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Sun September 21, 2008
(The Sun) Interesting Unexpected consequence of financial meltdown? A baby boom nine months from now as couples forced to entertain themselves at home because they can't afford to go out (18)
(MSNBC) Cool Krispy Kreme responds to declining sales caused by nutritional concerns ... by offering soft serve ice cream (10)
(AZCentral) Amusing Presenting Obama cookies. McCain pastry coming soon (73)
(Some Guy) Weird Tainted Cream Panda (confectionery item wrapped in steamed bun-like skin) shipped to 3,000 facilities across Japan (11)
(ABC News) Interesting In face of weakening economy, 42 percent of Americans say they would be willing to quit their jobs and become teachers instead of working for a living (78)
(Some Guy) Misc Six Kmart employees hospitalized with unknown illnesses. Perhaps falling Wal Mart prices to blame (11)
(Bloomberg) Spiffy It's impossible to see how America can recover from the disastrous economic news this month, as stocks have just suffered their steepest two-day rally since 1987, and are up 40 points this month. Wait, what? (87)
(Bloomberg) Scary New details are emerging on Bush's $700,000,000 Wall Street bailout plan. Such as: The U.S. Treasury Secretary now has unlimited powers that are outside the scope of the Judiciary. This should end well (298)

Sat September 20, 2008
(Yahoo) Spiffy One more reason why Canada is superior to our cousins to the south: Air Canada actually simplifies pricing after fuel prices drop, unlike U.S. airline carriers (68)
(Jewish Daily Forward) Obvious If they were still around, actual Lehman brothers would be frowning on their company's shenanigans (16)
(CNN) Unlikely Seems some whacked-out fliers expect better service as airline ticket prices rise. In a related bit of bizarre reality, American Airlines has a "Director of Customer Experience" (9)
(ICNetwork) Obvious Wales hit hard by financial crisis. Cardiff residents wish someone could go back in time and, like a doctor, cure the problem (18)

Fri September 19, 2008
(CNN) Followup Dow's 2-day gain the best in 6 years. We need some lithium for the stock market, stat (61)
(CNN) PSA Apple said their new ultracompact USB power adapter is not hip anymore and should be returned immediately (33)
(Reuters) Scary You know the economy is farked when investors see the airline industry as a "safe haven" for money (15)
(Salon) Obvious Solution: An unfettered free market will correct itself. Problem: It does so only after greed, corruption, and short-term manipulation at the expense of long-term goals, ruin the economy almost beyond repair (21)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Vanguard Index Fund creator says bailout-crazy US government appears "punch drunk" (11)
(CBC) Obvious Stocks climb on news that rich people are fine with socialism when the money is going to them (200)
(Boston Globe) Fail Alitalia's unions only days away from victory, which they apparently define as "permanently ending their members' jobs" (24)
(MSNBC) Asinine Hershey's: We've secretly replaced our cocoa butter with vegetable oil. Let's hope nobody notices (206)
(CNBC) Dumbass Larry Kudlow calls the SEC's plan to ban short-selling on financials a bad idea. Demands a "free-market" plan to let every financial firm in America collapse, or something. Honestly, the guy never makes any sense (35)
(USA Today) Scary Current economic conditions causing money market account holders to purge their accounts, bowels (139)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Goldman Sachs set to become the most powerful investment bank in America thanks to U.S. Treasury Secretary, and former Goldman Sachs CEO, Hank Paulson, who owns $350,000,000 in Goldman assets. Project Mayhem accomplished (45)
(Mercury News) Scary Car company recalls 42,000 vehicles due to potential fluid leak that could cause engine to explode. "Which car company?", you ask. "A major one" (40)
(Yahoo) Followup Today, SEC bans short-selling. Tomorrow, SEC bans any decline ever in stock prices (34)
(AP) Stupid Bush (RRRRRRRR-TX) be finding hundreds of billions in buried treasure to keep banks from walking the plank (67)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Interesting Yahoo's market TV show now has bigger audience than CNBC (18)
(USA Today) Interesting Newspapers to fancy-pants Wall Street experts predict their demise: "We're not dead yet. We're feeling much better" (17)
(Baltimore Sun) Followup Stocks sharply higher on news that enough vaseline is available to shove half of Wall Street up America's ass (211)
(Reuters) Obvious Obama: I have a detailed plan to fix the current financial mess. Press: What is it? Obama: I ain't tellin' (158)
(USNews & World Report) Interesting Washington's Mother of All Bailouts. It could be $2 trillion. That's gotta hurt (146)
(CNN) Stupid SEC takes a break from its "What, us regulate?" policy to clamp down on the only people still making money in this market (205)
(Daily Kos) Obvious Anyone else notice the entire argument for laissez-faire free-market capitalism just failed? (317)
(London Times) Ironic "Today in France, the sight of a bottle of wine has become as offensive as a picture of war or pornography" (124)
(Independent) Unlikely Investment bankers explain how losing their six-figure jobs was the best thing that ever happened to them as it allowed them to pursue their dreams, which presumably included fighting rats in dumpsters behind Arbys for still-warm sandwiches (42)
(St. Petersburg Times) Obvious Jerry Seinfeld may be shortest-lived company mascot since Burger King's Herb (67)

