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Sun July 20, 2008
(tmj4) Interesting Milwaukee rated #1 in the nation for (a) watered-down beer (b) coupon clipping (c) both a & b (11)
(AZCentral) Followup Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson reminds us, once again, that the US banking system is sound... but that the public should brace for months of "hard times" (19)
(Yahoo) Sad The CEO of Freddie Mac got $19.8 million in 2007. Imagine what he could have made if the company didn't lose half its value (58)
(Japan Times) Interesting Well-heeled squeal but feel Japanese eel is worth more greenmeal, shun Chinese eel deals with real zeal. Still yields more appeal as a meal than seal or veal, study reveals (34)
(London Times) Interesting You can buy almost anything on Amazon.com. Except any books by Britian's largest publisher (29)
(London Times) Sad Swiss bank to close accounts of all its American customers and lift the veil of secrecy that has protected its clients for centuries. Where will you hide your money now? (72)

Sat July 19, 2008
(BusinessWeek) Obvious It's about that time of year again. Ric Romero is SHOCKED to find out that colleges are in bed with credit card companies (21)
(CNN) Stupid Zimbabwe issues new bank note for one hundred billion dollars. Dr. Evil approved, until he learned it's only enough to buy four oranges. Correction, three oranges (89)
(Chicago Tribune) Amusing Tattoo parlor famous for emblazoning one fan of the city of Chicago with "CHI-TONW" is now in trouble for misspelling "tomorrow" on some other guy. Tryfecta is in play (31)
(The Street) Obvious Stock market manipulators are outraged that they would have to own something prior to selling it (62)
(Slate) Interesting The FDIC has a list of "problem" banks, but it's secret and telling consumers which banks are likely to fail would only result in them making informed decisions like pulling their money out and we can't have that (108)
(bizjournals) Scary Better Business Bureau warns citizens of traveling circus troupe. They're bringing clowns, carnies, five different names, and invalid insurance paperwork (16)

Fri July 18, 2008
(Some Guy) Dumbass AT&T.com: "We are proud to offer iPhone customers free access to the nation's largest Wi-Fi hotspot network with more than 17,000 hotspots." Two hours later: J/K LOL (35)
(Yahoo) Sad American Airlines cutting 1,500 jobs in maintenance. There will be a $15 charge if you'd like the fuselage to be scanned for microfractures (28)
(News.com.au) Interesting Barbie now has to look upon "Bratz" dolls as a her unwanted, mentally-challenged, annoyingly-sassy, slutty little sister in a unanimous court decision (101)
(Daily Gazette (Schenectady)) Strange Getting blasted in the face with pepper spray has never felt so good (32)
(LA Times) Obvious Citigroup delays inevitable insolvency another quarter by choosing to write off less than 6% of the near-worthless subprime debt it holds. Everybody sing: "We built this Citi, we built this Citi on cock and bull..." (23)
(Mercury News) Misc AMD CEO ousted on news that no one buys AMD processors anymore (37)
(International Herald Tribune) Obvious Fannie and Freddie have spent millions on lobbying. Now that they've been bailed out by the feds, and turned into de facto federal entities, shouldn't that be stopped? (24)
(CNN) Obvious Oil prices rebound after **shakes magic 8 ball** loss of pressure in Nigeria. Yeah that is what I was thinking it would be too (23)
(AP) Obvious You know your company is in serious trouble when a $2.5 billion loss and the laying off of 6,000 employees is above expectations (39)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Interesting Never mind this Yahoo business: Microsoft's real problem is the second coming of Apple (59)
(C|Net) Interesting Blockbuster fears Netflix... and Applebee's? (17)
(Fox News) Cool General Motors researchers are working on a windshield that combines lasers, infrared sensors and a camera to give old people's cars F-16 like capabilities. Targeting farm markets and crowds will be easier than ever (38)
(Forbes) Obvious Microsoft misses earnings by a penny, stock gets hammered, Ballmer hits the crack pipe. Apple fanboys proclaiming the superiority of Mac to PC on your right (39)
(Bloomberg) Spiffy Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are now deemed "safe" as foreign investors gobble up high yield bonds and salivate over $10 billion stock offering. Greed may save us yet (18)
(SeattlePI) Followup Starbucks announces all 600 stores they're closing. Dang, they're closing the one in my office building. Now I'll have to go clear across the street (71)
(New York Daily News) Obvious Generation Whine's take on the future makes Generation X's view look downright cheerful (126)
(Sign On San Diego) Obvious Because petroleum is used in every phase of the surfboard process, manufacturers are getting wiped out. Gnarly (22)

