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Sun August 10, 2008
(Financial Times) Interesting China resumes its 1800 year reign as number one economy next year. Anglo-American Industrial Revolution (1840-2009) RIP (15)
(Reuters) Interesting Here's an idea: US oil companies export half of all imported oil as gas and diesel to other countries. Why don't we keep it here? (95)
(BBC) Scary UK economy 'worse than thought' (21)
(Seattle Times) Obvious Energy drink companies are to the '00s what dotcoms were to the '90s - bleeding money, me-too products, and hoping to sell out to panicky giants at massive prices (14)
(Yahoo) Obvious If you thought you absolutely couldn't do any worse than your Chevy Aveo, well, it turns out you were right (44)
(London Times) Obvious British economists announce inflation will smash through 4% this month. U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics eats Play-Doh, lead paint chips (23)

Sat August 09, 2008
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious Consumers are shocked, SHOCKED that Web sites such as www.beijingticketing.com and www.beijingolympic2008tickets.com might not actually be authorized to sell Olympic tickets. Operator of www.buy-the-brooklyn-bridge.com unavailable for comment (20)
(BusinessWeek) Misc India decides call center workers can work from home, so now "Bob" probably won't be wearing any clothes (29)
(pioneer local) Interesting Business owners file class-action lawsuit over Webkinz-spiracy (7)
(Yahoo) Scary Pilots complain airlines trying to save money by restricting fuel, giving them very little leeway to deal with situations like delayed landings or strong headwinds. But at least you still have your warm comfy free blanket...oh wait (55)
(The Register) Followup Changing their name to "Premier" has not helped Diebold with their electronic vote rigging business (41)
(Washington Post) Stupid Tough economic times have consumers trying to save money by shopping at 7-11 and other convenience stores. Wait, what? (36)

Fri August 08, 2008
(Reuters) Obvious Credit card and personal loan debt rises 50% over expectations on news analysts expected people to stop borrowing to buy shiat they don't need (40)
(Fox Business) Dumbass The government reported that productivity rose by 2.5% during the second quarter, slightly less than the 2.5% that had been forecasted. The fail, it makes my brain hurt (12)
(Marketwatch) Cool Dow Jones closes up 300 points on news that John Edwards hit that (65)
(ClusterStock) Obvious Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac using bailout money to pay dividends to shareholders, but some liberal communist hacks have a problem with this. God bless America (44)
(Yahoo) Asinine Why oil under $100 is bad news, according to study funded by OPEC (200)
(Some Ripoff) Obvious Cinemark theaters' earnings beat the street on news that more people are shelling out $237.50 for two dinky tubs of shiatty stale popcorn, watered-down drinks and a box of rock-hard Whoppers (34)
(CNN) PSA Stock market soars on news that Fannie Mae took a quarterly loss three times worse than expected. Deeeuuhhhrrrrr (19)
(AP) Obvious Google believes it would have been better if it had taken its $1B investment in AOL and flushed it down the toilet (25)
(ClusterStock) Asinine Want to use your frequent flier miles? That'll be $100 please (113)
(ClusterStock) Obvious Whole Foods isn't recession-proof, but Big Macs are (42)
(CNN) PSA Oil drops $3 on news that Cubs fans figure out the price of oil isn't tied to anything their team does (33)
(Mobile News International) Unlikely Mobile phone company CEO says iPhone has been great for business... even though his company doesn't offer the iPhone (16)
(AP) PSA Acme Packet reports lower earnings, attributes bad 2008 outlook to declining gigantic magnet, trebuchet and rocket-powered roller-skate sales (11)
(Bloomberg) Obvious UBS whips out their balance sheet and proves they have more red ink than Citigroup. You & Us. You'll go broke (5)
(Financial Times) Obvious Bankers get depressed after discovering something called a "business cycle." Go cry somewhere else, emo bankers (5)
(Guardian.com) Obvious Toyota borrows a page from American car makers' playbook, reports 30 percent drop in quarterly income (33)

