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Sun August 24, 2008
(Some P.O.d TFette) PSA If you ever gave your credit card number to NetZero, you might want to check it. They are now charging $9.95/yr. to keep your old email address active, and they aren't asking first. Asshats (18)
(Seattle Times) Obvious Q: Gawd, like, why is my coworker so immature? A: "Research on adult development consistently proves that maturity is not related to age." Fark: Penis (131)
(SFGate) Stupid 250 square foot studio condominium, kitchenette, sofa-bed, balcony, wardrobe - a steal at just $279,000 (72)
(UPI) Spiffy Step 2 is apparently "get moved to a later flight," as airlines are bumping more passengers and doling out more compensation (72)
(Sunday Herald) Dumbass Best Western loses personal data of 8 million customers. Feels stupid, clearly did not stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night (10)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Jim Rogers, who in April 2006 correctly forecast oil would reach $100 a barrel and gold $1,000 an ounce, said he expects oil to continue to increase over the next decade (24)
(CNBC) Obvious As gas prices drop, $57 Cheerios and $480 Power Bars make it unlikely Americans will drive more (35)
(ABC News) Obvious Down times force employers to incentivize their employees by offering them such lucrative things as job titles and motivational posters. Executive-level still gets stock options, company car and yacht (44)

Sat August 23, 2008
(The Business Sheet) Interesting Disney may lose rights to Mickey Mouse (76)
(Yahoo) Interesting Air New Zealand to demo fuel-saving Pacific flight, but requests that scruffy-looking LA surgeon stop flying back and forth staring obsessively out the window at long empty stretches of ocean (35)
(Seacoastonline.com) PSA Pepperoni pizza Hot Pockets recalled, and not fondly (137)
(YouTube) Interesting Please, Hammer, don't perform a multi-variate regression on them (15)
(Examiner) Obvious If you pay your bills and mortgage on time, don't max out on credit cards, and save money, the government has a word to describe you: Suckers (207)

Fri August 22, 2008
(MSNBC) Stupid Three words: Cadillac Escalade Hybrid (60)
(Bloomberg) Unlikely Hedge fund founder predicts $80 a barrel oil next year due to increasing alternative fuels. Just so you don't have to ask, the sky in his world is a bright shade of pink (13)
(Yahoo) Cool Oil takes its biggest drop in four years on news that Michael Phelps is banging Stephanie Riche (144)
(Reuters) Stupid The big three auto makers are seeking a handout from the government to the tune of $25 billion, consumers seeking a good product from them to the tune of 200 million (83)
(Marketwatch) Asinine Remember the tanker contract Boeing cheated to win, then lost, then protested? Now Boeing says it won't even bid unless it's given an extra six months to get ready (80)
(Fox News) Spiffy Oracle CEO top paid executive with $84 million dollar package. Still can't get Neo out of the Matrix (27)
(Journal Star) Followup Are high oil prices caused by speculation? In July, one trading conglomerate held 11% of all NYMEX contracts (30)
(Yahoo) Sad Buffett sees economy weak until 2009. He better watch out. He'll get prosecuted for trying to manipulate the market (15)
(Financial Times) Interesting Investors trample over each other in a race to pull their funds from Russian markets. Putin to cut off natural gas supplies to Europe in 3..2..1 (19)
(Bloomberg) Misc Bernanke says he will "act as needed" for medium-term price stability. When asked what "as needed" meant, he responded, "When my beard tells me to." (9)
(Chicago Tribune) Scary The strategy is working (23)
(SeattlePI) Scary Woman claims Safeway mint ice cream screwed her. Literally (31)

Thu August 21, 2008
(MSNBC) Obvious GM to invest $500 million in new compact car, lease it, take it back, and crush it by 2013 (49)
(CBC) Interesting In Quebec, by legal decree / Margarine was as white as could be / But now they're more mellow / And allow the bright yellow / Habitants can now spread the glee (20)
(Reuters) Obvious Barnes & Noble lowers yearly sales projections on news that pretty much everyone knows how to order from Amazon at this point (33)
(ATM Marketplace) Obvious That $2 ATM fee will soon go toward paying for commercials you have to watch while waiting for your cash (38)
(Fox News) Interesting Apple takes complete responsibility for iPod Nano fires. Just kidding, they threw the battery manufacturer under the bus (69)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Obvious Quantas profit up 46% on new "Meh, we're due anyway so let's save money on maintenance" plan (10)
(AJC) Obvious If you own Home Depot stock, you can go ahead and use the stock certificates as toilet paper now (40)
(The Business Sheet) Interesting Rare public appearance proves 91-year old mogul Kirk Kirkorian not dead yet (8)
(Reuters) Cool Microsoft hires Jerry Seinfeld to investigate what is up with the Mac's one-button mouse. I mean, really? (153)
(BBC) Interesting US private equity firm Lone Star has schwartz even bigger than that of IKB Deutsche Industriebank (15)
(Yahoo) Interesting Hallmark introduces gay marriage cards and they are fabulous (23)
(Fox Business) Interesting An inconvenient economic truth: the biggest threat to America isn't CO2, it's IOUs (138)
(The Business Sheet) Interesting Jailed newspaper mogul Conrad Black appears to have joined the Crips. Also, cellmate now personal butler (18)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious Oil prices up to $121 on news that $117 got greenlit by Fark, and probably something to do with the Yankees (45)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious Publishers whine that the internet is preventing them from charging $150 for a 30-page Philosophy textbook (40)
(ClusterStock) Followup Bloomberg backs down on wacky Manhattan wind farm idea... Boone Pickens dies a little inside (14)
(AP) Interesting They're gettin' busy in the Burger King boardroom. Profits up 42% (26)
(Fox Business) Scary Oil prices hit $117 a barrel on news that we're going to war with someone, probably the Cubs or whatever (21)
(AP) Interesting The weak U.S. economy has parents saying "Goodbye Berkeley, and Hello Ed's Discount School of Book-Learnin'" (55)
(Reuters) Stupid Spanish debt collection agency sends round men in top hats and tails. Just to take the piss a bit more (10)

