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Sun October 12, 2008
(ABC News) Obvious In-N-Out debunks text-message-driven rumors of 25-cent hamburgers being added to menu to honor company's 60th anniversary (34)
(Wall Street Journal) Misc Before GM dated Chrysler, it had the hots for Ford (26)
(ABC News) Obvious Ric Romero weighs in on topic of the day: "There's no doubt there's a credit crunch out there" (15)
(LA Times) Dumbass The real problem the banks have. They can't prove they own any specific mortgage since they're all jumbled together (73)
(The Consumerist) Obvious Ticketmaster is an evil monopoly that steals from defenseless consumers and must be destroyed (46)
(News-Leader.com) Spiffy Boy Scout Law: A scout is always tight, lucre-loving, hard-fisted, frugal, covetous, keen, staked, close, thrifty, banked, parsimonious, rapacious (44)
(CNBC) Interesting Sit back, relax, and let investing legend Kenneth Heebner of CGM mutual funds reassure you about long-term investing. The end is not nigh (31)
(Some Guy) Obvious Virgin turns down $1,000,000 for out-of-this-world sex (77)
(Charleston.net) Obvious The economy really is rocket science (32)

Sat October 11, 2008
(Seattle Times) Followup U.S. Treasury will buy non-voting shares in banks. Because if there's one thing the Federal government hates, it's voting (64)
(The Register) Asinine Investment advisors find America's most overpaid executives, who received $74 million for leading their company into a $29 billion loss in 2007. Surprisingly, they don't work in the financial sector (26)
(MSN) Caption What is Henry Paulson whispering to Ben Bernanke? (voting enabled) (166)
(ICNetwork) Obvious Sir Alan bags shrunken Woolies (9)
(globeinvestor.com) Interesting ♬ I got me a Chrysler, it's as big as a whale ♪ and it's about to merge with GM ♬ (85)

Fri October 10, 2008
(Marketwatch) Fail Two more banks (58)
(Telegraph) Obvious Now's the time to invest in mackerel (72)
(C|Net) Asinine Verizon Wireless to begin charging $.03 for every message sent to a Verizon Wireless device. Bonus: The sender gets charged, not the recipient (72)
(Yahoo) Amusing USA Today single-copy price raised to $1, because good journalism costs money (25)
(Huffington Post) Amusing You know the markets were crazy today when you find a toupee on the trading floor (15)
(LA Times) Interesting Illegal alien homeowners have lower delinquency rate than US citizens (65)
(ClusterStock) Dumbass NYSE and Nasdaq want to ban short selling in any stock that closes down more than 20 percent. Next up: Edict that stocks must go up... OR ELSE (22)
(News.com.au) Scary Oil falls below $80 a barrel on news that Americans are spending all their money on ammunition and Campbell's soup (34)
(Times Online) Obvious Morgan Stanley going down like the drinks its employees will be having at the bars tonight (21)
(Some Guy) Video Alec Baldwin's professional opinion of the market (27)
(Yahoo) Interesting Forbes recalculates list of wealthiest Americans in wake of financial crisis and stock market collapse, reveals that Buffett has overtaken Gates as USA's richest man, breaking 15-year deathgrip (77)
(MSNBC) Obvious Dow closes with a loss of only 100 points. Everyone have a great weekend, get plenty of rest because there's a whole lot of panicking still to be done (58)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious Now that Congress is grilling people who led us into the financial crisis, it's a good time to put Sen. Dodd on the witness stand (244)
(Fox Business) Obvious For some unexplained reason, Ford CFO thinks now is a good time to retire (15)
(BusinessWeek) Interesting Facing bankruptcy, Iceland considers selling all its words to Ikea for product names (19)
(ClusterStock) Obvious Another thing your $700 billion bailout package is buying for Wall Street: $1000 lap dances (123)
(Yahoo) Amusing Remember when Microsoft offered to buy Yahoo for $33 per share? Remember when Yahoo said it massively undervalued the company? Yeah, there is now a group of investors asking Microsoft to buy them for $22 per share (26)
(CNN) Dumbass This just in: Venezuela shuts down all McDonald's restaurants for 48 hours. When asked for comment Hugo Chavez said, "Robble robble." (118)
(ClusterStock) Amusing Jamaica's central bank says you should just chill out, mon (11)
(London Times) Interesting Why the recession is a blessing in disguise. And not just because it makes roads safer (35)
(BusinessWeek) Scary So, can we hit 6,000 today? It's the official "AHHHH OH GOD MY RETIREMENT" stock market thread. EVERYBODY PANIC (838)
(ClusterStock) Amusing Longtime Barclays employees find ultimate way to say "we own you" to Lehmanites: Take away their ability to surf for porn at work (13)
(The Local (Sweden)) Hero Ryanair "defends right of Swedish women to take their clothes off," earning nomination for title of World's Favourite Airline (84)
(Some Independent) Sad New survey reveals nearly 1500 Irish companies have failed this year, with the construction sector hit the hardest. This is certainly bad news... for O'Bama (10)
(Telegraph) Amusing Financially-stricken Iceland put for sale on eBay (24)
(Daily Mail) Interesting UK treasury officials flying to Iceland to get back the money their citizens had in Icelandic banks, will take Bjork hostage if they have to (105)
(Spiegel) Interesting Interview with Nobel Peace Prize laureate: "Today's capitalism has degenerated into a casino" (21)
(Bloomberg) Scary Nikkei drops 11 percent. London, Paris and Frankfurt each down 10 percent after opening. Fund manager says, "We have reached the panic stage." Good morning -- EVERYBODY PANIC (73)
(CBC) Interesting Canadian banks soundest in the world. U.S. ranks 40, behind such behemoths as Germany, Estonia and Namibia (41)
(SFGate) Interesting Brazil discovers massive oil reserves deep under the ocean. Will tap reserves by coating ocean floor with wax, then ripping oil out of the earth's crust (89)
(Wired) Cool Professor applies Radiohead's "pay as you wish" marketing to his independently published textbooks (19)
(Reuters) Cool Oil approaches $80 on news that you need gas to drive to the unemployment office (144)
(My San Antonio) Obvious Mexico's currency cannot buy a peso gum (9)
(Some Guy) Interesting Fear of an Obama presidency is what has caused the market to crash (208)
(Washington Post) Cool Citigroup surrenders to Wells Fargo in their moment of triumph. Wells Farkovia is a GO (26)
(The Consumerist) Sad Circuit City may go under, leaving Best Buy undisputed king of the Overpriced Consumer Electronics Chain Whose Employees Demand You Buy An Extended Warrenty space (56)
(Bloomberg) Scary Asian markets down by as much as 10 percent with halted trading. Wheeeeeee. No, this is not a repeat from two days ago (108)

