"Now arriving at Gate 12, American Virgin United Delta Pan Am Eastern TWA Braniff Lingus KLM British SAS Airways flight 1382"	(9)
		GlaxoSmithKline's new vaccine prevents pneumonia by killing you before you can catch it	(26)
		Haagen-Dazs saayz thee deeszappeerin honee beezs izz baadz for buszenaasz	(13)
		For the first time since 1970, Britain is to nationalise one of its major banks	(22)
(Some Guy)		GM Vice Chairman calls global warming a "total crock of shiat"	(162)
		Gas utility that lost lawsuit for overcharging fees to customers now increasing fees to same customers to make up court losses. Time to rethink communism	(23)

(NY Times)		Few Americans have heard of credit default swaps, but if the economy keeps slowing, credit default swaps, like subprime mortgages, may become a household term before we just hand over the keys to China and say take it	(37)
(Some Guy)		How do you say "bubble" in Mandarin? China faces economic downturn that makes ours look like chump change	(37)
		"There are a lot of people who are really upset, and if we choose to go somewhere else as a group, there won't be an eBay anymore"	(31)
		Consumer confidence in the United States has slumped to levels usually associated with the onset of a recession, except for more people paying $5 a month for TotalFark	(26)
(Financial Times)		Bangladesh’s Grameen Bank offers loans to the poor in the U.S. How's that "service economy" working out for you, America?	(21)

		The cheapest place to rent in America? Wichita, KS, where $470 gets you a brand-new one-bedroom with views of open wheat fields	(162)
(Some Guy)		SCO, the corporate equivalent of the nearly immortal cockroach, secures $100M in financing, will go private, sue itself	(10)
(Financial Times)		Think things are bad here? Zimbabwe inflation now at 66,000%	(26)
		Oil surges to $96 a barrel on news that David Hasselhoff is still drunk	(5)
(nytimes.com)		What do Hillary and Toshiba have in common?	(31)
		The Guinness World Records brand now belongs to Ripley's... believe it or not	(53)
		Hormel profits rise on news that lower pork costs boosted Spam margins. Translation: They figured out how to process the last three percent of the pig carcass that isn't even fit for dog food	(23)
		"So, what was your last job?" "I was in charge of marketing Microsoft Vista." "Next applicant, please"	(77)
(Bloomberg)		Municipal bond regulators announce that they'd like to be paid attention to. Oops, just a few years too late. Thanks for playing. EPIC FAIL	(12)
		The two largest companies in the $2.3 trillion bond insurance business say "Everything is fine. We need no bailout. Nothing to see here. Move along." It's nice to see Baghdad Bob has found a new job	(16)

(Orbitcast)		Deciding that fixing their programming is too much work, terrestrial radio broadcasters may have bribed members of Congress to keep the XM-Sirius satellite radio merger from happening	(48)
		Ben Bernanke and Henry Paulson say there will be no recession, and that the sky is full of rainbows and flying unicorns and elves and tra la la la la la	(41)
		Like Steamboat Willie steering the steamboat, Bernanke is prepared to continue to cut the Fed funds rate	(21)
		National Association of Realtors finally stop spinning around in their Gold Jackets trying to make lemonade out of lemons with economic numbers. Home prices are dropping faster than you can say "house values will never fall"	(45)
(Yahoo Biz)		The trade deficit has been erased. The Bush administration credits its free trade policies. So there	(42)
		"On the one hand, Associated Press copy accounts for up to 40% of many daily paper's news content. On the other, the not-for-profit collective is also part of an online news revolution that's killing the newspaper business"	(10)
		Midway, Chicago's stepchild of an airport, to become the nation's first privately owned and operated airport	(33)
		Comcast reports a 54 percent increase in revenue last quarter, apparently based largely on charging even more for fewer useful channels	(58)
		The empire is challenged. Dunkin' Donuts, A New Hope	(38)
		Nevermind rising gas prices, insurance companies ready to declare war on horsepower	(69)

		Because everyone has learned their lesson about buying houses they can't afford, now they are buying cars they can't afford with 7-year car loans	(72)
(KCCI)		First non-stop flight from Des Moines to LA departs. Airline can't find anybody willing to book the return trip though	(9)
		Playboy stock falls ten percent on news that Foobies.com is taking over the universe	(29)
		Yahoo in talks with News Corp	(29)
		The latest from the Blame Everything on the Terrorists Association: USA's poor housing market is because of ... 9/11. And the terrorists. Rudy Guiliani unavailable for comment. 9/11	(31)
		Mortgage insurer makes $1.5 billion disappear like MGIC	(5)
(Some Guy)		Newspaper earnings decline on news that no one reads newspapers anymore	(18)
		ConocoPhillips CEO says oil and gas industry must embrace reality of global warming in keynote address to other industry executives. Wait, what?	(26)
		Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue contains lickable ads. Seafood sales expected to skyrocket	(22)
		Amazon is fighting Gov. Spitzer's plan to require out-of-state online companies to collect NY sales taxes on goods they send to addresses in state	(22)
		The National Association of Home Builders halts campaign gifts to politicians because they're not vowing to throw enough of your tax dollars at the current housing crisis	(40)
		Eliot Spitzer says New Yorkers should pay sales tax on their Amazon purchases because some of Amazon's marketing affiliates are based in New York	(17)
		Village renowned for its hillside carving of a club-wielding giant with a pronounced and engorged penis is some of the most sought after real estate in all of Britain	(16)
(Bloomberg)		Exxon scored $242 Million from Venezeula using the old "court order stuck in the fax machine" trick	(24)
		Trader Joe's sets the stage: will no longer sell Chinese food items	(43)

