Good news: Apple begins selling unlocked iPhones. Bad news: only in Hong Kong	(13)
		Adobe says if it open sourced its web platform, their competitiors would ruin it in a flash	(21)
		Evil spirit and goat repellent could soon be the latest biofuel boondoggle	(9)
		Sweden faced a financial crisis similar to the United States' in the early 1990s. Here's how they got out of it	(59)
(Barron's)		Barron's has concluded that U.S. taxpayers will "make a mint" if they risk $700 billion to purchase mortgage backed securities that no private party is willing to touch	(66)
		Finance writer exceeds his recommended FDA crack limit, pulls numbers from his ass to prove "renting makes more financial sense" than owning	(50)

		"The huge European bank Fortis is apparently about to fail. The ripple effect on the American banking system could be disastrous, with bank runs, liquidity crises, and stock sell offs possible Monday.""	(66)
		After urging Congress for a quick response and warning them of "grave threats", Bernanke has not returned to Capitol Hill. He was last seen loading large duffel bags into a helicopter	(24)
		Portland, Oregon tops poll of favorite airport for business travelers, none of whom could explain why they were flying to Portland in the first place	(47)
(Some Guy)		Microsoft tries to make itself look younger. First step, buy a Mac	(29)
		If you had Wachovia as the next bank teetering on the brink of bankruptcy, step up and collect your Lehman Brothers coffee mug	(81)
		Why did Wall Street executives authorize their firms to buy risky mortgages and other toxic debt risking the survival of their firms? They made $3 billion doing it. Greed is good. Greed works	(42)

(Right Wing News)		Republican Senator Jim DeMint: Wall Street will "come out like bandits" on the bailout plan	(83)
		Microahol?	(26)
		Angry Wall Street conservative wants his McCain campaign contributions back	(26)
		News: Bailout talks failed because congressional Republicans had their own plan which "advocates tax cuts and relaxed regulations." FARK: I'm not making this up	(134)
(Cattle Network)		Buffett may reshape America's nuclear power industry to better serve America. Plans include making all reactors run on Cherry Coke, insuring them with GEICO, and requiring operators to wear Fruit of the Loom underwear	(14)
		The Treasury will need to issue $1.86 trillion of new debt in 2009, a 316% increase from last year, to assist funding daily operations of the US Federal government	(67)
		The FDIC - you know, the one that insures every single citizen's bank accounts - will need $150 billion by next year. So don't give it all to Wall Street, eh?	(16)
		"What we need are a few exemplary hangings. Public hangings. On television. Pick a few failed investment firms, lead their CEOs in chains through the canyons of Manhattan and give the mob satisfaction"	(112)
		Economic rebound in Spring of this year was less energetic than previously thought. In related news, there was apparently an economic rebound earlier this year	(19)
		The ousted WaMu CEO to collect about $18 million on his way out. Not bad for three weeks work	(77)
(AL.com)		The closure of America's largest chain of Chevy dealers had absolutely nothing to do with losing their GMAC financing and multiple state lawsuits for false advertising and bad business practices. Nope, nothing at all	(25)
		Phrases you really don't want to read when you economy is starting to look awful shaky: "The Treasury Secretary got down on one knee and begged"	(40)
		Bankers want struggling homeowners put out on the street. It's just more profitable that way	(120)
(Press Herald.com)		How does the current national financial crisis affect me? Well, remember those bonds to fix your roads and bridges? Yeah, about those	(29)
		The Subprime Meltdown 101. ABS, MBS, CDO, RMBS, and more all explained in one page	(386)
		Federal Reserve plans to cut interest rates to free up lending. Yeah, that'll work	(67)