Thu August 07, 2008
(Some Guy) Interesting Jamba Juice executives get boosted right out of their jobs (19)
(Reuters) Obvious Blockbuster fears that upcoming Olympics, and not the fact that Hollywood is out of ideas, may hurt its business over the next few weeks (48)
(Reuters) Cool Tim Hortons 2Q profit surges 11.5 percent thanks to higher prices, new restaurants, overwhelming popularity of Canadian culture (32)
(CNN) Obvious Wall Street staggers, drops bottle of Rocket Fuel malt liquor (23)
(Bloomberg) Cool How much does being a greedy shyster cost? $100,000,000 if you're Citigroup (10)
(ClusterStock) Interesting GM's CEO Rick Wagoner has lost more money than any CEO in history. Here's the real reason the company's board hasn't tossed him out on his rear (43)
(CNN) Scary If you're reading this at work, consider yourself lucky -- US jobless rate hits 7 year high (75)
(CBC) Interesting Manitoba and Saskatchewan to lead Canada in growth, which is sort of like saying Mississippi will lead the U.S. in growth (26)
(Kansas City) Followup Sprint/Nextel customers might soon be writing their checks to "Google Wireless." Assuming of course Sprint/Nextel customers actually start to pay their bills (38)
(Eagle Tribune) Interesting Gillette shaves 1,200 jobs. Sends them to Mexico where they can package the new one with seven blades and solar panels (32)
(CNBC) Spiffy Fresh off the news that everyone is unemployed comes news that people are buying houses again (16)
(Bloomberg) PSA Crude oil rose about 3% to $121.78 upon news of Brett Farve being traded to the Cubs (29)
(Reuters) Ironic CEO of firm that designs Ferraris dies in a crash while riding his Vespa scooter (34)
(CNBC) Interesting Retail stocks are reporting weaker than expected earnings as people are either saving their rebate checks, or blowing it at the crack house (20)
(Boston Herald) Interesting JD Power releases reliability ratings for US automobiles. Not surprising: Lexus tops the list. Surprising: Ford and Cadillac edge out Honda (48)
(Reuters) Asinine A chance to stand in long check in and security lines, barefoot and semi-dressed at its new JFK terminal for a "free trip to nowhere" has been proudly announced by Jet Blue (39)
(LA Times) Interesting Toyota's streak of record profits end on account of the currency imbalance between the dollar and the smug (34)
(ClusterStock) Interesting Harvard pwns the S&P 500 (19)
(CNN) Interesting Dim economy drives women to donate eggs for profit. No penis (19)

Wed August 06, 2008
(CNN) Obvious AIG, the world's largest insurance company, loses $5.36 billion in a single quarter. In other news, your deductible is going up (36)
(BBC) Hero Nanny-state in an uproar over guy who wants to sell beer by the litre rather than the state-sanctioned pint. Tag is for bar owner standing by his big beer glass guns (28)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious Wendy's net income plunges 32 percent due to restructuring costs, strong competition from McDonald's dollar menu, frosty economic climate (58)
(MSNBC) Obvious Time Warner to split AOL into two divisions; one where the employees will get laid off first, the second later (12)
(BusinessWeek) Scary Having done a bang-up job with mortgages, Wall Street would like to buy up corporate pension funds. What could possibly go wrong? (29)
(ClusterStock) Unlikely Good news, everybody: Freddy Mac CEO insists that national home prices will fall by a maximum of 20 percent from their peak, although they've fallen 18.4 percent, so the worst is nearly over. Everybody buy, buy, buy (12)
(Bloomberg) Dumbass After losing 92 percent of their stock market value in the past year, Ambac posts a record $5.2 billion profit by cooking the books (21)
(ClusterStock) Obvious Tech analyst confirms negative feedback for eBay stock, would not buy again (6)
(STLToday) Obvious In filing the lawsuit, California Attorney General Jerry Brown called the company "immensely profitable to a few individuals at the top and a complete rip-off for most everyone else" (51)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious Freddie stabbed repeatedly by delinquents, now gushing red (22)
(Some Guy) Interesting Comcast spends $125 million to acquire Daily Candy, which, according to a Comcast VP, apparently does something or other on the Internet that women like (11)
(The New York Times) Obvious Sirius honcho Mel Karmazin prepared to support his employees and do what he can make the new combined business profitable. Just kidding, he's going to cut expenses down to the bone and probably sell the whole shebang (22)
(US News) Hero Did General Patraeus save the U.S. economy? It's more likely than you think (277)
(ClusterStock) Hero How to make $3.7 billion a year without really trying (20)
(Guardian.com) Interesting Finally, a positive effect of the credit crunch: Banks are going to make their commercials less screen-punchingly annoying (25)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Interesting Rupert Murdoch: Doing business in Russia scares the bejebus out of me (15)
(Rocky Mountain News) Cool Colorado's total potential for solar power generation could send 223 people back to the future (39)

