NBC bids for British TV station, hopes to reach entirely new level of trans-Atlantic suck	(21)
		As U.S. GDP is revised downwards, companies re-price assets downward, and the credit market dries up, CNBC would like you to listen to analysts who think now is the best time to buy. Because, as the Gold Suits say, "It can only go up."	(13)
		The Fed bends the rules; allows Citigroup and Bank of America to borrow unlimited amounts of money. This can only be another sign of our robust economy. Bonus: They use lots of big words to say "We don't have enough cash on hand."	(41)

Mickey D's goes for upscale snob effect in European remodel of company and franchised restaurants. Changes include fine furniture, relaxing environments, mad cow-free burgers and surrender fries

(89)

		The housing meltdown isn't hurting the little guy: the heartbreaking tale of how Wall Street execs may have their annual multi-million-dollar bonuses cut by 10 or even 25 percent this year	(28)
(Pittsburgh Live)		Dunkin Donuts announces massive expansion plans, which should result in corresponding expansion in customer base, mid-section	(31)
		Actual headline: "Oil jumps above $70 on strong housing data."	(12)
		Bank of America has assimilated Countrywide Financial, taking its unique properties and making it their own. Resistance is futile	(26)
		Home Depot accepts a $1.2 billion dollar coupon to rid themselves of their wholesale distribution business. Everybody sues	(4)

		Oil prices down; gasoline prices up. Who says the system's not upside down?	(119)
(Consumerist)		Wal-Mart rolls back price by a negative $10.02 (with picture goodness)	(29)
		Krispy Kreme files for sweet, buttery, melty bankruptcy	(77)
(IHT)		The sad consequence of the mortgage crisis: Millions losing homes? Thousands losing jobs? Nope, Wall Street execs may get smaller bonuses this year	(39)
		Market reports show great numbers for mining coal in Utah	(11)
		British Airways fined $300 million for working with Virgin Airlines to fix prices. Bonus: Virgin doesn't get fined because they were the first to tell	(12)
		Like her soul, Leona Helmsley gets roasted at her funeral	(65)
		Copyright infringement lawsuit over sanitary pads finally coming to an end after a long period	(98)
(American Magazine)		Remember back in the 1980s when we were scared of Japan's economy? Good times, good times. Well, they're back	(21)
(Some Guy)		Hormel Foods' 3Q profit falls on news that Spam is unpopular	(20)
		OHHHHHHH. Who is poisoning your kids from across the sea? SpongeBob LeadPants	(16)
		Playboy launching college social networking site, expects us to believe those girls are really college students	(11)
		Nokia announces deal with Microsoft that will bring awesome cutting-edge features like Hotmail to company's cell phones	(11)

		Mortgage Lender Bankruptcy Trifecta complete: First Magnus Financial Corporation files for bankruptcy	(22)
		Today's "mortgage lenders going tits up" story is Accredited Home Lenders	(16)
		Stop the presses. Call Ric Romero. California gas station owners allege price fixing by Shell, Chevron	(25)
		Progressive Insurance keeps your rates low by infiltrating your church meetings and support groups	(98)
		Porn star takes the name "China Barbie," proceeds to get the lead out in movies, such as "Me Luv You Long Time" and "Ethnic Cheerleaders 8." For some reason, Mattel has a huge honkin' problem with this	(102)
(Post-Gazette)		McDonald's opens museum to honor Big Mac, perpetuate charade that "special sauce" isn't just Thousand Island dressing	(94)
		AmeriE-Trade?	(3)
(Inside Higher Ed)		Illinois State University business school threatens to kick out business students who don't come to class in "business casual." Hey, if the liberal-arts students have to wear their future business attire to class, so do you	(255)
		Delta hires former Northwest CEO who flew that airline right into Chapter 11	(12)

(Some Guy)		Not News: News. News: Not News	(13)
		Watchdog group finds "brutal conditions" at eight Chinese plants that make toys. Walt Disney Company said that it will investigate any such allegations and move production to other facilities where they're less likely to get caught	(96)
(Der Spiegel)		150-year-old brewery in Pakistan is preparing to bring their first 20-year-old single-malt whisky to the market, despite the fact that sales are restricted to three percent of the population	(77)
(Some Guy)		Phillip Morris getting set to make their new smokeless and spitless Marlboro Snus. Chew it libs	(18)
		You head up a multibillion-dollar company that is constantly being sued by your customers. Do you: A) Improve customer service? B) Do nothing? C) Sneakily rewrite your TOS so that customers no longer have the right to sue you?	(28)
		Wells Fargo says you're allowed to have your money again	(11)
		MTV and RealNetwork join forces against Apple. Wonder Twin powers, activate! Form of: Black hole of suck!	(40)
		Cunning Aer Lingus and pilots meet to end dispute	(17)
		A classic example of how the rich get richer	(53)
		Appeals court stops Whole Foods purchase of their biggest rival from going forward. Hippies' organic potatoes really frosted by now	(17)

		Apparently, "foodstamps" is now a Capital One employee's new response to their question of "what's in your wallet?"	(18)
		Cost of healthcare driving American Senior Citizens to nursing homes in Mexico. ¿Qué podía ir posiblemente mal?	(12)
		New DeLorean production now official	(34)
		Stocks end mostly higher on lack of news. Someone ought to write a book about this	(4)
		"If the bank can't look after their money, if the bank can't do their job properly . . . it's the bank's responsibility" - Bank error in his favour for $11 million, and he's not giving it back	(49)
(Some Guy)		Countrywide insider trading: $704 million sold, $73k bought	(13)
		What? The Dow's UP 100 points? Buy, Mortimer, buy, buy!	(16)
		Deutche Bank reportedly taps Federal Reserve. That filthy whore	(9)
		Skype outage blamed on users rebooting after Microsoft update. So it was basically a one-time occurrence	(10)
(Bloomberg)		Ah that interest rate cut really fixed things...Wait, why are the prices dropping? Sell Mortimer, sell!	(18)
(Louisville Courier-Urinal)		Our casino has the loosest slots, bladders	(74)
		Open source developers face H1-B visa puzzle	(27)
		Chrysler to import Chinese cars; scary tag barely adequate	(26)
		Small, local toymakers gain popularity for not murdering children	(12)
		Email overtakes telephone as main method of communication in business as it is fast, cheap and easy to claim you didn't get the message from your idiot supplier who you didn't want to talk to anyway	(8)
		Swingers are fastest-growing business in U.S. "Any other hobby that I was into at 40 years old is going to cost me $10,000," says one. "Dude, I'm addicted to it, there is no doubt about it"	(42)