(Some Guy)		An increasing number of women in business are taking alternative routes to the top	(13)
(Bloomberg)		You can't blame 9/11 for that time you withheld e-mails during a costly arbitration	(9)
		"When does a person decide to become an accountant? When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker"	(20)
		AT&T threatens to disconnect your DSL if you criticize the company on+++@@@NO_CARRIER	(39)

(NZ Herald)		"The magnets were too powerful, so on occasion car keys metal biros or other small metal items in proximity might rapidly attach themselves to the wearer's testicles"	(69)
		Soaring Canadian dollar hurting country's marijuana industry	(20)

		The Euro may replace the dollar as the chief reserve currency. Anyone got a $10,000 bill submitter can borrow?	(47)
		Oil is back over $83 per barrel. Everybody panic	(17)
		The MPAA continues overestimating industry losses and making empty threats against offshore web sites	(13)
		Dot com bubble, housing bubble, corn bubble?	(26)
		If I posted this...... OJ's new book kills Clinton's, slashes records	(38)
		U.S. personal income up, spending surges. Libs, sucking it	(61)
(Some Guy)		Need some surface-to-surface missiles? In the market for grenade launchers or plastic explosives? Then this may be the place for you: World's largest arms fair	(23)
		3Com being sold to Bain, Huawei	(7)
(Financial Times)		Freddie Mac CEO: "The U.S. has a 40-45% chance of a recession." Calls for a raise on the cap of Jumbo loans, so the govt.-backed firm can buy worthless debt. No word on if he kicked a puppy after the speech	(11)
(Business Week)		Just in time for your stocks to take an end-of-week slide... Microsoft Excel discovers 65,535 = 100,000. Hope your 401K still uses Lotus 1-2-3	(75)
		Oil hits near-record high of $83 a barrel on news that Mets are choking their way out of the post-season	(2)

		New Mini Cooper will not be built in Britain, depriving a generation of car owners the chance to tell "So I was just going down the street when the driveshaft fell into the road and all the electrics quit" stories	(89)
		Dollar closes stronger .... um, that would be the Australian dollar	(6)
(Motley Fool)		Chuck Norris vs. the Credit Crisis. Chuck Norris doesn't target inflation. He roundhouse-kicks it until it begs for mercy	(15)
(Some Guy)		Comcast customer service rep confesses. What you thought was true - is true	(27)
		Verizon backs away from ban on NARAL Pro-Choice from using SMS service to contact members. U kno who else censrd txt msgs?	(11)
(Motley Fool)		Michael Vick: New Vonage spokesman. WOO HOO	(9)
		U.S. second quarter GDP growth soars 3.8 percent on news that, despite being shut off from their household equity, ATM consumers just applied for more credit cards to max out	(12)
		"The Billionaire' Guide: How The Super-Rich Made It Big." Yes, some of them do charge $5 a month for access to parts of their websites	(28)
		Bed, Bath & Beyond earnings expected to rise to $147 million on news that the "Beyond" division is doing really well	(11)
		Paying $25,000 for a Ferrari cell phone will not make your penis any bigger	(216)
		SF Bay Area has highest salaries and cost of living in the U.S. In other news, the Golden Gate bridge is orange, Alcatraz used to be a prison and you can buy weed on Haight Street	(39)
		Antigua demands $3.4 billion from the U.S. for continued violations of WTO rules and rulings. U.S. offers $500,000, suggesting that they don't really take them seriously	(24)
		New Microsoft search engine will let its dozens of users track the worldwide popularity of Salma Hayek. Who says Microsoft doesn't innovate?	(9)
		Good news: Wall Street to open up higher today on news that our economy sucks	(20)
		The dollar continues to go down faster than Lindsay Lohan on a coke dealer	(21)
		The price of oil will hit new record highs next year, say experts	(15)
		Jack In The Box returning to Colorado after 11 year e-coli timeout. Submitter will never take you for granted again, sweet, sweet Breakfast jack	(25)

