(Some Guy)		Foreclosures have gotten so high that lenders are letting people stay in their homes after they default	(57)
		Microsoft CEO: If Yahoo doesn't agree to the deal soon, we will be forced in to a hostile takeover situation. Also, any noise from Wall Street that our offering price will go up is bullsh*t	(21)
		Leading lingerie retailer comes to the conclusion that marketing sexy underwear to five-year olds was a bad commercial move	(25)
		Garmin and TomTom shares fall on less than expected revenue. Most likely it is because people discovered how to use road maps again	(52)
		"The U.S. economy has an unsold inventory of more than 4 million homes. One reason that this inventory will probably be with us for a long time is because too many homebuilders do not have a clue about how to sell a house"	(64)
		German zeppelins to appear in the skies over London for the first time in 90 years; hopefully won't be dropping bombs this time	(95)
(courierpress.com)		Duke Energy accused of hiking pollution limits. If there were only some verb that could describe Duke	(8)
(Honolulu Advertiser)		State of Hawaii to spend $5 million flying stranded travelers home. Wouldn't it be cheaper to hire some trains or buses?	(100)
		Credit problems? Don't worry--a British company will issue you a VISA card, at rates varying from 183% to 356%. You can probably find competitve quotes from that guy Vinnie down by the docks	(25)

		Well, hold the presses. Another CEO held for questioning about bribery and corruption. Wait, it's Samsung's CEO? What about my new widescreen?	(5)
		The fallout from the failures of both Aloha and ATA airlines is that if you want to vacation in Hawaii anytime soon, be prepared to pay through the nose to get there or learn to swim really, really well	(45)
		Gas prices rise to another record as refiners cut production to boost margins. Wait... they're doing what?	(572)
		Skybust	(29)
(bloomberg)		GOOD NEWS: Banks are so busy dealing with your fellow deadbeats they are willing to ignore the fact that you've failed to pay your mortgage for the past six months. House Party	(13)
		In order to get rid of houses it has foreclosed on, Countrywide offers 0% down loans to prospective buyers. That sound you hear is millions of farkers facepalming as one at the adaption of the epic-fail style of business	(25)
(the guy who was right in 2005)		How to survive the Great Depression of 2008 - 2009	(97)
(Some Guy)		Economy sheds 80,000 jobs in March, just in time for bikini season	(14)

		Cognitive dissonance defined: stock market makes gains after report of the biggest monthly decline in jobs in five years	(51)
		Old and busted: Natural disasters hurting insurance companies. The new hotness: *Lack* of natural disasters hurting insurance companies	(22)
		Vanity Fair's Tina Brown starts new project, which she describes as "a news aggregation site for the busy and beleaguered, put out by a smart group of editors." Now why hasn't anyone else thought of doing that?	(14)
		Believe it or not, people who can't keep up with their mortgage payments also can't keep up with their credit card payments. Stay tuned for next week's follow up when Congress promises to pay off their credit cards	(53)
		Leisure time rises to 5.1 percent	(23)
		If your bonus is in danger because you drove your company into the ground, no problem. Just change the bonus rules	(10)
(Bloomberg.com)		Fed signals more rate cuts in its "death by a thousand rate cuts" strategy of managing the economy	(48)
		Investment bank borrowing from the Federal Reserve 'discount window' is averaging $38.1 billion per day. Free market capitalism is a beautiful thing	(25)
		Homebuilders threatened to dump all their remaining houses on the market at cut rate prices unless they got a $6 billion tax break from Congress. Can you say blackmail, boys and girls? I know you can	(74)
(Some Guy)		Lexmark, the company that makes printers, tells users to stop printing so much. Oh THAT'S a brilliant business model right there	(33)

