(Bismarck Tribune)		Help wanted: shepherds. Must be good with sheep. Able to endure long lonely hours of herding and related activities. Willing to live on the North Dakota prairie	(16)
		How to get that hot flight attendant to come to your house... and give you money	(16)
		Toyota will be increasing the prices of their line of products in the US after they realize that they are getting paid in US dollars and not real money	(49)
		If you purchased Delta airfare recently and regret the decision, you may be able to get a full refund	(6)
(Some Guy)		New projects totaling $120 million to add luxury touches to downtown Clearwater. Just don't expect to enjoy them if you aren't a Scientologist	(19)
		After thirty-six years on the run, cigarettes finally slay the beast. Robert Vesco, the Keyser Söze of Wall Street, dead at 72	(12)
(CNet)		Microsoft bid for Yahoo downgraded to 'nevermind, we'll use our billions to take over Google instead'	(33)

		Toyota recalls 90,000 of 90,001 Highlanders for obvious reason	(71)
		Behold, Volvo's amazing vision of the future: The injury-proof car	(69)
		Amazon tells New York to take their internet tax and shove it	(35)
		Cubans buying cell phones in record numbers. No sé. ¿Mi mejor amigo por siempre, Jill?	(27)
		Reverse mortgages becoming increasingly popular for older Americans who can't pay monthly bills. Their children living in the basement, waiting for them to die, cry uncontrollably	(32)
		Federal Reserve announces emergency $75 billion auction and will allow banks to use half-eaten cookies and Todd Marinovich rookies cards as collateral	(30)
		A record 32,000 people are expected to converge upon the Qwest Center in Omaha to hear the Oracle, Warren Buffett, and his words of wisdom	(39)

		Was the Bear Stearns bailout a 'Rogue Operation'? Bernanke may be offering a subliminal answer from the back of his chaufer-driven limousine	(20)
		Would you eat 2,900 calorie cheese fries? The answer of course is a resounding "Yes. With chili and extra cheese."	(305)
		Not saying print media is dying but the Washington Post profit fell 39% in the first quarter	(14)
		Federal Reserve decides to crack down on unfair credit card fees, oppressive interest rates, rampaging Vikings	(58)
(The Deal)		Yu-Gi-Oh No: Atari gets bought for a jawbreaker and a pack of envelopes	(43)
(Some Guy)		Airlines discover that slowing down saves millions in fuel costs; to save even more, they are looking into wingless, ground-based wheeled transporters known as "buses"	(26)
		Linens 'N Things files for bankruptcy, citing poor sales. Creditors expected to seize both the apostrophe and remaining N	(15)
		For a fee the power company will sell you organically grown electrons instead of the regular factory-farmed variety	(37)
(Some Guy)		Bank of Canada boss says there's no way in hell they'll bail out any Canadian financial institutions facing bankruptcy, and will personally biatch-slap any bank president who can't accurately value an asset	(58)
(Some Guy)		Science has proven your job can drive you insane: "Stress, burnout and depression create huge fallout in the workplace that far exceeds taking a sick day here and there," says Dr. Romero, Ph.D	(23)
		Markets set to open higher on news that 20,000 fewer people have a job this month than last month	(24)
		American auto companies once again prove they have all the foresight of a parking meter. Their CEOs are still worth millions, though	(31)
		U.S. gas: So cheap it hurts	(72)

(BrewBlog)		Craft beer sales in supermarkets are slowing down, foretelling doom. This important message brought to you by Miller Brewing	(68)
		Former Monster president indicted. Super Grover to the rescue	(23)
		The good news: consumer spending up again in April. The bad news: it's because everything costs so damn much now	(232)
		Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Myanmar and Laos considering creating a rice cartel similar to OPEC. And thus began the food wars	(42)
		Maria Bartiromo sat down with Google's Eric Schmidt to discuss their growth and US slowdown. Mmmm Maria Bartiromo	(25)
		Exxon profits rise from "ass rape" to "atomic ass rape," disappointing investors who were looking for "super-nuclear ass rape"	(91)
		Warren Buffett could be looking to buy American Express so he can use the Plum Card to buy companies out	(11)
		British Airways shares rise on merger hopes	(4)
		Realizing people are less willing to pay $5 for a cup of coffee in rough times, Starbucks will only put a new store on every fourth corner this year	(40)
		Japan owns the U.S. auto market, again. Shockingly, the 6000 SUX with a whopping 8.2 MPG was not a big seller this year	(44)
		Slideshow: Top 10 CEO paychecks	(56)
		HDTV to be dirt cheap next month	(106)
		Starbucks serves up a triple venti mocha soy Fail, but promises to chai harder	(13)