		Turkey gravy and whale vomit flavored soda will soon be available on flights	(14)
		Warren Buffett puts on his poker face: calls the bond market's bluff with an offer of $800,000,000,000 for their municipal bonds (that's Billion with a B, which rhymes with T, which stands for Trouble right here in River City)	(34)
		Treasury Secretary Paulson announces that Debt Club has moved out of the basement and is now called "Project Lifeline"	(9)
		Symbian shrugs off iPhone and Android; remain confident the ladies will continue to buy their chair	(13)
		Monopoly Inside	(37)
(Some Guy)		Venezuela Halts oil sales to Exxon Mobil	(417)
		The progression of the Google logo. Not exactly rocket surgery	(14)
(FMQB)		Clear Channel calls proposed satellite radio merger "a genuine threat." A genuine threat to their stranglehold on modern radio which has nearly destroyed the medium, that is	(65)
		Ford just can’t seem to be the best at anything: GM posts a $38.7 billion loss for 2007, the largest annual loss ever for an automotive company	(29)
(MotorTorque.com)		Tata plans to bring the Nano, AKA "the cheapest car in world," to Europe. Crash test dummies resign en masse	(11)
		Arnold Schwarzenegger to star in new foodie ads for California. Pasta la vista, baby	(20)
		Starbucks prepares to shut down its stores nationwide so that it can train its employees how to make a decent cup of coffee. No, not new employees. Existing employees	(62)
(TwinCities.com)		Not news: St. Paul Grill stocks up on booze to get ready for August's Republican convention. News: They buy four bottles of 55-year-old Macallan single-malt scotch at $12,000 per bottle. Fark: Each shot goes for $525	(90)
		Company recalls mini R/C helicopters because they've been catching fire, apparently unaware of market potential for Xtreem Heli-Fireballs of Doom	(10)
		The stock market list a pr0n business for the first time. New publications to come out soon include "Share an Orgy" and "Brokers Wives" (SFW)	(8)
		Multi-level marketing company defends its $40-a-bottle fruit juice, with testimony from fan Sen. Orrin Hatch	(31)
		Beer is now cheaper than water in Scotland	(37)
(KPLC)		In yet another sign of America's financial foolishness: "More than 30 percent of U.S. homeowners who bought in the last two years owe more on their mortgage than their house is currently worth"	(80)

		Not willing to be outdone by Ford, GM being investigated by NHTSA for vehicle fires	(8)
		The coolest one-cent flights you'll see all day	(44)
(mashup)		Microsoft's response to Yahoo's rejection. Resistance is futile	(9)
		Automotive Oil Change Association: "Yes, you should change your oil every 3,000 miles, no matter what it says in your manual." In other news, there's an Automotive Oil Change Association	(62)
(Statesman.com)		Ad agency launches "Unscrew America" campaign for energy-efficient bulbs. Bonus: Pee Wee Herman	(25)
(Bloomberg)		Bank of America & Chevron Corp. will replace Altria & Honeywell International in the Dow Jones Industrial Average	(17)
		Wall Street Journal hires Ric Romero writing under the obvious pen name of "Esther Dyson"	(7)
		Even after the WGA gets back to work, this will be the "lost season" for TV viewers and the "season of lost jobs" for screenwriters. NetFlix seen jumping for joy	(19)
(The Spoof)		Not news: The FDIC has begun a death watch on dozens of American banks. News: It's also dropping its insured deposits limit to $10K. Fark: It's hoping that a few McDonald's and Taco Bell vouchers make up for losing your life savings	(18)
(EarthTimes.org)		Yahoo restarts merger talks with AOL to defend itself against Microsoft's unwanted advances. Not a good way to stop the suckage, boys	(14)
		Paul Hogan finally loses death grip on Australian tourism. With bonus "would DESTROY it" pic of Laura Bingle	(41)
		eBay sellers plan week long strike over fee hikes. Would read article again, A+++	(83)
		Is flirting at work good for business?	(25)