The inspirational career story of the woman who went from store detective to head of security at Heathrow airport in just six years. Clearly, this is unrelated to the fact she moved in with the managing director of the airport last year	(60)
		Pack lighter or lighten your wallet - Northwest is the latest airline to start charging extra for a second checked bag	(37)
		Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now?	(26)
		The calorie count in that iced double-whip, half-caf, extra foam, triple shot expresso latte cappuccino will remain a delicious mystery for only a little longer	(18)
		2009 Job Market	(9)

		You can't buy the world's greatest coffee machine ($11,000) any more. Starbucks won't let you	(73)
		Clear Channel is in "fine financial shape and is outperforming a weak radio industry." Which is exactly why banks are running screaming into the night, getting away from the proposed private buyout of Clear Channel as fast as they can	(37)
		Starbucks baristas, remember that court ruling saying that supervisors have to share tips with you? Well, Starbucks is going to ignore that ruling. Now, go make a venti triple latte	(218)
(Some Guy)		With gold prices near $1,000 an ounce, people are rushing to California to party like it's 1849	(25)

		Net Neutrality's Quiet Crusader.. The Battle is on for Net Freedom. Save the free boobies	(44)
		If this isn't a slow news day headline for the home page on a major news website, no telling what is: "Farmers consider how much corn to plant"	(35)
(Some Guy)		Walt Disney Co. makes deal to buy struggling Disney Store chain. What's Goofy is them not owning it in the first place	(22)
		3M agrees to pay $700,000 settlement to Fresno County because it advertised that Scotch tape was 1" wide when it was actually .94"	(317)
		Pfizer VP arrested for downloading child pr0n on his work computer, will now be part of clinical trial on Viagra use vs placebo in a confined setting	(72)
(Silicon Alley Insider)		Blast from the past: Bubble 1.0 winner Mark Cuban waxes philosophical about not having cashed out at the precise, exact top	(55)
		Want to become a foreclosure vulture and make a profit from others' stupidity? Here are the best places to do it	(53)
(Silicon Alley Insider)		Mainstream media journalists finally cop to their dependence on blogs	(36)
		Bank of America to pay $28 million to COO at Countrywide because he did such a great job	(19)
(Some Pre-board Guy)		Delta cannot locate $3M pledged for baggage handling improvements. Will continue manual process of losing luggage	(5)
(sbsun.com)		Three Forks Chop House, in CA, receives cease and desist letter from owners of Texas-based restaurant called III Forks. It's not news, it's Fork.com	(4)
(Some Guy)		Judge to Wal-Mart: You don't own the smiley face so stop trying to ruin it for the rest of us	(29)
		Slump in housing market leads to alternate methods of selling. Such as holding an essay contest to win a home	(42)
(Some Guy)		Bloggers wield increasing power in the marketplace as companies rush into online advertising, which is forecast to overtake all other avenues of marketing communication by 2011. You'd better believe FARK is mentioned	(24)
(The New York Times)		Photovoltaic panel manufacturers are selling the free power from their expensive panels, and it makes good sense to some businesses	(21)
		Lehman said to have "ample liquidity." You know, just like Bear Stearns said 2 weeks ago and Countrywide said 6 months ago	(14)
		JC Penney downgrades to JC Halfpenney	(8)
(Some Guy)		At a job interview you are offered a bite to eat. Do you (a) accept, (b) politely decline, or (c) tell the interviewer you don't want to line your stomach as you have a big night of drinking ahead?	(46)

(Some Guy)		Oil hits $107 a barrel. $107 a barrel expected to sue for medical and punitive damages	(16)
(New York Times)		First it was subprime mortgages, now it is home equity loans that may cause the next wave of foreclosures	(62)
(Oregonian)		Newly surfaced Chase memo gives rare glimpse of how banks got us into this mortgage crisis: "Inflate the borrowers' income or otherwise falsify their loan application"	(126)
