British need £150,000 salary in order to avoid poverty, support snowflakes	(1)
		Whole Foods cashiers will no longer ask "paper or plastic." However they will still ask "would you like to finance your groceries today with low interest, adjustable rate 30 year mortgage?"	(211)
		Dunkin' Donuts to open 100 stores in China. Honeydew melon doughnuts anyone?	(24)
		Gas prices fall below $3 a gallon on news that Heath Ledger is still dead	(10)
		McDonalds wins right to offer recognized qualifications to its employees. "Would you like fries with that diploma?"	(3)
		New German financial whiz tells it like it is: The world financial system is a casino and has nothing to do with the real economy	(18)

		How the oil boom in the province affectionally referred to as "Canada's retarded little brother" is changing life in that country forever	(47)
		The great fiscal stimulus package ... of 1929	(156)
		Tyson delivers knockout punch to 1500 employees	(21)

		Goldman Sachs spoils the party for everyone by suggesting that the bond insurer bailout will fail spectacularly	(20)
		Increase in gold prices results in more prospectors. No, this is not a repeat from 1849	(17)
(Bloomberg)		Rumor of beer prices rising was true. Beer now $400 a glass	(128)
(Some Guy)		$7-billion loss at French bank explained	(21)
		The stock market finally gets the bull it deserves along with a cowboy bonus	(4)
		Newcastle Brown Ale has been sold to Heineken. A moment of silence please	(48)
(BetaNews)		It turns out that gaining 93 percent market share is as easy as giving your product away for free and counting them in sales figures	(19)
		News: American Airlines will allow passengers to check-in via Web-enabled cell phones. Translation: American Airlines finds a new way to delay flights	(13)
		Actual headline: "Young millionaire investors best positioned to survive market volatility." Gee, ya think?	(19)
(Bloggingstocks.com)		Burger King claims more people eat Whoppers when the economy is bad, also hope for some great hidden camera footage of the unemployed going berserk when told they are no longer served	(43)
		All the clever ads in the world can't stop Microsoft from posting a 79 percent rise in profits	(44)
		Fashion designer sues Target for selling low-cost knock-offs of her dress design, in much the same way that General Motors sells cheap imitations of cars	(26)
		Dow soars nearly 300 points as banks rally on news that Heath Ledger is Tom Cruise	(14)

		Economics 101: In order to revive an economy saddled with crippling debt and looming inflation, print more money and decrease revenues	(51)
		Global music sales fall 10% last year because the Three Days Grace for the 10,000 Maniacs Rolling Stones in Amy's Winehouse isn't The Cure	(47)
(Some Guy)		Talking about the upcoming recession is what's going to cause the recession. Here comes the nonsense	(36)
		If you work for the Sun-Times, I'd skip answering the phone today if I were you	(16)
		Despite what the Gold Jacket with the 8th grade education told you, they are not running out of land and home prices don't always go up; Median sales price of a home fell 6.5% on the year	(28)
(Bloomberg)		Carlsberg and Heineken groggily remove beer goggles and see that Scottish & Newcastle doesn't look too hot in the morning, withdraw joint venture takeover bid	(14)
		ConocoPhilips credits oil prices for increasing profits 37%. OIL RLY?	(16)
		The founder of Monster.com admitted he back-dated stock options for company employees and signed and certified falsified public filings with the SEC. But he is on his deathbed, which means he wont go to jail	(16)
		China's GDP up 11.4 percent in 2007	(27)
(Bloomberg)		Nintendo beats Sony in units sold after implementing crafty plan to make better stuff than Sony	(96)
		Capital One fourth-quarter profit down 42%. Reportedly will start using those thuggish Vikings in their commercials for debt collection	(11)
(Some Guy)		Don King says that economy is okay. So he's just another financial advisor recommending that we take it on the chin	(5)
		Ford Motor Co. is expected to offer a new round of buyouts to all of its 54,000 U.S. hourly workers, a move that could trim thousands of jobs and pave the way for lower-wage replacements	(37)
		France's second largest bank surrenders $7.14 billion US to fraudster	(131)
(CIO.com)		Int'l business travelers rack up an average of $700 in cell roaming charges PER TRIP	(9)
		We've had the subprime crisis, then the Alt-A crisis, say hello to the Option-ARM crisis. Wealthy people who bought way more house than they could afford are defaulting in record numbers. Cue the world's smallest violin	(41)

