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Sun July 13, 2008
(STLToday) News Here's to you Mr. Foreign Investor dude (206)
(LA Times) Scary SEC issues rare weekend announcement warning against fear mongering about the failing Fannie and Freddie. The First Amendment surrenders (74)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Capitalism sowed the seeds of its own demise because the benefits of a decade-long boom accrued to capital, with nothing flowing to labor (37)
(Guardian.com) Spiffy Prince of Wales is now Prince of Ales, debuting his first draft beer. No word on whether publicans will have to tug his ears to pull a pint (9)
(CNBC) PSA Massive debt is fueling what may be a long recession. Since we are writing debt off, lets just throw everyone's credit card bills in the mix (67)
(SFGate) Dumbass "Businesswoman" is shocked, SHOCKED that bank took its money back after she missed several credit card payments (39)
(Philly) Followup Someone finally realizes how sensitive telephone records really are. Now if only there were some sort of amendment to the Constitution banning seizures without a warrant (67)
(AP) Followup Yahoo tells Microsoft and Carl Icahn to go fark themselves with a pointed stick (32)
(Reuters) Asinine No more signing receipts with Viagra pens (66)

Sat July 12, 2008
(SeattlePI) Interesting Neighbors want illegal giant-clam operators off their beach. Surprisingly, Paris Hilton not involved (22)
(Journal Times) Obvious Last year, 738 million pounds of ramen were devoured in the U. S. "We are living in a ramen moment" says Alan Richman, GQ magazine food critic (38)
(Reuters) Dumbass Starbucks decides to try peddling overpriced smoothies to yuppies struggling with high energy costs. This should end well (33)
(CNBC) Video Old and busted: "$40 a Day" with Rachael Ray. The new hawtness: CNBC's "$4.60 a Day" (24)
(AP) Sad Benihana founder Rocky Aoki dead at 69 from freak steak knife wound. Just kidding, it was cancer (58)
(LA Times) Interesting Guinness now sells more of the thick, muddy stuff in Nigeria than it does in Ireland. Where is your God now? (42)

Fri July 11, 2008
(Guardian.com) Amusing Landmark study examines phenomenon of "Indignation Within Organizations": the science of how employees decide their boss is a complete, utter bastard (16)
(Chicago Tribune) Amusing Cubs fans get their own cemetery. Book it. Buried (24)
(Wall Street Journal) Sad Congratulations to IndyMac Bancorp for making the FDIC "Failed Bank" list (273)
(Forbes) Sad Belgium brewer Inbev ups bid to $70/share for Anheuser-Busch. Anheuser-Busch now actually interested (25)
(Wired) Asinine Ameritrade Hack Settlement: $2 Per Victim, $1.8 Million for Lawyers (25)
(The Business Sheet) Interesting Sloshed Rupert Murdoch loses wedding ring at Sun Valley mogul confab. Reporters help him look everywhere. Don't tell trophy wife Wendi (8)
(Google) Scary When the U.S. Government assumes control of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, the National Debt will go from $9 trillion to $14 trillion overnight. What's in your wallet? (57)
(CNN) Scary "There is concern and speculation that Freddie, Fannie and Lehman won't be around on Monday." (39)
(Marketwatch) Interesting Oil futures traders have tied an onion to their belts, but not a white onion because of the war (6)
(Huffington Post) Sad Dow drops below 11,000 for the first time in two years (96)
(CNBC) Unlikely Thanks to Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac tanking, CNBC sees a bottom to the market slide, marking the 100th time in the past 6 months that CNBC has seen a bottom to the market slide (14)
(Guardian.com) Obvious Study finds irritability in men is a sign of strength and in women, a sign that they're crazy as a shiathouse rat (20)
(CNBC) Scary Fannie and Freddie are Farked (111)
(Some Guy) Obvious Texas ranked No. 1 for business by CNBC. Suck it tiny girly-man states. Alaska doesn't count, because it's not attached (48)
(BBC) Interesting Weak dollar hits Vatican profits, Pope dismayed that he can no longer afford diamond-encrusted 19" spinners on the Popemobile (20)
(CNBC) Scary Oil hits nearly $147 a barrel on news that there is no reliable and economical alternative to the stuff (68)
(Some Guy) Amusing High school cheerleaders are the group most likely to become corporate vice presidents....Gimmie a "B"....gimmie an "S" (44)
(ABC News) Obvious Why companies are reconsidering their moves to outsource production to China after discovering low rates also mean low quality (70)
(The Scotsman) Stupid Nanny State politicians and public health czars frothing over Scottish brewer's new twelve percent beer. "If it became popular it would have devastating consequences for health as well as social order and violence on the streets" (54)