Thu September 18, 2008
(Realty Trac) Stupid Headline: Are fixed rate loans about to vanish? Answer: No, but the real estate industry would like you to think so in order to scare you into a new home (34)
(StockCharts) PSA Dow Jones is up almost 400 points, briefly crosses 11,000 line. So the economy is cool, and no need to panic. Everything is fixed now (214)
(Financial Times) Scary How do you say bank buyout in Chinese? (34)
(CNN) Dumbass Perhaps a site called myrichuncle.com isn't the best place for education financing. You'd think a finance major would know that (28)
(London Times) Interesting Investors to Alitalia: Ciao (8)
(Some Guy) Obvious In 2004, SEC exempted five firms from required capital/debt ratio regulations. They are: Bear Sterns, Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch, Morgan Stanley, and Goldman Sachs. Ouch (321)
(The Earth Times) Interesting As financial sector employees lose their jobs, Crackberry fears profit loss (9)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious Rent control screws up the entire NYC housing market: "All told, about 70% of the city's rental apartments are either rent controlled or rent stabilized," 43,317 of them since 1947 (64)
(The Week) Obvious "In the wake of this week's market turmoil, you see smiles on the faces of three groups of people: short sellers, vulture buyers, and Democratic strategists." (78)
(CNN) Obvious Dow Jones tells AIG to GTFO (31)
(Some Guy) Asinine Economists warn of deflation "threat." Yeah, falling prices, everybody panic, you know the drill (38)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious "A few years from now, there will be a magazine cover with someone we've never heard of who bought all of those mortgages and derivatives for next to nothing on the correct assumption that they were indeed worth quite a bit" (40)
(ClusterStock) Obvious Global stock market slides stop as the world's central banks pump another $180 billion into markets to help save bankers' Christmas bonuses. As for the rest of you, don't worry, a few crumbs will trickle down. Eventually (40)
(BBC) Interesting Central banks to financial markets: When I move, you move (just like that) (58)
(Time) Scary If you had Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley as the next investment firms to take a hit, you must have moved to your private island by now (22)
(BBC) Obvious Merged bank names are being cyber-squatted. Owner of www.wellsbarclaycitilynch.com expected to make millions (22)
(The New York Times) Silly I'm a shaaark, I'm a shaaaark, suck it Mac, I'm a shaaark (167)
(The Earth Times) Interesting Mick Jagger advises EU on on-line music sales (11)
(Forbes) PSA In answer to the financial crisis, the SEC reinstitutes a "No Shorts." rule. Expected policies of "No Shoes. No Service." expected to follow (23)
(The New York Times) Dumbass Southwest proved an excellent business model in buying long-term fuel contracts as prices were falling... United? Not so much (22)