Thu July 17, 2008
(Silicon Alley Insider) Obvious Google loses $13 billion of market value after blowing their earnings (20)
(SFGate) Obvious Instead of feeling down about the declining value of your home, think about it this way: Home prices are traveling back in time. Now that's pretty cool (22)
(Salon) Amusing Before it was bought out, Budweiser trampled over smaller American brewers for almost a century. Who's crying in their (piss) beer now? (62)
(AP) Followup Yahoo calls Microsoft's actions "Stupefying," adding a gutteral "Ooooh-wa-ah-ah-ah" (20)
(CNN) Ironic Merrill Lynch lost $4.9 billion last quarter, or 12 seconds worth of Exxon profits (9)
(AP) Obvious EU warns against buying ring tones online, surprisingly for reasons completely unrelated to being farking obnoxious (26)
(Chicago Tribune) Obvious High oil prices making medical suplies cost sky rocket. Next week's oil price hike due to high cost of medical suplies (12)
(ClusterStock) Amusing Enraged Pakistani mob stones stock exchange, demands government make stocks go up (29)
(CNN) Followup Missouri, upset at being late for the Barn Door Closing Party, raids Wachovia's offices (20)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Ironic New I35W bridge in Minneapolis should be completed just ahead of the conclusion of a lawsuit over which firm should build it. Wait, what? (89)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting College degrees don't pay anymore. Go find a job with a drill (112)
(National Review) Interesting A detailed, sober analysis of how oil prices are set, and thus something that has no place on Fark (82)
(C|Net) Interesting Apple must win its case against Psystar -- or else something really bad will happen: People will buy the same hardware at much lower prices (232)
(ClusterStock) Unlikely How many automatic headlight wiper sales does it take to make up for billions in losses? GM and Ford are trying to figure that out (22)
(Some Guy) Interesting An explanation of how Curious George, J. Fred Muggs, Coco and Bobo could do a better job running the economy than our politicians (13)
(Slashdot) Amusing Just when you thought the SCO case couldn't get any stranger, a man who has previously sued The Thirteen Tribes of Israel, 'Various Buddhist Monks,' Mein Kampf and Plato offers to take over the case (26)
(Telegraph) Unlikely They're called Air Stab, one featuring the phrase "Runnin n Gunnin," but Nike says they don't actually glorify street violence (81)
(Boston Globe) Obvious There's one industry in America that gives its customers what they want (46)
(Seattle Times) Followup Boeing says that if any tanker competition compares size, capacity or cost, they'll hold their breath until they turn blue (128)
(MSN) Stupid MSN presents seven surefire ways to stay poor. Being a part of the American economy somehow not on the list (25)
(Wall Street Journal) Stupid Home prices are cratering and its businesses are leaving, but California responds with proposed tax hikes that will make them the highest-tax state in the nation (46)
(CNBC) PSA The Fast Money Fartknockers feel that "an energy reversal may be imminent" (18)
(Reuters) Obvious Yahoo is so far up Jerry's yang that it'll believe any crap it spews forth: "Microsoft will destroy any shareholder value" (7)
(Marketwatch) Asinine J.P. Morgan's stock to rise on news they only sucked 53 percent worse than last year (9)
(Washington Post) Interesting Saudi Arabia finally gets around to watching "Syriana." Hire Matt Damon to be their chief economic advisor (19)
(MSNBC) Sad In 2000, the treasurer of California decided to reinvest the state's pension funds into the booming housing market. What could possibly go... oh, wait... (25)
(Bloomberg) Obvious USA Today ad revenues drop 27 percent in June. If only there was a way to express this using some sort of silly, 3D, overly simplistic graphic pie-chart thingie (7)
(Washington Post) Followup Does the Federal Reserve have the legal authority to manipulate financial institutions and markets like they're doing? Short answer: NO (20)
(CBS Chicago) Scary Flying US Scareways anytime soon? Weight 'til you hear this (118)