Thu October 09, 2008
(Marketwatch) Amusing Dow Jones trading AIG for Kraft, America trading Kraft for Ramen (22)
(Yahoo) Scary The worst is over. Just kidding. Economists say economic crisis to get worse. You gonna get raped. Probably twice (92)
(TTAC) Interesting GM tells suppliers they will get paid whenever they damn well feel like it, possibly never (26)
(SeattlePI) Obvious Creator of legendary vintage Rainier Beer TV commercials explains why beer advertising is more effective and honorable than political advertising. With links to his work (5)
(Bloomberg) Asinine You know that resort conference AIG blew $440,000 of taxpayers' money on? AIG was all set to do it again next week. Bonus: AIG considered spending taxpayers' money to apologize for spending taxpayers' money (50)
(AFP) Obvious Google-sponsored satellite sends first image, which is quickly obscured by pop-up ad (20)
(Some Guy) Asinine The last time oil was $87 a barrel, gas was $2.77 a gallon. Right now, gas is $3.40 a gallon. More evidence of a free market at work (291)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Icelandic Pyramid Scheme... every man, woman and child in Iceland owes the rest of the world GBP116,000. Vatnakarfi (30)
(SFGate) Sad Mother's Cookies, makers of those yummy pink and white Circus Animal cookies, shuts down. And so it begins (54)
(Marketwatch) Sad Dow Jones, now stopping at gate 11,000 ..... 10,000 ..... 9,000 ...... 8,000 (989)
(Forbes) Obvious OPEC to hold extraordinary meeting next month. Seminars to include; Fish in a barrel - Really as Easy as it Looks?, The Dangers of Money - Learn to Stack it Safely, Hand Strength in Relation to Testicular Pressure. OW MY (43)
(Gawker) Amusing Why the sad face? A photo gallery of the best of the sad-faced stock traders. Voting enabled in case you have captions (195)
(Canada.com) Obvious Airlines announce that airline bankruptcies will double this winter, demand $700 billion bailout package (15)
(Jalopnik) Ironic Ford stock price dips below cost of a gallon of gas (19)
(Reason Magazine) Obvious The bailout isn't working because it has "encouraged lenders to hold off dealing with their bad debt in hopes of getting a better deal from the Treasury." Suck it, non-libertarians (166)
(Daily Mail) Obvious I see your AIG party at the Ritz Carlton and raise you a Barclays shindig at Italy's Villa D'Este hotel costing *touch pinky to cheek* one MILLION dollars (116)
(Canoe) Asinine Bank of Canada follows others and cuts interest rates by half a percentage point. "Faster than Canada's five major banks could say screw you, they decided to pass along to their customers only half the rate cut and keep the rest" (15)
(New Zealand Herald) Unlikely Qantas is blaming their near accidents on passengers having wireless devices in use (84)
(About.com) Fail 2007 Article: "There is a myth that October is bad for the Stock Market, but that's not really true". FAIL train, ALL ABOARD (13)
(AP) Fail Come visit Hawaii. And look at this pr0n, you biatches and n-words (89)
(Bloomberg) Spiffy Delighted with their "loan" to the Fed for cash from the Fed yesterday, AIG plan another party - this time at the Ritz Carlton (80)
(Good Milk) Interesting China tests find no melamine in new liquid milk so they've got that going for them which is nice (47)
(CNBC) PSA Cramer feels the fed's 50 basis point cut "was too little and too late for 2008" (29)
(CNBC) Cool Despite the credit crisis there are still trades to be had. Here's how the Fast Money Fartknockers want you to go blow your money (21)
(CNN) Unlikely "Stocks are ready to rebound," says top CNN reporting team of Crackhead and Freebase (43)
(Boston Globe) Obvious Brokers and hedge fund managers are suffering mental health problems according to Doctor Jim Grubman, who specializes in diseases of the rich (23)
(The Register) Amusing Farkworthy double-entendre headline directly from the Register: "Oracle shareholders choke on Larry Ellison's package" (19)
(Daily Mail) Sad Think you're having a tough time in the credit crunch? Britain's richest man has lost over $35 billion in the last four months, leaving him to eke by on a mere $20 billion (27)
(Wired) Asinine Q: What do the bailout bill and a Jimmy Dean sausage have in common? A: They're filled with green pork (31)
(MSNBC) Interesting Walgreens no longer longs Longs (8)
(CNN) Scary The dollar sinks sharply then rises quickly on news that investors aren't sure if the Euro or USD will crash first (28)

