The Federal Reserve stands ready to throw more free taxpayer money at people who make eight-figures and own 150' yachts after new home sales numbers are released	(17)
		Home construction falls in July while weekly jobless claims up unexpectedly. It's almost like there's a relationship between the two	(3)
(Sunday Herald)		In an effort to create a vehicle less safe than China's Chery, India's Tata Motors to produce a $2,400 plastic car	(123)
		Chile crop escapes major disease, Randolph and Mortimer sense a comeback opportunity	(8)
		The Wall Street panic, explained for civilians	(64)
(Barron's)		If CNBC's Jim Cramer is your financial adviser, you're an idiot and should probably read this article	(37)

		Virtual farmers’ market unites small traders against big stores, keeps getting crashed by links from AARP website	(15)
		American Airlines is the latest company to claim you can't search for them unless you're searching for them, and so no one else can either so there	(78)
		If you have money in Countrywide Bank, you might want to try to withdraw it and stuff it under your mattress. There's a run on the bank	(71)
		Too lazy to call for your pizza? Can't be bothered to order online? Text your order in. LrG SprEm KThXbyE	(48)

		Survey reveals that most office workers suffer from "e-mail stress," sandy vaginas	(13)
(The Money Times)		IBM servers + Solaris OS = Metric farkton of win	(21)
		Though Dell has finished an internal investigation into its accounting practices, there are still plenty of questions about the company, which not long ago could do no wrong in the minds of investors and customers. ENRONED	(16)
		Wall Street loves to talk about letting financial markets weed out the weak. But when the Street itself gets in trouble, it sticks out its little tin cup, asking for help	(39)
		Actual headline: "At some stores, Christmas season is already under way"	(117)
(NY Times)		So it goes. Bear Sterns fires 240 people as the bloodletting begins on Wall Street	(14)
		Federal Reserve cuts discount rate by 0.5 percent to stem melting markets	(425)
(Some Guy)		Wal-Mart comes up with brilliant idea: Open some small stores, sort of like a neighborhood grocery. Why didn't anyone think of this before?	(177)
(The Age)		News: Local business offers discount with gas receipt. Not news: The business is a brothel. Fark: The scheme is called "Pump and Save"	(48)

(Statesman.com)		Judge allows Whole Foods purchase of their biggest rival to go forward. Hippies approve. I mean it isn't Wal-mart, right?	(37)
		Mortgage lender First Magnus going down faster than Jenna Bush at an open bar reception	(23)
		Dow rollercoaster ends up being down just 13	(19)
		Buffett says the stock market being down is a good time to buy stocks. Meanwhile, he'll be out at Margaritaville until the bottom hits (with video & stuff). Cramer is still banging his fist	(20)
		Wall Street not the only stock market in trouble. Toronto stock exchange has fallen 585 points today on credit market uncertainty and losses in back bacon fund-of-funds	(9)
		Oil falls nearly $3 per barrel on news that Erin Go Bra-less (I have no idea what that means -Drew)	(39)
		CNBC's guy on the street gives us a reason to have hope in light of the foundering world financial markets: "Hey, at least no large banks have declared bankcruptcy, yet. Right?"	(7)
		Oil drops $3 a barrel on account of the stock market going down the toilet	(5)
		Gold plummets $21 an ounce on news that you can't eat gold. (Goldschlager excluded)	(11)
		Fed re-gifts another $17 bil	(23)
		US Treasury secretary says that market troubles will extract a penalty on economic growth, but probably not cause a recession, so don't EVERYBODY PANIC	(3)
(Some Guy)		Housing bubble? Only if your town sucks	(27)
		"This market is going down like free beer. ... I would say if there had been a day when we're trying to price in a worst-case scenario, this might be it."	(169)
		Question: I'm somebody with large savings and a good job yet still can't afford a home near my job. What do I do? Expert: Uhm... move somewhere else. Submitter breaks it down: If you ain't rich, the economy sucks	(66)
(KTLV)		Shareholders suing companies that defraud them have the support of the SEC, but not the Bush Administration	(15)
		Airbus A380 to enter service in late October. Trick or treat?	(10)
(Some Guy)		Economic boom fails to generate optimism in India. So we're outsourcing liberal pessmism to them, too. Neat	(10)
		Kraft mulls sale of Post cereals, including Shredded Wheat and Grape Nuts. Possibility of Shredded Nuts consolidation not ruled out	(6)
(The New York Sun)		Billboard for Manhattan storage company displays a coat hanger and reads, "Your closet space is shrinking faster than her right to choose." Company won't be expanding into Kansas market any time soon	(24)
		Credit and mortgage markets are stumbling, the Dow has dropped over 1000 points in five days and inflation is rising. But earnings have been good, so the economy's going just fine	(64)
		Macy's announces second quarter profits dropped 77 percent. In other news, this year's Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade will feature sock puppets instead of giant balloons	(18)
		Rupert Murdoch plans to buy the weather, make the climate more conservative	(11)
		Been getting nailed over a barrel by the stock market? Well, grit those teeth, grab those heels, and get ready for another pounding, bucko, 'cause it ain't over yet	(40)
		Amgen announces first layoffs in its history, bleeding off 12% of its workforce. This is despite it manufacturing the doping drug of choice this past Tour de France	(6)
		Largest U.S. mortgage lender at risk of bankruptcy. Risk of golden parachute deployment considered high	(44)

