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Sun July 27, 2008
(Financial Times) Interesting Rising price of oil results in two related sectors enjoying booming production: bicycles and handguns (14)
(Forbes) Interesting The most expensive cities in the world to live in. Why yes they did figure beer and pornography into the equation (14)
(Sun Sentinel) Spiffy Surprising many, drive-in theaters still popular 75 years after their inception, despite the rise of modern multiplexes. The three guys hiding in your trunk approve (146)
(Anchorage Daily News) Spiffy Rolling in dough from record-high oil prices, Alaska to give every resident $3,200 (28)
(ClusterStock) Obvious Plummeting Wall Street bonuses expected to hit luxury goods companies and real-estate brokers especially hard, while owner of World's Tiniest Violins Inc. looks forward to booming business (13)
(Palm Beach Post) Interesting High gas prices are making people change their lives - moving closer to their jobs, taking mass transit and carpooling, and shopping closer to home instead of at far-away megamalls. Why do these people hate America? (32)
(C|Net) Asinine AT&T files petition with FCC to prevent competitors from launching 4G wireless high-speed data service because it would be far faster than AT&T's present service and thus would be against the consumers' best interest (42)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Obvious Investigation reveals televangelist's business empire rife with corruption and nepotism. If you can imagine such a thing (25)
(Las Vegas Now) Sad Nevada leads country in foreclosures... again. WE'RE #1 WE'RE #1 (17)
(Sun Sentinel) Obvious Thankfully, they just don't make cars like this anymore (54)
(Las Vegas Now) Sad FDIC takes over 28 bank branches in Nevada, Arizone and California. No, this is not a repeat (29)

Sat July 26, 2008
(Daily Bulletin) Obvious Man finds new business model cleaning up foreclosed homes after families are evicted; "I see it ending about five years down the line with all the inventory banks have" (17)
(CNN) Silly Nike pulls Hyperdunk ads due to objections that a picture of a crotch pressing against somebody's face with the caption "That Ain't Right" is homophobic. How gay (29)
(AP) Obvious "Beers with more alcohol, flavor gain market share.' Ric *hic* Romero reporting (18)
(Some Drawler) Obvious Hooo-WEEE, y'all better mosey down to yer local Ford dealer PRONTO and take a gander at th' brand-spankin' new '09 F-150. Cuz y'all know, no respectable Texan would be caught dead driving a gas-sippin' pussified see-dan (43)
(Yahoo) Interesting Honda reports record profits by following radical plan of building cars that don't suck (41)
(Slate) Interesting A new standard to measure poverty takes into account various expenses considered necessary "to participate in society", such as being able to get drunk twice a month (20)
(ClusterStock) Obvious All you guys seeing the light at the end of the credit crunch tunnel? Yeah, not so much (36)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious There was some good economic news today. Well, except for the two failing national banks seized by the Feds this evening (40)
(AP) Cool XM-Sirius Merger. Book it. Done (74)

Fri July 25, 2008
(MSNBC) Strange GM is so desperate to sell cars that they're willing to turn into something resembling a cult just to get Cobalts off the lot (58)
(Talking Points Memo) Scary One out of every 171 homes in the United States received a foreclosure notice between April and June (99)
(Boston Globe) Stupid Under new federal regulations, miniature golf will be illegal because it's too hard (66)
(ClusterStock) Spiffy Crocs blows quarter, says stock would go up if only the clogs were hygienic and safe to wear around escalators (40)
(CNN) Interesting "We work on a sliding scale. We can go as low as $123 a barrel." "Keep sliding." (72)
(Business Times) Asinine FDIC Chairman, Sheila Bair, reacts to market slump by shooting messengers. Apparently, the real culprit in high prices is... bloggers? (44)
(The Scotsman) Obvious A quarter of all bottled water consumers are buying less than they did a year ago and sales are down nearly ten percent. Eau no (30)
(Bloomberg) Scary Apparently people are pulling money over the FDIC limit out of WaMu accounts in what is definetly not a run on the bank. Bankers' Pen seen high-fiving each other (56)
(Daily Mail) Scary There's a good chance you're just 11 days from financial ruin (59)
(Sun Sentinel) Dumbass Further proof of recession: more than 5 MILLION people must not have enough money for a stamp to send in the paperwork to collect their stimulus check (22)
(CNN) Obvious From the Department of Self-Interest: Utilities say grid can handle electric cars, add that the stuff coming out of smokestacks is just rainbows and dreams (60)

Thu July 24, 2008
(BusinessWeek) Interesting H2a1s1b2r1o1 S1u1e1s1 S1c2r1a1b2u1l1o1u1s1 (15)
(Marketwatch) PSA The richer are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer, and Leon's getting larger (85)
(Fox Business) Interesting Facebook whoring it up with Microsoft (8)
(The Register) Obvious Google AdWords auctions have rules, just like Calvinball does (28)
(CNBC) Scary As global population explodes, water resources are being strained, possibly creating a commodity market for water similar to oil. And thus began the wars for water (102)
(International Herald Tribune) Interesting France votes to allow workers to exceed 35 hours per week, if they want to. Can Velveeta slices be far behind? (22)
(Kansas City) Interesting A former consultant for Anheuser-Busch in St. Louis accused of stealing from the company. His punishment is expected to be watered down and tasteless (79)
(AP) Followup I'm not sure if we can let your satellite radio companies merge [cough, cough, wink, wink]. Oh looky, an envelope with $19.7 million in fines from you. ... You know, on second thought, one company isn't such a bad idea after all (15)
(The Business Sheet) Interesting Frozen yogurt chain Pinkberry ducks racism scandal by tossing "Chinaman" juicers (37)
(Seattle Times) Obvious New study finds that people have to get to work somehow, and if they get robbed along the way, that's a risk they're willing to take (54)
(AP) Cool Southwest Airlines once again fails to receive memo that airlines must lose money, suck (180)
(CNBC) PSA Jim Cramer says its time to buy a house - NOW (he has said the opposite for a while) (47)
(IndyStar) Obvious Cialis a source of firm growth at Eli Lilly (7)
(AP) Obvious Occidental Petroleum sets second quarter profit record. WHOOPS, our bad (17)
(WTAM) Misc National City bank loses $1.76 billion, now searching under cushions of the world's largest sofa (9)
(ClusterStock) Interesting Obama, McCain profess their love for Bernake... that is until he raises rates to fight soaring inflation (10)
(Jalopnik) Cool Ford loses $8.7 Billion in second quarter of 2008, shakes self out of stupor, bringing entire fuel-efficient Euro lineup to the U.S (72)
(AFP) Interesting Spain slashes economic growth forecast to 1.6% amid news that workers sleep all afternoon (8)
(Bloomberg) Interesting The arctic could hold 90 billion barrels of oil. And, conveniently, will soon melt so that it will be easier to extract the oil (88)
(CBS Chicago) Spiffy Gas expected to drop to $3.50 a gallon by Labor Day. Quick: Someone blame Bush (93)

Wed July 23, 2008
(Guardian.com) Cool McDonald's is a big success in France. Maybe because it's the only restaurant there with no organ meat on the menu (29)
(CNN) Obvious When homeowners lose their homes in forclosure, we laugh at them and call them stupid. When banks make high-risk investments on subprime debtors and lose, we issue $300,000,000,000 to bail them out (253)
(ClusterStock) Scary That's it, we're screwed. Even the porn industry is suffering now (36)
(Reuters) Weird Nissan partners with state of Tennessee to develop pure electric cars, hopes their vehicles will pass array of "hold my beer, watch this" tests (13)
(Guardian.com) Obvious Four out of 10 U.S. CEOs believe the weak dollar has had a negative impact on business. In related news, six out of 10 US CEOs are idiots (39)
(Reuters) Obvious GM will lose the title of world's largest automaker for the first time in 77 years (31)
(Sun Sentinel) Interesting Ford, in an effort to stop people buying small foreign cars, plans to start importing more small foreign cars. Take THAT, foreign car companies (25)
(The Register) Followup Not to be outdone by Amazon, Sony decides to introduce one of the most idiotic tech devices ever conceived. (This message brought to you by last year) (114)
(ClusterStock) Interesting Hedge-fund manager who made $3.7 billion betting on housing-market collapse is now getting ready to reverse bet and go the other way (57)
(Canada.com) Cool If you've ever wanted to swim with sea lions in a mall, now is your chance. Yeah, us neither (90)
(AppleInsider) Dumbass Microsoft offers first hints at anti-Apple marketing blitz for Vista... FOR VISTA (240)
(CNN) Interesting AOL may become the slut at the gangbang with Microsoft, Yahoo and Google (8)
(MSNBC) Obvious How you can ease the pain of car ownership. Staying out of the back of a Volkswagen mysteriously absent (12)
(Yahoo) Obvious Stocks poised to open higher for Day Three of our government-controlled economy (27)
(MSNBC) Interesting Pfizer pfrofits pfreaking pfly (6)
(Bloomberg) Obvious The price of crude drops for another week because.... *shakes magic 8-ball*... Hurricane Dolly did NOT destroy oil rigs in the Gulf of Mexico (28)
(CBS Sacramento) Ironic Head of California's unemployment board fired (19)
(News.com.au) Interesting Mama don't take my Vodafone, mama don't take my Vodafone, mama don't take my Vodafone awaaayaay (7)
(MSNBC) Ironic How McDonald's is drinking Europe's milkshake (21)

Tue July 22, 2008
(Some Guy) Cool Harley-Davidson unveils their new 2009 models designed specifically for wide-assed biker babes (31)
(The Business Sheet) Interesting FOX morning show paid to put McDonald's coffee in front of anchors. Fortunately, they don't have to drink it (46)
(CNN) Scary Oil will hit $300 per barrel in the next 10 years, or about $15 per gallon at the pump (83)
(Popular Mechanics) Sad Introducing the 2010 Dodge Charger. What's that? Oh, sorry -- ahem -- introducing the 2010 Chevy Camaro (97)
(Bloomberg) Strange UAL stock soars 42 percent on news that last year, they only lost $2.7 billion, your luggage, grandmother and cat (5)
(Sun Sentinel) Followup The "I'm robbin' it" guy finished fourth in the McDonald's MySpace jingle contest (67)
(CNN) Followup Congressional Budget Office says bailing out Fannie and Freddie could cost as much as spending five months in Iraq (50)
(Bloomberg) Scary Washington Mutual asks Henry Paulson to help fix the U.S. housing market by implementing an 18th-century Prussian covered-bond system. What could possibly go wrong? (23)
(ClusterStock) Obvious As Apple's stock tanks, Wall Street bestows its vast wisdom on the world: When stocks go down, they are cheaper (86)
(Fox Business) Scary Wachovia loses $8.86 billion, cuts dividend and says, "Trust us, your money is safe here" (100)
(Wall Street Journal) Followup Icahn calls truce in Yahoo war, agrees to return France's sovereignty (15)
(Newsweek) Obvious Debt collectors finding it difficult to collect. Now resorting to sending out personalized service with guys named Guido (74)
(MSNBC) Obvious Ford marks 100th birthday of the Model T by wishing they sold something nearly as popular today (37)

Mon July 21, 2008
(Marketwatch) Obvious "The U.S. has become a socialist economy." Earth to Meekus, it has been since 1929. Shhhh... don't wake zombie Ayn Rand (173)
(CNBC) Interesting A map of probability of disruption of oil supply as tropical storm Dolly approaches hurricane intensity. EVERYBODY SPECULATE (18)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Ironic Why XM is screwed: Most new customers innocent bystanders who just happen to be buying new cars (78)
(Seattle Times) Followup New study finds that firing all your reporters will affect the quality of your newspaper for some damn reason or other (74)
(CNBC) Hero IBM's profit has risen 22 percent from last year, topping estimates (25)
(Wall Street Journal) Stupid Aw, how cute... Motorola's all butt-hurt over ex-exec going to work for Apple (21)
(Some Guy) Followup Most of Philadelphia's pharmaceutical distributors made it through a rough weekend. The key word is "most" (11)
(ClusterStock) Obvious McDonald's: Starbucks is a great company, let's be like them... whoops (36)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Followup Yahoo gives Carl Icahn three board seats and a big glass of STFU (6)
(Times Herald Record) Interesting Another victim of high gas prices: Carnies. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands (99)
(The Sun) Dumbass European Union, tired of not being on Fark.com for a whole day, makes the acre illegal as a unit of measurement as a pathetic cry for help (36)
(Yahoo) Obvious Economists emerge from their burrow, see shadows. Looks like we're in for two more quarters of recession (48)
(MSNBC) Cool Southwest Airlines has twice the market capitalization of the Big Six airlines combined, oil heged at $51 per barrel through next year and plans to expand their fleet. You are now free to move about the country (59)

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