Chrysler plans to drive a herd of cattle through the centre of Detroit on Sunday to launch its new Dodge Ram pickup truck. What's left on the street will be symbolic of what buyers will own	(28)
		Staples' shipping department is doing it wrong	(58)

		McDonald's and Starbucks join forces to ensure that everyone in the world stays fat and broke	(51)
(Brooks Brothers)		After years of painstaking research, Brooks Brothers have finally come up with a look guaranteed to get you mercilessly beaten at school	(65)
		Many young IT workers are needy Gen-Y'ers who refuse to work to prove their worth, and who think everything should be handed to them on a silver platter	(181)
		"The perception on and off Wall Street is that the newspaper business is in big trouble as readers flee to the Internet, and things will only get worse this year as the real estate and financial industries slash spending on ads"	(47)
		De Beers cartel accused of price fixing, taking Coach Ditka's name in vain	(25)
		Mid-level accountant at Ace Hardware makes $152 million dollar error, forcing his company to restate their earnings for 2004-2007. That's some good managing there, Lou	(20)
(bmighty.com)		Telecommuters resented by those still at office, lack crucial social skills forged by office infighting	(17)

		Pat Robertson may bid for Norfolk newspaper. Will rename it Virginian God-is-my Pilot	(45)
		Toyota's Prius has outsold every SUV available in the U.S. in 2007. Still no cure for weird styling	(57)
		Step 1: Run a company into the ground. Step 2: Profit: CEO of bankrupt company to receive $115 million severance package	(29)
		Merrill Lynch doubles their projected losses from lending money to poor people to $15 billion. Someone's not getting a bonus this year	(16)
(Some Guy)		In case you hadn't noticed, what with Britney Spears and the writer's strike and stuff, the world is running out of food EVERYBODY PANIC	(130)
		The economic crisis has hit Tiffany & Co., a favorite store of the nation's elite. President Bush calls them his base and gave them massive tax cuts. Surprise, they aren't trickling down	(24)
(Some Guy)		Stocks fall on speculation that Wall Street heavyweights are ready to write off billions of dollars in subprime debt. Merill Lynch might lead with $15 billion	(17)
		The body of JP Morgan reaches out from the grave and begins preliminary talks to purchase Washington Mutual	(7)
(Some Guy)		American auto-makers suddenly want to be all energy conscious, and oil topping $100 a barrel had nothing to do with it. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, DO YOU HEAR ME?	(10)
		Shares of bond insurer MBIA surge on news they just borrowed $1 billion at 14% interest. What a bargain	(7)
		U.S. stocks slide on financial reports, plan slip-and-fall lawsuit	(3)
(Financial Times)		US's triple-A credit rating "under threat" due to soaring healthcare and social security spending. Iraq war spending not counted since it will pay for itself	(74)
		Federal reserve chief says 2008 outlook is getting worse, and Vista isn't getting any better either	(21)
		Rolls Royce workers wonder if their job will be among the 2,300 cut and if they should start working at the car wash, the car wash yeah	(11)
		Chinese design team helps on new Buick Riviera concept; lead-free paint optional, Chairman Mao air freshener standard	(10)
(Some guy)		American Express announces that consumers aren't consuming and the whole house of cards is collapsing. They plan to take a fourth-quarter charge for $440 million but, unfortunately, they don't accept American Express	(24)
		It's not just oil that's hitting record highs: Gold just made an all-time record of $900 an ounce, edging it closer to the cost of printer ink	(30)

		Countrywide says foreclosures highest on record	(13)
		Stocks off to worst start ever	(31)
		Delta Air Lines nearing merger with United or Northwest. Hey, disappearing is one way to clean up your safety record	(19)
		Taxpayers' biggest problem? Congress, says report	(40)
		Amid mounting fears of a U.S. recession, Federal Reserve Chief Bernanke says the Fed is ready to kick some ass	(40)
		Bank of America to purchase the largest mortgage company in the U.S., Countrywide Financial, for pennies on the dollar. BoA still has cash in their wallet, yours	(37)
		The Chinese are attempting to obtain Wisconsin’s proprietary cow milking technology. Yes whey	(20)
(Some Guy)		Last month, 25 percent of houses sold in Las Vegas were repos or short-sales	(100)
		Proof that Ma Bell is back to their "We do what the fark we want" days: They might start filtering Internet content. Biggest question is, will they hand it to the government before or after they filter all the good stuff out?	(77)
		CNBC's Erin Burnett is a gold-digging hussy. Dumbass and Ironic tags split the vote; Stupid wins in a brokered convention	(33)
(MotorTorque.com)		Tata launches the cheapest car in the world. For $2500, the Nano offers 33bhp, four seats and no aircon. Which will be nice in India	(172)
(Some Guy)		Capital One cuts 2007 profit forecast by about 20 percent because of swelling loan losses in a weakening U.S. economy. Apparently there's nothing in THEIR wallet	(18)

(Some Biologist)		Member of the FDA new drug advisory committee who single-handedly blocked approval of a safe, promising new prostate cancer drug failed to disclose that he owns a company that was developing a competing prostate cancer drug	(57)
		The White House is considering rebate checks to help stall the pending recession	(111)
(Favorite)		Air Canada, enjoy the ride. Literally	(33)
		One of Hollywood's largest payroll companies abruptly declares bankruptcy and shuts down. Every bodydouble panic	(53)
		Bear Stearns taps a new CEO. Shareholders find his anus unremarkable. Stock falls nearly seven percent	(2)