Wed July 16, 2008
(Silicon Alley Insider) Amusing Economic indicator: WSJ redraws execs faces, from 'shiat-eating grin', to 'I think they're on to us.' (17)
(Wall Street Journal) Amusing Microsoft, trying to rebound from Yahoo rejection, casually approaches Time Warner in order to hook up with AOL. Bill Gates denies serving as wingman (5)
(CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth) Followup Indymac under investigation by the FBI barn door-closing division (10)
(AP) Followup Bernanke says Fannie and Freddie are fine. EVERYBODY PANIC (35)
(Jared Fogle) Scary Seven. Seven-inch. Knife in a footlong (108)
(Yahoo) Obvious American Airlines pilots now racing for pinks (42)
(Breitbart.com) Interesting Consumer prices shot up by 1.1 percent in June, the most since Michael Jackson released "Thriller" (23)
(Some Guy) Obvious How chain restaurants skim off a portion of the tips you leave to make their profits look better. Submitter feels better about never tipping (48)
(Boston Herald) Sad GM, a glutton for bad press, says that budget cuts may imperil support for its NASCAR teams (85)
(Boston Globe) Dumbass The New England Patriots' stadium was financed with loans carrying a 20 percent interest rate, but don't worry -- the booming market in auction-rate securities means that rate is only on paper (16)
(Guardian.com) Interesting That brilliant plan you had to make millions short-selling bank stocks today? The SEC frowns on your shenanigans (56)
(BBC) Sad Despite protests, UN gives China okay to import ivory. Tusk, tusk (19)
(Reuters) Interesting Strike threatens to shut down bauxite and aluminum production at Jamaican refining plant. In other news, Jamaica has plants other than cannabis (12)
(London Times) Amusing British airline hires actors to play passengers and fill seats. "Is this a spork I see before me, the handle toward my hand? To pretzel or not to pretzel, that's the question" (5)
(CNN) Interesting Today's headline: Oil prices fall $6 in largest single day price drop in 17 years. Tomorrow's headline: Gas prices increase by $6 (48)

Tue July 15, 2008
(ABC News) Interesting "The next time you grab a handful of cashew nuts at a party, think that you may be holding the economic heartbeat of one tiny West African state in the palm of your hand" (22)
(Free Press) Stupid Obama assures workers that GM can thrive under the right policies, such as the "Give GM free money" policy (36)
(Fox Business) Obvious Oil fell more than $7 today on news that Megan Fox was ordered to gain weight for new Transformer Movie (25)
(ClusterStock) Ironic A recession causes oil to drop, which causes stocks to rally, which causes oil to rise, which causes stocks to drop, which...(head explodes) (27)
(LA Times) Scary People lining up at banks to withdraw funds. If only history had some previous event that we could look back upon to see how this will turn out (121)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Bush urges lawmakers to move quickly to help out mortgage giants from going under, while declaring the nation's financial system to be "basically sound" (99)
(Herald-Leader) PSA Jim Gaffigan given new material as Nestle recalls 200,000 lbs of Lean Pockets containing bits of plastic (124)
(AutoBlog) Followup How long did it take for GM to cancel the vehicle that could completely turn things around for them? 10 days (83)
(Wall Street Journal) Stupid Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) is to blame for the second biggest bank failure in U.S. history (306)
(CBS Miami) Amusing Bernanke briefing Congress on economy... opening remarks include: bend over, grab your ankles (41)
(CNN) Unlikely GM to cut thousands of jobs in order to "survive". Steve, GM's lone remaining U.S. line worker, says he's excited to still have a job (35)
(Breitbart.com) Interesting Wholesale inflation is up by 9.2 percent over the past 12 months, the highest rate since Luke married Laura (40)
(BusinessWeek) Obvious Restaurants, would it farking kill you to serve half-portions of your regular meals to kids so we can order something besides chicken fingers and fries? (156)
(MSNBC) Obvious Bailout of mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac could cost taxpayers. You mean we can't just print more money to pay for it? (84)
(Telegraph) Interesting Ebay wins lawsuit against Tiffany; now has En Vogue, Milli Vanilli and Klymaxx in its sights (19)
(MSNBC) Obvious The #1 threat to pension funds, 401(k)s, mutual funds and the individual investor: Bears. Where is Stephen Colbert when we need him? (20)
(Financial Times) Scary Children's Investment Fund loses $1 billion in a month. This is why we can't have nice things (10)

