Unexpected consequence of financial meltdown? A baby boom nine months from now as couples forced to entertain themselves at home because they can't afford to go out	(18)
		Krispy Kreme responds to declining sales caused by nutritional concerns ... by offering soft serve ice cream	(10)
		Presenting Obama cookies. McCain pastry coming soon	(73)
(Some Guy)		Tainted Cream Panda (confectionery item wrapped in steamed bun-like skin) shipped to 3,000 facilities across Japan	(11)
		In face of weakening economy, 42 percent of Americans say they would be willing to quit their jobs and become teachers instead of working for a living	(78)
(Some Guy)		Six Kmart employees hospitalized with unknown illnesses. Perhaps falling Wal Mart prices to blame	(11)
		It's impossible to see how America can recover from the disastrous economic news this month, as stocks have just suffered their steepest two-day rally since 1987, and are up 40 points this month. Wait, what?	(87)
		New details are emerging on Bush's $700,000,000 Wall Street bailout plan. Such as: The U.S. Treasury Secretary now has unlimited powers that are outside the scope of the Judiciary. This should end well	(298)

		One more reason why Canada is superior to our cousins to the south: Air Canada actually simplifies pricing after fuel prices drop, unlike U.S. airline carriers	(68)
(Jewish Daily Forward)		If they were still around, actual Lehman brothers would be frowning on their company's shenanigans	(16)
		Seems some whacked-out fliers expect better service as airline ticket prices rise. In a related bit of bizarre reality, American Airlines has a "Director of Customer Experience"	(9)
		Wales hit hard by financial crisis. Cardiff residents wish someone could go back in time and, like a doctor, cure the problem	(18)

		Dow's 2-day gain the best in 6 years. We need some lithium for the stock market, stat	(61)
		Apple said their new ultracompact USB power adapter is not hip anymore and should be returned immediately	(33)
		You know the economy is farked when investors see the airline industry as a "safe haven" for money	(15)
		Solution: An unfettered free market will correct itself. Problem: It does so only after greed, corruption, and short-term manipulation at the expense of long-term goals, ruin the economy almost beyond repair	(21)
		Vanguard Index Fund creator says bailout-crazy US government appears "punch drunk"	(11)
		Stocks climb on news that rich people are fine with socialism when the money is going to them	(200)
		Alitalia's unions only days away from victory, which they apparently define as "permanently ending their members' jobs"	(24)
		Hershey's: We've secretly replaced our cocoa butter with vegetable oil. Let's hope nobody notices	(206)
		Larry Kudlow calls the SEC's plan to ban short-selling on financials a bad idea. Demands a "free-market" plan to let every financial firm in America collapse, or something. Honestly, the guy never makes any sense	(35)
		Current economic conditions causing money market account holders to purge their accounts, bowels	(139)
		Goldman Sachs set to become the most powerful investment bank in America thanks to U.S. Treasury Secretary, and former Goldman Sachs CEO, Hank Paulson, who owns $350,000,000 in Goldman assets. Project Mayhem accomplished	(45)
		Car company recalls 42,000 vehicles due to potential fluid leak that could cause engine to explode. "Which car company?", you ask. "A major one"	(40)
		Today, SEC bans short-selling. Tomorrow, SEC bans any decline ever in stock prices	(34)
		Bush (RRRRRRRR-TX) be finding hundreds of billions in buried treasure to keep banks from walking the plank	(67)
		Yahoo's market TV show now has bigger audience than CNBC	(18)
		Newspapers to fancy-pants Wall Street experts predict their demise: "We're not dead yet. We're feeling much better"	(17)
		Stocks sharply higher on news that enough vaseline is available to shove half of Wall Street up America's ass	(211)
		Obama: I have a detailed plan to fix the current financial mess. Press: What is it? Obama: I ain't tellin'	(158)
(USNews & World Report)		Washington's Mother of All Bailouts. It could be $2 trillion. That's gotta hurt	(146)
		SEC takes a break from its "What, us regulate?" policy to clamp down on the only people still making money in this market	(205)
		Anyone else notice the entire argument for laissez-faire free-market capitalism just failed?	(317)
		"Today in France, the sight of a bottle of wine has become as offensive as a picture of war or pornography"	(124)
		Investment bankers explain how losing their six-figure jobs was the best thing that ever happened to them as it allowed them to pursue their dreams, which presumably included fighting rats in dumpsters behind Arbys for still-warm sandwiches	(42)
		Jerry Seinfeld may be shortest-lived company mascot since Burger King's Herb	(67)

