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Sun December 14, 2008
(UPI) Amusing Fool the SO into thinking you really took the time to wrap the presents yourself with CrapWrap (52)
(Newsweek) Obvious "Green" companies are hemorrhaging money faster than Michael Jackson at a middle school (29)
(The Consumerist) Asinine Customer: Yea my cable box caught on fire and burned my house. Comcast: That'll be $88 (97)
(CNN) Sad Gas prices go up by three thousandths of a cent. It's not news, it's CNN (26)
(IndyStar) Sad One of the few remaining companies making money, Rolls-Royce of Indianapolis posts 100 job opportunites. Thousands of applicants show up and are promptly shown the door (20)
(Some Guy) Interesting Nintendo fails to manufacture enough Wiis for the third year in a row (42)
(Boston Globe) Obvious "Cadillac-Hummer salesman" now outranks "Maytag repairman" on the list of dull jobs (15)
(NYPost) Amusing Today's Fark-ready headline: "Flak is douche tagged" (7)

Sat December 13, 2008
(Guardian.com) Obvious Scotland's single-malt whisky exports estimated to be worth £90 per second. Pretty good for something that tastes like ass until you mix it with Mountain Dew (119)
(London Times) Sappy In these trying economic times, it's nice to see that the rich can still find things to spend their money on. Like a morning with a Kenyan marathon runner for just $400 (10)
(Biz Journals) Obvious 51% of car buyers wouldn't buy from a bankrupt automaker. This is a marked improvement over the 0% that are currently buying from GM, Chrysler, and Ford (48)
(LA Times) Obvious Grocers report economy has caused sales of "house brands" to skyrocket. EVERYBODY GENERIC (25)
(Bloomberg) Stupid The Federal Reserve refuses to disclose recipients of $2,000,000,000,000.00 in emergency loans (481)
(The Weekly Standard) Obvious Car industry thrivng in the south. Why? No UAW. "Why would a worker in Alabama or Texas making far and away the best wages he ever could want to join the UAW? The UAW has no story to tell these people that makes any sense" (511)
(AJC) Spiffy Lost in translation: Hooters opens franchises in China under the name 'The American Owl' (81)
(Daily Mail) Followup Horlick among victims of Bernard Madoff's giant Wall Street Ponzi scheme. What's a Horlick? See the pic (71)
(NPR) Interesting There's at least one bank that will still offer you a humongous mortgage with no credit history, no FICO score, not even a drivers license. What's the catch? You have to be Amish (16)
(Gawker) Stupid Atlantic magazine is building an entire slave army (26)

Fri December 12, 2008
(CNN) Obvious Taxpayers are livid that selfish deadbeats are rewarded with better mortgages for making irresponsible decisions (571)
(Financial Times) Scary "Fear of financial 'Armageddon' after Canadian buy-out derails". Small-l liberal Canuck: Can we have Bush now that you're done sucking out his brains? Fark needs a Doomed tag (26)
(Free Press) PSA G.M to North America staff, please take the month of January off (315)
(Some Guy) Interesting Bud Light bottles and cans are getting a new "all blue" look. The shift to blue came after extensive research showed the color helps drive home the message of refreshment, suburban sloth & mediocrity (50)
(CBS News) Obvious ♪♫ Let the Nikkei hit the floor ♫♪ (41)
(London Times) Obvious California debt grows by $.17 million per hour. State will be bankrupt by February, just like the mystics and statistics say it will (70)
(CBS News) Followup Which company, after getting billions in bail out, is still finding ways to give bonuses for failed management? If you guessed AIG, claim your prize (43)
(MSNBC) Spiffy And the little Nintendo pig said, "Wii, Wii, Wii" all the way home (164)
(Bloomberg) Asinine "Pioneer of modern Wall Street" arrested after firm revealed to be Ponzi scheme. Sounds about right (45)

