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Sun December 07, 2008
(CBS Sacramento) Interesting Danish CEO wanted for fraud turns self in to Los Angeles police, escapes death when officers figure out he doesn't have a cream cheese center (15)
(London Times) Obvious Why Blockbuster is kicking Netflix's pasty ass (56)
(NYPost) Scary The economy is so bad that you can't even take a cab in Manhattan without the MBA-holding douchebag taxi driver begging you for a job (61)
(LA Times) Fail How to fix the Big Three's union problem: Unionize the foreign auto plants (131)
(Yahoo) Obvious Men wonder how long the recession will last, women wonder how deep it will go (22)

Sat December 06, 2008
(Google) Interesting Workers take over Chicago factory. Because company's creditor (bailout welfare whore Bank Of America) says not to pay them (205)
(CNN) Dumbass Idiot decides the best use of his time is standing on a street corner begging for a job instead of job searches and sending resumes (85)
(Yahoo) Interesting Microsoft taps former Yahoo exec to lead Web business. Bow chicka bow wow (13)
(The Local (Sweden)) Silly There are times when the photograph accompanying a news story sums it up so perfectly you don't need to read it, and other times they just throw in a random photo of a half naked Santa (15)
(Gizmodo) Sad Notorola (35)
(AJC) Sad This Friday's bank closure brought to you by Jackson, GA (6)
(London Times) Interesting Most conclusive evidence yet about how tough things are getting in America: sales of Spam are soaring (137)
(Yahoo) Interesting Seven consumer goods that cost less now than they did a decade ago (21)
(USA Today) News Congress and White House reach agreement for $15 billion bailout for Big 3 automakers (879)

Fri December 05, 2008
(CBC) Obvious While North America is shedding jobs, more people than ever required in the Yukon. Canadian government recommends you bring your driver's license so you can remember what sex you are when stuff freezes off (24)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Fail Microsoft Set To Miss Estimates For First Time Since 2000 - In All Five Divisions (43)
(The Consumerist) Interesting Blockbuster will try to slow the rapidly coming and totally inevitable death of it and other video stores by offering 99-cent DVD rentals next year (33)
(My Fox Kansas City) Followup Interstate Bakeries cleared to exit bankruptcy - Will rise to the occasion, and make some dough. I thought they were toast. Twinkie (41)
(Some Unafraid Passenger) Strange Two major U.S. airlines drop out of FAA safety program. So at least they have that going for them (17)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Interesting News Corp tells Yahoo it doesn't want Microsoft's sloppy seconds. Google then tells Yahoo that they just "got served," AOL drunk in the corner talking about the old days (10)
(CNN) Asinine Dow rallies on news of O.J. Simpson conviction. Let's face it, Wall Street has gone insane (26)
(The Consumerist) Asinine Congressmen in favor of auto bailout found to have ties to GM. Romero on the scene (90)
(Gawker) Dumbass Leveraged as massively as the amount of hairspray he puts on his comb-over, Donald Trump can't make a $40 million loan payment, so he countersues the lender (27)
(Huffington Post) Scary November lists worst job cuts in 34 years, and that's without the Detroit 3 going under. Subby can't wait until that months numbers (63)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Automakers have not mentioned pension benefits in the bail-out. For good reason (35)
(CNBC) Sad Alas, Boeing's 787 was but a dream. Thankfully, they have that air refueling tanker to fall back on. Oh, oops (18)
(CBS Miami) Obvious 1 in 10 American homeowners tried to live beyond their means (68)
(USA Today) Dumbass Now that all his banker friends have reneged on their pinky swear to help homeowners and used the bailout money to pay shareholders and execs instead, Bernanke is left alone to wonder what to do about foreclosure rates that continue to rise (70)
(UPI) Scary Canadian unemployment up to 6.3 percent or .5 percent U.S (46)
(Barron's) Obvious Intel plans to fire 6,000 workers. Unemployment Inside® (10)
(Fox News) Interesting The brainiacs who said oil would reach $200 a barrel now say it could go as low as $25. That's some fine economic work, Lou (36)
(Some Guy) Obvious Honda pulls out of F1 on news that it's not smart to waste millions of dollars in today's economy (42)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Spiffy Forget ammo and canned foods. Stock up on Jack Daniel's (27)
(CNN) Spiffy Oil nears four year low on news that Li'l Wayne is what passes for quality music these days (32)
(AZCentral) Misc Delta lays out new frequent flier rules, leaflet on famous Jewish sports legends (26)

