Welcome to Pre-Black Monday 2008	(129)
		Apple blocks competitive products from iPhone app store	(59)
		American foods are shrinking. American waistlines? Not so much	(15)
		Within AT&T's 2,500 pages of dense, indecipherable legalese, available online only and using the proper secret decoder ring, it clearly indicates you've been screwed and that you take responsibility for it	(17)
		Lehman Brothers, with no support from the governent, likely to liquidate after discussions to save company end. AIG and Washington Mutual not available for comment	(97)
		Oil falls to six-month low on news that gas stations are charging all-time high prices for a gallon of regular	(25)
		For those of you hoping to get curly fries with your Frosty once Arby's and Wendy's merge, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you	(32)
		Greenspan says this is the worst economy he's seen, which is scary considering he's 400 years old	(114)
		EBay about to cut 1,500 jobs. +++++++ WOULD HIRE AGAIN ++++++++	(32)
		"The end result of the global economic slowdown may be the U.S. announcing national bankruptcy as the government cannot afford the bailouts that it promised and the market will not bail out the government"	(93)
		Walgreens vows to cede no more territory in the fight for your drug dollars. Plans to fight CVS to the death for control of Longs Drug Stores are set into motion	(25)

		Alan Greenspan says the country can't afford tax cuts proposed by John McMaverick	(198)
(Some Guy)		San Francisco to Build First Biodiesel Power Plant	(15)
		Behind the scenes of every great cheesy car dealership commercial is a geek with a digicam waiting to get fired for showing Youtube how many times his boss screwed up the lines... Secure the Savings	(25)
		Having lost their shirt on loans to people who couldn't afford them, banks now fear a new round of defaults on loans to people who weren't required to document their income. Obvious offers dumbass a low, interest-only teaser rate	(37)
		Falling oil prices and its invasion of Georgia are leading to a collapse of the Russian stock market, and fears that the Russian economy will stagnate. You're doing a heckuva job, Pootie	(23)
		US Treasury Secretary urges large firms on Wall Street to feast on the corpse of Lehman Brothers	(19)
		Alaska Airlines to cut 1000 jobs on the news that lipstick doesn't look good on a pig	(14)
		If you pegged the world's largest insurance company AIG to be the next firm to fail, get ready to collect your prize	(60)
		U.S. Government announces that a Lehman deal "might" not be done this weekend. The country's debit card is burning hotter than a thousand suns, and no one can remember the PIN	(19)

		High-tech wine labels track travel temperatures so you can be sure your Two Buck Chuck isn't cooked	(27)
		Chrysler: U.S. brands can be competitive. Toyota: What was that? I couldn't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am	(43)
		Think the Pontiac Aztec was ugly? Wait 'till you get a load of the Chinese JAC 300C sedan	(31)
		Telco sues Minnesota town for installing their own fiber network. Bonus: They claim that they are suing to "protect" the town's residents, monopoly	(21)
		Oil falls below $100/bbl on news that there's a monster hurricane chewing up offshore rigs, wait that can't be right	(45)
		Gas prices could fall to $2 if Congress acts so don't expect it to happen anytime soon	(33)
		99 busted ass companies to bailout, 99 busted ass cooompaniiies - bail one out, pass down to us all, 98 busted ass companies to bail out	(16)
		Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson to Lehman Brothers: Not saving your sorry ass	(113)
		Major US investment firms execute off-shore shenanigans so foreign investors can get that second ivory back-scratcher this year. Danke	(2)
		Once the darlings of Wall Street and the cool thing to have in a portfolio, hedge funds are losing 4 percent this year, and employess with less than 4 years experience can only expect a $175,000 bonus	(12)
		Anarchist ice cream truck prowls Brooklyn and Queens; local parents sick of hearing that same damn John Cage song every time it comes around	(37)
(ChiTrib)		Upon learning that 200,000 bassinets with a documented deadly design flaw were still on the market, Federal safety regulators used their newly-expanded powers to do...nothing	(25)
		January 2008: Oil hits $100 a barrel on news that we'll pay anything they want for it. September 2008: Oil nears $100 a barrel on news that we wouldn't pay anything they wanted for it	(32)
(Some Offline Guy)		1 in 5 employers use social networking sites to research job applicants	(53)