Wed August 20, 2008
(Yahoo) Amusing LaBarge gets $9.7M multiyear contract with defense contractor. Kool & the Gang fears retribution (11)
(Seattle Times) Interesting Small independent coffee shops no longer fear Starbucks (20)
(Marketwatch) Asinine Old and busted: Paying $1700 for a playoff game ticket. New hotness: Paying $1700 for the right to purchase a playoff game ticket if your team makes it to the playoffs. This is the world of playoff ticket futures and options trading (21)
(ClusterStock) Interesting Mayor Bloomberg to team up with Boone Pickens and turn Manhattan into giant wind farm (18)
(The Consumerist) Obvious United Airlines drops free snacks and complimentary meals in business class. Up next: coin-operated oxygen masks (33)
(CNN) Amusing Five reasons to ask for a smaller paycheck (76)
(The Register) Amusing Microsoft's Adcenter has apparently been trolling FARK for keyword suggestions (17)
(MSNBC) Stupid Miller Lite revives "Great Taste, Less Filling" ads. Subby prays Budweiser doesn't revive "WHASSAAAUHHHHP" any time soon (44)
(CNBC) PSA Some of the Fast Money Fartknockers feel that we haven't reached capitulation yet with financial stocks (6)
(CNBC) PSA Barnes & Noble's Online CEO resigns. No word on if she e-mailed her resignation, or had Amazon ship the letter (8)
(MSNBC) Obvious Goodyear has Badyear, will close 92 US stores and cut 600 jobs (10)
(Sun Sentinel) Sad PETA may buy Seaworld from new owners InBev. So if you were thinking of eating Shamu, you'd better act fast (144)
(Bloomberg) Weird There are now investment funds devoted to rock and pop mementos such as Eric Clapton's guitar, Madonna's bra (5)
(Some Guy) Interesting Do corporations really pay no taxes? Or is it just a bunch of overhyped media BS on a slow news day? The real numbers indicate the latter (243)
(ClusterStock) Scary Oil prices will drop 30%...because the world economy is going to collaspe (34)
(Bloomberg) Obvious U.S comsumers consume less gasoline. Refiners respond by cutting production of gasoline. Wall Street considers it a shortage in supply, and raises crude oil prices (160)

Tue August 19, 2008
(CNN) Interesting Google's plan for world domination is proceeding as scheduled as it starts to invest in drilling geothermal reserves (42)
(Marketwatch) Obvious "Deep inside, (Americans) love war. We want war. Need it. Relish it. Thrive on war." Didn't Stanley Kubrick make a film about this? (60)
(Yahoo) Sad Wholesale prices rising at fastest pace since 1981, surpassing retail prices, quickly approaching mall prices (12)
(MSNBC) Obvious On-the-job training is beginning to look like the only option for potential General Studies and Physical Education majors, as lending for college dries up. Hey, the world needs ditch diggers too (31)
(The Consumerist) Obvious You know those helpful school-supply lists they have at Wal-Mart? Turns out that Wal-Mart makes them up to push sales (56)
(BBC) Scary Economist: "Now I wouldn't advise anyone to panic, but A BIG U.S. BANK IS GONNA GO UNDER ANY DAY NOW WHAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGHH" (82)
(AP) Obvious U.S. buying fewer cell phones on news that everyone is still under a ridiculous two-year contract (43)
(CNN) Obvious Oil falls despite the Georgian strife, further proving no one has a farking clue what is going on (136)
(CNN) Misc Staples earnings plunge 15 percent per share. Repeated pressing of "Easy" button not having desired effect (5)
(CNN) Obvious Gold has fallen nearly $200 per ounce in the past month. It's unfortunate that the U.S. dollar is not tied to such a stable commodity. RON PAUL (112)

Mon August 18, 2008
(CNN) Obvious Fed's solution to solving the country's credit crisis is the same as your solution to solving your credit crisis: wait and pray (28)
(MSNBC) Sad GM, a long time sponsor of the Academy awards will be fashionably late this year, and by "fashionably late" I mean revoking its sponsorship (28)
(Reuters) Obvious GM returns to employee pricing while they still have employees (22)
(Reuters) Obvious Barron's: Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac look about as healthy as Bernie Mac, expect "quasi-nationalization" (18)
(CNBC) Obvious The financial crisis, once thought to be over, may actually get much, much worse. Which tends to happen when you give popped-collar douchebags the keys to a multi-trillion dollar economy with no oversight (55)
(Yahoo) Sad Lehman shares edge lower on 3rd quarter worries. Start placing your naked shorts while you still can (6)
(Newsday) Obvious New NYC World Trade Center to be finished by the a) 10th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, b) 11th anniversary, or c) sometime before the end of the century? (185)
(Washington Post) Interesting Five ways to screw up an economic recovery. Or, in other words, the Democratic Party's economic platform (171)
(ClusterStock) Obvious GM is down on its knees pleading, but still can't find anyone who wants a Hummer (336)
(CNBC) PSA Oil rises above $113 on tropical storm concerns, news of Cubs winning 2 out of 3 in Flordia (12)
(Baltimore Sun) Obvious In the face of global recession alcohol, tobacco and candy makers report healthy sales (18)
(Bloomberg) Unlikely Uncle Ben struggles to define what institutions he would allow to fail. If only there were a textbook, that he had written, we could consult for insight on the issue (11)
(Bloomberg) PSA American celebrities bankrupting Brazil or something like that (6)

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