(Some Guy)		Reform-minded trustees are infuriating Dartmouth faculty, who expect only money--not opinion or oversight--from alumni donors	(13)
(news-leader.com)		Garage brewer gets Anheuser-Busch to make and help distribute his dream ale	(14)
(Some Guy)		Harvard University economist Martin Feldstein: "We're in deep shiat"	(42)

		WalMart shoppers downright ticked that their store doesn't offer layaway any more. If only there was a place they could save their money until they had enough to actually purchase the items	(59)
		President Bush outlines federal assistance for 80,000 of the 2,000,000 people facing foreclosure on their McMansions. Because cutting them a check now will just push the problem off for a few months rather than dealing with it now	(62)
		London hedge funds falling down, falling down, falling down. London hedge funds falling down, time for bailout	(14)

		Google News signs revenue-sharing deal with wire services, allowing them to make money off stories Google links to. Newspaper publishers who have been Farked light their cigars with another $100 bill and chuckle	(8)
		Crazy weather and global warming are killing the fashion industry	(6)
		Recent graduates shocked to discover that the bank would charge them overdraft fees on their overdrawn checking accounts. Welcome to the real world, kids	(23)
		Texas proposes to sell its highway system to foreign companies and grant those companies immunity from taxation on profits from tolls	(34)
(CFIA)		"Death by Chocolate" cookies may be a literal translation, thanks to undeclared nut content	(4)
		Concerned about violent themes of today's action figures, company releases biblical action figures like Samson, Goliath and Jesus with deluxe moneychanger scourging action	(24)
		Uncle Ben has two choices: A) Cut the funds rate and mollify the credit and equities markets. B) Leave rates as they are and fight inflation. Which will he choose?	(45)

		GM Canada announces 1,200 job cuts on news that the Canadian dollar is riding a 30-year high. Wait, what?	(18)
		California declares "power emergency," cuts electricity to businesses. Eerie cackling heard emanating from the vicinity of Ken Lay's gravesite	(29)
(NY Daily News)		The days are getting shorter and the leaves are starting to turn. Must be time for ConEd to start preparing for winter by shocking NYC dogs with stray voltage under the sidewalks	(42)
		Sears second-quarter profit dropped 40 percent	(39)
(Bloomberg)		Bank of England loaned ₤1.6 billion at 6.75 percent to someone we don't know. Cue up the Sopranos music, please	(7)
(Some Guy)		Renault attempts to sell its new car to women by impersonating a creepy stalker, sending them anonymous handwritten letters that call them "Darling" and suggest they get together for drinks soon	(55)
		Mortgage rates expected to rise, mainly for people with less than stellar credit who will no longer be able to make their payments. This should end well	(56)
(Some Guy)		Second quarter GDP revised upward, accelerating global warming, propped up by unsustainable public spending and contributing to the alienation of modern American life	(3)
		The economy surged four percent before the credit crunch hit	(33)
(Bloomberg)		Subprime mortgages in the UK are now more difficult to obtain	(4)
		Playtex market researcher: "We uncovered that women of all shapes and sizes talk about their bras and breasts in funny, witty and candid ways." And the research only cost her $5 a month	(50)
		Parent company of Arby's Roast Beef fast-food chain to buy Wendy's fast-food chain. Submitter wants to be at the grand opening of Wendy's Roast Beef	(65)

		The average CEO of a large U.S. company made roughly 364 times that of workers. Why? Because an over-blown ego and inflated self-worth deserves to be highly compensated	(69)
(Jetta Jobs?)		VW and Apple are teaming up to bring you the iCar. Smug has a new name as Prius owners are left with nothing but the smell of their own farts to enjoy	(55)
		The wine and cheese crowd need no longer feel out of place at Nascar races with Jeff Gordon wines	(24)
		Google chief financial officer to retire to spend more time rolling in his vast pits of filthy lucre	(21)
		Jealousy over the treatment of The Money Honey and Maria 2.0 has a huge catfight brewing over at CNBC. Meeeeoooowww	(13)
(fool.com)		Will you marry Wal-Mart?	(11)
		Insider stock buys hit four-year high. EVERYBODY PANIC	(8)
(Reason)		A financial analyst suggests re-linking the dollar to gold. Federal Reserve chuckles, prints another trillion	(26)
		Nationwide decides to "run away, run away" from 39,000 homeowners. Bunny with big fangs nowhere to be seen	(21)
(Development Crossing)		Airline CEO accidentally hits 'Reply to All' when responding to a complaint and ends up telling the complaintant what he really thought about their issue	(50)

		Firm to add nutrition to nacho sauce. Cannot have. Nachos	(22)
		Global markets are taking yet another dump all over themselves. With extra facepalm goodness	(17)
		Sixty thousand workers in the mortgage industry lose their jobs this month, wonder how to make their next mortgage payment. Ironic and Sad tags start looking for apartments	(28)
		U.S. household poverty rate drops for first time since 2000. Fox News is reporting it, so it must be bad news, right?	(39)
		Interweb's high speed lanes still blocked for rural customers because telco pocketed subsidies	(38)
		Warren Buffet increases his stake in Burlington Northern, again. However there are no tracks that run all the way from Omaha to Margaritaville	(20)
		EarthLink restructures, cuts 900 jobs. EarthLink sells something called "dial-up," whatever the hell that is. Has anyone heard of this "dial-up" thing?	(28)
		Federal Reserve is nervous about credit crunch. EVERYBODY PANIC	(22)
		Heartbreaking story of how one CEO has lost 15% of the value on his home. Now has to wipe ass with $20 bills instead of the two-ply $100’s	(24)
		Stocks plunging ahead of this afternoons anticipated release of Fed meeting notes. If only we could somehow gamble on what it says	(14)
		Residential real estate prices fall 3.5 percent in one quarter. The bad news? July and August are not included in this number. Not to worry, "Flip This House" will teach you how to flip a house for profit in two weeks	(32)
		Credit-card default rate up 30 percent from last year	(78)
		UPS celebrates 100 years of smashing packages, losing them and running over your pets	(126)
		Egypt's Alexandria seeks tourism revival. Good luck with that	(20)

		Honda has "Prius envy," plans to unveil new hybrid	(39)
		Indian company outsourcing jobs to the U.S. Since it will be in Georgia, you still won't be able to understand them on the telephone	(20)
		Investors are betting on anywhere from a five to 52 percent decline in the U.S. stock markets next month. Le Chiffre wanted for questioning	(33)
		Housing market is so bad "we are literally swimming in an ocean of homes for sale." Literally?	(72)
		Today's political elite celebrate this day: On August 27, 1859, America entered the oil business	(11)
		Acer to buy Gateway for $710 million	(64)
		Playstation 3 outsold by... Playstation 2?	(161)
		Economists predict median price of single family homes will drop for first time ever this week	(43)
		Asian stocks soar on news that they have absolutely no one to sell their products to. This will end well	(3)
		"Superbad" pushes summer ticket sales above $4 billion for the first time ever, and that's not counting the money won in lawsuits against file sharers	(111)
(Consumerist)		Blockbuster manager after a customer declines to participate in the 'Rewards' program: "F*cking customers, I'm tired of everyone not listening when they don't even know what they're talking about"	(47)
(The New Paper)		Singapore to open 24-hour party strip in 2010 to rival Las Vegas. Just don't spit or criticize the government, and you'll have a wonderful, caning-free weekend	(13)
(IHT)		So it begins: German state-run bank liquidated after being decimated by the U.S. subprime-lending market. It's like the Marshall Plan, only in reverse	(28)