Company wooing industry clients to dump 100 tons of iron into Pacific Ocean to stop global warming	(23)
		After your home equity line of credit has been sapped, the credit cards have been maxed-out, and you still can't make ends meet, you can always hope to plunder your 401k to make things right	(12)
		Now that Cubs have put out of their misery, only one question remains. Who wants to own them?	(31)
		Video rental company Movie Gallery to file for bankruptcy. In other news, people still go to stores to rent movies	(25)
(Bloomberg)		The dollar posted the biggest weekly gains against the yen in more than a year, and the euro since August, on signs the economy is weathering the housing slump. No mention of the Mexican Peso was made	(10)
		Credit Card spending hits the highest since May. Gotta pay to gas up the SUV somehow, right?	(24)
		Your weather forecast for London in 2008: Sunny spells, slight chance of rain, occasional falling stockbrokers	(3)
(Gulfnews)		Bad news for "the sky is falling" types: 110,000 US jobs created last month	(50)

(Some UPS Guy)		Package delivery behemoth FedEx sues small Bozeman food delivery company Foodex for trademark infringement. Because as everyone knows, the food delivery business in Montana is so cutthroat	(20)
		♫ Its name is Rio and it digs up lots of sand / It mines for minerals in many foreign lands / And now it's got approval for its latest plan / Oh Rio Tinto's going to take over Alcan ♫	(13)
(Some Guy)		Copyright piracy takes a $58 billion hit on U.S. economy, says group that gets paid to say these things	(28)
		Deregulation and the free market always leads to growth and innovation. And the occasional batch of tainted drinking water	(25)
		What's the next car company the UAW is bound and determind to take down with them? If you picked Chrysler, you win the office pool	(144)
		If you enjoy French wine, imported cheeses, foreign cars, and other imported goods, get ready for a shock. The falling US dollar means you'll be drinking Mad Dog 20/20, eating velveeta, and driving a Ford. The horror	(24)

		FDIC suggests freezing the interest rates of adjustable rate mortgages. Personal responsibility commits hara-kiri	(34)
		Topps' meat has been beat	(19)
(Louisville Courier-Journal)		Wild Turkey plans to double whiskey production by 2009	(37)
		Wheat prices on the rise: Good for farmers, bad for bakers and... brewers. EVERYBODY PANIC	(20)
		Markets set to rally on news that although everyone will soon be homeless, at least they have a Mcjob	(17)
		Real business people use Blackberries. RIMM ships 20,000,000th device. Suck it, iPhone	(82)

		U.S. cities increasingly contracting out operation of libraries to private sector companies, citing lower costs, better service and 100 per cent compliance with orders to "Ssssh" when it comes from a Blackwater employee	(28)
(Brilliant!)		Guinness placing "surger" device in bars to support new advertising campaign. Subby still waiting for his bar towel	(33)
(Some Guy)		Foreign companies looking to buy out failing Canadian businesses such as Nortel or the Montreal Canadiens to face tough new national security screening to make sure they're not stealing Canada's suck	(18)
		Big-name mutual funds are fighting over your parents' retirement monies. They promise to lose it all in a complicated ponzi scheme that leaves them holding their fees and you inheriting nothing	(32)
		Japan leads Asian markets in retreat on news that, with the dollar worth as much a cheeto, their consumer-goods sales will plunge into the toilet	(13)

(Bloomberg)		The Fed's Aug. 7 decision to keep interest rates unchanged set off a chain of high-level discussions that culminated in Bernanke's public about-face 10 days later, according to records of his schedule	(12)
(Bloomberg)		Even the Mexican peso is gaining against the dollar	(28)
		Philadelphia School District wastes $700K on a study designed to improve accounting practices and efficiency. Bonus: Study went unread because officials lost the report	(27)
		Deutsche Bank takes $3.1 billion loss from subprime loans... your dog wants a fixed APR	(8)
(Some Wheathead)		Wheat falls by daily limit on expectations that (wait for it) farmers will plant more wheat	(10)
(The Trumpet)		"Confidence in the world’s financial system... is failing, not because of a liquidity crunch, a popping housing bubble, or the myriad of other commonly spouted economic causes, but because of broken faith"	(22)
		Tesco to open a stores in U.S. despite the objections of the American Dental Association	(26)

		Bloomberg warns both London and New York will suffer if a continued downturn in financial services occurs, ridiculous	(16)
(Some Guy)		McDonald's to sell lattes, cappuccinos and other specialty drinks, predicts new drinks will add $1 billion+ a year to sales. In other news, Starbucks to steal your underwear to clean their dirty chairs	(37)
		In WTO talks, Japan argues seaweed is an industrial product, not a farming product	(6)
		US "Patent Reform" bill would force everyone to patent everything they do while also making those patents worthless, proving once again that the U.S. Congress is the best legislature that money can buy	(13)
		Greenspan suggests credit crisis may be close to ending, time to load up for Christmas	(9)
		Index forecasts that home sales fell to a record low in August as would-be home buyers had difficulty getting mortgages. Can we have a panic now?	(24)
		Yahoo seeks to break Google's dominance by upgrading its search engine to make it "more helpful and engaging." In other news, did anybody know Yahoo has a search engine?	(29)
		Begun, this cell phone war has	(21)
		"We believe that the policy resolution to the credit crunch will take the form of a... new cycle of global credit creation and competititive currency devaluations. This could take gold to $1,000 an ounce, or higher."	(20)
		If you post your resume online, people might read it. Apparently this is a bad thing	(9)

		This is your captain. We are flying at 0 feet and a velocity of 0 mph. We apologize for the non-functional lighting and lavatories but you get what you pay for	(25)
(Some Guy)		Ford Motor Company joins MIT in hopes of bringing its vehicles up to what was considered the cutting edge of technology in 1979	(23)
(WorldCarFans)		Inside information about upcoming GM releases "accidentally" given to media by UAW	(15)
		Dow breaks 14,100 points for the first time ever on news that consumer confidence has never been lower, consumption is drastically falling, and the housing market has evaporated	(58)
(Harrisburg Patriot-News)		According to Wikipedia, the 2012 G8 summit of the world's top industrialized nations will take place in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania	(120)
(Some Guy)		Ben Stein misquotes himself trying to recite the line anyone associates with him	(43)
(Some Guy)		World's largest wealth manager admits to $3.4 billion in losses over last quarter. It's okay, I'm sure the government will give them the bailout welfare it denies to poor people	(15)
		"Public relations firm Eastwick Communications stages team-building contests that challenge employees to sneak into Google's free cafeteria"	(9)
		It's Oct. 1, so that means it's officially the Christmas season in stores	(49)
(news-leader.com)		Owner of Ask.com relaunches iWon site. Jeeves set the wayback machine for 2000, settling into the post-Y2K doldrums	(6)
		Old and busted: ARMs. New hotness: Adustable-rate student loans	(26)
		Microsoft decides to offer its Office suite online for free to anyone that's shelled out the money for Microsoft Office. Plus, there's no maintenance fees until you're completely dependent on the service	(17)
		Ten businesses facing extinction in the next 10 years. Submitter's ballwasher mysteriously missing from the list	(33)
		Nokia to buy Navteq for $8.1 billion	(7)
		Study: People order higher-calorie meals at Subway than at McDonald's. Super-size me, Jared	(279)
		GM may close two more plants under its new deal with UAW. UAW negotiators proudly return home with a bag of magic beans	(6)