		President of Peerless Systems, Rick Roll, announces sale of Intellectual Property to rival Kyocera, swears it's not bullshiat	(24)
		Marketwatch editor on stock market: oh sh*t (with screencap)	(62)
(Some Guy)		Toyota exec claims "life cycle assessment" makes their vehicles the greenest of the green. Then he says some other stuff he thinks you want to hear	(15)
		IBM thanks its employees for helping it set record profits-by cutting their base pay by 15 percent. Not to worry though -- IBM's spokesman assures us the workers will make the same money they used to, as long as they work overtime	(39)
		Dow up 300 points on continuous news of recession, disastrous bank earnings, foreign market sell-offs. Wait, UP?	(48)
		Motorola reported an 84 percent decline in Q4 profit, citing fewer wireless phones and a steep loss in its handset division	(20)
(2/47 Wall St)		For you QCOM bashers, they will report earnings today after the bell	(10)
		Pfizer profits flaccid, experts estimates get beat	(7)
		Fear of a recession causes investors to dump their stock, possibly causing a recession. Tada	(35)
(Some Guy)		With all the talk about how to stimulate it, you'd think that the economy is a giant clitoris	(90)
		Ninety-three percent of Wal-Mart employees have health insurance. The other seven percent don't have a second job	(24)
		Estimated 2008 federal budget deficit: $350 billion. Assuming there isn't a recession, that is	(162)
		Americans urged to invest in comfortable footwear because those soup kitchen lines are expected to be long	(24)
		Asian markets rebound on hopes that surprise Fed rate cut will help the sagging U.S. economy. Nikkei, please	(12)
		Dear rich people, it's time for you to save the economy	(192)
		Starbucks is now selling a $1 cup of coffee with free refills. Cheap tweakers rejoice	(51)
(Bloomberg)		Today's official Bloodbath on Wall Street thread	(59)
(foxbusiness.com)		Oil drops to $89 a barrel on news of Heath Ledger's death	(12)
		Apple shares down nearly 12 percent on news that Q4 profits easily outpaced experts' expectations	(20)
(Some Guy)		In the midst of talk of recessions and housing bubbles, an important financial question is asked: Is Britney Spears good for the economy?	(15)
(Motley Fool)		How to become a billionaire. First, get a billion dollars	(22)
		Bank of America earnings fall 95%, Wachovia profits slide 98% even after bending you over for fees and service charges	(26)

		President Bush says he is optimistic about his stimulus plan, finding WMD in Iraq, bombing Iran, coloring inside the lines	(73)
		Wall St bounces back from "civilization as we know it may end" to "meh" -- for now	(31)
		2008 Edition of Fortune's 100 Best Companies to Work For to the left. Anecdotal evidence to the contrary to the right	(51)
		Whole Foods to discontinue offering plastic grocery bags, encourages clientele to use other means to carry their overpriced organic groceries to their gas-guzzling SUV	(39)
		The iPhone sells out to the man	(60)
(Some Guy)		Don't worry about the stock market. As long as you have some shares of Britney Spears, you're going to be fine	(17)
		CEO of eBay, Meg Whitman, to retire. In recognition of her service, board of directors to present her with an empty Powerbook box, a teakettle reflection of a naked guy, and 110,256 beanie babies	(18)
		Yahoo to lay off hundreds because its younger users are hanging out at Facebook and MySpace, predator trolling	(11)
		Oil drops below $87 on news that it's about to hit the anus big time	(37)
		Blind CEO first to lead blind organization. The only things he can't do are A) drive a car, B) fly an airplane and C)	(68)
(Some Guy)		The people who didn't read their contracts are suing the people who gave them money when they didn't deserve it, who are in turn suing the banks that charge subby $12/month for "online maintenance"	(28)
		Australian stock market tanks five percent following Europe's lead. Nikkei also off close to five percent. The worst thing is, all of this is before any trading this week in the U.S.	(82)
(Economist)		New study shows people fool themselves into enjoying more expensive goods, explains dark miasma of depression at Wal-Mart	(13)

		"Research shows letters with a hard edge like P, T or K convey effectiveness. X seems scientific. L, R or S provide a calming or relaxing feel. Z means speed." Sports cars? Oh no. Drug names	(35)
		President Bush's idea for helping the economy is to give middle-income Americans $800 to spend so that big retailers can have a better bottom line	(122)
		Why interest rates shouldn't be cut, or how the Federal Reserve will ruin the American economy (tag is for Bernanke)	(56)
		Tomorrow is going to be a bloodbath on the Dow Jones; futures are trading down 500 points on a holiday. Dow 10,000 here we come	(78)
(Bloomberg)		Oil prices drop below $90 on news of Jesus' return	(15)
		Stock Futures anyone? Caution: extensive use of 'F' word	(66)
		Great paying jobs for skilled machinists cannot be filled because experience in 'working with your hands' for today's emerging workforce is limited to a keyboard, mouse and Wii nunchuck	(44)
		After spending the entire holiday season reporting that nobody was spending any money, MSNBC is now running an "OMG, I'm broke from buying all those presents, how should I cope with the bills?" article (with video whatever-ness)	(16)
(Some Pissed Off Liberal)		We simply cannot cover our costs charging a meager 36% APR	(47)
		Chrysler's design team strikes again, making the venerable Jeep a whole lot uglier	(30)
		London's FTSE has the biggest crash since 9/11	(42)
		Article ponders why long term joblessness is rising in the middle class. Being caught reading Fark all day oddly missing	(30)
		GM set to sell the El Camino in America again, only this time, it will accomodate extra mullets and keep the hound dry	(38)
(Some Guy)		Thanks to US babyboomers and their pension funds, Mexican housing construction thrives despite US slowdown	(28)