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Sun October 19, 2008
(Some Guy) Obvious The repo man is a cold slap of reality in our buy-now-pay-later society  T-Shirt (49)
(Yahoo) Obvious "Some investors grow leery of stocks in grim market." Since when did Ric Romero start writing for the Associated Press?  T-Shirt (13)
(Yahoo) Unlikely GM and Chrysler shifting into third gear on merger as sales continue to plummet and they cannot gain access to credit, because obviously a merger will solve everything  T-Shirt (28)
(Yahoo) Scary OPEC to slash oil production because prices are too low to keep up with the rampant inflation in the hooker and blow market  T-Shirt (53)

Sat October 18, 2008
(Some Car Blog) Obvious GM buying Chrysler would be like "...the Titanic rescuing the Lusitania"  T-Shirt (31)
(Some Guy) Hero Quite possibly the best resignation letter EVAR Stay classy, Andrew Lahde  T-Shirt (60)
(The Atlantic) Interesting Rolling Stone writer trounces National Review writer's attempt to blame economy on minority mortages. Not bad, for a stoner  T-Shirt (82)
(AP) Obvious Honda CEO welcomes U.S. government's emergency taxpayer-subsidized loans to American automakers, calls it "totally proper," smiles enigmatically  T-Shirt (18)
(Mercury News) Obvious Yahoo tarts itself up for merger/acquisition by firing 10,000 employees  T-Shirt (21)
(New Zealand Herald) Strange Customers are moving towards big-ticket items in the $180-$240 range - those that are medical-grade, made in Sweden and likely to last longer  T-Shirt (10)
(ClusterStock) Scary Had enough of the jitters from the stock market roller coaster? How about sheer panic about deflation in 2009? EVERYBODY PANIC  T-Shirt (25)
(Guardian.com) Followup Wall Street banks, flush with $700 billion in taxpayer funding, decide to pay themselves $70 billion this year  T-Shirt (25)
(CFO.com) Interesting CFOs explain the market turmoil thusly "I feel like Roger Clemens has been throwing fast balls at my head for the past two weeks."  T-Shirt (10)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Obvious Qantas forced to censor in-flight internet content as other airlines around the world quickly realize most of the flying public surf for porn  T-Shirt (31)
(Some Guy) Interesting Baltic States may be in the "danger zone" according to eminent economists, Kenny Loggins  T-Shirt (38)
(Gawker) Sad The forgotten, voiceless victims of the credit crunch? Mimes. Mime spokesman, when asked to comment: *Hands go in pockets* *searchs for wallet* *makes crying gesture with fingers* (47)
(Independent) Sad Swiss banking industry on the brink, nation may have to revert to corkscrew & knife-based economy  T-Shirt (28)
(USA Today) Obvious Bush says economy will recover in long run, Cubs will win the World Series again some day  T-Shirt (38)
(Marketwatch) Asinine That limited executive compensation you keep hearing about? Read the fine print  T-Shirt (17)

Fri October 17, 2008
(Bloomberg) Obvious Financial crisis has pushed crude prices to 15% less what they were at this time last year. EVERBODY (in OPEC) PANIC  T-Shirt (22)
(KCRA 3) Obvious In an economy this bad, every industry takes a hit  T-Shirt (15)
(USA Today) Sick USAir is now courting advertisers for its airsick bags  T-Shirt (22)
(BBC) Scary Drunk on power and without the incentive of failure, socialized banks lose all interest in helping homeowners. But don't worry, it will be different in the US  T-Shirt (149)
(CNBC) Interesting Manager of two year old hedge fund closing it down. Writes missive claiming he's made enough off stupid trust fund babies. Oh, and he wants you to go grow some weed  T-Shirt (35)
(CFOSnafu) Silly Some collection companies get results by sending out costumed debt collectors including bagpipe players. Isn't that against the Geneva Convention or something?  T-Shirt (56)
(Network World) Unlikely Intrade probe finds "investor" who lost a fortune propping up McCain futures isn't a crooked market manipulator, which leaves only stupid  T-Shirt (10)
(Yahoo) Stupid Banks admit that the bailout won't work. So can we have our money back then?  T-Shirt (56)
(Bloomberg) Fail AIG has tapped two-thirds of its $120 billion U.S. taxpayer loan on news that burning through $12 billion per week is the industry norm  T-Shirt (21)
(MSNBC) Obvious Warren Buffett: "Pretty please, with sugar on top, buy U.S. stocks. I am"  T-Shirt (66)
(Reason Magazine) Interesting Corporate welfare is a good and decent thing, just like the New Deal was  T-Shirt (155)
(Some Guy) Fail Welcome to another round of FDIC Friday. To win, simply guess which bank failures will be anounced later today. Everyone can play  T-Shirt (172)
(Telegraph) Scary The last date when interest rates were this low in England? Try 1694  T-Shirt (14)

Thu October 16, 2008
(Village Voice) Scary TV Guide sells for $1. That's not the newsstand price, that's the whole company  T-Shirt (45)
(Reuters) Strange After plunging over 700 points yesterday, DOW up over 400 points today on news that.... yeah nobody really knows  T-Shirt (54)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious Sen. Chris Dodd is not afraid to announce whose fault the mortgage crisis is: Everyone else but him  T-Shirt (48)
(Bloomberg) Cool Oil drops below $70 a barrel on speculation that Joe the Plumber broke Nancy Reagan's pelvis  T-Shirt (187)
(Some Guy) Scary The other shoe is about to drop on the credit crisis. You may as well start maxing out your credit cards  T-Shirt (76)
(BusinessWeek) Dumbass Henry Paulson regrets "the many mistakes made by other people" in the financial collapse. Tops it off by failing to rule out shoring up giant hedge funds with U.S. taxpayer money. Heckuva job, Hank (38)
(Guardian.com) Obvious Faced with economic slump, Jaguar cuts 200 jobs, leaves workers lying in the road like the driveshafts of its cars  T-Shirt (19)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Sovereign Bancorp, the largest surviving U.S. savings and loan bank has agreed to be purchased by Banco Santander. No-one expected the Spanish acquisition  T-Shirt (39)
(Fox Business) Interesting Price of oil falling faster than Congress' approval ratings  T-Shirt (57)
(Yahoo) Obvious Citigroup unveils fourth consecutive quarterly loss, this time $2.8 billion. Citigroup: Consistency You Can Count On™  T-Shirt (11)
(Mirror.co.uk) Amusing Top 10 jokes about the financial meltdown  T-Shirt (38)
(NYPost) Amusing CNBC responds to Fox ads calling Jim Cramer an unqualified and idiotic analyst: "It is a predictably desperate attempt by a completely irrelevant network with ratings so pathetically small they refuse to make them publicly" (30)
(Telegraph) Followup What's the signal for "We're screwed"? Stockmarket traders' secret hand signals decoded  T-Shirt (12)
(AP) Ironic Southwest Airlines sees first quarterly loss in 17 years after oil prices drop, devaluing fuel hedging contracts  T-Shirt (18)
(CNN) Obvious Nikkei: -11%. KOSPI index: -9.4%. Singapore ST: -7%. Australia, Hang Seng: -6.7%. Indian SENSEX: -6.5%. Taiwan Index: -3.3%. German DAX: -6.49%. Good Morning, America  T-Shirt (50)
(Yahoo) Obvious Dow falls on weak Philly Fed report. Wiz wit  T-Shirt (14)
(BBC) Obvious Switzerland unveils UBS bailout plan, which involves both "You" and "Us"--mostly just You, though  T-Shirt (3)
(ClusterStock) