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Sun August 03, 2008
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Credit, debit cards to debut at high schools. This should end well (17)
(CNN) Amusing Right before Clear Channel's sale to a private equity firm, Moody's downgraded the radio company's stock status to "junk" (23)
(CSMonitor) Unlikely The next president and Congress must not let the national debt surprise the country the way the subprime crisis did (36)

Sat August 02, 2008
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Spending the day with giant anthropomorphic rodents, pantsless waterfowl and other vermin will cost you more starting tomorrow (39)
(SFGate) Followup After all the suspense, Yahoo's board faced more questions from shareholders about its human rights record in China than criticism for losing $20 billion in market value since rejecting Microsoft's takeover bid. Silly hippies (8)
(Globe and Mail) Asinine Oil prices got ya down? Looking for a way to show those oil companies who's boss? Buy oil stocks... wait, what? (16)
(Investor's Business Daily) Obvious "As economist Mark Perry has noted, Exxon Mobil will pay more taxes this year to the U.S. Treasury than the bottom 50% of all taxpayers - combined" (121)
(ClusterStock) Followup Looks like that Sirius-XM merger got approved just in time for the combined entity to go bankrupt. Why so Sirius? (57)
(Bloomberg) Ironic First Priority, come on down. You're the next contestant on the U.S. bank failure list (28)
(CNBC) Dumbass CNBC's mental midget, Jim Cramer, has officially called a "market bottom." SELL SELL SELL (36)
(Dallas News) Dumbass Forgot your iPod? New airport Best Buy vending machines have you covered (88)

Fri August 01, 2008
(Some H2 Guy) Obvious Spy shots of the 2010 Prius are leaked, featuring a sleeker... ah... a more aggressive... um... a sort of heightened... yeah, it still blows (167)
(New York Daily News) Amusing The American Sexpress Card: Don't jump into a random bed without it (30)
(AP) Interesting Sun 4Q profit falls 73 percent. No, not the newspaper. Nor the big glowing ball of hydrogen fusion in the sky. No, the computer company. Yes, they still exist... for now, at least (14)
(CNN) Obvious General Motors post a $15.5 billion second-quarter net loss. Sales plummet like a rock. Oooooohhhhh, Like a Rock (297)
(AP) Scary Jobless rate reaches 4-year high. Filing for disability 8 hours a day does not count as a job (26)
(AP) Amusing If you think you're going to have a shiatty day today, you could always be Jerry Yang, having to explain to shareholders why Yahoo has lost $20 billion in value since he turned down Microsoft's buyout offer (40)
(Bloomberg) Stupid US Airways to offer free coffee to customers who complain about being charged for said coffee. You're doing it wrong (14)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious Not news: Business warns of Democratic Party win. News: Tells employees how to vote (that is, Republican). Fark: Business is Wal-Mart (215)
(London Times) Interesting Even church bells are getting caught up in the credit crunch (7)

Thu July 31, 2008
(Bloomberg) Obvious Alan Greenspan says the fallout from his reckless interest rate policies are still not over yet (29)
(ABC News) Followup You know that recession we're supposed to be entering? It doesn't exist (86)
(ClusterStock) Interesting Star stock analyst says Wall Street collapse only half over: Banks and homeowners still in denial (38)
(Sify) Interesting Burns presses for nuclear deal, giant sun shade (17)
(Reuters) Interesting Manufacturers of premium dark chocolate make sweet discovery that their business is absolutely recession-proof (11)
(AP) Ironic Shares of Exxon fall on news that they just reaped the largest quarterly profit of any U.S. corporation ever (74)
(Bloomberg) Scary You know that recession we're supposed to be entering? It actually started last year (44)
(It's) Silly The financial system explained as a Monty Python sketch. Now it all makes sense (21)
(Seattle Times) Scary People are biatching and moaning about $4 gas prices this summer, but wait until they see their heating-oil bill this winter (90)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Not to be outdone by Delta, American Airlines sent 67 flights off today without putting the bags on the planes. Lets see you top that, United (80)