(Realty Trac)		Headline: Are fixed rate loans about to vanish? Answer: No, but the real estate industry would like you to think so in order to scare you into a new home	(34)
(StockCharts)		Dow Jones is up almost 400 points, briefly crosses 11,000 line. So the economy is cool, and no need to panic. Everything is fixed now	(214)
		How do you say bank buyout in Chinese?	(34)
		Perhaps a site called myrichuncle.com isn't the best place for education financing. You'd think a finance major would know that	(28)
		Investors to Alitalia: Ciao	(8)
(Some Guy)		In 2004, SEC exempted five firms from required capital/debt ratio regulations. They are: Bear Sterns, Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch, Morgan Stanley, and Goldman Sachs. Ouch	(321)
		As financial sector employees lose their jobs, Crackberry fears profit loss	(9)
		Rent control screws up the entire NYC housing market: "All told, about 70% of the city's rental apartments are either rent controlled or rent stabilized," 43,317 of them since 1947	(64)
(The Week)		"In the wake of this week's market turmoil, you see smiles on the faces of three groups of people: short sellers, vulture buyers, and Democratic strategists."	(78)
		Dow Jones tells AIG to GTFO	(31)
(Some Guy)		Economists warn of deflation "threat." Yeah, falling prices, everybody panic, you know the drill	(38)
		"A few years from now, there will be a magazine cover with someone we've never heard of who bought all of those mortgages and derivatives for next to nothing on the correct assumption that they were indeed worth quite a bit"	(40)
		Global stock market slides stop as the world's central banks pump another $180 billion into markets to help save bankers' Christmas bonuses. As for the rest of you, don't worry, a few crumbs will trickle down. Eventually	(40)
		Central banks to financial markets: When I move, you move (just like that)	(58)
		If you had Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley as the next investment firms to take a hit, you must have moved to your private island by now	(22)
		Merged bank names are being cyber-squatted. Owner of www.wellsbarclaycitilynch.com expected to make millions	(22)
		I'm a shaaark, I'm a shaaaark, suck it Mac, I'm a shaaark	(167)
		Mick Jagger advises EU on on-line music sales	(11)
		In answer to the financial crisis, the SEC reinstitutes a "No Shorts." rule. Expected policies of "No Shoes. No Service." expected to follow	(23)
		Southwest proved an excellent business model in buying long-term fuel contracts as prices were falling... United? Not so much	(22)

		That Red Lobster and Olive Garden menu? It's gonna be pricier	(44)
		The FDIC has $45B to insure deposits. WaMu, bordering on failing, has $181B in deposits. What could possibly go wrong on the run to the mattress store?	(116)
		WaMu is for sale by auction. Last reported offer was a 2 liter of Pepsi and a pack of strawberry Twizzlers	(182)
		Dow down 450. Tag is for the markets	(343)
		German state development bank KfW wired $427 million to Lehman Brothers minutes before they filed for bankruptcy, in what a Finance Ministry spokesman is calling a "cock-up". Expensive penis	(29)
(Some Guy)		28% of IRS employees have souls	(16)
		CNBC is profiting from Wall Street's meltdown. Market disaster means big ratings	(16)
		Pre-meltdown AIG chairman Greenberg isn't bitter about the Spitzer vendetta that sent his company into the crapper, nor is he I-told-you-soing anybody	(10)
		Cramer wants to blame the SEC, freemasons for the current crisis on hand	(38)
		The United States, a bastion of capitalism, and Russia, which never fully disposed of socialism, are dealing with their respective banking crises in a same manner	(21)
		AIG's now laughable "The Strength to be there" commercials	(35)
		The 10 biggest chapter 11 bankruptcies in US history: Lawyers rejoice	(18)
(Ad Age)		Lose $15 billion in the second quarter? Check. Call your brand the brand of the future? Check. Profit? ???	(31)
		The Dow Jones is currently going down faster than a crack whore's mouth in a bag full of dicks. Your official end-of-the-world, full-on panic mode thread	(276)
		Magic Johnson has a reputation for being a business all-star, but due to the housing downturn and credit crunch, he's been relegated to bench warmer	(34)
		If you were hoping to get that nice new [insert expensive holiday gift here] chances are this isn't going to be your year. How about a nice copy of our home game instead?	(31)
(New York Magazine)		Plummeting book industry "elicits reactions ranging from denial to Darwinian survivalism to determined stabs at warding off disaster." EVERYBODY E-BOOK	(21)
		R.I.P. Toyota Prius 2001-2010	(161)
		Headline sums it up "The economy isn't the problem, it's stupid banks making stupider loans"	(56)
		Not news: Housing construction starts continue to fall. Fark: People are still surprised by this	(25)
		Feds quietly inquire if anybody wants to buy a huge S&L whose name rhymes with washing machine virtual?	(250)
		Leading financial analyst Suze Orman warns that AIG's fall appears to be a precursor to a mass liquidation of the US financial sector. On the plus side, soon nobody will be complaining about $5 gas anymore	(43)
		Bank manager dubbed "Robin Hood" steals from accounts of rich customers and gives money to poor ones	(48)
		Wall Street job losses projected to be huge. In related news, the New York theme song will be changed to "It's Raining Men" and there will be plenty of hot, fresh sidewalk pizza to go around	(30)
(Some Guy)		Pet coverage fastest-growing sector of insurance as people make sure nothing's going to happen to Spot, but that they'll be well compensated if he does tragically fall out of a 12th-floor window next Tuesday at 3 p.m	(23)