Thu July 10, 2008
(Metro) Interesting Credit crunch resulting in more married men than ever dumping their mistresses to save money (144)
(Telegraph) Obvious Supermarket chain blames lengthy website crash on "metal thieves" because it sounds more professional than "beer on the servers" (13)
(Boston Globe) Amusing You know its bad food when your taste testers sue your company for mouth injuries. Spring Surprise suspiously absent (18)
(Boston Globe) Asinine Step 1: Make bridge fall down. Step 2: Get contract to rebuild bridge. Step 3: Profit (12)
(Boston Globe) Obvious Potential employers are more willing to hire you if you don't wear clothes from Hot Topic (54)
(CNN) Obvious Oil prices increase over $5 per barrel on fears of Iran's mad Photoshop skills (100)
(CNN) Obvious To the surprise of absolutely everyone, Wal-Mart is named the largest company in the world. And no, this is not a repeat from the last couple of years either (94)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Much like Underwater Basket Weaving, Women's Studies and Game Boy majors, student loans "fail about 99 percent of the time" in the real world (24)
(MSNBC) Stupid Ford's master plan to sell more cars: We're going to rely on the Taurus for now (41)
(Marketwatch) Scary The Federal Reserve is working very hard to ensure that you never get a raise again in your lifetime (71)
(CNBC) Interesting The FastMoney Fartknockers contemplate if the bottom has arrived for Banking stocks (16)
(The Business Sheet) Interesting Billionaire financier Bruce Wasserstein spins off third wife, acquires young Asian beauty (18)
(Fox Business) Interesting Dow Chemical to Acquire Rohm and Haas to create more fragrant blends of bleach (8)
(Reuters) Hero Hey America, we're going to build more SUV's here in the states. "Booooo" Uh, okay, um... what about a new Prius? "Yaaaaay" Toytota, the first car manufacturer to figure out supply and demand (49)
(ClusterStock) Dumbass Some grant-seeking professor guy pulls another number out of his ass, predicts oil will go to $500 (79)
(ClusterStock) Amusing Russia To Libya: All Your Oils Belong To Us... Gazprom Buys ALL of Libya's Oil And Gas (16)
(ClusterStock) Obvious Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac aren't ready to fail yet, but stockholders can expect continued, extensive reaming as rescue efforts are launched (10)
(ClusterStock) Florida The largest solar plant in the US will be in Florida. Take that Fark (68)
(Bloomberg) Scary Foreclosures up over 50 percent in June, bank seizures triple (37)
(MSN) Obvious Oil executives receiving record payouts. Infuriating tag can't afford the gas to get to work, Obvious tag fills in (248)
(SFGate) Scary "There is an effort in Japan to cut down on deaths from overwork, known as 'karoshi.'" In other news, enough people die from overwork in Japan to have a special term for it (31)
(CBS Sacramento) Weird Not news: Wife writes checks for Dell and AT&T, but accidentally sends to wrong company. Fark: Dell and AT&T both cash the other company's check, tell wife it's not their problem (167)
(MSNBC) Stupid Airlines ask their customers to lobby about oil prices but only after they are searched, treated like terrorists, delayed, searched again and crammed into a metal tube next to a fat woman while her kid sings, "It's a Small World" (20)

Wed July 09, 2008
(MSNBC) Asinine Knowing that consumers will revolt over higher prices, food manufacturers are decreasing sizes by 2-3oz. Bonus: They're keeping the front dimensions of the boxes the same (181)
(Huffington Post) Interesting "Hey, can you tell me how to get to the Chrysler Building?" "Uh, you mean the Abu Dhabi Investment Council Building"? (81)
(SFGate) Scary Stocks take another tumble on news that the house of cards that is the global financial system may be nearing collapse (22)
(SFGate) Interesting France may surrender title of world's largest winemaker to Spain. Olé, ranas (73)
(The Consumerist) Spiffy Daughter of leukemia-beating dad wins Charter Cable's 65-inch HDTV contest. Oops, Charter can't afford 65 inches and doesn't give a shiat, so here's a 19-incher instead (44)
(Orange County Register) Obvious Ralph's revised double-coupon policies draws the ire of the Coupon Ladies. Buying Half & Half by personal check in a bathrobe still acceptable (22)
(AZCentral) Followup US Airways trifecta in play: US Airways to eliminate in-flight movies to save fuel (65)
(BBC) Interesting EU intends to take action against the RyanAir model of air travel success: i.e. do everything you can to stop the customer realising what the real cost will be (11)
(ClusterStock) Interesting Fooling some of the people all of the time: Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson cherrypicks bogus stats to make you think housing market is turning up (21)
(CBS Philadelphia) Stupid US Airways now charging an additional $15 to lose your luggage (31)
(Gothamist) Asinine Rich imbeciles schedule August 15 NYC/Montreal rental-car rally. In other news, Customs and NY state police declare August 15 "Cavity Search Day" (24)
(ClusterStock) Silly Anheuser-Busch's last ditch effort to stop InBev from taking over: Wearing American flag boxer briefs and blaming Cuba (9)
(BBC) Scary Levi's profits fall 98 percent to just $1 million. OH DENIMANITY (70)
(Washington Post) Interesting Ben Bernanke calls for wider federal authority over banks, processes for formal liquidation of assets, your teeth (23)
(AxedJet) Scary If you had ExpressJet as your next airline to take "a turn for the worse," step forward and collect your prize. But only after you take of your shoes and clear security (14)
(BBC) Obvious Driving is actually 20 percent cheaper than it was in 1988, but motorists are angrier today because they were riding around on Big Wheels wearing absorbent pants then (43)

