Jim Rogers: We are probably going to have one of the worst recessions we've had since the Second World War	(48)
		Now you can trade in that plumber's crack for a windmill technician's crack. Crack	(3)
		FTA: "Microsoft Corp.'s proposed $44.6 billion U.S. takeover of Yahoo Inc. is going to get a long, hard look from antitrust regulators, experts said Friday, simply because, well, it's coming from Microsoft."	(12)
(Some Guy)		Mike Huckabee asks Jesus to stimulate U.S. economy. In his defense, it will work as well as anything Bush has done	(18)
(Some Bean Counter)		Oil prices drop to $89 per barrel upon news that The War on Terror™ has just overtaken the Vietnam war as America's second most expensive ever	(14)
(Washington Post)		Good news for George Bush: new data shows U.S. is now #1 in per capita GDP among all major nations of the world, passing both Germany and Japan	(45)
(Radio Ink)		The empty suits who ruined radio come clean and describe the dwindling remnants of their business as "audio-anchored advertising, formerly known as radio" as Clear Channel announces they've got that pesky golden goose cornered	(45)
		If you think that The Gap's advertisements couldn't get any more obnoxious, you would be very, very wrong	(13)

(Some Guy)		Romero's been scooped once again: Economic downturn linked to increase in arson	(66)
(Some Guy)		Costco to sell its own brand of beer. They love you	(131)
		The richest people you've never heard of	(17)
		Beer banned beside beaches, booze businesses bankrolled ban backbiters. Brilliant	(8)
		Credit card company cancels 161,000 customers who were running up high bills and not paying off their balances every month. You're doing it wrong	(37)
		Lone Star convicted of stock manipulation, giving Dark Helmet the raspberry	(11)

		Jerome Kerviel, the banker who gambled and lost $7.5 billion, is now a national hero in France; they don't have many	(12)
(Some Guy)		Dot-com pioneers: Where they are now	(21)
		Buyers so eager to pick up Nissan's "half-priced supercar," the GT-R, that they're apparently willing to pay almost double the asking price	(34)
		Just in time to capitalize on rising fuel prices and environmental awareness, Hummer introduces a new four-door pickup with 32" tires	(24)
		World banks attempt to rescue U.S. bond insurance companies, finally answering the question "What happens when a lifeguard who can't swim tries to save someone who is drowning?"	(11)
(Some Guy)		Google quarterly profit climbs to $1.21 billion. For those of you who have trouble picturing such an amount, that's a metric assload of money	(22)
		Exxon posts highest annual profits in the history of American business. Mission Accomplished	(42)
(Some Guy)		Microsoft offers to buy Yahoo for $44.6 billion, unlimited Yahoo Mail invites	(250)
		"Stranger Originated Life Insurance" means someone you don't know will profit from your death. This couldn't possibly be a bad idea	(109)
		Option ARMs, the next chapter in the mortgage meltdown, could push hundreds of thousands more subprime and prime borrowers into foreclosure	(61)

		Company makes debit card that lets you withdraw from your 401k plan at ATMs. This cannot possibly end poorly	(241)
		From the Institute of Bad Marketing Ideas: Woolworths markets bedroom set for young girls, calls it "Lolita"	(27)
		Ohio pig to forecast US economic outlook. If pig predicts bear market, anticipate porkbelly futures to go up	(6)
		Woman askes for refund because half her airline seat was taken up by a fattie overflowing onto it. Airline declines, says she should be thankful she wasn't eaten	(38)
		Motorola may spin off mobile phone division. Um, what would be left of the company after that?	(25)
(Some Guy)		In wake of Yahoo layoffs, Microsoft headhunters poaching select Yahoo employees	(4)
		MasterCard profit jumps, shares soar on priceless pep talks. Thanks Peyton	(6)
		TiVo finally makes some money	(18)
		$31.3 billion in profit? For Shell, that is simply "satisfactory"	(26)
		The 15 most overpriced cars. Note: 13 are American, and dont forget how most are made in Canada or Mexico	(28)
(Canadian Press)		Loonie plunges below USD in Thursday morning trading upon news of NFL entering Toronto	(14)
		Panasonic parent conglomorate Matsushiata's profits rise 22% on increased sales of flat panel TVs, used panty vending machines	(8)
		The IRS would like to remind you to not be stupid before you get your tax refund. Being stupid afterwards still encouraged	(9)
		US Navy ready to test fire rail gun; Chinese and Russians watching closely to see whether the design is worth stealing	(160)
		Joe Isuzu is packing up his things and moving back to Japan	(50)
		Because the prospects of $2500 cars from India and tin-can Chinese autos aren't enough, German company said to be pondering producing a new Trabant	(16)