		Germany faces financial meltdown thanks to American banking and real estate fiascos. This is not a repeat from 1931	(28)
		AIG may get $85 billion loan and cede control to the Feds after all	(154)
		5 questions: Why AIG matters to you	(38)
		John McCain explains what he meant when he said "the economy is strong" on the day Lehman Brothers collapsed	(175)
		For the 12th consecutive year, Hong Kong has the most free economy in the world. The US ties for eighth with Australia. Least free? Zimbabwe, San Francisco, and the Pennsylvania liquor system	(90)
		Federal Reserve in talks to bail out AIG. Welcome to America, where the profits are privitized and the losses are nationalized	(140)
		Washington Mutual stock down steeply after being downgraded to "junk" status over mortgage concerns. If trend continues, analysts expect WaMu to have certified "worthless shiat" status by week's end	(35)
		Former AIG Chairman and major investor in AIG feels "it's in our national interest that AIG survive."	(146)
		Barclehman's?	(23)
		Increasing number of workplaces allowing employees to bring their dogs to work. Because nothing says "professional" like 20 dogs barking, fighting and crapping on the rugs in the conference room	(186)
		FTFA: "AIG still remains financially sound," Paterson said. BWAHAHAHA	(86)
		College grad, 23, is having "panic attacks" thinking about paying for her wedding. Seemingly unaware that it is possible to have one without shelling out $30 grand	(478)
		Best Buy profit falls 19 percent as company rolls out "mobile electronics vending machines." Analysts expect company to switch to "mobile electronics crane game" to reduce costs	(18)
		The Fartknockers want you go go out and buy Alcoa, Johnson & Johnson and Lowes	(20)
		Good news: Inflation is going down. Bad news: Mostly because the U.S. economy is in fire-sale mode	(234)
		Oil down to $91 on fallout from DeSean Jackson showboating	(55)
		Financial turmoil leaves Hollywood vulnerable, new season of "Ow, My Balls" on hold	(26)
		"Dangerous Taint": This year's Japanese sake production run features toxic rice intended for use in glue, fertilizers and animal feed. American beer is at last superior to at least one other drink. Maybe	(104)
(Some Guy)		Surest sign yet that a recession is upon us: Bottled water sales are plunging as people get their drinking water from the kitchen tap	(31)
		Married couples being forced to stay together because no one has money for a divorce anymore	(41)

		After having aquired MBNA, LaSalle, Countrywide and now Merrill Lynch, Bank of America is now more powerful than the Federal Reserve	(64)
		HP + EDS = 25,000 layoffs	(35)
		US Treasury Secretary says despite bank collapses, mortgage crisis, record fuel prices, and countless other signs, the US economy is not, he repeats, NOT about to collapse. Also, we have always been at war with Eastasia	(361)
		What is ultimately the cause of high gas prices? Well, your worrying about high gas prices, of course	(118)
		VMWare forecast is cloudy with a possibility of rain	(18)
(Some Law Student)		Crazy AP's Fair Use Lot: Their prices are so low, they must be insane	(20)
		Dow drops under 11,000 on news that a Cubs pitcher had no-hitter in September, figured it was 1908 again	(30)
		Attention shoppers: You are not spending enough to keep the economy afloat and and live up to the reputation of the resilient American consumer	(253)
		AIG asks the Federal Reserve for $44b in short term financing, so they can continue to pay Man U $112m for the honor of putting their logo on their jerseys	(27)
		Seriously, no Lehman/Merrill/End of Days thread? WTF?	(195)
(Some Car Guy)		Corvette production halted, middle aged men with receding hairlines don't have enough money anymore	(38)
(The Business Sheet)		Hosed Lehman Brothers employees run off with free food, swag	(50)
		Sure fire indicator of true economic environment, Super Bowl ad time selling out ahead of schedule	(17)
		United Airlines doubles second-bag fee to $50 EACH WAY. You submitted this with something about paying an exaggerated fee for a basic service	(225)
		Best Buy to purchase Napster for $128 million. That's gonna be a long download time	(31)
		Our wonderful liberal government sticks its nose where it doesn't belong by forcing Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to cancel separation pay for their departing executives	(88)
		Since the merger of Sirius and XM in late July, the company's stock has fallen about 40%. Baba no equity	(29)
		International banking group announces plans to give away $70 billion in loans to financial institutions with shaky credit histories and no collateral. I've heard about this sort of thing before. Where was it? Hold on, give me a sec	(25)
		In what may be the classiest promotion ever, Shoney's offers customers free 9/11 bowl of soup	(24)
		McCain advisor asks America to suck it up, stop exaggerating about the economy, ignore government takeovers and the failure of Lehman Brothers	(489)
		Ingestment baking industry worries as Chipotle Mexican Grill posts first quarterly loss since going public	(56)