		Wall Street 2-Step 1) Collapse your company, Bear Stearns, so badly that it almost takes Wall Street with it. Step 2) Cash in your shares for $61.3 million. Repeat if possible	(21)
		Atlanta Fed chief says the 2008 second-half recovery "may be delayed." Writers strike to blame	(2)
		Merged Sirius-XM satellite radio firm hopes to offer new a la carte programming at cheaper monthly rates. After buying brand new $200 radio, you can start really saving money	(25)
		MGM decides to build a new theme park in the Middle East. BRILLIANT	(23)
(Bloomberg)		Harvard hires Yale grad out of Wellesley College to run its endowment. People you don't care about may be concerned about things you don't know about in places you've never been	(8)
		Oracle misses sales estimates, shares plunge 7%. Larry Ellison just lost a few billion dollars, which is nice	(12)
		Oracle CEO being given $3 million tax break because his estate is too big and costly to maintain	(57)
		Williams-Sonoma posts surprise profit on news that soon-to-be-homeless faux rich folks are stocking up on fancy utensils and cookwear so they can grill squirrel under a bridge in style	(23)
		Step 1: Start Hedge Fund. Step 2: Lever up 50:1 Step 3: Cause near-collapse of financial systems Step 4: Do it again. You're doing it wrong	(13)
		Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson says housing prices should be allowed to continue to fall without government interference. Especially since he's got his eye on this sweet 4 bedroom/ 3bath summer home on the Cape	(31)
		At this rate, California homes will be affordable to everybody in about 9 years	(49)
(Bloomberg)		Clear Channel might not feel like paying the farkers who work for them - but if it's a judge they need, then the checkbook shows up faster than you can say "scuse me while I whip this out"	(3)
		KPMG, one of the "Final Four" accounting firms, decides to partake in sub-prime lending fraud, because "it's what everyone else is doing" Jumping off bridges is sooo last year	(22)
		Oil rises towards $107 on news of an Iraqi pipeline explosion, explosions near Jericho	(13)
		AT&T CEO Randall Stephenson says there aren't any skilled U.S. workers. "They're a phantom, an apparition. Second cousins to Harvey the Rabbit. They don't exist, except on paper."	(160)
		Six months late and $1.2 trillion short, Henry Paulson calls for new financial rules to regulate Wall Street. Obvious tag narrowly beats out Dumbass tag for the win	(11)
		Is your job recession-proof? Here's a hint: No	(77)
		They came first for the rubber dog poop, and I didn't speak up	(32)
(NY Times)		If you call early enough, you can go from New York to Boston for just a $1	(18)

		Hi there I'm the guy who helped you get the home loan that will soon leave you on the street eating dog food. Would you like my help again?	(12)
		As result of oil crunch, propeller planes becoming popular with airlines again. "Nowadays, operating efficiency trumps any passenger considerations"	(32)
		300 flights cancelled due to concerns over MD-80 safety, Persians	(25)
(Auction Bytes)		Worried that they haven't done anything to piss off sellers in over a month, eBay is now offering discount coupons to buyers who leave negative feedback	(20)
(Albany Times Union)		New York state personal income grew an average 7.6 percent last year, but that could just be Trump, A-Rod and Spitzer's hooker throwing off the curve	(6)
		Apple settles the nerdiest and most nitpicky lawsuit ever (now pop-up free)	(24)
		Verizon wants the government to step in and make it easier for customers to switch to their own brand of "500 channels of overpriced TV crap"	(29)
(FMQB)		Clear Channel threatens to sue banks to force them to buy out their struggling radio empire. Up next after the break: The world's smallest violin, playing just for them	(31)
		New upscale movie theater chain coming to the U.S. will include bar/lounge, plush seating, 3-D projection, and... oh yeah, $35 tickets	(329)
		European central bankers on global credit: We're farked	(18)
(Some Guy)		The banks which were the recipients of the Fed's cash give-away, instead of using the money to loosen markets and continue at-risk transactions, are instead stuffing it by the truckload under their mattresses	(28)