Thu December 04, 2008
(Breitbart.com) Sad Rupert Murdoch's fin spotted circling in Denver (8)
(JSOnline) Silly Milwaukee businesses looking to print their own money. This will go badly (46)
(PCWorld) Dumbass Apple: "We have a ton of iPod shuffles in stock." Consumer: "iPod shuffles are lame." Apple: "Just kidding, we're running out of them because they're so popular." Consumer: "OMG I NEED THREE" (132)
(Vator.tv) Obvious Many people think the economic problem is related to debt. Thank you Captain Obvious (20)
(International Herald Tribune) Obvious China, realizing we're the ones who buy all their cheaply made crap, calls on the US to help avert a global recession (52)
(Bloomberg) Dumbass For the taypayers who still don't get that the message from AIG is "Go F*** Yourselves", the company's latest plan to show their arrogance is to double the salaries of senior managers who bankrupted the company (78)
(KESQ-3) Asinine Chrysler informs customers defunct dealer never transferred ownership on their trade-in's, so pay-up on both cars & give us our bail-out (37)
(MSNBC) Sad Aston Martin laying off 600 workers, will phase out their martini dispenser division (11)
(CNN) Interesting Spoiled Bratz (20)
(LA Times) Interesting GM to pull plug on saturn, hope to unplug uranus next with bailout money (89)
(Breitbart.com) Interesting ATT to cut 12,000 jobs as customers go wireless and dump landlines like they were on fire and covered with Ebola virus (39)
(Spiegel) Interesting The Recession hits Dubai. Oh dear, what will they do without artificial islands dredged from the ocean floor and opulent million dollar high rises? (72)
(Fox Business) Interesting Black Friday wasn't (54)
(Engadget) Interesting IPhone sales smugly exceed those of Windows Mobile devices for the first time (81)
(BBC) Interesting Nicolas Sarkozy whips out his stimulus package for France, which is sleek and fashionable but smells of garlic and unfiltered Galouises (10)
(CNBC) Misc Capital One to purchase Chevy Chase, no guarantee that he will stop making movies (24)
(Google) Asinine Old and busted: Government selling off ownership of bridges and toll roads. New hotness: Chicago selling off ownership of parking meters (38)
(News.com.au) Dumbass According to one member of the Australian government the cause of the global financial crisis is (a) too much regulation, (b) too little regulation or (c) Christians praying for global collapse? (19)

