Things you can buy for a buck: a McDonalds double cheesburger, a bottle of water, or a foreclosed home in Detroit	(14)
(Some Guy)		Heinz is launching a "gourmet" version of its ketchup for your corn dogs and mac 'n cheese	(199)
(Westword)		Coors shortens brewery tour...they never showed you the peeing horses anyway	(63)
		Airlines to merge without agreement of pilots. After all, who need pilots?	(20)
		McDonald's coffee wins taste war over Starbucks in recent Japanese consumer survey. And so it begins	(49)
		Anheuser-Busch, holding 48% market share in USA thanks to high quality of its horse urine, could be takeover target of international brewers	(39)
		Remember all those economists and pundits who said "Relax everyone, the worst is behind us?" Yeah, they were full of crap. Citi and Merrill throw another $15 billion onto the Bonfire of the Vapids	(65)

(Bloomberg)		While the rest of the industry implodes, Virgin America investors putting in another $100 million to expand service. Wait, you mean people actually like clean planes, non-battle-ax stewardesses and in-flight entertainment? Who knew?	(43)
		Some headlines just write themselves: "Virgin says it may delay Newark service"	(10)
		Wondering where to invest during the recession? Here's a tip: people need clean water and they will still need it when that broker you hired is trading in his 650i for a used Ford Focus	(16)
(Seeking Alpha)		Today's sign the economy is farked: analyst says Penthouse's upcoming IPO actually looks better than the rest	(22)

		American Airlines, suffering from an excess of good publicity, rushes to join other airlines in an across-the-board hike on nearly all fares	(29)
(Some Guy)		Adapple? Apobe?	(47)
		US consumer confidence falls to 26-year low. It needs to lose about 40 lbs, get a few drinks in it, and forget about being rejected by the girl with the prosthesis	(152)
		Linens 'n Things to become Linens 'n Bankruptcy Protection Things	(40)
		Exxon Mobil Corp. raises CEO Rex Tillerson's compensation by 29 per cent last year to $16.7 million - Fill 'er up	(58)
(Bloomberg)		Wall Street decides to try and leverage bailout loans from the Federal Reserve, ensuring that taxpayers will get stuck holding the bag	(32)
		Soaring Euro and tanking U.S. dollar means Europe is now awash in cheaper-than-ever blow. No word on whether hookers are offering a similar discount	(19)
		Foreclosure rescue scams kicking people who are down. Turns out there's lots of money to be made off people who have run out of money	(26)
(Silicon Alley Insider)		Senior Yahoo staff hate the proposed AOL deal, but too scared to tell Jerry	(4)
		GE reports first profit loss since 2003. If you were looking for that economic metaphore of a mining canary dead in its cage, this would be it	(40)
(klastv)		16,000 more homeowners have been served notice of default in Las Vegas. In other news, MegaBucks is up to $19.7 million	(36)
		Five, five hundred and seventy two AA flights canceled today, ah ah ah	(154)
		Frontier Airlines files chapter 11 bankrupcy. Expected to continue flying, unlike American Airlines	(30)
(New York Times)		New York Times reporter explains why hoping a new president will fix the economy is like hoping a new paint job will make your car go faster	(57)
		First one to the oilfield drinks the other one's milkshake	(14)
		It begins: San Diego homebuyers sue realtor because they overpaid for their house	(66)
		If you had plans to fly American Airlines on Friday, you'd better call Greyhound	(46)
		In refreshing bout of honesty, British phone company promises couple it will repair their phone line - in exactly 2,700 years	(5)
		Cadbury's Chocolate tries to sue competition for using purple wrappers. Fail	(56)