Thu December 11, 2008
(Yahoo) NewsFlash If you guessed UAW as the entity that would hose the Auto Bailout, step up and claim your prize (1094)
(Guardian.com) Interesting For the first time in 12 years, the price of platinum is lower than the price of gold. Oh, how the shiny have fallen (32)
(So Sioux Me) Interesting For $15.6 million dollars, you can own a piece of nerd history, some prarie land and a building that looks like a cow (8)
(Marketwatch) Obvious Bank of America to lay off 35,000 workers. It will now cost you $1,500 to speak to the one bank teller in your state (24)
(The Consumerist) Sad KB Toys files for bankruptcy, will be liquidated. Annoying plastic yapping dogs inconsolable (55)
(SeattlePI) Amusing Begun, this coffee war has (73)
(Reuters) Dumbass Even after announcing an 84% drop in profits, Neiman Marcus insists customers will still buy $64,000 diamond encrusted toilet seats (23)
(MediaMemo) Interesting Web 2.0 not dead yet: Trendy, revenue-free blog service Tumblr raises more money, makes 22-year-old CEO even richer on paper (20)
(Bloomberg) Obvious GM's suppliers demand cash on the barrelhead. GM responds: "Go fark yourself." Stay tuned for GM's new model, the 2009 doorless engineless chassis (21)
(Reuters) Amusing Visa's CEO loses all his credit cards to a pickpocket. Here's hoping he has to spend 28 hours on the phone trying to get them replaced like the rest of us (17)
(Marketwatch) Unlikely MarketWatch headline: "Is it over? Signs suggest we may have seen worst of bear market" So get ready for the Dow to plunge to 5,000 (36)
(Reuters) Amusing Krispy Kreme loss widens in 3rd quarter, hindquarter (13)
(Some Guy) Stupid Sprint closes 20 call centers. Its not like you ever need their servi (22)
(UPI) Obvious Now that they will have bail out money, GM and Chrysler magically crap out 6 electric cars (76)
(BizJournals) Cool H.H. Gregg begins accepting Circuit City gift cards (18)
(CNN) Cool Foreclosures dipped 7%. That's good. But it may get worse. That's bad. Or it could be a sign things are okay. That's good. The toppings contain potassium benzoate (59)
(Forbes) Obvious Chrysler needs a bailout, despite the fact that the equity firm that owns them, Cerberus, is flush with cash. So says the Cerberus CEO, who also spent three years as Bush's treasury secretary. Yay capitalism (52)
(MSNBC) Spiffy Ford to GM and Chrysler: "It's been real, but I really don't need this as bad as you suckas do. I'm out. Ford Mondeo ain't nothin' to fark with" (69)
(Reuters) Sad Rhode Island officially enters third world nation status with 11% unemployment. Where is the UN world food program and Sally Struthers now? (72)
(Newsweek) Obvious Ayn Rand responsible for economic problems, your college roommate being an asshole (152)
(SeattlePI) Ironic If you need a job, unemployment call centers are hiring (15)

Wed December 10, 2008
(USA Today) Obvious House approves $15 billion bailout for the Big 3. If it weren't for capitalism, we'd all be getting free cars right now (138)
(Denver Post) Interesting Web site maps the phone menu systems of 300 companies, sends tones to get you where you want to be then calls you back (26)
(Reuters) Obvious Homeowners who got a break on their mortgages six months ago are re-defaulting. Obvious tag wants its ARM adjusted again (48)
(Gawker) Interesting NPR staff, programming cuts expected to affect up to one dozen listeners (205)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Ford unveils stunning new business model that will no doubt pull it back from the brink of bankruptcy: Suing the only people who still give a shiat about Ford cars (41)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious In retrospect, maybe an unaccountable $700 billion slush fund wasn't the best idea (142)
(Yahoo) Sad Judge finds Wal-Mart violated state labor laws two million times in 10 years. Wal-Mart agrees to pay $54 million to settle MN suit, which works out to $27 per violation. Wow, things really are cheaper in bulk (41)
(Wall Street Journal) Scary ♫ Its name is Rio and it digs up lots of sand / This global titan mines in many foreign lands / And now the economic climate's not so grand / So Rio Tinto plans to lay off fourteen grand... ♫ (25)
(Bloomberg) Scary All GMAC really wanted was to become a bank for Christmas. Santa Ben told them to go fark themselves (13)
(The Consumerist) Sad 2008 Stock Market returns set to give the finger to everyone (w/ pic) (23)
(Washington Post) Obvious The next group of whores to hike their skirts for a Congressional injection: The Airline Industry (94)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Kodak cuts sales, earnings forecast, freezes executive pay, cancels 401(k) matching funds, says "CHEESE" (16)
(CNBC) Asinine Guess who lost another $10 billion? How'd you know it was AIG? You're good at this game (89)
(Some Guy) Interesting Working for Scrooge: The 5 worst international companies to work for (51)
(Reuters) Ironic China's imports and exports fall as their economy hits a giant wall. Who saw that coming? (29)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Sony plans to sell bonds for the first time in nearly three years. Bonds expected to be priced less than the PS3 (12)
(The Local (Sweden)) Interesting Swedish engineers propose merging their two major auto manufacturers to produce a car with the looks of a Volvo and the reliability of a Saab (47)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious The problem with going against the herd is that, occasionally, the herd tramples you (34)
(London Times) Interesting Pound sinks to record low, now worth only 15 ounces (82)
(Some Cheap Guy) Weird Despite health agency warnings, Tokyo supermarket proudly sells two-year-old soda, stale packs of teabags, and other expired and unsold food products in special "waste not want not" section (28)

