Chrysler to be purchasing car chairs from India for use in Ganges Capable© Jeeps. They will offer driver support only after entering car and pressing 1, followed by 3, followed by 7 and saying "support"	(14)
		As a harsh recession takes hold of the U.S. economy, Staples begins slashing advertising, trimming espenses, and delaying new hiring. That was easy	(14)
		Chances of success for McDonald's McCafe menu in Tennessee?: "From a retail standpoint it's like putting wings on a pig."	(21)
(Bloomberg)		Chrysler is talking to other automakers about using the mechanical underpinnings of their models and putting a new exterior on them in order to cut costs	(126)
(Some Guy)		Reebok to sell Kool-Aid branded sneakers....complete with scent. I can't wait for my Lemon-Onion flavor to arrive	(13)

		Yahoo rejects Microsoft bid; hive collective regroups for new assimilation plan	(11)
		Today's dirty sounding headline: Making sex toys in Happy Valley	(10)
		Equifax says it's okay to email them images of your debit card on account of the fact that email is so secure	(9)
		That whooshing sound? It's the soon-to-be-heard sound of the breeze blowing through empty AMD factories after Dell slips a knife into the back of their business plan	(27)
		Apple cuts iPhone and iPod production, leading to speculation of sales weakness, especially for the Touch. Hmm, let's see, it costs more than the iPhone, and can't get on the Internet by itself... why is that not selling?	(46)
		Federal Prosecutors ask the SEC to turn over records on Merrill Lynch. The George W. Bush Presidential Library might be endowed with $200 billion by the end of 2008 with all the pardons he'll be selling	(9)

(Ars Technica)		Panic is hiring. EVERYBODY APPLY	(28)
		C|noogle?	(20)
		Baghdad's stock market goes modern, will start using currency instead of goats and chickens	(5)
		Seven signs your staff dislikes you. "You're their boss" strangely omitted	(25)
		"Whopper Freakout" credited for double-digit sales increase at Burger King. Fast-food trifecta now in play	(66)
		Chrysler is planning to dramatically cut its number of vehicle models, dealer outlets and employees. No one will notice	(42)
		WTO tells the EU to suck the U.S.'s banana	(13)
		Emo shoppers spend more to ease the dark pits of emptiness at the core of their souls	(16)
		Ryanair website downtime to cost up to £20 million. Beer in server suspected	(6)
(bloomberg.com)		McDonald's January sales increase 5.7 percent. Where is your God now?	(12)
		Countrywide Financial hosted the American Securitization Forum in Vegas where the slimy bastards who created the credit crisis proceeded to "double down" on their losses. USA USA USA	(11)
(NY Sun)		A Jewish couple's bid to take a tax deduction that the IRS reserves only for Scientology is getting a friendly reception from a federal appeals court	(840)
		Imperial Sugar Company (NASDAQ:IPSU) down over 10 percent on news that they just assploded	(64)
(nytimes.com)		Q: Is it too late for Yahoo? A: Yes	(25)
		Platinum hits all-time high of $1,854 an ounce, or roughly half the cost of printer ink	(19)
		After Hugo Chavez nationalized Exxon's $12 billion investment in an oil field, Exxon wins a court battle against the Western Hemisphere's favorite commie	(29)
		Too busy talking on my Gphone to write a better headline	(31)
(Some Guy)		"The tobacco industry is regrouping in order to focus on poor countries and escape the pesky lawsuits it is likely to face in rich, litigious ones."	(20)
		Your business might be doing it wrong when your profits fall 31 percent from the past year... and that meets expectations	(9)
		Ford plans to market a Turkish-made van in the USA. Have you ever been in a Turkish prison? It's kind of like that	(18)

		Cheap Tatas already smothering India's second-hand market	(19)
		Shops in some rinky dink little town called New York City are now accepting Euros as well as the US Dollar	(42)
		Yamazon?	(11)
		Boeing Exec believes the 787 will fly on time. Conveniently forgets that the 787 was scheduled to fly in 2006	(14)
		Macy’s decides the pencils can push themselves, announces it’s eliminating 2,300 management jobs	(18)
		Wal-Mart to open in-store medical clinics. Unclear how they'll find that many Chinese doctors	(24)
(Some Guy)		Top five reaons it might not be “Blue Skies” for IBM	(18)
		The 50 weirdest terms of financial jargon – and what they actually mean (warning, includes cum dividends)	(26)
		Prepare for a bad day on Wall Street, as Wal-Mart announces that people aren't buying their atrocious and crappy products	(49)
		New claims for unemployment drop	(13)
		Warren Buffett says the recession won't change the way he invests, searches for his lost shaker of salt	(21)
		Bank of England cuts key interest rate to stimulate growth, says that growth must slow to keep inflation under control. Wait, what?	(7)
		Chrysler readies Dodge Challenger for spring launch. Remember what happened last time Challenger was launched?	(30)
		Housing market in Canada booms. Building permits hit new record in 2007	(13)
		EDS profits fall 13% in fourth quarter. Herding cats ain't so easy	(9)
		Forget about graphs, charts and economic forecasts. Wary investors in Asia are turning to feng shui masters to tell them which way the markets will head in the Chinese Year of the Rat	(5)