Wed July 30, 2008
(Examiner) Spiffy The official vehicles of the Democratic National Convention will run on spilled beer. Party foul (7)
(CNN) Asinine An article on how to dress for success at work. "Don't mistake the office for your local watering hole." Somewhere, Drew is laughing (163)
(News.com.au) Unlikely OPEC says oil could drop to $78 a barrel. Unlikely tag explodes (349)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Ironic Sirius stock "sucks," says the one guy who can fix it (13)
(The Consumerist) Asinine Man denied Verizon service because of his crappy name (53)
(Ars Technica) Cool The US Patent office might stop handing out the rights to ranking pages in order, counting to ten, pressing a button to buy something, and other highly innovative ideas (111)
(ClusterStock) Stupid Oil rises for the first time in weeks on news that Goldman Sachs predicts $150 oil and Lehman Brothers predicts $90 oil. There has to be a better way (18)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Obvious Verizon stops bribing people with free hi-def TVs, cable sales plummet (28)
(TBO) Florida Florida, Buffett in deal to fund cat insurance, cheeseburgers (13)
(Reuters) Misc Moody's downgrades Moody's after posting a 48-percent profit decline. Just kidding, they maintain their AAA status (9)
(CNBC) Ironic Comcast profit rises as they incur reduced installation costs, less waiting from 8am until noon (13)
(Marketwatch) Dumbass Bush signs housing bill. Not that housing bill, the one that authorizes (on page 287) the IRS to track every credit card transaction that Americans make (240)
(AP) Unlikely Dunkin' Donuts to offer healthier menu items, because when you think of health food, the local donut shop was always the first place to come to mind (13)
(ABC News) Misc Looking for a student loan? Good luck: the subprime housing meltdown is forcing a lot of lenders out of the game (32)
(Marketwatch) Asinine Stocks rise on news that 9,000 new jobs were created last month. Traders placing bets on 150,000 new workers fighting over those 9,000 jobs. Cockfight (13)
(ClusterStock) Interesting Recession chronicles: Percentage of Americans who plan to take a vacation in the next six months drops to the lowest level since 1968 (53)

Tue July 29, 2008
(Some Guy) Dumbass In bid to stave off bankruptcy in U.S., Ford introduces 67mpg Fiesta. But only in Europe, where maybe five people are going to buy it. For the American market, they'd be happy to sell you a full-size Explorer (75)
(Wall Street Journal) Weird EarthLink considers merging dial-up business with AOL's. In other news, EarthLink still exists. In yet other news, ELNK stock price has risen 30 percent in 2008 (21)
(Seattle Times) Stupid Annoyed that all the other airlines are copycats, Delta retakes the nickle-and-dime lead by doubling the surcharge on a second checked bag (25)
(AP) Interesting Judge tells Sprint to suck it, rules that early termination fees violate state law (29)
(AP) Spiffy Oil hits 7-week low on demand worries, dollar gain, news that Shia LaBeouf was not at fault in weekend auto accident (15)
(Time) Followup "Why Cuil is no threat to Google." Obvious tag surfs over to yesterday's fail boat thread and agrees (75)
(Piedmont Triad / WFMY News 2) Amusing Krispy Kreme filling Istanbul with creamy-goodness, one step closer to world obesity (17)
(ClusterStock) Interesting JP Morgan wealth advisor steals $5 million from clients and flees to Argentina (28)
(CNN) Asinine British Petroleum profit surges to $9.47 billion for 3rd quarter. Plans for the warehoused cash include buying the rest of Congress and ANWR (14)
(ClusterStock) Interesting Housing crash finally shows some signs of a turn: Rate of decline appears to be moderating (34)
(CNN) Unlikely OPEC wants oil at $78. Subby wants a job that pays $100,000 to watch tv and drink beer, but isn't getting that either (49)
(Reuters) Interesting McGraw-Hill in financial trouble. No, not Tim & Faith. The other McGraw-Hill (15)
(ClusterStock) Asinine Government to Whole Foods: bend over (21)
(ClusterStock) Spiffy Making money in print media is easy... if you write about oil (4)
(ClusterStock) Amusing Fannie Mae: "a well-reasoned road map to excellence that any organization would do well to consider" (4)
(Marketwatch) Misc Pickens dumps Yahoo shares, demands to know what in the wide wide world of sports is a-goin' on (20)
(LA Times) Obvious Sony's 2008 profits fall faster than your fat cousin's first DDR attempt (10)
(Globe and Mail) Interesting XM Canada may refuse merger with Sirius (7)
(Bloomberg) Spiffy "Sirius XM", more likely than you think (28)
(CBS Chicago) Interesting Bennigan's restaurants close; experts cite poor economy, lack of flair (54)
(Forbes) Obvious You'd hit it, they're all worth a billion or more (pointless slideshow warning) (225)
(CNBC) PSA Two of the Fast Money Fartknockers want you to go out and buy Financial Select Sector TODAY (4)
(CNBC) PSA Oil drops below $124 on news of the Cubs widening their NL Central lead to 2 games (83)
(CNN) Obvious Merrill Lynch is having a fire... sale. Oh, the losses. It burns. Evacuate all the schoolchildren (29)
(Bloomberg) PSA ADM sponsored corn-based ethanol gives a pimp slap to Big Oil. Who are we supposed to be rooting for here? (26)
(Reuters) Obvious Mervyn's, the rich man's Wal-Mart, to file for bankruptcy due to housing crisis in its California and Arizona base (27)