		"Any study that relies on a chart of Google searches for the term 'oil speculation' to make the case that futures traders are responsible for yo-yoing crude prices should be greeted with a heavy dose of skepticism"	(51)
		At Ford, (cutting jobs of) Quality (employees) is Job #1. Flint, MI lights up Michael Moore distress signal	(107)
		Senators rewrite Econ 101: it's a recession if we say so, by gum	(54)
		Ironically-named billionaire acquires 6.4% of NYTimes	(21)
(Editor & Publisher)		Sacramento Bee newspaper cuts staff by another 7%, now to be known as the Sac Be	(8)
		The reason why your local gas station is bleeding you dry despite the drop in oil prices	(31)
		Lehman open to "all strategic alternatives," may invade Iraq	(24)
		Iraq is relatively under control, War on Terror is focusing on Osama in Afghanistan, gas prices are lower, and now... the ultimate Republican conspiracy... the dollar is at a one-year high against the euro	(59)
		Saudis walk out of OPEC. Flip the bird on the way out	(132)
		Oil falls under $100 a barrel on news that lipstick looks stupid on a pig	(218)
		*BRAAAAAAAAAP* CELG, KR. *toot*	(25)
		Ten angry Budweiser drinkers sue to stop Anheuser-Busch/Inbev merger. Real beer drinkers shrug, go back to their Sam Adams	(85)
		Lehman's Dick Fuld faces a horrific nightmare: The value of his severance package has fallen from $241,100,000 in June to $28,202,500 today. No word if he gets to keep his porn star name	(23)
		Lehman tries to soothe Wall Street with asset sale and Jedi mind trick	(8)
		Bond traders weep into their swordfish meatloaf with onion marmalade on news that the free ride is over. "There are no more one-night stands; you have to assume it's a marriage"	(19)

		Gold hits 11-month low today. Must be because of the market manipulators unloading gold through back channels in order to prop up the equities market. Right? RIGHT?	(41)
		The good: Google's Android equipped handset launching on T-Mobile "soon." The bad: It's the ugliest piece of junk you've ever seen	(34)
		Sprint's iPhone clone apparently the best thing to happen to Sprint since Candice Bergen stopped doing commercials	(15)
		Sirius XM chief's new stance: "Regular radio sucks"	(272)
		Ex-Toyota exec now in charge of Chrysler will announce seven new models in 2010. Expect to see the all-new Chrysler Kamree, Dodge Kuhrolla, Jeep Land Croozer and Dodge Tundram truck, among others	(24)
		Actual headline: "Fed's next move could be to lower rates." This soon to be followed by "Fed might raise rates." And of course the gripping, controversial conclusion: "Fed might not do anything"	(35)
(The Business Sheet)		OPEC in full panic as Western oil usage actually drops	(56)
		Good news: CFOs think the economy sucks less than three months ago	(5)
		Slowing economy blamed for rising number of loose housewives. Really	(185)
		The National Institute of Researching Things We Already Knew has found a link between oil prices and speculation. Really	(12)
(CFO.com)		Reason #4,692 why the U.S. financial markets are FUBAR: Regulator rails against implementing stringent accounting standards	(24)
		Lehman Brothers stock drops 50% in one week. Responds by cutting price target on Google. Pot, meet kettle	(4)
		Fed to Freddie and Fannie flunkies: Please don't go, Don't go. Don't go away. I'm begging you to stay	(14)
		Radio advert banned because disclaimer was read too fast. Company responds by claiming, "wewerenotawareofanywrongdoing andpromiseqpwdkssasxwsawe"	(72)
		Google's Chrome market share going nowhere fast	(117)
		OPEC horrified by thought of sub-$100 oil, cuts production	(53)
		Fast Money Fartknockers want you to buy Avon, wash with it, and then sell in January when you feel just as dirty as Cramer	(18)
		Enron investors to split billions from lawsuit, former employees still get nothing. Kenneth Lay currently playing golf with Hitler	(35)