		Damn the torpedos, full inflation ahead. Philadelphia Fed President warns that aggressive rate cuts will lead to inflation, bread lines, and free vodka for everyone	(20)
		Homeowners having trouble paying their mortgage find it is easier to restore their credit rating after abandoning their mortgage than declaring bankruptcy. Banks were quoted as saying, "Oh shiat"	(47)
		Ten tax laws you gotta know so you don't get screwed by The Man	(21)
(Some Guy)		Time Warner may finally give up on AOL	(12)
		Housing downturn turns celebrities into real estate loosers. Sorry, pet peeve	(54)
		Disney revenue climbs 9 percent thanks to mulletspawn Miley Cyrus	(12)
		Housing, Total Fark still unaffordable	(48)
(Some Guy)		Company pulls ads featuring animated pandas due to the public outcry over their Chinese accents, because as everyone knows, pandas speak in a southern drawl	(40)
		Deuce Bigelow and Lockheed to build giant space penis	(6)
(Seeking Alpha)		"Exxon Mobil pays as much in taxes ($27 billion) as the entire bottom 50% of individual taxpayers, which is 65,000,000 people. The tax rate for the bottom 50% is only 3% of adjusted gross income; the tax rate for Exxon was 41%."	(572)
		The Mortgage Bankers Association would like you to know that mortgage applications have risen to their highest level since the property bubble began. However, only three people had their application approved	(20)
		"We have a $14 trillion economy. The idea that presidents can control it lies between an exaggeration and an illusion."	(56)
(Silicon Alley Insider)		A white knight emerges to save Yahoo Microsoft's angry shareholders	(5)
		SCOwned again	(14)
(bloomberg.com)		U.S. productivity increases 1.8% due to Fark database problems in the last quarter	(9)
		Verizon is hoping to screw as many people as possible with 700mhz spectum bids and their own special brand of "open"	(13)
(Silicon Alley Insider)		Microsoft bid for Yahoo drops to $29.50 a share, pressure on Jerry Yang eases	(11)
		Jet fuel prices continue to drop like Britney Spears on a dime bag. Your plane ticket? Not so much	(6)

		Oil execs meet this week to celebrate high oil prices, light cigars with $100s	(18)
		Do we really need this invention? Is it too hard to eat chicken nuggets now?	(71)
		Eight ways to cut back on spending without sacrificing your TF subscription	(81)
		Price of oil drops on news that our secret petroleum overlords made it do that	(12)
		NVIDIA to TCB, buys AGEIA after AMD says WTF	(18)
(TheState.com)		From the "reduced competition causes price increases" department: AT&T hikes broadband rates by $5	(19)
(seekingalpha.com)		This guy sees E*Trade's Super Bowl ad as an indication that E*Trade is going tits up, or something. I think	(18)
(Some Guy)		Dow Jones Industrial Average has lost 200 points on news that: A) today is Super Tuesday, B) the service sector has contracted, or C) Britney Spears' father is in charge of her finances	(23)
		Study finds having sex with your coworkers improves your work performance	(236)
(Madison)		U.S. drops from fourth to 15th in broadband penetration. Bush declares victory	(33)
		BP's oil profits nosedive to a mere $17.3 billion after a "tough year" for the company. Leaders scramble to put together corporate bailout package, call waaahmbulance	(17)
(Bloomberg.com)		The economy is so bad that, for the first time in history, Microsoft is going to borrow money	(12)
		Economics 101: The U.S. economy runs on cheap and available credit. News: There is currently no cheap and available credit. Fark: The Fed has no idea what to do, but they'll keep slashing interest rates until they reach zero percent	(55)
(New York Times)		Falling home values and high debt levels have forced Americans to do the unthinkable -- live within their means	(65)

(Bloomberg)		Rupert Murdoch continues to have wild success in his life-long campaign to prove PT Barnum right	(14)
		Oil rises $1 on news that the fog from Super Bowl hangovers hasn't lifted	(5)
		Google stock drops below $500, making it only overvalued by $450 now	(30)
		Stocks fall again as investors realize that the economy basically sucks... and will continue to suck for a while	(46)
(Silicon Alley Insider)		Google loves to bash Microsoft, apparently forgetting that it is the "next Microsoft"	(31)
		OPEC hints at production cuts if softer U.S. economy slows demand. Oil futures down almost $3 a barrel	(17)
		Yahoogle?	(89)
		Facing a government crackdown over predatory lending and a troubled housing-finance system, Wall Street and the real estate industry were among the top political givers in 2007	(14)
		Chinese stocks surge on news that everybody in America was actually a Giants fan	(4)
		Australia lures young professionals from Britain by pointing out how much the UK sucks, with slogans like "Sod house prices" and "Screw working in Staines." Bad teeth, Nanny State references strangely absent	(81)
		Yahoo will link up with Google to form Voltron and destroy Microsoft. Your move, Mr. Gates	(34)
(Bloomberg)		Coal rises to record $100 a ton on news of Giants winning Super Bowl	(16)
		Somehow, the most god-foresaken part of the country has escaped the housing crunch and is actually enjoying rising housing prices	(23)