Wed December 03, 2008
(CNN) Obvious Rising costs could eventually put college "out of reach for most Americans" unless they win caddy scholarship (281)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Burger King goes to poorest parts of the world and conduct taste tests to "watch burger virgins take the first bite." Turns out, most impoverished villagers recoiled in disgust and horror (510)
(Miami Herald) Followup Phillip Morris is still arguing that just because you smoke every day and can't quit doesn't mean you're addicted to tobacco (87)
(MediaMemo) Obvious Fired newspaper reporters now reporting about getting fired. But they're not getting paid for it (8)
(The Consumerist) Asinine Monster Cable suing Monster Minigolf for trademark infringement. Makes sense because of how hard it is to distinguish between golf and yuppy douchebags (62)
(Think Progress) Scary From 1950 to 2006, the stock market moved 5% or more in one day a total of 34 times. In 2008 its happned 42 times (44)
(AFP) Obvious Just as investors think they've gotten through most of the shiat sandwich, the economy shows up with some Wonderbread and Ex-Lax (9)
(Globe and Mail) Hero In a stunning reversal, UAW president says they may agree to having some of their members not be paid for doing absolutely nothing (385)
(Marketwatch) Followup Home prices are now undervalued EVERYBODY PANIC (42)
(Examiner) Asinine "Chrysler exec: failure could spark depression." In other news, Philip Morris warns quitting smoking now greatly reduces your chance of looking cool (205)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Harvard's endowment loses $8 Billion, if only there was some sort of Business School they could go to (55)
(Google) Obvious Worker productivity revised higher for Q3 on news that worker drones work twice as hard after watching half their co-workers get kicked out on their ass (10)
(ABC News) Followup GM and Chrysler warn: 'There's no plan-b.' Well, perhaps they should have used a condom (297)
(The Consumerist) Sick Consumerist.com to Amazon.com: Why don't you have a seat over there? (29)
(Wired) Fail Just in time for the holidays, a $600 car-based GPS that takes 10 minutes to sync and has a year-old POI database (24)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Interesting The Biggest Losers: Russian oligarchs lose $230 billion in six months (9)
(Reuters) Sad So, after eight years, have the Bush tax cuts started paying for themselves? Neocons? Anybody? (231)
(CBS Miami) Obvious GM executive: "Bankruptcy is not an option"...making crappy cars no one wants to buy still on the table (41)
(Some Poor Guy) Asinine Citigroup doing its part to save taxpayer money, cutting the severance payments of the 52,000 employees they're laying off. Because, y'know, that new stadium in Queens ain't going to name itself (12)
(MediaMemo) Obvious Department of context-free statistics: Lots of people went to Web shopping sites on Monday (4)
(CNN) PSA Oil speculation is back with a vengeance, going as far as renting supertankers to sit full until they can get the price back up (20)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Amusing To make your federal bailout application easier, the government provides a new short-form application, EZ-CASH (5)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting RIM jobs safe for now, despite lower expectations (20)
(USA Today) Obvious The FDIC has discovered that banks may be unfairly using overdraft fees to pad their profits and take advantage of poorer customers (298)
(The Scotsman) Amusing Ho beats off global competition (3)
(C|Net) Scary If you're nervous about that Circuit City gift card you're getting for Christmas, just be glad it's not from Tweeter; customers who paid for merchandise can no longer get said merchandise (36)
(Telegraph) Cool Homeless in America being encouraged to move into foreclosed houses in ultimate win-win solution to economic crisis (52)
(Reuters) Asinine AIG, U.S in deal to terminate some debt obligations. Your student loans, not so much (58)
(Daily Kos) Scary Which year was the worst ever for the stock market? If you guessed 2008, collect your . . . oh, nevermind, it was transferred into a bank CEO's bonus (25)
(3 News New Zealand) Obvious 49 percent would like to have sex at an office Christmas party given the opportunity (49)

Tue December 02, 2008
(Reuters) Stupid This year's Top 10 Stupid Xmas gifts include screaming chicken and pole dancer alarm clock. $700 billion bailout to poorly run companies strangely absent (16)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Economic downturn has English considering trading their currency for one made by people who think stinky cheese is a good investment (39)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Interesting Thirteen tips for dealing with your laid-off friends (52)
(Dr. Nilsson) Misc Now let me get this straight, they put the cash in the coconut to bring the profits up? (16)
(Burlington Free Press) Fail Headline: 'Black Friday sees red'. First sentence of article: 'Sales records were broken'. It's not news, it's fear mongering (41)
(Marketwatch) Amusing Chicago has 10 new homeless shelters brought to you by Stove Top Stuffing (34)
(Free Press) Amusing McDonald's sends a McStrongly Worded Letter to the owner of Nicky D's (with photo of obvious trademark infringement) (48)
(Journal Times) Interesting Blockbuster, in an effort to make money, will now be selling concert tickets, their souls (9)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Fail Palm discloses plummeting sales, 40% below projections. Also announces name change to FacePalm (25)
(Bloomberg) Scary Bernanke hints he might just say "fark it, we're going to 0%" and then put the printing presses into high gear (220)
(MSNBC) Dumbass GM CEO bringing proof of GM's ineptitude with him to DC: A Hybrid car with a $4K price premium, but barely 2 MPG increase (386)
(Marketwatch) Interesting We'd like to welcome the pommy bastards to God's own airline and remind them we don't like stuck-up sticky-beaks here (10)
(Some Guy) Followup Ford, GM CEO's to take $1 salary (48)
(Yahoo) Followup Oil falls to $48 a barrel on news that Britney Spears, Madonna and Christina Aguilera won't be trading spit on stage anymore (16)
(Some Guy) PSA Check your credit card statements. It looks like someone got hacked (94)
(CTV) Fail Big Three automakers seeking bailout are ready to submit plans to Congress. "Build a decent car" curiously absent (15)
(Guardian.com) Asinine Want to emigrate to Britain? You'll have to a dirty, crappy, low-paying job that nobody there wants - like ship's officer, work rider, geologist, physics teacher, overhead linesman, or vet. Wait, what? (36)
(Google) Scary Plane passengers held hostage on Tarmac for nine hours, but it's all cool cause they got complimentary water and crackers (35)
(Mercury News) Obvious Napa wine museum files for bankruptcy. "We had a great museum, but you didn't come. Why didn't you come? Now we're bankrupt" - that and other great wines (12)
(BBC) Ironic Siberian ice-cream shops thriving despite economic downturn, minus 25 degrees (22)
(Some Guy) Obvious The Black Friday Ten: Retailers Who May Not See 2009 (75)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious Elderly retirement communities, buffeted by real estate fiasco, consider "desegregation": allowing breeders into their developments and onto their immaculate lawns (27)