(Autoblog)		GM posts $3.25 billion loss for Q1. Awkward	(56)
		De Beers finds shipwreck off the coast of Namibia laden with treasure from the 1500s	(42)
		To finance the stimulus package, the U.S. government resurrects selling one-year Treasury notes -- the equivalent of an individual using payday loans to pay credit card bills	(28)
		Helicopter Ben slashes the Fed Funds rate to 2% on news that the U.S. dollar was finally starting to show signs of life	(213)
		Markets soaring, if by "market" you're referring to the flea market, and by "soaring," you're referring to the number of people trying to sell their stuff in order to pay their mortgage	(62)
		How to turn a topless 15-year-old into record Web traffic: VanityFair.com rejoices over Miley Cyrus	(195)
		Procter & Gamble posted higher quarterly profit as cost controls helped offset soaring prices for commodities, and raised its forecast for its fiscal year	(4)
		IT'S A RECESSION EVERYBODY PANIC I CAN'T FILL MAH TANK. Oh, wait a sec...	(49)
		Media bias in action: U.S. economy up 0.6% in first quarter. CNN: "U.S. economy spluttering." BBC: "U.S. economy exceeds expectations." Discuss	(68)
		A federal appeals court let the NYC proceed with ordering some chain restaurants to post calorie counts on menu boards, but only after they agreed to postpone issuing fines until mid-July	(76)
		Hollywood thinks net neutrality will put a dent in their fight against piracy. Getting with the times and updating their business model to address reality apparently not on the table	(22)
		One of the best things about working in a drug cartel is that there's a lot of possibilities for advancement	(8)
		John D. Rockefeller's family demands two straws be handed out to drain Exxon-Mobil's milkshake	(17)
(Some Oil Addict)		Exxon's expected "truly gaudy" Q1 revenues: It's on track to make more than Sweden (yes, the country)	(68)
		Archer Daniels Midland defends their production of corn-based ethanol, $3.2 billion in tax subsidies. Who needs food when you have fuel?	(29)
		One of the enduring mysteries of our times is how China has created capitalism out of thin air	(33)

		The makers of the battery that keeps going and going can't say the same for their stock price	(7)
		XP update delayed over glitch. Will release service pack once they have this whole stapler incident resolved	(31)
		Financial Times uncovers incontrovertible evidence that global warming being shamelessly exploited by seal-hugging environmentalists as pretext to undermine the economy	(71)
		IBM raised its quarterly cash dividend by 25 percent to $0.50 per share, lifting its payout to shareholders for the 13th year in a row on news of record Craptiva sales	(18)
		Denver-based airline clearly not at the Frontier of diversity training when employee shows noose to black co-worker and asks, "Are you ready?"	(153)
		April's consumer confidence lands somewhere between "Oh, my god" and "Brother, can you spare a dime?"	(59)
		The S&P/Case-Shiller home-price index dropped 12.7 percent from a year earlier, more than forecast and the most since the figures were first published in 2001	(27)
		Office Depot's profit falls 55 percent. In other news, Office Depot profit still $69 million	(13)
(Jacksonville.com)		Jacksonville newspaper readers don't get headline's intentionally bad grammer	(14)
		Foreclosure rates up 66 percent in Manhattan. EVERYBODY in NYC get your financial affairs in order, it's almost buying time	(19)
		Online companies set to feast on $42 billion of revenue left over after the demise of the newspaper industry	(19)
		Oil prices fly up on the news that BP and Shell make record profits (again)	(45)
		The reason for those record high oil prices? Scotch production was halted due to labor strike. The Scotch must flow	(12)
		Overall, millionaires feel optimistic about the current economic downturn, despite many saying they don't even feel wealthy	(22)

		Intel teams up with Cray to develop new line of supercomputers, find Sarah Connor	(25)
		Sewing machine sales skyrocketing as more people make their own clothes. And sew it begins	(31)
		Morgan Stanley analysts have told clients to "sell the rally" in financial stocks, slashing forecasts and warning that the current credit crunch is just beginning	(28)
		Microsoft: No more Windows XP after June 30th. Dell and Lenovo: Not so fast. It looks like we are allowed to use the "downgrade rights" for computers with Vista	(52)
		AMD has unveiled its first computer brand, aimed at small- and medium-sized businesses, with help from Dell	(15)
		US Airways in talks to merge with United, who was cheating on her with Continental	(7)
		Burger King executive with far too much free time on his hands busted for trolling pro-union videos on Youtube	(166)
		Bernanke may need to stop his effort to prop up the weakening economy & start paying more attention to price pressures. Article mentions Volker, 20% interest rates	(25)
		Are the banks' loan losses bothering you? Don't worry, they're raising your credit card rates to help cover it	(42)
		Fear-mongering or soothsaying? Analysts predict that market factors with drive gas prices up to $7 to $10 a gallon	(49)
		OPEC's president does not rule out oil prices reaching $200 a barrel, even though supply is adequate, because the market is driven by the dollar's slide	(32)
		Goldman Sachs releases list of Top 10 stocks that will benefit from the stimulus checks, betting that given a little extra cash, Americans will spend it on bad food and cheap Chinese merchandise	(135)
		Continental takes American out for dinner, buys it a few drinks and then decides it might like to date other airlines	(10)
		Verizon reported a higher Q1 profit on stronger-than-expected growth in wireless subscribers, showing resilience of those stalkers with "the network"	(3)
		Oil rises again on news that submitter might have spilled a bit when topping up his engine oil in his 1987 Taurus. Sorry about that	(21)
		Warren Buffett teams up with Mars to acquire Wrigley for $22 billion. In a related note, the most depression-resistant company in 1929? Wrigley. Chewing gum, the best market tool you'll ever need	(21)
		When Wachovia Bank isn't busy losing billions of your dollars in bad lending, they midnight as a drug-money laundromat. Was that wrong? Should they not have done that?	(24)
		Japanese no longer invading Hawaii as much as they used to, say tourism officials	(14)
		From the Blindingly Obvious Department: "Oil companies profits may climb on $100+ oil." They'll still whine about losing money on refining, however	(25)
		McDonald's slogans used around the world, past and present. Because sometimes "Double cheeseburger? I'd hit it" just doesn't translate well in other countries	(23)