Wed October 08, 2008
(AP) Hero Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart refuses to evict people in his county because most of them are renters who have done nothing wrong (309)
(Reuters) Amusing Gooood byyyyye, Ruby Tuesday profits (53)
(Fox News) Scary The national debt clock adds an extra digit, will soon be stuck at a static number like those McDonalds signs that say "over 99 billion served" (110)
(CNN) Scary AIG back at the trough (280)
(CNN) Interesting There will a shortage of Wii and DS video game consoles this Christmas. This is not a repeat (77)
(Marketwatch) Interesting Wells Fargo and Citibank extend agreement to wait until Wachovia finally fails (10)
(Marketwatch) Obvious Henry Paulson says not to be surprised when even more banks failed. I hate spoilers (41)
(CNN) Scary It's never a good idea to talk about the economy and use the quote 'This better work. This is the last chance' (46)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting Sixteen percent of Americans owe more on their home than it's worth, mostly in America's bookends of dumbness, Florida and California (206)
(MSN) Fail Stock market storms back from lows... spoke too soon, it's down 190 (42)
(Breitbart.com) Spiffy Oil falls to 2008 low on news that Jamie Lynn Spears has not yet procreated again... yet (8)
(Toledo Blade) Asinine With oil trading below $90 a barrel and ample fuel stock, it's only natural that home heating oil costs RISE 17% this winter (64)
(CNN) Obvious GOOD NEWS: National Association of Realtors announce pending home sales up 7.4%. BAD NEWS: They fail to mention they're pending, because in all likelihood the buyers can't secure a mortgage (60)
(CNN) Obvious WalMart's sales increase as shoppers seek discounts, purchase cheaply made foreign goods that do nothing to help the American economy or create American jobs (65)
(NPR) Interesting It doesn't take a rocket scientist to oversee the bailout money distribu--this just in: Yes it does (11)
(Jalopnik) Cool Buick bucks blue-hairs, reveals a new car that actually looks good (62)
(The Register) Sad MySQL founder quits his job at Sun because they won't let anyone color outside the lines (43)
(Bloomberg) Scary US Federal Reserve asks Canadian banks and insurers to acquire US assets. If that isn't a sign of the apocalypse, subby doesn't know what is (48)
(The Daily Mash) Obvious "In case you hadn't already worked it out - the entire global financial system is predicated on the assumption that you're an idiot." (46)
(CBS News) Sad Entire government of country of Iceland is now out of money and on the bjrink of national bjankruptcy (92)
(Bloomberg) Scary Asian markets down by as much as 10% with halted trading. Wheeeeeee (146)
(Yahoo) Scary The bad news: American retirement accounts have lost over as much as $2 trillion in the past 15 months. The good news: humans can subsist on cat food, and in space, no one can hear you scream (32)