		Q. How can a local coffee shop ever hope to compete with Starbucks? A. By asking its baristas to wear lingerie to work. FARK: Every day. (Pics)	(63)
		Newsweek's top 10 best selling videogames of all time list. FAIL: The #1 game doesn't even come close to the sales of Super Mario Bros	(59)
		Somebody tipped over WaMu	(174)
		Banking analyst finds that when three out of ten Harvard MBAs go to Wall Street, it's time for investors to sell. "Harvard MBAs, in aggregate, subtract value"	(129)
		T-Mobile lifts 1gb limit on Android phone, still not an iPhone killer	(26)
(J.R. Nyquist)		"The Kremlin knew that a financial crash was about to take place. They've been waiting on it. They are prepared to exploit it. And the Americans are completely oblivious. They are utterly unprepared"	(76)
		Henry Paulson is to finance what Donald Rumsfeld was to military strategy	(40)
		Oil up $2 since it will be needed to lube up the taxpayers during the Wall Street bailout	(23)
		Google: Dear FCC, please open up this unused broadcast spectrum so we can offer America inexpensive devices and better wireless connectivity. Washington: STFU and GBTW	(12)
		GM investing $370 million in new Michigan plant to ensure enough electric engines are being built for the upcoming Chevy Volt and Cruze compact	(47)
		United States surprised to find that its Bank of China card is suddenly getting denied	(126)
		Having trouble selling your house? Toss in free a Lamborghini with purchase. This guy did	(25)
		Congress has reached an agreement regarding the outline of the bailout deal. If you live in the US and pay taxes, grab your ankles	(1002)
		GE cancels it's cash buyback plan and slashes earnings forecasts to preserve capital and prepare for a long recession. Laughs at Microsoft pissing away $40 billion on their stock buyback program	(26)
		Investors who think the ban on short selling provides a buying opportunity could get stung by a likely selloff when the rules expire	(9)
		One upside of the financial meltdown - smug MBA students will soon be as unemployable as medieval poetry grads	(49)
		How much will the subprime bailout cost? Strangely enough, it could end up making taxpayers money	(145)
(Just a Girl in Short Shorts)		"The reality is that investors are not going to keep hundreds of billions of dollars under their mattress indefinitely"	(16)
		U.S. about to lose "financial superpower" status the same way it pissed away its "political superpower" status	(46)
(Financial Post)		US officials are turning their sights to the Royal Bank of Canada as they crack down on financial institutions. Because we always Blame Canada	(12)
		Unintended consequences 101: Congressional bailout of Wall Street could actually force many Wall Street firms into bankruptcy	(28)
		Our economy is strong. Our economy is strong. Our economy is strong. Our economy is strong. Our economy is strong. EVERYBODY PANIC	(222)
		GM, Ford and Chrysler get $25,000,000,000 from U.S. taxpayers to continue producing crappy cars no one will buy. Bonus: Already plan to seek another $25 billion next year	(85)
		The Treasury, on why the bailout check should amount to $700 billion: "We just wanted to choose a really large number"	(273)

(Canada's Financial Post)		As a measure of how untenable the investment banks business model was, Michael Milken claims he worked under a debt/asset ratio 7 times less unwieldy. 98 indictments to pleading guilty on 6 ratio wipes sweaty palms	(40)
		Warren Buffett says we are "facing a financial Pearl Harbor". Great. As if we didn't have enough to worry about, now the Germans have to get involved	(84)
		Goldman Sachs gets all it can eat from Buffett	(19)
(wauwatosa now)		Six new recruits of the Wauwatosa Fire Department are going to the Playboy Mansion Halloween Party after winning the Captain Morgan Original Spiced Rum Ultimate Pose Off (with spiffy winning pic)	(26)
		Apple announces 33%-off sale	(41)
		Melamine: its what's for dinner. And dessert. And possibly breakfast too	(29)
		Having already destroyed Time Warner, AOL now looks to Yahoo	(8)
		"It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever,'' Buffett said. "I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age"	(20)
		Dear Uncle Sam, I have this great business that I have failed at. You pay me what I want and I will give it to you. Well you did it for AIG, this is just like that	(29)
(Some Guy)		Administration finds out that credibility matters, as warnings about the need for a bailout are met with skepticism: "where have I heard this before? Iraqis have weapons of mass destruction, and they're ready to use them"	(165)
		Senate passes Solar Tax Credit bill, which extends credits for 8 years. Is it me, or is the future looking brighter? Unless the House rejects it... then it's looking oily	(22)
		Microsoft laughs like a giddy girl as Google Transit tells riders they can't get from JFK Airport to Huntington, LI via mass transit, despite a LIRR station in Huntington and a direct connection to the LIRR from the airport	(48)
		Bernanke, apparently inches from wetting his pants, DEMANDS bail-out action or else the terrorists will buy all the apple pie and baseballs and CEOs might not be able to pad their offshore accounts any more this year	(396)
		Oil prices fall after hearing the news that Matt Millen has FINALLY been fired. Needs a cold compress and a beer	(12)
		REAL FACT: Snapple co-founder dead at 85	(37)
		SEC chief demands credit swap regulation, recognition as most difficult NCAA conference	(36)
(Some Guy)		PETA pressures ice cream maker to use human breast milk instead of cow milk. In response, Ben & Jerry's introduces two new flavors: Jenny Garcia & Peanut Butter C-Cup	(219)
(This Will Hurt Us More Than Them)		Student and auto loans quietly added to the bailout. Next in line is Joey the Shark Lender and Leg Breaker, LLP	(129)
		FBI raids Long Island Rail Road offices, figuring that 97% of workers retiring on disability plus full pension with lifetime free golf might just be a ripoff	(18)
		As of next month, eBay to only allow Paypal as the only form of payment. No checks or money orders or any other forms of electronic payment. Well, they will let you pay with "propay."	(64)
(Lacrosse Tribune)		What is plastic and turned 50 this year? If you guessed Michael Jackson you'd be wrong. Well, not wrong, but the answer is the credit card	(21)