Tue December 09, 2008
(BBC) Obvious Japan recession worsens. Nakatomi Towers defaults on interest only mortgage (39)
(Reuters) Obvious Are you ready for some layoffs? NFL fires 14% of their workforce. We can only hope Hank Williams Jr. is among them (27)
(CBC) Spiffy Somebody got $25,000 for that tissue box design? Pffft, looks like it was done by a three year old (63)
(BBC) Obvious How to save money in a recession by making your own Christmas gifts. Really, really crappy Christmas gifts (16)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Asinine What, no one's hiring waaah-mbulance drivers? (46)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Obvious Bored Wall Street bankers have plenty of time to Fark, look at Facebook and perfect their TPS reports (9)
(Yahoo) Fail US auto executives shouldn't be ousted says CEO recipient of the last auto executive bailout that would never need repeating (69)
(Some Guy) Interesting NWA machinists sue Delta, fark tha police (17)
(UPI) Unlikely The big cheeses at Chuck E. Cheese headquarters say fistfights are a rarity at their theaters. Police, regular Fark visitors disagree (39)
(Bloomberg) Scary Yield on 3-month Treasuries falls to -0.01 percent. So if you buy $10,000 worth, you'll get $9,999 back after 3 months. EVERYBODY PANIC (138)
(ABC News) Obvious If you decide to piss off the Bank of America, please bear in mind that it's now a Federal entity and that the NSA is more than happy to share all your phone records (47)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Airlines worldwide estimate losses to be halved next year, America is profitable again and that if you thought the fees were temporary you're still going to be sorely taken (21)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Pending sales of existing homes fell 0.7% in October. Why buy when you can squat in an abandoned home? (28)
(Washington Post) Obvious Freddie and Fannie internal memos from 2004, 2005: These subprime loans are going to ruin us (46)
(Daily Mail) Sad Sony makes 8000 walk, man (105)
(Reuters) Obvious White House wants to give bailout money to Honda and Toyota (76)
(Seattle Times) Interesting If you weren't concerned about the digital switchover because your older TV is on cable, does Comcast have a surprise for you (97)

Mon December 08, 2008
(BBC) Misc ♫ Oh Lord, won't you build me a Mercedes-Benz? ♫ The factory's cut output, and hours for my friends, ♫ Cause Daimler has a case of financial bends, ♫ So oh Lord, won't you build me a Mercedes-Benz? ♫ (38)
(CBS New York) Interesting If your eyes are bigger than your appetite, it'll cost you at this New York restaurant (166)
(Axcess News) Followup The State of Illinois has threatened to suspend doing business with Bank Of America if credit wasn't reinstated to the Chicago windows company under mutiny. Sword of Damocles falls on myth of free market in finance (85)
(KSDK) Sad Anheuser Busch / InBev to cut 1400 employees, 75% from St. Louis opperations alone, but expects todays beer sales to rise at the same rate (63)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Times are hard and Playboy CEO Christie Hefner is going down. Picture shows she is open to new opportunities (19)
(Some Guy) Obvious Fiat unveils solar-powered car that can be pushed by three friends from zero to 30 miles per hour in six seconds (32)
(Washington Post) Interesting Tribune company to celebrate Cubs second century of losing by declaring bankruptcy (39)
(Yahoo) Amusing Wall Street extended its rally into a second session Monday as investors grew optimistic that President-elect Barack Obama's plan for a huge infrastructure spending package will help boost the crippled economy. LOLWUT (52)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Obvious Less than 4% of Internet users would pay $3-4/month to view their favorite sites without ads. Elite group of news consolidation site users who pay $5/month and still get ads unavailable for comment (49)
(Marketwatch) Interesting MetLife announces predictions of higher-than-estimated earnings, citing immunity to claims of those behind on payments, suicides (2)
(Reuters) Sad 3M sends 1800 employees pink post-it notes (4)
(Yahoo) Obvious When shopping "online," there are these things called "coupon codes" and Romero tells you they're available on this thing called the "Internet" (16)
(CNN) Spiffy Obama talks; stocks up 300 points. Wait 'til he farts (101)
(Reuters) Interesting Wal-Mart to sell ultra cheap iPhone for $99. I felt a great disturbance, as if millions of smug elitist Apple fanboy voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced (70)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Unlikely Facebook dorks still think their site is worth $15 billion. CFO apparently moonlights as police advisor, valuating their pot busts (20)
(afterdawn.com) Sad RIAA set to apologize for all their senseless lawsuits. Just kidding, they have now sued a terminally ill teenager that lives in a hospital and needs a transplant (150)
(MediaMemo) Amusing Bubble hasn't popped completely: Web entrepreneuers Peggy Noonan, Lesley Stahl raising money for middle-aged lady website (4)
(Yahoo) Obvious Merrill Lynch Chief Executive John Thain does the right thing and says he won't accept any kind of bonus while people are being laid off. Just joking, the douchebag asks for $10 million bonus - that's about a dollar a fark up (177)
(Wall Street Journal) Scary Dow drops 5000 (75)
(Reuters) Sad The New York Times takes out a $225 million second mortgage on their Manhattan building on news that all newspapers are going tits up (21)
(My Fox Phoenix) Spiffy College graduate is looking to land 50 jobs, in 50 states in just over 50 weeks (video news story) (26)
(WCBS 880) Cool Talk of new economic stimulus programs has world markets surging (12)
(YouTube) Video 10 Toys that make you gay (80)
(Reuters) Obvious After poisoning or kiling thousands worldwide, Chinese companies seem surprised that people are now reluctant to buy their stuff (22)
(Columbus Dispatch) Obvious If your credit card has rewards points you've been waiting to cash in, better do so before your credit card company cancels your card (32)

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