Mon July 28, 2008
(CNBC) Obvious Bank failures expected to accelerate as they realize more losses on loans to people who could never have paid them back. Mr. Potter salivates, offers 50 cents on the dollar (47)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious Stock price of Starbucks' oven supplier jumps upon news that reformulated not-so-smelly breakfast sandwiches will stay on menu (31)
(The Register) Obvious FCC ruling against Comcast isn't really a rule, it's more like a guideline (13)
(The Consumerist) Cool New policy at Subway, if you can't hang up your phone long enough to order, get to the back of the line (64)
(Sun Sentinel) Ironic Linens-n-Things folding 57 stores (24)
(ClusterStock) Interesting Return of American global economic dominance: Rest of G7 now collapsing even faster than US (23)
(CNBC) PSA Qualcomm, Nokia finally end their three year patent lawsuit. Agree to share patents, wives, etc (1)
(ClusterStock) Obvious UBS: You and us, working together to make a fortune on insider trading and then screwing the tax man out of his share of the spoils (30)
(ClusterStock) Interesting There's only one way to avoid $500 oil, expert says: Global economic collapse (54)
(Telegraph) Unlikely Donald Trump answers the important questions: Yes, it is my real hair and no, I don't use gel (11)
(Bloomberg) Obvious The predictions among Wall Street analysts that corporate earnings will be the catalyst for a bull market this year are losing credibility with the cascade of companies making bearish forecasts (22)
(Wall Street Journal) Silly Kraft Foods increases prices. Blames rising food cost. In a strange coincidence, they also show sudden profits (26)
(MSNBC) Interesting Toyota lowering its sales expectations for rest of the year. GM has none (31)
(Mirror.co.uk) Interesting Latest indication people are taking financial meltdown seriously? They're cutting back on their beer drinking (92)
(CNBC) PSA Oil rises to near $123 a barrel on news of the Cubs regaining first place in the NL Central (12)
(Gainesville Sun) Florida After years of liberal hatred kept a Wal-Mart Supercenter out of Gainesville, article covers the suburban apocalypse that followed its arrival. Just kidding, the whole neighborhood is happy (418)
(CNBC) Cool Verizon profit is up 12 percent, mostly on wireless gains due to the fact that members of "the network" are provided sack lunches instead of fast-food crap (15)
(Yahoo) Sad FDA faulted over unapproved uses of medications by applying them directly to the forehead (5)
(The Register) Interesting Motorola goes emo, cuts itself into three parts with a sharp Razr (8)

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