(RCR News)		Largest class-action lawsuit in history filed against Verizon Wireless, demanding refund of Early Termination Fees. Can you pay me now?	(45)
		Boeing is totally kicking Airbus's ass	(44)
		Starbucks announces plans to close 1% of stores nationwide, effectively reducing the number of Starbucks on every city block to 27	(152)
		America's largest banks: "The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right, greed works." FBI: "Whoa, not so fast there, buddy."	(15)
		Dell is closing all of its mall kiosks because they finally realized that no one will ever buy a computer from a mall kiosk	(27)
		Wal-Mart to sell 140 Hannah Montana products, including Hannah Montana clothing, Hannah Montana bung droppers, Hannah Montana core routers, and Hannah Montana multimode optical fibers	(45)
(Some Guy)		Former News Corp executive Stephen Chao is launching a YouTube alternative. Chao is known for hiring a male stripper for a business meeting and also almost drowning Rupert Murdock's dog, so it should be worth a look	(9)
		Student loan giant Sallie Mae gets a loan for $31 billion. Immediately installs caller ID on all its phones	(33)
		Former Enzyte VP says their "male enhancement" ads are complete fiction	(66)
		Staples executive steals $800,000. That was easy	(23)

(nytimes.com)		Sellers give negative feedback on eBay changes. Would not use again	(42)
		The marketing geniuses at Ford admit that the Taurus sucks, but next year's might suck a little less	(20)
		Advocacy groups lining up to be pissed off by this year's Super Bowl ads	(40)
		What recession? Orders for durable goods rise by 5.2 percent, ensuring that the flat screen HDTV you wanted to spend your stimulus rebate on will be there at the store	(34)
		Countrywide posts $422 million 4Q loss. Turns out lending money to broke people is bad	(29)
(NY Times)		The Wall Street Journal is moving away from Wall Street. Next thing you know, the NY Times won't be in Times Square	(17)
		eBay lowering listing fees to increase activity, will offset lowered fees by raising commissions on sold items. In other news, North is now South and War is now Peace	(68)
		The luxury yacht market continues its amazing boom despite global economic downturn. Suck it, poor people	(68)

		Major VMWare shareholders are shocked to learn that nothing grows at a rate of 100% per year forever	(28)
		Tesla Motors: "We can't comply with the new air bag rules, it's to hard, so we won't use any at all." National Highway Traffic Safety Administration : "Well......OK."	(187)
		Clear Channel stock plummets on news that corporate pap is neither a viable radio format nor a business plan	(43)
		Mortgage slump creates ghost town in Cleveland, known by locals as "Cleveland"	(62)
		Apple claims slightly over 3.7 million iPhones were sold in 2007, AT&T claims "just at or sightly under two million." Do the math, that's a 1.7 million phone difference	(44)
		Warren Buffet is still buying, personal income is up and American corporations have $1.1 trillion on their books: Don't panic about the economy	(96)
		Hospitals: Give us more money to help the poor. State: Your executive pay is up 95 percent in five years. Hospitals: What's your point?	(23)
		McDonald's profit up three percent on strong same-store sales, which are legal in Massachusetts	(13)
		Housing market? What housing market?	(63)
(bloomberg.com)		Palm says it has not been hurt by competition from Blackbery and iPhone. Just kidding, it plans on closing most of its retail stores next month	(25)
		Outgoing Countrywide Financial Group CEO Angelo Mozila foregoes the $37.5 million bonus he was entitled to and will instead live on a mere stipend of $23.8 million for losing billions of dollars	(43)