Tue October 07, 2008
(CNN) Interesting Americans actually paying off credit cards. See what happens to the economy when you pay off your credit cards (67)
(PennLive) Stupid Comcast announces 4.5% rate hikes due to ... *shakes magic 8 ball* ... gas prices (62)
(Fox Business) PSA Five things to know in this market. Number one: don't forget the lube because it is going to hurt (24)
(CNBC) Interesting Alaska Air Group warns of 3Q loss do to fuel hedges, conspicuously not cited as a reason was wasted fuel needed to avoid Russian air space (5)
(CNN) Obvious Fed Reserve Chair Ben Bernanke says his economic outlook is even weaker than previous estimates. That's for those of you who were getting tired of all the good business news (126)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Financial writer points out we're in "one of the worst decades this century for stock-market investors," ignoring that we're in the only decade of this century so far (31)
(CNBC) Scary USA isn't winning the "worst stock market performance of the year" award yet. China and Russia are - come on guys, we can't let those commies win (71)
(ABC News) Asinine Flush with taxpayer cash, AIG executives head to "conference" at expensive luxury resort (260)
(NY Observer) Interesting New York Times to consolidate sections in a cost-cutting move, enabling you to read about your tanking stocks and the drain-circling Knicks in the same section (48)
(Marketwatch) Stupid Seeing how well it worked out for the rest of the financial sector, the Federal government announces its own plans to expand into the exciting world of unsecured lending (171)
(ClusterStock) Obvious Bank of America to Merrill Lynch shareholders: "I have altered our agreement. Pray I don't alter it further" (28)
(BBC) Spiffy Proceeds from new Scottish beer go to saving endangered red squirrels. Fark mascot hoists one for his cousins (17)
(Some Guy) Interesting Lehman Brothers CEO Attacked At Gym, Knocked Out Cold (140)

Mon October 06, 2008
(The News & Observer (NC)) Asinine After feds broker deal for Citibank to buy Wachovia for $2.1 billion, Citibank sues Wachovia and Wells Fargo today for screwing up deal, claiming that it was worth $60 billion to them. Pretty sweet deal you came up with there, feds (53)
(Yahoo) Followup Market recovers from lows on news that infinity is an imaginary number (261)
(Breitbart.com) NewsFlash Dow drops 800 points, possibly to infinity and beyond (1129)
(C|Net) Stupid Delta to filter porn on planes until they can find a way to charge an extra fee for it (104)
(CNBC) Dumbass One of the Fast Money Fartknockers suggested on Friday that you buy Coca-Cola Greece, today its down almost 14% (26)
(CNBC) Ironic The worsening credit crisis is likely to hit oil demand - increasing the chance that consumption growth will slow down or even stop next year (25)
(CNBC) Spiffy With the turmoil in Europe, changes in EU finance ministers targeting the euro, the US dollar has become king (35)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Misc Oil falls below $90 on news that it's Monday (148)
(Gizmodo) Amusing If you purchase an iPod at Wal-Mart, you can return a cheap knock-off for a full refund (45)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Obvious NetFlix lowers Q4 expectations on news that everyone would rather play presidential debate drinking games than watch crappy movies (15)
(ClusterStock) Interesting Jim Cramer: Panic now and sell everything (87)
(The Street) Interesting Judge allows Wells Fargo: Wachovia Deal to Move Ahead (10)
(Bloomberg) Scary Welcome to the first trading day after the bailout: An across the board five-percent drop in European markets leaves the Germans hitting the bars and the Italians hitting their wives (33)
(Wall Street Journal) Dumbass Countrywide is on your side.* (*Terms and conditions may vary. Countrywide may or may not be on your side and in fact may be behind you servicing your account. Or not. We can't tell you, but trust us, you'll know) (13)
(ZDNet) Obvious EBay lowers rating of 10 percent of its workforce to unemployed (14)
(Washington Post) Asinine Remember how the government was going to investigate those banks that might have caused the current financial crisis? Yeah, they changed their minds (63)
(Telegraph) Obvious Starbucks wastes 23 million litres of water each day, due to staff leaving taps running. It also burns four tonnes of paper every day, due to hate mail (44)
(Bloomberg) Ironic Henry Paulson finds the guy with the best name to handle the U.S. bailout plan: Neel Kashkari. Havegun Willtravel reportedly devastated (20)
(Yahoo) Sad Germany bails out one of its banks with 50 billion euros. That's like what, eleventy trillion dollars? (41)

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