(Some Guy)		Tesla Motors introduces a powertrain capable of 0 to 60 in about four seconds. Suck it, Big Three	(82)
		If you had Lehman Brothers as the next financial institution to collapse under the weight of their own stupidity, step up and claim your prize	(71)
		Stock market crumbles in response to no fartknocker headline on the Business tab	(18)
		Andrew McCain has the same knack for banking that his father displayed during the S&L debacle	(36)
		Federal deficit to soar to $407 billion. What did that Iraq war cost again?	(332)
		The U.S. is running out of options to stop a recession. But Dan Mitchell knows the answer: "Quit making dumb mistakes"	(34)
		American Airlines lose luggage as usual, except this time it's a corpse, which they also omit to keep refrigerated for four days. Eventually, they chuck the remains back to husband. "Sorry about the smell, mate"	(80)
		Mott's idea of "light" apple juice is to dilute half of it with water, but still charge the same price. You know, for all those people without access to tap water	(139)
		Oil prices fall on news that Tom Brady is out for the season	(25)
		New WaMu CEO says he'll probably just watch the company circle the drain while he lines his pockets with shareholders' cash	(17)
		Eight "megahorror" debts that will ruin America: The $75 TRILLION Social Security debt comes in at No. 4, and makes the housing meltdown look like a G movie	(69)
		Because air travel doesn't suck enough, Air New Zealand to shave and tattoo the heads of passengers	(9)
		Oil falls below $105 on its way to $50 on news that oil is just another commodity. Unless you want 5,000,000 barrels of crude delivered to Wall Street, you sell your position before delivery	(61)
(The Moscow Times)		Rupert Murdoch's advertising firm raided by Russian authorities. Putin must be an MSNBC fan	(9)

		Old and Busted: 99 cent store. New hotness. 99.99 cent store	(132)
		More evidence that high fuel costs are leading cruise lines cutting routes shorter: Carnival has announced an exciting, 5 day 6 night tour of Tampa Bay harbor	(23)
		JetBlue to auction over 300 flights on eBay, starting bids at 5 cents. Compared to other eBay gimmicks, analysts say this one may Palin comparison to Alaska's jet auction	(13)
		"King of Cars" Towbin "chops" Hummer from lineup, to be replaced by Smart Cars	(24)
		Bed, Bath and Beyond's response to a toddler gasping its last breath, locked in a hot car of their parking lot? "No. We will not get involved"	(389)
		Credit default swapper companies unanimously agree that Freddie and Fannie takeover is a trigger for their $1.4 trillion in bonds. Where is your $100 billion rescue package now?	(269)
		Google stock tanks as desperate portfolio manager shovels it out the door	(16)
		Now that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac got their bailouts, Ford, GM and Chrysler are batting their eyes and sending chocolates and flowers to Congress	(252)
		London Stock Exchange shuts down after Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac frenzy causes computer glitch	(15)
		Jim Rogers: "America is more communist than China is right now. You can see that this is welfare of the rich, it is socialism for the rich. it's just bailing out financial institutions"	(72)
		United Airlines stock crashes and burns after Chicago Tribune reports four-year-old story about bankruptcy. Whoops	(113)
		Stock market surges upward on news that Wall Street has embraced socialism	(43)
		Fast Money Fartknockers want you to buy AAPL and hold until the end of the year	(24)
(The Business Sheet)		Outrageous Fannie-Freddie CEO severance plans, paid for by you	(57)
		WaMu CEO gets paid $23 million to have the door hit him in the ass on the way out after losing his shareholders between $12 billion and $19 billion. WaMu: Gross incompetence you can bank on	(26)