(Some Guy)		Ford CEO says U.S. economy "a concern." U.S. says Ford Focus "sucks"	(64)
		Dow Jones Industrial Average has worst five days in history. Glad to see nobody reporting this	(35)
		Chuck E. Cheese replacing waiters with tableside touch screens, because if there's one thing their kiddie customers don't like to play with, it's bright, flashy screens with pictures	(26)
		Shares of America's largest mortgage company, Countrywide Financial, plummet and are eventually halted on the NYSE on news they might declare bankruptcy. What housing crisis?	(53)
(Some Guy)		AT&T boss says economy sucks, tanks his own stock	(13)
		Microsoft agrees to buy and quickly fark up the search engine company Fast Search & Transfer ASA for $1.2 billion	(9)
		Eight reasons your house is unsellable. Apparently the mortgage crisis is over and having only one bathroom is now your biggest problem	(253)
(Some Guy)		Bear Stearns CEO to step down after costing the firm billions. Value of golden parachute yet to be determined	(7)
		Oil jumps to $96 a barrel on news of Joe Gibbs' resignation	(8)
		Pastor urging religious followers to buy Microsoft stock in an attempt to force the company to "stop financing ungodly ventures." Are these ventures: A) World computer domination? B) Bad OS systems? Or C) Gay rights?	(161)
		Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson says there is no rush to formulate a stimulus package for the faltering U.S. economy. So, when you're standing in line at the soup kitchen next month, remember his name is Henry Paulson	(51)
		Looking for a positive story about the U.S. housing market? Wounded Iraq War veterans might actually be able to afford a home thanks to falling housing prices	(14)
		Goldman Sachs' flagship hedge fund lost nearly 40 percent of its value in the last year alone. It seems their Sacs aren't so Golden after all	(18)
		Dollar could rise in 2008 on news that for Canadians, the greenback is cheaper than a roll of Charmin	(8)
		Travelodge gives the ultimate "fark you" to its customers by building an eight-story hotel in London made out of bolted-together shipping containers (pic)	(25)
		Starbucks replaces CEO with a new trendier, overpriced version. Still working on a solution for great tasting coffee	(25)

		Bush says U.S. economic signals are mixed, just like Bush's understanding of U.S. economic signals	(62)
(Some Guy)		Google CEO Schmidt confirms ambitions: More than $100 billion of revenue, more than 6X current size	(13)
(Think Progress)		Presidential spokesman Tony Fratto ties on blindfold, sticks fingers in ears and yells loudly, "No one is predicting a recession, no one is predicting a recession, no one is predicting a recession"	(29)
		Your tax dollars will be rewarding 45,000 homeowners who were too stupid to read a loan contract	(312)
		Sony hoping Blu-Ray atones for the slightly less popular Beta format	(61)
		The Treasury Department plans to rollout Social Security debit cards. Significant delays at ATMs are expected as elderly people attempt to get money	(20)
		Poor people are healthier these days.... or, the drug industry are liars. You decide	(4)
		XEROX is now xerox. “Xerox is still perceived incorrectly as a copier company. We do not make copiers.” Whatever... Whatever... Whatever... Whatever... Whatever	(24)
(Some Guy)		Doh Krispy Kreme CEO quits. Stock price climbs	(3)
		Today's "jolt of optimistic economic news" story brought to you by the revelation that consumer bankruptcies jumped forty percent in 2007	(7)
(Engadget)		Target definitely going Blu-Ray exclusive, according to Philips. Toshiba will be in the garage with the car running if anyone needs a comment	(218)
		Oil prices fall on news that people are out of work and may not be able to afford it	(7)
		The crown prince of investment strategies, Warren Buffet, may be called to testify in insurance scam trial	(6)
(NY Times)		"The unemployment report on Friday was brutally bad," says brutally bad economist Paul Krugman. Note: Unemployment now at five percent, just above full employment	(103)
		McDonald's is set to launch coffee bars with "baristas" serving cappuccinos and lattes, moving into direct competition with Starbucks, crack dealers	(43)
		Buffet won't consider investing in casinos. No, not that one, the other one	(16)
(witz.org)		Budweiser introduces "Chelada": Beer and Clamato in a can. Follow-up red vomit not included	(167)
(Some Guy)		It took 147 years for the price of oil to break $100. If you go by what the "experts" are now saying, it will take 147 days to reach $1,000	(48)
		Economists say the coming prime mortgage meltdown will be three times as bad as the subprime, a 2008 recession is unavoidable and Congress will be too busy scoring political points to do anything about it. Have a nice year	(87)
		The Beatles continue to be Liverpool's biggest tourism attraction, edging out... well, what the hell else is there to see in Liverpool?	(42)
		More people will go job-hunting online Monday than any other day of the year	(9)
(Some Guy)		Ford stock tumbles to a two-decade low. What's in your 401k?	(13)
(Science Daily)		Big Pharm spends more on advertising than research	(76)