One of first five people to work for Microsoft leaves 65 million dollars to AIDS charity	(15)
		Former UAW boss Douglas Fraser dead. His funeral is expected to take twice as many pall bearers, cost twice as much, and drive the funeral business into bankruptcy	(1)
		Banks and mortgage companies, eager to dump a glut of abandoned foreclosure houses, are selling them for pennies on the dollar in “as is” condition to people with bad credit. What could possibly go wrong?	(20)
		The state's largest private insurer has announced that it will no longer write homeowner's policies in Florida	(34)
		Canada's largest cell provider will not create an unlimited voice plan because "it is best for the consumer"	(33)
		NAFTA trade policies are giving old gas-guzzling American cars a new life in Mexico	(10)
		Overall credit card debt grew by 315 percent from 1989 to 2006. Last year $2.2 trillion was racked up on plastic. American consumers respond: "LALALALALA I can't hear you. Ooooh.. a shiny new toy, let's buy that."	(33)
		Famous Dave's BBQ founder to open resort. Amenities include a 400 room hotel, wine tastings, 100 ft. bbq sauce slide	(9)
		Sprint may join AT&T, T-Mobile, Verizon in offering an umlmited calling plan. Bonus: It'll be discounted as much as 40%, causing a price war	(21)

(Some Fatty)		Why does a Big Mac cost less than a salad, when it's actually more expensive to eat? Here comes the science	(42)
		US Post Office planning to track who sends mail to whom. All five people who still use snail mail outraged	(33)
(Financial Times)		If you have an offshore account at a Liechtenstein bank, you just got punk'd	(11)
(Bloomberg)		Not only did banks grant mortgages to people who couldn't afford them, but now they're increasingly unable to foreclose because they've lost the paperwork proving they own the loans	(42)
(Some Guy)		Founder of the company that makes Enzyte could be facing 20 years of research on natural male enhancement. Smiling Bob approves	(131)

(KING5.com)		Gas prices rise on news that it's almost not winter	(17)
		Ryanair to shut down its website and call center. Now THAT'S no frills	(14)
		When patents for a product expire, normally the price goes down. Unless, of course, we're talking about the pharmaceutical industry	(29)
		"Ethical" investment funds only of value to clever marketers. Greed is good	(24)
		GPS-breathalizer combo to be released in Europe. TomTom Collins?	(19)
(Some Urbanite)		1980s: OH NOES1 Our cities are turning into war-zones because of white flight. 2000s: ZOMFG1 Our crappy McMansion subdevelopments are turning into slums now that people are moving back into cities in order to live like human beings	(128)
		In another stunningly brilliant move, MBIA withdraws from the Association of Financial Guaranty Insurers. Releases a statement saying, basically "Screw you guys. We're doing our own thing."	(30)
		Caltex Australia profits up 39% to $646M AUD. Executives look up briefly, cackle, get back to counting their money	(2)

		In another sign of how great the U.S. economy is doing, Vallejo, California considers filing for bankruptcy. Yes, the entire city	(35)
		Starbucks cuts a latte jobs. Apparently, $45 cups of coffee aren't big sellers in a weak economy	(26)
		Google to start displaying ads in web videos. Coming soon: Loose Change, brought to you by the US Army	(25)
		Old crisis: Mortgage. New crisis: Student loan	(51)
		"Foreclosure Funk" for Florida... George Clinton seen warming up	(10)
(Some Guy)		Apparently that so-called eBay boycott that was happening this week worked as eBay cuts prices	(46)
		Even Rwanda's economy is going to grow faster than United States' in 2008	(42)
		Boone Pickens expects oil to drop $10-$15 a barrel in q2. However, it will rise above $100 in the second half of 2008. Also expects OSU to finish 4th in the big 12	(15)
		Oil hits record $101 per barrel on news that: A) Linsday Lohan's boobies are real, B) werewolves rampaged through Manhattan during the lunar eclipse, or C) the Hoff still rocks it as Knight Rider	(97)
		Facebook traffic figures drop for the first time, as users tire of endless rounds of pokes, vampire bites and pirates vs. ninjas	(36)
		UK firm about to buy database company that helped Bush steal Florida in 2000	(15)
(World Net Daily)		Not even Californians want to live in California	(75)
(bloomberg)		Uncle Ben lives in a beautiful fantasy world where interest rates stay low for a time, then magically rise as the invisible U.S. manufacturing sector awakens. The drugs he is smoking, pass them to the right	(19)
		Many people over 50 "dream" of a new career, especially one that involves getting paid for lawn upkeep and keeping the little bastards with they baggy pants and their shouty music off it	(8)