(Some Guy)		Former Central Command leader Gen. Tommy Franks segues from running Iraq War to joining board of directors of Chuck E. Cheese. Wait, what?	(53)
(Defunct Airline)		ATA halts service and subby's honeymoon to Hawaii. LGT company press release	(55)
(Silicon Alley Insider)		Goldman Sachs denies destroying Bear Stearns, says Fortune magazine reporter Roddy Boyd not interested in the truth	(8)
		This summer will be hot and wet, much like the woman in the picture accompanying the article	(108)
(FT)		Russell Investments is closing down two of its three main hedge funds after assets dropped to a third of the level of only six months ago	(22)
		Senior Treasury official says Bear Stearns bailout aimed to save the broader markets. Curiously, average American, future taxpayers, inflation were not a concern	(47)
		Admid all the economic doom and gloom, what can possibly lead us out of this financial morass? GameStop. Up Down Up Down Left Right Left Right B A Start. The U.S. economy now has 30 lives	(123)
(CFO.com)		VeriFone CFO resigns in disgrace after auditors determine that "creative accounting" is not a financially viable term	(2)
		From the "balls the size of watermelons" department: Frenchman who was sacked after losing nearly $8bn of his banks money to sue them for unfair dismissal	(53)
		Woolworths seeks partners to save their beleaguered business. In other news, Woolworths is apparently still in business	(18)
		Consumers Union criticizes approval of satradio merger, saying it doesn't protect the consumer. If only there was a way to listen to music on the radio without having to pay for it	(17)
		Ben Bernanke: Bear Stearns wasn't a bailout. Investors: Could've fooled us	(13)
		Website informs Batman, Spider-Man, and Wile E. Coyote that they have multiple caches of unclaimed money, and it will only cost them $24.95 to know more	(9)

		Now that the lenders have reamed us raw, the borrowers are asking us to grab our ankles	(37)
		Crude-oil rise to above $103 a barrel on news that Bill Clinton kicked some superdelegate ass	(7)
		Traditional economics and the expectation that people act rationally may not apply to the poor, which explains why they continually do dumbass stuff that keeps them poor	(209)
		Fannie Mae now requires a minimum credit score of 580 before they will consider you for a home loan. Thankfully, you start off with a 600 simply putting your name on the application	(356)
(Ad Age)		Kanye West launching a travel website. If Jimmy Buffet can do it, anyone can	(13)
		"Honest services" ruling could lead to most of Jeff Skilling's Enron convictions being overturned. No word on whether Ken Lay will be brought back to life	(16)
		High-tech jobs still hot, money's not bad either	(60)
		Best Buy profits fall on news that they're a bunch of lying, cheating bastages. But subby's not bitter or anything	(46)
		British coins get all-new design, can be combined to form Optimus Prime-Rate	(11)
		[Spiffy] Monthly raise of 100,000₫ (dong) ends Nike factory strike in Vietnam. [Asinine] 100,000₫ = $6	(187)
		Wal-Mart drops claims to money won in a lawsuit by a disabled former employee. She can work it off gathering shopping carts instead	(220)
(Silicon Alley Insider)		Secret of Bear Stearns demise revealed: Competitor Goldman Sachs started the run on the bank	(92)
		Bernanke to give Congress economic update. You're doing a heckuva job, Benny	(18)
(Some Guy)		People worth more than $50 million are the fastest growing wealth segment, claims Wells Fargo, Powerball lottery	(18)
		They bought their tickets. They knew what they were getting into. The FAA says, "Let 'em crash"	(34)

