If your company gets paid based on how many Medicare claims you reject, at some point, you're going to decide to reject them all	(21)
		Fact: The Fed can't help world financial markets with a rate cut. Fiction: The world markets will fall apart if they fail to do so. Reality: It's a gigantic asset repricing sandwich, and we're all gonna have to take a bite	(21)

(Barron's)		Barron's lays out in detail how to invest for retirement in these turbulent financial times using 'Investing for Dummies' terminology. Surprisingly, gold, canned goods, and shotgun futures are not on their list	(25)
		Verizon really hates the idea of having more competition in the cellular business. Your dog wants a telco monopoly	(14)
		Thousands of panicking savers queued to withdraw millions of pounds from the UK's 8th largest bank	(83)
(Some Guy)		Ffffffffft Forget peak oil, now it's time for peak helium. ahhhhhhh	(20)

		Radio Shack announces plans to sell video games at its stores, hopes that cool kids won't mind being spotted entering Radio Shack	(40)
(US Mint)		U.S. Mint has stopped selling gold coins due to, get this: High prices	(25)
		U.S. Homeland Security and Defense Departments flunk their audits again, continue to put the F-A-I-L in "financial"	(5)
		Next month's headline... "A Canadian dollar? What's that worth... like $1.04 U.S.?" Wait, what?	(49)
(Autoblog)		Leftist rebels in Mexico show their solidarity with the oppressed working classes by blowing up the factories where they work. Muchas gracias, pendejos	(13)
(Some Guy)		Crude prices fall on news of OJ resorting to petty theft	(2)
		It appears somebody at Ameritrade clicked on that email attachment	(11)
		Lance Armstrong Foundation refuses to play ball with a jewel of a pet collar business that had the huevo to call the enterprise Barkstrong. Nutty business owner remains defiant, and vows to tackle the legal issues, stone by stone	(111)
		Canada's gonna parity like it's 1977	(45)

(RCR News)		Verizon Wireless, claiming their constitutional rights were violated, sues FCC over "open-access" 700MHz rules	(27)
(Some Mail)		New US Postal Service stamp celebrates jury duty, will cause letters to sit around all day before being sent back home	(70)
		Google wants to get into the car business	(13)
		Bank of America ATMs will now charge $3 for usage by non-customers. Al Franken's plan to win the presidency back in 2000 is looking better every day	(95)
(WTMJ-4 News)		Not news: Automotive parts supplier goes bankrupt. News: Main plant closes, laying off 200 employees. Fark: Company asks bankruptcy court to approve $37 million in bonuses for the executives	(74)
		Protip: When (not if) your mortgage company fails, it will take your insurance and tax escrow with it and you will lose your home even if you make your payments	(35)
		Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson asks mortgage lenders to help homeowners navigate the labyrinth that was asinine mortgages in the past 5 years. The industry responds: "Sure, as soon as we exercise our stock options"	(18)

		Wal-Mart changes their motto from "Always Low Prices. Always" to "Save Money. Live Better" in an attempt to appeal to more customers, avoid lawsuits for false advertising	(92)
		Say goodbye to all those dancing mortgage ads that annoy us on various Web pages	(35)
		Oil hits $80 a barrel on expected fallout resulting from the Patriots spying on Britney Spears at the VMAs	(68)
		After making Blackberry their $612.5M biatch, NTP is back and ready to sue the cell phone carriers for a gazillion dollars	(14)
(Bloomberg)		McDonald's takes on Starbucks with cheaper lattes. "McCafes" boosting shares. Let's watch snooty people drink lattes, white trash eat fatty foods -- what a convergence	(54)
		Warren Buffett continues to shed his stake in PetroChina, wants to spend more time at Margaritaville	(21)
		Fed rate cut won't help markets	(43)

		Google under legal assault from incoherent Australians for spinning their drains in the wrong direction	(8)
		AT&T abandoning blue in favor of… orange? Must be because Vonage has had so much success with it	(32)
		Yossarian's "Catch-22" philosophy may fly our world's financial centers into ruins	(49)
		On 9/11, McDonald's SHOCKED THE WORLD by announcing 8.1 percent worldwide same-store sales increase, citing its promotions and value menu deals. Wall Street blows up	(16)
		"Dr. Z" doesn't believe a recession is imminent. He should know, he's a creepy German doctor. They know everything	(18)
		The Palm death watch has officially begun	(34)
(Bloomberg)		Oil prices rise on news that OPEC has agreed to increase production and release more oil. Wait, what?	(25)
		Ben Stein doesn't think there will be a recession, but gives tales of the crash of 2007 along with one story about a divorce	(26)
		The subprime crisis had had little impact on BMW. He just failed to mention that people are now living in their BMWs	(11)
(Bloomberg)		Dow up 140 points on news that Americans only spent $59.2 billion more than they made last month. Keep drinking the Kool-Aid, Wall Street	(16)
(Financial Times)		The value of a dollar moved to its lowest point since 1992, causing millions to wonder whether they should have saved their $12.99 rather than buying that awesome new Vanilla Ice CD	(24)
(Some Guy)		Romney would lower tax rate to zero percent on investment income for those earning under $200k	(184)
		And the latest hot new holiday destination is... Libya	(8)
		The highest-rated network for 18- to 34-year olds is... Univision. ¿Espera, qué?	(55)

		America's wild drunken orgy with easy credit, house speculating, and falsified loans ends in a nasty and painful hangover. Economist Paul Kasriel recommends a "painful" recession and call him in 2-3 years	(26)
		Body Shop founder dies. Patchouli-scented cremation to be held next week	(6)
		Harley-Davidson arranges garage parties for that ever-elusive motorcycle demographic: girly-girls	(13)
(Some Car Guy)		Customer Satisfaction is very high a GM these days. Why the sudden change? The dealerships are fudging the reports	(17)
(Some Guy)		Apple, with $14 billion in cash, considering taking part in the auction for a chunk of the wireless spectrum. Could result in own phone and computer networks plus much more	(33)
		Selling a professional sports team franchise to a guy who owes the IRS $73K, just filed for bankruptcy and has no money in the bank is not a wise business decision	(15)
		Six explosions have damaged Mexico's pipeline - caused by sabotage. Gas prices should do something	(21)