Tue August 05, 2008
(Reuters) Obvious Fears raised that upcoming one-day strike "could bring South Africa to a standstill." Now look around your house. See all those things made in South Africa? You might have to wait another day to get a new one (23)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Interesting Latest boneheaded Yahoo move: Miscounted proxy votes. Jerry Yang still CEO, but not by much (5)
(Reuters) Followup Smug Americans may soon be able to go back to joking that the Canadian dollar is worth what, 40 cents in real money? (49)
(The Earth Times) Obvious Consumer confidence hits one of its worst lows in 22 years. You would have seen this hours ago, but you didn't want to spend the $5 (26)
(CNN) Silly Falling oil prices, the downside. There's a downside? (40)
(Yahoo) Unlikely Analysts now say investors will be more cautious with risk, will never, ever, ever engage in risky derivative schemes, double pinky swear (34)
(ClusterStock) Interesting Inflation, schmflation, Fed holds interest rate at 2% (137)
(Marketwatch) Spiffy Free at last, free at last. NY Rangers' and Knicks fan may be free of Cablevision at last (17)
(Mediabistro) Obvious Print edition of "Playgirl" to cease publication. In other news, they were still publishing "Playgirl" (321)
(MSNBC) Misc "Stuck in quagmire, Fed unlikely to raise rates." Giggity (14)
(The New York Times) Interesting Bertelsmann to sell its stake in Sony BMG (9)
(Bloomberg) Asinine Continuing the trend of wasting your tax dollars supporting failed business executives, Congress now wants to give auto execs $25 billion more to piss down the drain. Remember, that deficit next year is $496 billion (67)
(AP) Spiffy Delta to offer wifi by next year on all domestic flights. I haven't seen anything like this since the Anita Bryant concert (45)
(ClusterStock) Obvious "Capital? We don need no stinkin' capital. We're RICH, biatch." Merrill CEO, 7 days later: "Please sirs, may I have some more capital?" Subby just buried his wallet where Bernanke will never find it (14)
(Boston Herald) Spiffy A declining economy has actually lifted the tax many Americans levy on themselves - lotto and casino revenues are plummeting (32)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Oil falls to $118 on news that the Olsens had nothing to do with Heath Ledger's death (42)
(The Business Sheet) Interesting Wall Street titan sacked after husband of married mistress launches global Internet smear campaign (44)
(Guardian.com) Misc China passes its first anti-monopoly law. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 yuan (15)
(CSMonitor) Obvious Consumer researchers discover that Costco encourages you to buy mass quantities of food that (a) you don't need, (b) spoils before you can use it, and (c) costs just as much as in supermarkets (81)
(BBC) Interesting British surfboard industry fears flood of cheap Chinese boards will put them out of business. In related news, Britain has a surfboard industry (13)

Mon August 04, 2008
(TBO) Florida Sluggish economy helping to call back industry everyone had already hung up on: Pay phones (20)
(CNN) Asinine Now that gas is almost affordable, CNN would like to remind you it's because we're in a recession (47)
(ClusterStock) Scary Good news: The sub-prime collapse is starting to stabilize. Bad news: The prime and Alt-A crisis is just starting, and boy is it a doozy, thanks to the financial geniuses who never thought they'd have to repay the capital on their mortgages (226)
(USA Today) Stupid JetBlue begins charging $7 for a flimsy, tiny "blanket" and toy-sized "pillow." But it's a great deal, because it comes with a $5 Bed Bath & Beyond coupon (82)
(Autoblog.com) Amusing Turd sandwich + douche = douche sandwich? Ford and GM consider joint engine development (29)
(The Virginian Pilot) Interesting Think your fuel bill is expensive? Try paying $3.8 billion to get to work (178)
(Wall Street Journal) Sick Apparently deciding they LIKE being besieged by angry mobs with pitchforks and torches, companies are raiding their worker's pension funds to pay for executive's "golden parachutes" (138)
(CNN) Stupid Economists invent a nano-tech violin so small, you need an electron microscope to play it (20)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting McDonald's struggling to keep the double cheeseburger on the dollar menu in the face of rising costs and inherent cheap hoggishness of the American public (59)
(AP) Obvious Jobless rate inexplicably climbs to 5.7 percent. Minimum wage whistles quietly in the corner (489)
(Bloomberg) Ironic Despite political differences, Boone Pickens and Al Gore like the idea of wind farms. Boone is more worried about giving the Arabs all our oil money, Gore is worried about ManBearPig (31)
(The Inquirer) Interesting If you really want to know what the FCC thinks about Comcast, get the British take on it. One hint: Comcast is cobblers (15)
(Washington Post) Interesting "Most Americans have not experienced any significant decline in the value of their homes -- nor are they likely to" (60)
(Bradenton Herald) Florida First Priority Bank becomes First Fail Bank of Manatee, FDIC withdrawal queue forms over here (13)
(ClusterStock) Asinine Destitute CEOs turn to taxpayers to fund fifth house (22)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Citigroup's profits take a pounding after customers are neither able to make their credit-card payments, nor are they paying profitable late-fees (13)
(CNBC) PSA Oil edged below $124 on news of the Cubs winning two out of three from Pittsburgh (10)
(Gizmodo) Stupid AT&T all but confirms iPhone exclusivity extended until 2010 (35)
(ClusterStock) Followup The Nero who fiddled while Bear Stearns burned, Jimmy Cayne, was near death before the collapse. He allegedly suffered from acute cash money failure (2)
(Reuters) Scary Cash-strapped U.S. cities and states begin selling roads, bridges and airports to the lowest bidder. Numerous Fark headlines likely to ensue (143)
(Bloomberg) Unlikely China has officially won the 2008 Financial Olympics. Which is odd, considering their main stock index has fallen 50 percent this year (8)
(CNBC) Obvious Only days after getting permission to borrow unlimited sums of U.S. taxpayer funds, Fannie and Freddie will massively revise their reported losses. Who could have possibly seen this coming? (57)
(London Times) Scary Royal Bank of Scotland poised to report the biggest loss in UK banking history. Heimlich maneuver guy put on standby (14)

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