canada's sole corporation Tim Hortons (20)
(Forbes) Scary How bad is the housing market? Forbes Magazine has named Syracuse, NY, which is selling abandoned houses for $1, the third strongest housing market in the country (28)
(NYPost) Amusing Web site set up to promote Coney Island now links to Boney Island. The rides are probably better, at least (6)
(Reuters) Obvious Tarragon files for bankruptcy. Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme up for auction at Scarborough Fair (17)
(3 News New Zealand) Asinine Hey, let's bottle normal tap water and call it "Energized tap water" (38)
(Salon) Followup Pootie-poot passes gas to Europe (34)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Sony may report their first operating loss in fourteen years on news that not lowering the price on the PS3 was a really, REALLY dumb idea (151)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious Chrysler dealers not interested in company's new vehicles being shoved down their throats. "We don't see any peak coming up where all of a sudden Chryslers are going to be desired" (36)
(Motorweek) Fail A soon-to-be-former Honda engineer explains that Honda's new hybrid doesn't get as good mileage as the older Civic model, because they weren't going for that 'label' (82)

Mon January 12, 2009
(BBC) Misc German government agrees to $50 billion stimulus package in order to avert worst recession since WWII. Poland looking around nervously (15)
(Herald Tribune) Florida If this "shot in a pouch" thing catches on, we'll never be able to laugh at Canadians for drinking milk out of bags again (29)
(Denver Post) Fail Now you have a friend in the bankruptcy business (46)
(Some Guy) Amusing After exploiting cheap Chinese labor to sell *insert product here* to every American for less than $25, Wal-Mart exec fears people don't have a "desire for consumption" anymore (181)
(Reno Gazette-Journal) Obvious Dominos to close and reopen 7 shops. It's like they're knocking them down then setting them up again (34)
(Guardian.com) Unlikely The source of recent economic instability has finally been located: it's all Beyonce's fault (66)
(CNBC) Interesting What if you could have the #1 commercial without even breaking a sweat? What if someone else made it for you for free? (15)
(LA Times) Asinine Luxury suites. Shopping sprees. Four-star hotels. Ah, life at the California Avocado Commission (21)
(Jalopnik) Cool Every reveal from the first day of the Detroit Auto Show. Wait, there's still a Detroit Auto Show? (65)
(CBC) Spiffy US carmakers unveil new lineup of cars which are very, very fuel efficient when they sit at the dealership waiting for repairs (43)
(USA Today) Scary The second shoe drops in the real estate market. Chicken Little reports from his bunker that the commercial real estate market sky is falling (35)
(London Times) Scary Oil traders are hoarding so much oil they need to find five more supertankers to store the juice, the precious juice. Joseph Hazelwood hoping to be recalled for duty (62)
(Bloomberg) Sad If you're wearing a t-shirt sporting December's headline about Ford not needing a bailout, that was SO last month (18)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Deutsche Bank losses reveal that complicated financial instruments that create imaginary money through mathematical models does not lead to profit (23)
(Some Guy) Sad Equal files for bankruptcy. Sweeeeeeeeeeet (15)

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