(Some real investor)		Buy high, sell low. If you bought into the gold hype recently, the tag applies to you. Gold slides 15 percent in two weeks	(103)
		Delta continues to bite the hands that feed them, raising rates on frequent fliers, people traveling with pets and fliers who book their trips over the telephone	(21)
		Forbes ranks city job markets. Flint, MI shown with image of closed GM plant, which is always a good sign	(42)
(Bloomberg)		Hershey, Mars, Nestle, Cadbury accused of fixing candy prices, being delicious	(33)
		If you've been taking billions of dollars in federal subsidies and raking in billions by screwing consumers, Congress would like a word with you	(66)
		Ford's U.S. auto sales drop 14 percent. Everybody PANIC	(83)
		According to a news source from a country with no possible reason to distort facts, America has slipped into an economic depression	(59)
		The sound Yahoo hears is the Jaws theme song as Microsoft circles the boat	(13)
		Congress calls Big Oil to the carpet, hopes to figure out what this "milkshake" nonsense is about	(127)
(Silicon Alley Insider)		Apple sued for saying new iMac is cool when it isn't	(33)
(Ad Age)		Good news, marketers: Consumers really are dumb enough to buy your "green" advertising campaign	(17)
(Some Guy)		Stocks rally on news that UBS and Lehman are taking measures to remain solvent. Does anybody even know what's going on anymore?	(23)
(Some Guy)		UBS writes off $19 billion. Expects 200,000 job cuts in the U.S. banking industry. It's the economy, stupid	(27)
		O'Reilly Automotive (NASDAQ: ORLY) to purchase CSK Auto. NO WAI	(21)
		Nestle has a permit to take water belonging to Floridians -- hundreds of millions of gallons a year from a spring in a state park -- at no cost. Bonus: They're getting huge tax refunds. Bonus No. 2: Stupid spokesman quote	(36)
		Cramer says there’s probably little chance of a bipartisan agreement on how to regulate the financial markets	(25)
		What would you ask Big Oil?	(86)
		When banks walk the streets for money: UBS and Lehman Brothers to investors: "Hey mister, can you spare some change? We're so horny. We'll love you long time"	(21)
		The advertising executive geniuses at American Apparel didn't think Woody Allen would mind if his face, likeness and copyrighted movie were used in their ads without his permission	(26)

		If you build computers for Dell and you live in Austin, no you don't	(51)
		Merck, Schering Plough shares deflate 25 percent, fall limp. Fortunately, there's a pill for that	(7)
(fool.com)		Devon: This one goes to 11	(7)
		Socialized health care? NOT YRS. Socialized banking? YA RLY	(34)
		Absolut takeover	(19)
		White House unveils biggest change to financial oversight since the Great Depression. Coincidence?	(233)
(Computerworld UK)		Shell signs £2 billion multi-supplier outsourcing deal	(4)
(Silicon Alley Insider)		Google stock bears will get poleaxed because they don't understand the secret click-price elasticity curve	(6)
		The reward for losing billions and running a healthy bank into the ground? Two MILLION dollars	(18)
(Some Guy)		Huffington Post values itself at $200 million -- or roughly $50 per visitor	(14)
(Some Guy)		Zetia and Vytorin have racked up $5 billion in sales despite limited proof of benefit. Two Congressional panels launched probes into why it took drugmakers nearly two years after the study's completion to release results	(27)
		Secretary Paulson will announce some kind of massive regulatory overhaul smokescreen in the hopes confusing everyone long enough to get back to the private sector unscathed	(18)
(Silicon Alley Insider)		Crazy Apple bull thinks Apple will sell 45 million iPhones next year, for $12 billion of revenue	(41)
		Consumer-credit expert hit with a $175 overcharge on his credit card, tries to remove it, gets hit with a 101 percent finance charge on his bill that even he can't figure out, left muttering "the horror... the horror..."	(148)
(bloomberg)		Good news: States and counties realize there is no need for municipal bond insurance. Bad news: The $2.3 trillion municipal-bond insurance market will frown upon these shenanigans. Fark.com: Your property taxes are going up	(14)
(Some Guy)		Businesses pin hopes on lesbian promotions this weekend, as Women's Final Four comes to Tampa Bay	(15)
		Sweeping regulation overhaul? In U.S. financial markets? It's more likely than you think. That weeping you hear is bonus babies trying to figure out how to afford their vacation home in the Hamptons	(50)
		Silicon Valley firms aim to boost human contact, eliminate distractions and improve teamwork by having topless meetings... really	(13)
		Is this the last we see of the great American muscle car?	(559)