Mon July 14, 2008
(Some Guy) Scary Take one million dollars. Multiply it by 1000. Multiply that by 1000. Multiply THAT by 1000. Add $280 trillion. That's the value of all the derivatives out there. Everybody panic (114)
(Bloomberg) Asinine Citigroup to shareholders: "Here's a lovely 66-page handout detailing our assets. Pay no attention to the $1.1 trillion we leave off the books" (7)
(Register Guard) Unlikely Obvious: Man who offered home via essay contest will not award it to the best essay. Spiffy: Man intends to actually send the money back. Tag is for likelihood of him actually returning the money successfully (12)
(Network World) Interesting No Farking way: The Top 20 most recession-proof jobs (94)
(Newsweek) Interesting An electric car in your driveway? It could be more likely than you think (571)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Today's major bank meltdown is brought to you by Alliance & Leicester, which sold itself for 25 cents on the dollar like a cheap tart with bad teeth (9)
(Newsday) Interesting First 50 Starbucks closings listed. Starbucks customers shocked, will have to walk all the way across the street to the other Starbucks in order to get their coffee now (42)
(Some Steve) Followup Apple sold one millionth 3G iPhone on Sunday. Coincidentally, it was sold to the same guy who bought iPhone number 12,443 on Friday, couldn't get it activated, and smashed it into tiny bits with a hammer (54)
(London Times) Hero Bank of England boss rejects £100,000 pay rise. Maybe his account is full (9)
(CNN) Interesting Ross Perot on why GM is doomed to failure. As true in 1988 as it is now: "The GM System is like a blanket of fog" (59)
(Brookston Beer Bulletin) Cool With the sale of Budweiser, that means Sam Adams is the largest US-owned brewery, with Yuengling second and Sierra Nevada third (495)
(ClusterStock) Dumbass Sen. Chuck Schumer: I did not have sexual relations with that bank, Ms. IndyMac (25)
(BBC) Unlikely Airbus says A380 superjumbo should benefit from high oil prices due to lower fuel cost per person, per mile. Much in the manner that large SUVs are flying off the shelves right now (93)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Obvious Wal-Mart pays as well as Target, has benefits comparable to the rest of the industry, and its political opponents are just full of impotent anger (370)
(Bloomberg) Asinine The financial page has been awash in bad news lately, so naturally, stocks soar at the opening bell (30)
(CNBC) Unlikely How Sen. Chuck Schumer brought down a hopelessly under-capitalized financial institution by writing a letter questioning whether said financial institution was hopelessly under-capitalized (152)
(Reuters) Cool Made in the USA isn't a pipe dream anymore, as companies find that bringing production home actually saves money (25)
(Reuters) Interesting Hey, did you hear that the SEC is cracking down on rumors? (26)
(International Herald Tribune) Scary Analysts say that 150 banks in the United States could fail over the next 18-months. EVERYBODY FDIC (50)

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