		Asus says it could sell three times as many Eees if they got their supply situation settled out. Eeeeeeeee?	(22)
		Citigroups agrees to settle Enron lawsuits. Exxon executives laugh at Citigroup's recognition of legal authority	(3)
		Immigrant Brazillians returning home after discovering the American dream isn't for them. That's a lot of immigrants	(40)
		The guy who makes tractors wants you to know that we are probably already in a recession	(8)
		Following Northern Rock debacle, UK to increase regulation of large banks. "Free market" crowd too busy cheering Bear Stearns bailout to protest	(8)
		Oil rose above $104 on flat inventories, news of final episode of "Jericho" airing	(12)
		Goodbye, Moto. Motorola to split into two companies in 2009	(35)
(Donklephant)		The sub-prime mess might be four times worse than the banks have thus far been willing to admit. Which is OK, since submitter overstated his income by four times on his mortgage application	(14)
		Attention, Americans: Would each of you please take out $1,500 of your money and burn it? Thank you, The Economy	(35)
(Financial Times)		While Clear Channel is busy crying about the XM/Sirius merger, their suitors are about to leave them at the altar. Stock plunges 20 percent. Schadenfreude is a beautiful thing	(24)
		Seattle and Portland home prices finally fall. Only one metropolitan area remains to taunt the Happy Fun Bubble	(30)
		Bear Stearns T-shirt sells for the price of 15 shares of Bear Stearns stock	(7)

(Journal Star)		Article on Nebraska dealership that pulled the BMW shenanigans. "We don’t legally have to do this. I’m getting a lot of publicity on it, maybe I’ll sell some more cars"	(32)
		Jaguar and Land Rover join up with bodacious Tatas	(20)
		Wifi access, granite countertops, flat-panel TVs....in a Motel 6?	(15)
(Some Guy)		ClearChannel Commucations files an objection to the XM/Sirius merger, stating that this merger would allow too much spectrum to be controlled by one entity	(29)
		Wal-Mart, which accounts for 20 percent of music sales, tells the labels to stop being such greedy whores and lower the price of CDs or risk losing shelf space	(54)
(Some Guy)		Dreadful economist Paul Krugman notices that only economists with the worst track records get media mouthpieces, proceeds to complain about this in his NYT column	(47)
		Financial giants keep downgrading each other. Nothing like a mega-business pissing match to bring up financial confidence	(7)
		Shh, FDIC adds 60 percent more to their staff in the bank-failure division. "We want to make sure that we're prepared." Shh, nothing to see here, move along. All is well	(29)
(Bloomberg)		Iceland raised interest rates by 1.25 percent, an unexpected move that brought rates to 15 percent	(28)
(AlleyInsider)		Wall Street analysts piss all over XM-Sirius merger a day after the DOJ approves the deal	(28)
(Bloomberg)		Consumer confidence drops to its lowest point since the economy's glory days of 1973	(21)
		Carl Icahn says he is suing Motorola to force it to hand over documents. He also urged investors to elect his slate of candidates too, in exchange for nachos	(4)
(Ad Age)		New Sprint CEO appears in television commercial to tout his company's rock-solid cellphone service. Unfortunately, it was filmed in Boozy-cam	(15)
(Wash Times)		In a sure sign that the American public does not understand just how bad things would get if several large banks collapsed, American public opposes Fed bank bailout	(88)
		If you think Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke is drawing a line in the sand with inflation and is therefore unlikely to cut interest rates much more, then the U.S. dollar’s misery is probably over. If not, then you don’t know what misery is	(26)
		Research in Motion is a buy, Cramer said Monday. They report earnings next week and “the guidance is going to be big”	(16)
		There is a sale on tech stocks (they're cheap) and here is a list of "discounted" stocks as you go bargin hunting	(12)
		Oil prices fall to just over $100 a barrel on news the Lindsay Lohan sex tape was fake	(7)
		Australian researcher finds major workplace changes can push employees into mental breakdowns. No word on whether she had this ingenious bit of insight at the post office	(13)