		CEO of Goldman Sachs - who earned $70 million in 2007 - doesn't think shareholders should determine how much CEOs earn	(70)
		General Motors recalls over 100-Thousand Pontiac Vibes because windows that shatter when you try to roll them down can be a bummer	(20)
		The Euro is on its deathbed. Sell 'em while they are still worth something	(85)
		EMC purchases [click...] Iomega Corporation [click...] for [click...] $213 million [click click...]	(42)
		A hard hitting in-depth look at Starbucks new coffee flavor. It's not news, it's Time.com	(46)
		With the Fed fund rate at 2.25% and almost no more room for cuts, CEO boldly predicts Fed will stop cutting rates soon	(33)
		In a strange phenomenon that seems to defy both the market and common sense and surely requires thorough scientific study, salaries and bonuses for CEOs who lose money for stockholders do not appear to fall proportionally to the losses	(52)
(Bloomberg)		County in Alabama opted for variable rate bonds rather than fixed rate ones. Suffice it to say, they are living in a subprime world now	(26)
(Some Guy)		Yahoogle - it's not just Yiddish slang anymore	(5)
		Oil near $112 a barrel on news that Detriot is out of World Series contention less than two weeks into the season	(7)
		Lehman liquidates three worthless hedge funds. I can not Bear to witness such Stern events	(7)
		Bank of England announces interest rate cut of 0.25%	(20)
		Jim Cramer signs a three-year deal, $5 million contract with TheStreet.com to continue giving sound financial advice like "Bear Stearns is not in trouble." BOO YAH	(28)
		The International Monetary Fund would like to interrupt this non-panic-stricken moment with an advisory to prepare for the 'largest financial shock since Great Depression'	(25)
(Bloomberg)		Those of you with European bank bonds: You're screwed. For the rest of you: The bottom is about to fall out of the European bond market	(5)
(Some Guy)		Hyundai unveils new high-end sports sedan, but too late for North Americans, who will permanently think of 'Hyundai' as Korean for 'Yugo' (pic)	(40)
		Pizza workers to be paid dough for bun in the oven. Any way you slice it, olive it when a plan comes together, especially since there isn't mushroom for negativity here	(18)

		Wal-Mart corporate videos released. Fark: Featuring various senior members of management in drag	(79)
		Proving that even MarketWatch has a sense of humor, here are 35 signs that the market has not hit bottom. Submitter liked: "ETF's haven't launched on Fool's Gold or Cubic zirconia."	(4)
		AOL & Yahoo plan to merge, send you dozens of unsolicited yodeling CDs	(25)
		Washington Mutual has confirmed that "YES" JPMorgan Chase really is trying to buy the entire finance and banking sector for 10 cents on the dollar	(16)
		Study: Many who think they belong to middle class, in fact, don't	(66)
		Toyota saves civilization, recalls butt-ugly Matrix cars	(47)
		Stocks fall on news that the price of oil has jumped. In other news, the price of oil has jumped on news that stocks are falling	(9)
		Bernanke urges young people to sharpen their financial acumen so their ass hurts less when this financial crisis is over	(148)
(Bloomberg)		Boeing 787 delayed by 6 months -- still better than any US Air flight through O'Hare	(18)
(Silicon Alley Insider)		Bumbling Yahoo board may already have cost shareholders billions by blowing Microsoft bid negotiation	(17)
		Five jobs and the surprising salaries they make. Bonus: Astronomers make the most $95,740 a year, U.S only has 1,700 of them	(232)
(Bloomberg)		Old and busted: $40/Lbs. Wild Salmon. New hotness: $111/barrel crude oil	(17)
(Some Guy)		Bambi Francisco's Vator.tv draws more funding, in spite of the fact that investors start giggling like schoolgirls on crack every time they hear the name "Bambi Francisco". And hey who's that guy in the video	(5)
		Income gap widening as recession worsens. But don't worry, the free market will still solve everything and soon we'll be farting rainbows and unicorns all over the leprechauns	(92)
		Old and busted: $4/gallon gas. New hotness: $40/Lbs. Wild Salmon	(32)
(Some Guy)		Goldman Sach's Level 3 assets made it the most profitable investment firm on Wall Street last quarter - but they still can't go within 1000 feet of a school zone	(11)
		WaMu gets a hot capital injection, lights a cigarette	(9)
		Former Japanese PM pops up at "World Ramen Summit" to tout ramen as universal treat. Forever and ever, ramen	(120)
		"I'm a FiOS customer myself, and I have to call every month because the bill is wrong. I'm on the phone with these people for an hour every time I call - and I am 'these people.'" -- Verizon employee	(201)
(Some Guy)		Session and Recession are in a boat. Session has fallen out	(117)
		Retail chain recalls line of electronic mole repellers from Irish stores after discovering moles don't exist in Ireland, plans to keep offering its St. Paddy's Snake Whacking Sticks despite disappointing initial sales	(10)
		Wal-Mart to stop selling cheap Chinese crap	(59)