		Chrysler unveils "secretly developed" electric cars. In other words, they are scared shiatless of going bankrupt	(82)
		Fannie, Freddie, Lehman and AIG are under investigation by FBI for fraud	(427)
		New Freddie Mac CEO's base salary will be 25% less than his predecessor - only $900,000	(38)
		Ben Stein explains credit-default swaps and how they got us into this mess: "One might well wonder if the whole subprime fiasco was not set up just to allow speculators to profit wildly on its collapse"	(198)
		WaMu forbidden from finding deal to save itself, must wait for trillion-dollar taxpayer bailout	(47)
		If you were one of those kids who loved to play in the box your parents' new refrigerator came in, then Nissan has a car for you. Behold, the ugly-ass Cube	(70)
		DuPont decides that one of their employees is suddenly worth millions of dollars a year	(21)
		Cash-rich Japanese banks are snapping up substantial bargains in the 2008 Wall Street knock-down sale after local investors completely lose interest	(23)
		What if the bailout fails? "The alternative is complete financial Armageddon and a great depression." Your cat and dog are shopping for sectionals	(161)
		Unisys CEO steps down, to seek even more obscure job	(12)
		After rising on concerns over the financial bailout plan, oil prices drop out of concern over... *drum roll*... the financial bailout plan	(38)
		If you won't give Comcast your social security number, the terrorists win	(156)
(Some Guy)		The bailout continues as the Fed buys up Baltic Ave, Marvin Gardens and Boardwalk	(17)
		The Christmas retail season is expected to be slower than Paris Hilton with a NY Times crossword puzzle	(20)
		Despite everyone thinking the bottom of the market is near, the Fartknockers whip out some charts to prove otherwise	(18)
(New York Magazine)		Every financial crisis has its upside: "This is the best time ever to maintain 10 girlfriends"	(46)
		Dollar up on news that the euro is circling the toilet bowl as well	(19)
		The U.S. economy has gotten so bad, even illegal aliens are saying "no thanks"	(110)
		Are you currently finishing up your MBA? Have you thought about the exciting world of retail sales? It's really your only option	(61)
		Next financial shoe to drop: $62 trillion unregulated credit default swaps market. Market analysts anticipate bubble in nano-violin futures	(35)
		Don't worry everybody: McDonald's promises that the huge banking failure crippling America won't stop them from installing espresso machines. Next window please, we're doing just fine	(21)
		Men who hold traditional views of women earn more than men who don't. Now fix me a ham sandwich biatch	(34)

		Liberal Arts Degree = mow my lawn, fetch me a bag of cheeseburgers	(80)
		Bank of America's online banking not online anymore. Don't worry, nothing to see behind the curtain	(48)
(US News)		What would be the dollar cost of not bailing out Wall Street? 30. Trillion. Dollars	(154)
		Circuit City CEO resigns amid financial troubles, confirming speculation that Circuit City still exists	(24)
		SEC bans shorting GM since shorting an American car company is like shooting fish in a barrel	(70)
		Mark Cuban's advice to newspapers: Bankruptcy is your best friend	(10)
		DOW plummets nearly 400 points in one day. This is not a repeat	(478)
		Markets off 250 as investors begin to realize the U.S. taxpayer is getting tired of writing blank checks to any Wall Street idiot who can't add	(78)
		How the Democrats created the financial crisis	(403)
		Alitalia may lose license to fly, spend all night engaging in madcap antics with Corey Feldman	(9)
		Big 5 Wall Street firms paid themselves $39 billion in bonuses even as their shareholders lost $74 billion	(64)
		Amid financial turmoil, Microsoft reminds us how rich they are by repurchasing $40 billion in MSFT stock	(13)
		Buying a house and selling it five weeks later to your gardener at a 50 percent markup sure was fun while it lasted	(134)
		Add "tax-funded bank stability" to "military expenditures" on the list of things the other G7 nations are happy about. You're welcome, rest of world. Signed, American Taxpayer	(244)
		John McCain: Bank execs who take the mortgage bailout should be limited to a maximum salary of $400,000. Plus every screwed taxpayer gets to throw one free punch	(237)
		"This is a very important week for the integrity of the Congress. This is a very important week for the future of America. If Washington wants our money, then it owes us some answers"	(122)
		London exchange halts world stock rally after someone apparently actually reads the U.S. bank bailout plan	(13)
		Mitsubishi Stanley?	(7)
		It only took one weekend of executives slamming martinis aboard their yacht before begging to be added to the "no shorts" list. The SEC is doin' a heckuva job	(17)
		You might want to get that wheelbarrow back from your neighbor. You'll need it to carry enough currency down to the Pick 'n Save to buy a pint of vodak. U.S. dollar about to be "crushed"	(96)
		If you guessed $2.5 billion as the executives' bonus for running Lehman's into bankruptcy, come get your cookie	(59)
		McCain says he would recommend Andrew Cuomo for top SEC position after he lops off current head Cox. Something about that sentence makes me cross my legs	(15)
		Comcast reports no customer complaints from their new bandwidth management system. Says their customer service policy of "Go fark yourself" has worked quite well in reducing the number of complaints	(54)
		For the first time since the passage of Glass-Steagall, there are no significant investment banks left	(322)
(Some Guy)		Financial crisis proving a windfall for people who sell chicken feet, pork hocks, beef tongue and organ meat, because people can no longer afford steak	(34)
		Wall Street was 500 trades away from 'Economic Armageddon' Thursday morning, which would have sent the Dow to the 8,300-level, a 22% decline even before the opening bell stopped sounding	(42)