Wed September 17, 2008
(TBO) Obvious That Red Lobster and Olive Garden menu? It's gonna be pricier (44)
(Fox Business) Scary The FDIC has $45B to insure deposits. WaMu, bordering on failing, has $181B in deposits. What could possibly go wrong on the run to the mattress store? (116)
(Marketwatch) PSA WaMu is for sale by auction. Last reported offer was a 2 liter of Pepsi and a pack of strawberry Twizzlers (182)
(CNBC) Fail Dow down 450. Tag is for the markets (343)
(The Local (Germany)) Dumbass German state development bank KfW wired $427 million to Lehman Brothers minutes before they filed for bankruptcy, in what a Finance Ministry spokesman is calling a "cock-up". Expensive penis (29)
(Some Guy) Interesting 28% of IRS employees have souls (16)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Ironic CNBC is profiting from Wall Street's meltdown. Market disaster means big ratings (16)
(New York Sun) Unlikely Pre-meltdown AIG chairman Greenberg isn't bitter about the Spitzer vendetta that sent his company into the crapper, nor is he I-told-you-soing anybody (10)
(CNBC) Interesting Cramer wants to blame the SEC, freemasons for the current crisis on hand (38)
(Bloomberg) Stupid The United States, a bastion of capitalism, and Russia, which never fully disposed of socialism, are dealing with their respective banking crises in a same manner (21)
(The Consumerist) Video AIG's now laughable "The Strength to be there" commercials (35)
(The Consumerist) Interesting The 10 biggest chapter 11 bankruptcies in US history: Lawyers rejoice (18)
(Ad Age) Silly Lose $15 billion in the second quarter? Check. Call your brand the brand of the future? Check. Profit? ??? (31)
(Fox Business) Scary The Dow Jones is currently going down faster than a crack whore's mouth in a bag full of dicks. Your official end-of-the-world, full-on panic mode thread (276)
(CNBC) Sad Magic Johnson has a reputation for being a business all-star, but due to the housing downturn and credit crunch, he's been relegated to bench warmer (34)
(Reuters) Obvious If you were hoping to get that nice new [insert expensive holiday gift here] chances are this isn't going to be your year. How about a nice copy of our home game instead? (31)
(New York Magazine) Strange Plummeting book industry "elicits reactions ranging from denial to Darwinian survivalism to determined stabs at warding off disaster." EVERYBODY E-BOOK (21)
(Yahoo) Cool R.I.P. Toyota Prius 2001-2010 (161)
(MSNBC) Obvious Headline sums it up "The economy isn't the problem, it's stupid banks making stupider loans" (56)
(MSNBC) Obvious Not news: Housing construction starts continue to fall. Fark: People are still surprised by this (25)
(NYPost) Obvious Feds quietly inquire if anybody wants to buy a huge S&L whose name rhymes with washing machine virtual? (250)
(CNN) Scary Leading financial analyst Suze Orman warns that AIG's fall appears to be a precursor to a mass liquidation of the US financial sector. On the plus side, soon nobody will be complaining about $5 gas anymore (43)
(Daily Mail) Hero Bank manager dubbed "Robin Hood" steals from accounts of rich customers and gives money to poor ones (48)
(ABC News) Scary Wall Street job losses projected to be huge. In related news, the New York theme song will be changed to "It's Raining Men" and there will be plenty of hot, fresh sidewalk pizza to go around (30)
(Some Guy) Obvious Pet coverage fastest-growing sector of insurance as people make sure nothing's going to happen to Spot, but that they'll be well compensated if he does tragically fall out of a 12th-floor window next Tuesday at 3 p.m (23)