		Warner Bros. and Abu Dhabi announce plans to build Middle East theme park. Expected to be the best destination since Disney and North Korea teamed up on 'Lil' Kim's Small World of Death and Torture'	(13)
		Sallie Mae's private equity suitors announce that after months of nagging they will not consumate the marriage. Planned Parenthood approves	(10)
		TJX refuses to give credit monitoring and insurance to 45.2 million data breach victims	(8)
		MSG former intern testifies about Marbury romp, claims it was consensual. Her great new job with MSG has nothing to to with this. (with "I'd like her to dribble my balls" pic)	(7)
		Bear Stearns desperate to sell 20% of their company to China. This can only end well	(12)
(Some Guy)		Ever wonder what the melt value of that quarter is?	(34)
		Red Hat faces stiff challenges to move beyond its core technology	(11)
		United Airlines 2006: Dump pensions, we're broke. 2007: We have $21 Billion in excess assets. Suck it, taxpayers	(64)
		Demand for durable goods plummet in August; GM vehicles still selling well	(10)
		If Microsoft DID buy Facebook, how would they make their money back?	(25)
(Some Guy)		GM and UAW have reached a tentative agreement: GM will continue a slow death, and its workers will continue contributing to it	(383)
(Financial Times)		Remember when world banks promised that the subprime issue was just a blip on an otherwise upward trajectory? Yeah, they were lying. The fallout might ruin banks the world over	(29)
		Treating depressed workers boosts productivity. Unfortunately many are depressed because they are at work	(6)
		U.S. housing sales fall for the sixth straight month, hitting their worst downturn in 16 years. A&E and TLC still showing home flipping shows, laughing as they count their money	(39)
		Just promote it. Nike creates shoe exclusively for American Indians to help fight obesity. Submitter has reservations	(37)

		Vonage ordered to pay Sprint $69.5 million for patent infringements. Woo-hoo woo-hoo-hoo	(33)
		Huffington Post launches new financial advice column. Not sure how many different ways you can say "Oil companies are evil" and "Socialized medicine," but welcome aboard	(12)
(E&P)		Detroit newspapers tell striking General Motors workers to STFU & GBTW	(20)
		AT&T mints $1 billion networking deal with Treasury Department	(9)
		British Petroleum chief warns investors of "dreadful" third quarter. Drivers worldwide ready tiny violins	(9)
(Some Guy)		Consumer confidence plunges, economic worries grow	(42)
		Consumer Product Safety Commission (R-K Street) wasn't going to bother recalling a million Shoddy-Ass Chinese Cribs-O-Death until the Chicago Tribune started working on a story about it	(14)
		Today's edition of news you absolutely, positively didn't see coming: "U.S. home price decline accelerates"	(22)
(WUSA 9 News)		In the wake of the modern housing meltdown, now repo men are hauling shiny new Audis and BMW's away	(55)
		Nintendo climbs past Canon to become Japan's second-most valuable company. Mario still no match for impenetrable Toyota castle	(9)
		Hungary to tax that ass	(58)
		Howard Stern to be yapping soon on Google Radio?	(15)

		TJX loses 45.7 million customer credit card account numbers to hacker. TJX says "We're sorry, take 15% off anything for the next 3 days and we'll call it square"	(10)
		Microsoft in talks to invest in/ruin Facebook	(47)
(iLounge)		Vivendi complains that they only get 2/3 of the iTunes store prices and don't have to pay the credit card fees or maintain the software. In other news, world's smallest violin now available on BitTorrent	(12)
		Clinton "the best Republican president we've had in a while"	(70)
		The cost of living uber-rich soars, despite the fact that it still costs the same to rent the world's smallest violin player	(185)
		In a bid to boost brain bleach stock, Alan Greenspan and Andrea Mitchell reminisce about their first date	(6)
(WorldCarFans)		Ford found a buyer for Jaguar and Land Rover. Brits rejoice	(20)
(Bloomberg)		Government bond traders say the Federal Reserve will lower interest rates again before the end of the year as the economy will come to a standstill	(9)
		EU free market thinkers recommend driving a wooden stake into the heart of Microsoft	(19)
		Google at $600 a share is possible. Here is why, and it doesn't include "cuz Cramer said so two years ago"	(10)
		Oil companies think they pay enough royalties in Canada and don't really want to pay more	(17)
		GM auto workers go on national strike. EVERYBODY PANIC	(703)
(Ben Stein)		It is a shame that we have to appease the big rich babies of Wall Street to keep the economy going, but they are very strategically placed big babies and they need care	(6)
		The U.S. and USSR understood mutually assured destruction. The UAW and GM? Not so much	(7)
		UAW will strike Monday morning if an agreement is not reached. GM expected to finally turn a profit	(25)