Tue July 08, 2008
(SeattlePI) Interesting Flickr to start allowing users to sell their images to advertising agencies for thousands of dollars. Expect to see poorly focused self portraits with teenage cleavage everywhere in about 6 months (31)
(Reuters) Obvious Gas prices rise on news that gas prices with continue to rise well into the Fall (38)
(Daily Mail) Strange It's a sure sign the economy's gone down the crapper when grocery stores start security-tagging frozen chickens (19)
(AOL) Interesting Want to increase the value of your company stock? Lay off 16,500 employees and watch it go up (23)
(CNBC) Obvious We are not predicting IndyMac's failure, but we expect that the value of the common equity left after announced actions will be immaterial (6)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Cool Rupert Murdoch's Fox Business steals Walt Mossberg from CNBC (16)
(Some Guy) Cool GM to build the worlds largest rooftop solar power plant, which will produce 15.1 million kWh annually (video) (48)
(Reuters) Sad The fine maker of Olevia HDTVs just filed for bankruptcy. Everybody Panasonic? (51)
(Chicago Tribune) Misc You are now free to move about the country, play hockey and drink Molson (13)
(The Register) Obvious It will "shortly" be time to disable automatic XP updates again (57)
(The Business Sheet) Interesting JP Morgan CEO: People who share rumors and gossip should be thrown in jail (29)
(Indymac Blog) Obvious If you're an Indymac shareholder, they would appreciate it if EVERYONE could please not PANIC. Following the recent trend and forecast, your dog no longer wants stake (11)
(CNBC) Obvious Oil sinks below $139 on news that our asses are sore (38)
(Fox Business) Dumbass The Fed's genius solution to financial instability: Give out more money (38)
(ClusterStock) Followup A Benjamin Arnold emerges in the InBev-Budweiser saga as Adolphus Busch IV starts a family feud (27)
(BusinessWeek) Scary Perhaps the time has come for sleazy real estate agents to stop lying to their well-paying customers (43)
(Seattle Times) Obvious Starbucks shares continue to fall on news that cars can't burn caffeine (12)
(Marketwatch) Obvious Wall Street is awash with over-educated douchebags who are quick with "buzz-words" and PowerPoint presentations, yet have no idea how business really gets done (61)
(Bloomberg) Scary World stock markets collapse. U.S. markets heading for a nightmare session. Let's take a daiquirí timeout (37)
(LA Times) Dumbass The housing crisis just got a whole lot worse. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac need to borrow $75 billion from their pimp to comply with accounting rules. In other news, you're their pimp (22)
(Wall Street Journal) Amusing Top 50 things media has blamed on rising oil prices. Costlier bacon makes the cut, A-Rod's romp with Madonna doesn't (8)

Mon July 07, 2008
(AJC) Cool Ted Turner and Rupert Murdoch end bloodfued, postponing the apocalypse for a few more years (10)
(Reuters) Interesting GM is rushing the production version of the Volt so it will be ready for Chevy service departments by September (53)
(ClusterStock) Scary Wall Street Journal: $200 oil and $6 gas just months away. Submitter: [expletive deleted] (133)
(Boston Globe) Amusing Sinking Starbucks stock spurs some smug sippers' schadenfreude (26)
(CNN) Dumbass CNN's list to warding off debt collectors includes declaring bankruptcy because it was "the greatest day of their life." Quit being a dead beat and paying your bills strangely absent from the list (70)
(Free Press) Interesting Chrysler imposes a six-month time limit for filing sexual harassment claims, admit their cars have better warranties than their management team (22)
(Ethanol Center) Dumbass Sixteen ethanol companies facing bankruptcy, ignore subby's plan to open a chain of "80/20" saloons and strip clubs across the Midwest (23)
(Metro) Asinine Red Ring of Death fiasco to cost Microsoft *touch pinky to mouth* one BILLION dollars (137)
(TechNewsWorld) Dumbass AT&T's marketing VP apparently failed Marketing 101, plans to charge $400 premium for new iPhone. iFail likely to ensue (37)
(CBS News) Sad The fall of the mighty greenback: As the value of the U.S. dollar falls, so goes the world economy. Perhaps deficit spending was not such a cunning plan after all (35)
(AP) Stupid Sirius-XM still waiting around for FCC to approve merger, just in time for plummeting auto sales and permanent reduction in time spent driving to destroy satellite radio's business model (48)

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