Tue September 16, 2008
(BusinessWeek) Scary Germany faces financial meltdown thanks to American banking and real estate fiascos. This is not a repeat from 1931 (28)
(Bloomberg) Followup AIG may get $85 billion loan and cede control to the Feds after all (154)
(CNN) Interesting 5 questions: Why AIG matters to you (38)
(ClusterStock) Interesting John McCain explains what he meant when he said "the economy is strong" on the day Lehman Brothers collapsed (175)
(Marketwatch) Interesting For the 12th consecutive year, Hong Kong has the most free economy in the world. The US ties for eighth with Australia. Least free? Zimbabwe, San Francisco, and the Pennsylvania liquor system (90)
(Bloomberg) Asinine Federal Reserve in talks to bail out AIG. Welcome to America, where the profits are privitized and the losses are nationalized (140)
(BusinessWeek) Obvious Washington Mutual stock down steeply after being downgraded to "junk" status over mortgage concerns. If trend continues, analysts expect WaMu to have certified "worthless shiat" status by week's end (35)
(Yahoo) Obvious Former AIG Chairman and major investor in AIG feels "it's in our national interest that AIG survive." (146)
(Wall Street Journal) Followup Barclehman's? (23)
(Telegraph) Obvious Increasing number of workplaces allowing employees to bring their dogs to work. Because nothing says "professional" like 20 dogs barking, fighting and crapping on the rugs in the conference room (186)
(Yahoo) Asinine FTFA: "AIG still remains financially sound," Paterson said. BWAHAHAHA (86)
(CNN) Stupid College grad, 23, is having "panic attacks" thinking about paying for her wedding. Seemingly unaware that it is possible to have one without shelling out $30 grand (478)
(AP) Interesting Best Buy profit falls 19 percent as company rolls out "mobile electronics vending machines." Analysts expect company to switch to "mobile electronics crane game" to reduce costs (18)
(CNBC) PSA The Fartknockers want you go go out and buy Alcoa, Johnson & Johnson and Lowes (20)
(Marketwatch) Interesting Good news: Inflation is going down. Bad news: Mostly because the U.S. economy is in fire-sale mode (234)
(Reuters) Interesting Oil down to $91 on fallout from DeSean Jackson showboating (55)
(Reuters) Interesting Financial turmoil leaves Hollywood vulnerable, new season of "Ow, My Balls" on hold (26)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Weird "Dangerous Taint": This year's Japanese sake production run features toxic rice intended for use in glue, fertilizers and animal feed. American beer is at last superior to at least one other drink. Maybe (104)
(Some Guy) Interesting Surest sign yet that a recession is upon us: Bottled water sales are plunging as people get their drinking water from the kitchen tap (31)
(Guardian.com) Interesting Married couples being forced to stay together because no one has money for a divorce anymore (41)

Mon September 15, 2008
(Yahoo) Interesting After having aquired MBNA, LaSalle, Countrywide and now Merrill Lynch, Bank of America is now more powerful than the Federal Reserve (64)
(Network World) Sad HP + EDS = 25,000 layoffs (35)
(Reuters) Unlikely US Treasury Secretary says despite bank collapses, mortgage crisis, record fuel prices, and countless other signs, the US economy is not, he repeats, NOT about to collapse. Also, we have always been at war with Eastasia (361)
(CNN) Unlikely What is ultimately the cause of high gas prices? Well, your worrying about high gas prices, of course (118)
(The Register) Interesting VMWare forecast is cloudy with a possibility of rain (18)
(Some Law Student) Interesting Crazy AP's Fair Use Lot: Their prices are so low, they must be insane (20)
(Marketwatch) Followup Dow drops under 11,000 on news that a Cubs pitcher had no-hitter in September, figured it was 1908 again (30)
(CNBC) Scary Attention shoppers: You are not spending enough to keep the economy afloat and and live up to the reputation of the resilient American consumer (253)
(Daily Mail) Asinine AIG asks the Federal Reserve for $44b in short term financing, so they can continue to pay Man U $112m for the honor of putting their logo on their jerseys (27)
(Fox Business) Fail Seriously, no Lehman/Merrill/End of Days thread? WTF? (195)
(Some Car Guy) Fail Corvette production halted, middle aged men with receding hairlines don't have enough money anymore (38)
(The Business Sheet) Interesting Hosed Lehman Brothers employees run off with free food, swag (50)
(Rocky Mountain News) Spiffy Sure fire indicator of true economic environment, Super Bowl ad time selling out ahead of schedule (17)
(Reuters) Obvious United Airlines doubles second-bag fee to $50 EACH WAY. You submitted this with something about paying an exaggerated fee for a basic service (225)
(CNN) Misc Best Buy to purchase Napster for $128 million. That's gonna be a long download time (31)
(MSNBC) Hero Our wonderful liberal government sticks its nose where it doesn't belong by forcing Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to cancel separation pay for their departing executives (88)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting Since the merger of Sirius and XM in late July, the company's stock has fallen about 40%. Baba no equity (29)
(USA Today) Asinine International banking group announces plans to give away $70 billion in loans to financial institutions with shaky credit histories and no collateral. I've heard about this sort of thing before. Where was it? Hold on, give me a sec (25)
(The Consumerist) Stupid In what may be the classiest promotion ever, Shoney's offers customers free 9/11 bowl of soup (24)
(Washington Post) Dumbass McCain advisor asks America to suck it up, stop exaggerating about the economy, ignore government takeovers and the failure of Lehman Brothers (489)
(Reuters) Scary Ingestment baking industry worries as Chipotle Mexican Grill posts first quarterly loss since going public (56)

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