		Larry Kudlow last week: "The free market economy is the greatest thing on earth." Kudlow this week: "Holy crap, where is the government to help us poor investors??"	(29)
		Data suggests economy is sound, which is just the view you'd expect from a severed head buried deep under San Francisco	(33)
		"The typical family in the 2000s pays substantially more in taxes than the combined expenses of their mortgage, automobile and health insurance"	(77)
		B&N and Borders removing comfy chairs from their bookstores due to problems with trash collection, homeless people and "overly enthusiastic young lovers"	(31)
(Bloomberg.com)		Sentinel: "It depends what your definition of 'money market fund' is"	(14)
		KKR warns that they will lose at least $290 million dumping mortgage-backed securities. Advises investors to have an Oreo and STFU	(14)
		The Federal Trade Commission made trade secrets public in attempt to block merger	(26)
		If you're planning on acquiring a competitor's business, naming your plan "Project Goldmine" may not bode well during antitrust proceedings	(4)
		American stocks falling even before Wednesday's opening bell as stocks worldwide drop. Submitter is investing in shotgun shells, rations and bottled water	(28)
		Virtual libertarianism takes a virtual blow to the virtual chest as unregulated virtual bank in Second Life goes virtually tits up. Yes, humanity is really coming to this	(23)

		California to raise taxes on girlie drinks. Your dog wants a wine cooler	(34)
		Headline: Yahoo edges Google in user satisfaction survey. Topic Icon: Says it all	(36)
(Bloomberg.com)		The Dow goes down like a drunken prom queen, again	(28)
		Math geeks and their stupid technical models of equities markets threaten $1.5 trillion in assests. Heckuva job there, dorks	(39)
		Microsoft closes on the largest acquisition in its history for $6 billion	(8)
		Wal-Mart markets document-free check card to illegal aliens. Wal-Mart trifecta in play	(19)
(Some Guy)		Not news: Risky hedge funds halting redemptions. News: Money market funds halting redemptions	(17)
		You know the economy is taking a dump all over itself when Wal-Mart starts cutting its earnings forecast	(16)
		Cunning Aer Lingus pilots to give airline a licking by going on strike, should eat into profits	(22)
		Stock market plunges on news that the Federal Reserve can't print money faster than Wall Street is losing it	(24)
		Today's "oil price scare" story brought you by the letters O, P, E, C and... *shakes magic 8-Ball*... the sub-prime market	(5)
		Milk prices surpass gas prices, fueled by tree-hugging ethanol lovers and the Midwest's refusal to stop stuffing their faces with cheese and ice cream. At least according to NPR	(42)
(Art of Technology)		That huge sucking noise coming out of Santa Cruz is the sound of SCO stock losing 70 percent of its value in one day	(15)
		Inflation is making a comeback	(22)
		Coal-to-liquids quietly becoming a reality. Suck it, Chavez	(18)
(Some Guy)		It was touch and go for a while... we almost lost some good ones... but Goldman Sachs manages to find $3 billion to bail out its poor, foundering hedge-fund managers	(10)
(WFAA.com)		Mattel to announce yet another toy recall involving Chinese lead paint. At this rate, kids will be reduced to playing with sticks in the mud in three weeks	(163)
(Crooks and Liars)		Chris Matthews plays the role of "creepy old man" to CNBC's über babe Erin Burnett	(21)
		Rights to air Miss America pageant for the next three years purchased by... The Learning Channel?	(33)

		Perfect storm? In response to the collapsing housing market and record foreclosures, banks have decided to stop lending money to most people looking for a home. This will end well	(54)
		For the fundamentalist hunter in your family who has everything: A camouflage Bible. "This enables the devout who also hunt to take their Bible into the woods with them while concealing it from their prey"	(144)
		If the economy is so bad, then why did consumers spend so much last month? Confusing economic indicator No. 237 issued today	(57)
		European stocks rebound on news that Karl Rove no longer controls the reverse vampires or something	(6)
		Gas prices to rise on news that gas prices are dropping	(10)
		AirTran gives up on acquiring Midwest Airlines	(13)
		Head of Chinese toy company involved in toy recall commits suicide, no word if his family will be charged for the bullet	(61)
		Japanese railway outfits trains with stoves to provide a sauna effect for passengers in summer, apparently unaware that Amtrak has been doing this for decades	(5)
		Mitsubishi's new Mum 500 joins parade of unfortunately-named cars, joining the Nissan Big Thumb, Ford Synus and Mazda's La Puta (pic)	(17)