		The value of your home has fallen 20 percent since you bought it. Good news: Your property taxes will be lower. Bad news: Your tax rates are going up. Final score: Nil-nil at the half	(34)
		Global warming is decimating Australian wineries, leading to Darwinian struggle to survive	(18)

		Home sales drop over 20% from last year. Guess the spintastic headline	(17)
		Period irony: Vintage Ford ad showcases new Pinto's virtues at a demolition derby, touts eerie launch date	(24)
		And the nominees for Most Evil Corporation are:	(50)
		An article about an ad agency that shoehorns every douchey cliche there is, replete with the "we're so wacky" photo of creatives wearing paper masks	(127)
(Bloomberg)		Step 1: Countrywide makes money writing risky mortgages. Step 2: Countrywide package and mortgages to investment funds. Step 3: Former Counrywide execs form new company to buy back the mortgages at "fire sale" prices. Step 4: Profit?	(78)
		At least someone is benefitting from the housing market collapse. I'm in ur abandoned house, stealin ur copperz	(9)
		Oil prices, bad weather, an increased demand for meat, and smelly hippies using ethanol and biodiesel in their VW microbuses causing grain prices to rise worldwide	(25)
(TaxProfBlog)		And award for Highest Corporate Income Tax rate in the World goes to... Iowa? WTF?	(23)
		According to the Department of Justice, the XM/Sirius Satellite Radio Merger is okay, because it's not a monopoly. This should open the door for all those other satellite radio companies waiting for the opportunity	(401)
		Feel like your budget is getting squeezed tighter and tighter? You are not alone. Due mainly in the increased cost of health care, inflation adjusted median income down 2.6 percent since 2000	(52)
		Will Wall Street donations sway candidates? Will Lindsay Lohan flash her cooter again?	(16)
		Market is giving fund investors a chance to upgrade... like installing Vista SP1	(2)
		Microsoft offers free support for Vista SP1 installs. Uh, thanks?	(72)
(Bloomberg)		The dollar's moves have caused the "I word" to be whispered. It ain't Imus, it's "implied volatility"	(17)
		Dow up over 200 on news that no one can figure out whether they should be buying or selling in this economy	(11)
(Some Guy)		Ford to start making crappy cars in Romania	(8)
		Economic woes have reached the critical waitress economy. EVERYBODY UNDERTIP	(92)
		Thirty-six percent of consumers' disposable income now going to food, energy and medical care, the biggest chunk of income since records were first kept in 1960, according to Merrill Lynch	(15)
		Lincoln, Nebraska dealership auctions new BMW on Ebay. Winning bidder lands it for $5K under sticker. Dealership now using popular "I don't know how to use this there intermawebs thing" defense	(249)
		The pay gap between men and women is either due to women's poor negotiating skills, or rampant, systemic discrimination. Who knows?	(229)
(Some Guy)		Sen. Arlen Spector tells Howard Stern that XM/Sirius merger should be decided this month. Then runs off shouting "Bababooey"	(10)
(tmcnet.com)		Frontier Wireless to compete with AT&T and Verizon. Yeah, sure they will	(4)
		Google is seeing a sudden 20 percent surge in mobile web searches over just a few months. Oh yeah, the Fast Money fartknockers have a way to profit from it	(5)
(iht,com)		Oil falls to $100 a barrel on news of the abysmal opening weekend of "Drillbit Taylor"	(9)
		JPMorgan plans to raise their offer for Bear Stearns to $10 per share from $2 to placate angry investors. Investors plan to upgrade their Monday lunch to Quiznos from Subway on the news	(29)
		In what can only be good news for the economy, truckers contemplating a strike to protest rising fuel costs	(27)
(Some Guy)		To whom it may concern: The Federal Reserve reserves the right to use taxpayer money to bailout deadbeats. And their banks. Please pay no attention to the fact that the Federal Reserve is a private corporation. Move along, citizen	(55)
		A sign that the housing crisis might get even worse: Many people are making their mortgage payments using high-interest "payday advance" loans	(51)