Mon December 01, 2008
(C|Net) Misc Pownce bounced (10)
(Press-Enterprise) Obvious California declares a state of fiscal emergency. It's a good thing California residents elected a Governor with a background in economics and fiscal responsibility instead of that overpaid actor with the Humvee collection (205)
(The Consumerist) Dumbass Walgreens sells Plan B pills, but not without making you feel like a cheap, filthy whore first (320)
(The Consumerist) Amusing Washington Mutual -- the bank that went out of business due to mismanagement of their own money -- told Congress that adjustable-rate mortgages are safer, more consumer-friendly than fixed-rate mortgages (20)
(AP) Sad More bad news from the bad economy; to save money, Illinois will not drug test jobseekers in the Dept of Children and Family Services. Bad news unless you're an unemployed doper who likes kids (63)
(Seattle Times) Asinine JPMorgan to ax 80 percent of WaMu employees in Seattle, but not before inviting them onto "transition team" to help merge WaMu's business into theirs (27)
(CNN) Obvious You know things are bad when the DOW drops almost 700 points and there's no news-flash (103)
(Vator.tv) Stupid WSJ and NYT used to have exclusive photos. Now they just steal each other's stuff (10)
(Wall Street Journal) Amusing Twenty percent of country clubs may go out of business within five years. Well, the world needs ditch diggers too (36)
(Washington Post) Ironic Some shoppers make their layaway payments with a credit card. Now excuse me while I install this buggy whip holder in my automobile (23)
(CNN) Interesting Oil falls as OPEC officials defer production cuts to close meetings early, file bankruptcy (20)
(Bloomberg) Obvious U.S. entered a recession in December 2007. This message is brought to you by the Romero Board of Economic Statistics (75)
(Yahoo) Sad And the latest bank looking at a government buyout is... RBS (15)
(MSNBC) Spiffy Nissan says now it will attend the Chicago auto show if it can find a date (15)
(CNN) Obvious You might want to sit down for this, but it looks like the stock market may be in for a weak December (21)
(Reuters) Spiffy Credit industry may cut two trillion lines. That's a lot of coke (40)
(USA Today) Interesting Gordon Brown promises that he will do everything possible to keep UK Woolworths open through Xmas. In other news, there's A) a Woolworths in the UK and B) it's still open (19)
(BBC) Scary With a proven track record in safety and quality control, China moves into the commercial aircraft business (71)
(Daily Kos) Scary "I started digging into the details and unless I'm badly mistaken people are going to be starving in 2009 over causes and conditions being set down right now. It's a complex, interlocking issue . . ." (45)
(CFO.com) Fail Fannie Mae hires a new CFO, their third this year. Bonus: He doesn't know what "due diligence" means and is plagued with scandal. Perfect fit (10)
(London Times) Interesting Ryanair boss circles and swirls, pokes and probes, contemplates taking another lick at Aer Lingus (15)

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