		Good: Detroit's Big 3 about to go on the largest local hiring spree in recent years. Bad (for workers): The jobs will pay a whopping $14 an hour, about half of what autoworkers used to make. Pensions and health care surrender	(87)
		Hot on the heels of the Sharper Image bankruptcy announcement, Lillian Vernon files Chapter 11. Purveyor of Chinese crap bankruptcy trifecta now in play	(20)
(Mediapost)		Absolut changes iconic advertising featuring bottle. Now they seem to want you to fark their vodka, or something	(29)
		Toyota unveils first new sedan designed under cost-cutting scheme. Basically, it's a Ford	(29)
		What's cooler than being cool? Andre 3000's new clothing line	(25)
		Stocks turn positive after pullout, which we all know means the economy is still knocked up	(4)
		Less than two weeks ago, future traders were talking about the price of a barrel of oil falling into the $70 range. Now, they are talking about a $110 barrel of oil. Rampant speculation FTW	(26)
		Fed lowers economic forecast from "Doomed" to "Get your money into Canadian banks now" Eh?	(64)
		Sharper Image files the cleanest, purest Chapter 11 bankruptcy of all time	(33)
		Heineken stock drops seven percent on news that Drew is switching to Bud Light	(19)
		Writers strike cost L.A. economy $2.5 billion, three hours of quality television	(14)
		Old and busted: Defaulting on subprime loan after it resets. New hotness: Defaulting during introductory, low-rate period	(34)

(U.S. News and World Report)		Fat chicks offended by Starbucks' new "skinny" drinks	(84)
		Since people can no longer use their homes as ATMs, now they're starting to drain their 401(k)s	(94)
		Ebay sellers begin week long boycott. Boycott signs available to highest bidder	(33)
		Precious little snowflakes can now visit the Kids Spa while vacationing at Disney World, don't miss the Hanna Montana facials	(20)
		Drinkers will pay a carbon tax to enjoy Foster's new beer	(11)
		Warren Buffett: "You know, if I'm playing bridge and a naked woman walks by, I don't ever see her"	(28)
(Bloomberg)		Fujifilm to start making Tamiflu, the only drug that fights the bird flu. No reason, just felt like doing something different	(15)
		Monkey magic sweetens Cadbury chocolate... you always wondered what the secret ingredient was	(15)
		Oil tops $100 a barrel on news of Pink's divorce	(26)
		Credit Suisse announces $2.85 billion in write-downs after admitting their traders don't possess basic math skills	(4)
		MBIA CEO steps down after his bold but risky "throw the money out the window" strategy fails to pay off	(3)
		Martha Stewart to buy Emeril Lagasse's media properties. Bam	(17)
(Bloomberg)		General Mills raises earnings forecasts on news that nobody eats all the extra junk in the "balanced breakfast" they have to show in their commercials	(14)
(Some Guy)		HD DVD prior to cancellation: "Our install base is over one million." Toshiba at press conference: "Our install base is 730K, nearly half of which is Xbox 360 add-ons"	(94)
(NY Times)		Wall Street banks are bracing for another wave of multibillion-dollar losses as the crisis that began with subprime mortgages spreads through the credit markets	(13)
		Microsoft announces a new plan to win back the hearts and minds of young people blinded by those false gods, Google and Apple: Free development tools for students	(46)
(Some Guy)		The addition of crappy computers too slow to run anything and flat-panel televisions made by legless children in Outer Bumfarkistan has raised Wal-Mart's net income by $3.43 a share	(10)
		Baidu.com reported a better-than-expected 79 percent surge in q4 profit, [something clever here]	(7)
(Bloomberg)		Microsoft may succeed in fighting off rival suitors for Yahoo because they can't offer as much to Yahoo's shareholders. Suck it, Google	(7)
(Some Guy)		Oil jumps above $98 a barrel on news that zombie Castro has resigned	(1)
		Price of platinum continues to set new records. Chinese gold farmers seen trying to find South Africa zone in "World of Warcraft"	(18)
(Moneyweb)		Hoaxer who keeps insinuating himself into corporate conference calls prompts Coca-Cola to create a top-secret conference-call password: "Diet Coke"	(8)
(Some Guy)		Tea set to hit highest price in history this year on news that oil just isn't pulling its weight	(10)
		As foreclosures mount up into the millions, the housing industry is running ads that say, "There has never been a better time to buy a home. Home values nearly double every 10 years..." O RLY?	(43)
		Banks have "quietly" borrowed $50 billion from the Fed in the past six weeks	(38)

		Even before the ink on the stimulus package is dry, merchants are angling for your check	(26)
		Orlando CBS station to local cable company: "Pay us if you want to continue showing our programming." Cable company to station: "Suck it"	(35)
(Some Happy Craft Brewer)		Jim Koch, owner of Sam Adams Beer, doing his part to help craft brewers acquire hops during the current worldwide shortage	(270)
		Exxon Mobil running out of oil reserves, considers making peace in Iraq or Venezuela	(21)
		Hey, you got your four-hour musical in my comprehensive merchandising strategy! No, you got your comprehensive merchandising strategy in my four-hour musical! Disney buys Indian entertainment company	(3)
		As cheap credit becomes a thing of the past and people can't use their home as an ATM anymore, Americans are realizing their paychecks have not risen in five years. Economic distraction accomplished	(116)
		Group of Vancouver sex workers wins right to incorporate themselves. That's a novel way of putting it	(71)
		Iron ore prices increase 65 percent in a year to nearly $80 per tonne upon news that the ninja states agree to pay additional millions to the Brazilians. If only there was some humorous word to convey this cost increase	(20)
		Your foreclosed home is good for something after all: "Many homeless people see the foreclosure crisis as an opportunity to find low-cost housing with some privacy"	(21)