(al.com)		Birmingham AL heading for largest municipal bankruptcy ever, over sewer bonds. Man, that stinks	(19)
(Honolulu Advertiser)		World's largest airline decides travelers aren't farked enough already, cancels 500 flights to re-inspect planes it just inspected weeks ago	(24)
		Starbucks opens website for customer feedback. If all goes well, the company plans to open up an identical website across the street	(15)
		Why interns are good for business. No, besides THAT	(53)
		Behold the ever-growing foreclosure heat map	(27)
		Creator of the private student loan business, First Marblehead Corp. announces they would very much like to borrow money from someone, anyone... please?	(16)
		Foreclosed homeowners trash their houses before leaving. We should make sure we bail these people out with our tax dollars	(498)
		It's time to FACE the facts, PALM lost $57 million this quarter	(31)
(Silicon Alley Insider)		Nutcase Motorola exec won't cut hair until stock goes up	(9)
		Aer Lingus and United Airlines announce cunning new partnership. Program name to be announced once giggling subsides	(82)
(Some Guy)		Alcoa's profits fall on news that aluminum is not a precious metal	(15)
		Federal Energy Dept. now predicts gas will peak at $3.60/gallon in early summer. Submitter sure hopes so, seeing as how he paid $3.79/gallon to fill up yesterday	(289)
		Subprime debacle in the U.S. has a global impact, with a potential $945 billion in losses worldwide. Make your mortgage payment: Just think of all the starving investment bankers in China	(19)
(Bloomberg)		Alan Greenspan said the drop in home prices will probably end "well before'' early next year when the Cubs win the World Series	(11)
(Bloomberg)		Citigroup, Bank of America and Wells Fargo may curtail lending, which will in turn help fuel a recession. Thanks a lot, guys	(14)
		Advanced Micro Devices to lay off 10 percent of its work force, possibly replacing them with advanced micro devices	(12)
		Online shopping is expected to increase 17 percent in 2008	(5)
		If you are a lazy investor, you beat the market this quarter. Congrats, sit back and Fark for a while	(7)
(bloomberg.com)		Britain's pound falls faster than three stones worth of quid on housing woes	(30)
		U.S. housing foreclosures spread to the million dollar, shoddily built McMansion sector. Up next on "Flip This House" -- how to live out of your car on $10 per day	(94)
		Volkswagen recalls 410,000 Passats that are Fahrfrumfireproof. Oh snap	(23)
		Apparently not content with losing $11 billion in the U.S. credit market, HSBC loses a disc containing the name, date of birth and health information on 370,000 customers	(13)
		Economists fear that banks have become too dependent on Federal Reserve handouts. But it has nothing to do with personal responsibility because they aren't poor or minorities	(143)

		Starbucks to launch 'everyday' brew to get back sales lost to McDonald's. McDonald's to respond with setting up restaurants every 100 feet, because apparently that just makes sense	(181)
		Recession expected to worsen as the vaunted "Anti-George Bush" bubble is ready to burst	(41)
		Gas prices hit a new record on news that it hasn't hit a record in the past two weeks	(176)
(Motley Fool)		"Warren Buffett invests like a girl," meaning he's patient, does his research and would totally make out with Zac Efron if he were a little tipsy	(20)
		After making $11B last week selling Alcon, Nestle plans to buy up L'Oreal. Here comes the chocolate-flavored science	(5)
(Some Guy)		GM to test batteries for new electric car. But not with tongue. GM never falling for that again	(37)
		CBGB sanitized into a menswear boutique	(26)
(Some Guy)		Washington Mutual is the latest bank wanting a cash infusion to prevent becoming the next Bear Stearns	(15)
		One credit card company, whose card is accepted virtually nowhere, set to buy another credit card company, whose card is accepted by even fewer retailers	(38)
		Yahoo to Microsoft: We want more money, friend	(32)
(Some Guy)		Customers start lining up at 7:15 a.m. as Columbia, South Carolina allows beer sales on Sunday for the very first time	(146)
		So it begins. Washington, D.C. has to pay an additional $1.2 million interest every month because Lyle Lanley told them the Washington Nationals would be contenders and property value will always go up. Suckers. D'oh	(18)
		Alan Greenspan says recession probable, endorses McCain, looks at wife and recommends that Americans invest in companies that make acne products	(23)