(Del Marbrook)		As print news dies, how to pay for web news?	(57)
		Girls - Earn $10k in 9 months	(25)
		Inventor of Gatorade furious that company is changing the drink's name to "G"	(60)
		The death of Circuit City attracts customers	(57)
		Aston Martin can't pay their bills. Hopefully, Q has something up his sleeve	(32)

		CNBC unveils 64-product "As Seen On TV" championship bracket, including top seeds Thighmaster, Foreman Grill, Girls Gone Wild, and The Clapper. Whoa, BluBlockers is only #15	(75)
		Canada would like to remind all U.S. Americans that its Circuit City stores are still open for business and have no plans to liquidate. Yet	(47)
		Here we go again: Microsoft has taken Park Place, but the EU is gunning for Boardwalk. Opera sits in the corner, nuzzling B&O	(106)
		Barclays Bank is worth about as much as a packet of crisps. Bullet Tooth Tony is on the case	(12)
		Today's hedge-fund manager disappearing after losing $350 million is... Arthur Nadel	(52)
		Hertz, don't it?	(27)
		Let us pay our respects to the pickle on the Heinz ketchup bottle	(56)
		Clear Channel Communications clears out 7 percent of its employees, plans to syndicate Ryan Seacrest radio show to even more stations to fill void of crappy music and on-air douchebaggery	(45)

		Six-Figure jobs you don't need a degree for. Nigerian prince strangely absent	(46)
		Wall St. bigshots are about as good at being funny as they are at keeping the economy healthy and robust	(14)
		Chrysler kills the PT Cruiser. Fat, balding guys and 60-something blond hottie-wannabes everywhere shed a tear	(84)
		Steve Jobs' cancer may have returned, say doctors using the Bill Frist pull-a-diagnosis-out-of-my-ass method	(59)
		Everyone expecting a tax refund take one step forward. Whoa, not so fast there Californians	(236)
		Want to make a few bucks in this tough economy? Rent out your house for porn shoots	(42)
		After losing $8.29 billion last quarter, Citigroup to split into two companies, each of which will only lose $4.145 billion next quarter	(22)
		Ace reporter Riik Römeerö finds out unemployed people lie to the unemployment office about job-seeking in order to keep their unemployment benefits	(26)
		Enter Pabst Blue Ribbon beer can art contest for cash, possibility of your work being featured. Don't let possibly of winning year's supply of PBR deter you	(19)
		Former six-figure mortgage broker applying for part-time retail job tells CNN, "It feels very degrading, some of the places I'm applying. I'll take anything at this point." That should help	(86)
		Zimbabwe unveils Z$100 trillion note. That's $30/£20 (£25 if you're reading this after lunchtime)	(120)
		Circuit City blows fuse, liquidating assets, laying 35,000 employees off	(442)
		CSPI sues Coca Cola over Vitamin Water claims, points out sugar is not a vitamin	(30)
		YES WE CAN (exploit Obama campaign imagry in advertisments and branding)	(52)
		Star Tribune files for Chapter 11. More details in here and here	(26)
		30-year mortgages fall below 5%. The fact that no one can qualify for a mortgage might be the reason	(96)
		Bank of America stole $120 billion whilst you slept. I thought robbery was illegal?	(96)

		Countryside Home Loans in court: You know all that stuff we say in our ads about how we're going to work to help you out with your mortgage? Yeah, that's bullshiat	(53)
		British government approves plans for sixth terminal and third runway at Heathrow, enabling BA to increase its baggage loss by at least 20%	(18)
		Deutsche Post buys stake in Deutsche Bank so Deutsche Bank can buy Deutsche Post subsidiary Postbank. New entity will be know as DeutscheDeutschePostPostbankBank	(26)
		Smurfit-Stone to file for bankruptcy due to financial crunch, weakening sales of cardboard boxes. Oh for smurfin' smurf's sake	(26)
(Advertising Age)		Coke to unveil a new tagline, "Open happiness," to replace its current slogan since 2006, "The corn syrup water side of life"	(45)
		Kellogg's pulls peanut butter snacks from shelves after discovering Keebler elves fail to wash hands after each bathroom break	(57)
		To protest the over-photoshoppery of ad images, some guys paste giant stickers of photoshop toolbars onto subway ads	(115)
		Black Angus Steakhouse files for bankruptcy. Something about going broke buying letter G's to fix their constantly vandalized signs	(177)
		Oil falls to $37 a barrel on report of soft Corinthian leather shortage	(33)
		No wonder Quiznos is so expensive -- they're paying a million bucks for an ounce of meat	(79)
		Manhattan loses its last virgin	(77)
		After announcing multi-billion dollar deal to acquire Merrill Lynch, Bank of America is announcing they need a government bailout to acquire Merrill Lynch	(70)
		What the American car manufacturers can learn from the Japanese toilet industry, before they go down the drain completely	(15)
		Second richest man in the world is finally the master of his domain after winning it back from Indonesian squatter, who demanded $55 million or he'd route his connect requests to Pornville	(14)
		Foreclosures skyrocket 81% in 2008. How's that "Ownership Society" working out for you?	(94)
		As if you needed another reason to hate American Idol, AT&T is spamming customers with AI text ads	(21)

		iLeave	(119)
		Dear employees. We know working in the newspaper business can be stressful so we're giving everyone an extra week off Oh and we're not paying you for it	(24)
		According to New York law, internet advertising (aka "click-throughs") amount to solicitation of business	(58)
		Toyota managers voluntarily buying their cars to lift sales. US automaker managers agree to do the same, until they realize it means they'd have to buy their cars	(70)
		Wonder about GM's life after government investment? Listen to Vice Chairman Bob Lutz shiat a farking brick that he "can't stay in a decent hotel" anymore	(99)
		North America's largest maker of telephony equipment files for bankruptcy, surprising investors who thought it went bankrupt years ago	(26)
(Some Guy)		Schindler Elevator cuts 25% of its workforce. List not released yet	(26)
		There's no way we'll have a recovery in 2009	(65)
		The worst of the recession is behind us, and we're primed for a recovery in 2009	(38)
		If you ever wanted to star in your own cruise ship "passenger falls overboard" story, the good news is that it just got a lot cheaper to get on the boat	(11)
		The credit crunch: It's all David Bowie's fault. Wait... what?	(42)
		L.A. Times figures now's a great time to raise their daily price by a quarter	(26)
		Citigroup is breaking up faster than ice in the Northwest passage. All hail deregulation by market forces	(43)
		Oracle cuts 500 jobs, if only there was someone who could have foreseen this	(15)

		"The person's score could be unchanged; it could go down. Or in some cases, it could go up." Says hard hitting analysis on new credit scoring system	(84)
		Pfizer pfires 800 unpfortunate scientipfic stapf	(32)
(OC Reg)		How do you sell 54 Lamborghinis in 8 days? Well fraudulently, duh	(26)
(Autoblog.com)		Lotus delays next James Bond supercar to A) Fit cooler weapons. B) Find more room for suggestively named vixens. C) Make it a hybrid	(27)
(Crains Chicago)		Chicago Tribune adding tabloid format Monday. One thing Chicagoans don't like, is change, so expect a fail tag followup	(17)
		Neiman Marcus realizes maybe people aren't interested in lifesize Lego figures, football endzones and other luxury crap in this recession, is forced to cut 400 jobs	(14)
		Yahoo rumored to be hiring an extremely hittable CEO	(37)
		Ten investing tips from Warren Buffett. Surprisingly, "stick money in mattress" not one of them	(31)
		Avon ladies becoming popular in England as respectable businesswomen are sacked and forced to find new line of work	(18)
		Citigroup in discussions with Morgan Stanley to create the world's largest bankrupt brokerage in search of a handout	(13)
		Bernanke says Bush's stimulus moves are better than Obama's, the clockwise swirl is preferred over the pinch	(18)
		Spending $30 billion of the stimulus plan on new electric and broadband infrastructure will transform the US economy, not just prop it up for a while by cutting everybody a $500 check to spend on crap made in China	(85)
		Another sign of the pending economic apocalypse: Consumer Electronics Show attendance down 23% from last year	(32)
		Bernanke says Government action key to recovery. In other news: The Fed orders 100 more printing presses	(24)
		German grocery store chain plans big push into American market, hopes to attract shoppers who find Wal-Mart too suave and sophisticated	(85)
		Oil falls below $37 a barrel. Remember a time when this would have been fantastic news?	(65)
		Panel recommends national securities regulator for Canada, which will make things much easier for Canada's sole corporation Tim Hortons	(20)
		How bad is the housing market? Forbes Magazine has named Syracuse, NY, which is selling abandoned houses for $1, the third strongest housing market in the country	(28)
		Web site set up to promote Coney Island now links to Boney Island. The rides are probably better, at least	(6)
		Tarragon files for bankruptcy. Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme up for auction at Scarborough Fair	(17)
		Hey, let's bottle normal tap water and call it "Energized tap water"	(38)
		Pootie-poot passes gas to Europe	(34)
		Sony may report their first operating loss in fourteen years on news that not lowering the price on the PS3 was a really, REALLY dumb idea	(151)
		Chrysler dealers not interested in company's new vehicles being shoved down their throats. "We don't see any peak coming up where all of a sudden Chryslers are going to be desired"	(36)
(Motorweek)		A soon-to-be-former Honda engineer explains that Honda's new hybrid doesn't get as good mileage as the older Civic model, because they weren't going for that 'label'	(82)

		German government agrees to $50 billion stimulus package in order to avert worst recession since WWII. Poland looking around nervously	(15)
		If this "shot in a pouch" thing catches on, we'll never be able to laugh at Canadians for drinking milk out of bags again	(29)
		Now you have a friend in the bankruptcy business	(46)
(Some Guy)		After exploiting cheap Chinese labor to sell *insert product here* to every American for less than $25, Wal-Mart exec fears people don't have a "desire for consumption" anymore	(181)
		Dominos to close and reopen 7 shops. It's like they're knocking them down then setting them up again	(34)
		The source of recent economic instability has finally been located: it's all Beyonce's fault	(66)
		What if you could have the #1 commercial without even breaking a sweat? What if someone else made it for you for free?	(15)
		Luxury suites. Shopping sprees. Four-star hotels. Ah, life at the California Avocado Commission	(21)
		Every reveal from the first day of the Detroit Auto Show. Wait, there's still a Detroit Auto Show?	(65)
		US carmakers unveil new lineup of cars which are very, very fuel efficient when they sit at the dealership waiting for repairs	(43)
		The second shoe drops in the real estate market. Chicken Little reports from his bunker that the commercial real estate market sky is falling	(35)
		Oil traders are hoarding so much oil they need to find five more supertankers to store the juice, the precious juice. Joseph Hazelwood hoping to be recalled for duty	(62)
		If you're wearing a t-shirt sporting December's headline about Ford not needing a bailout, that was SO last month	(18)
		Deutsche Bank losses reveal that complicated financial instruments that create imaginary money through mathematical models does not lead to profit	(23)
(Some Guy)		Equal files for bankruptcy. Sweeeeeeeeeeet	(15)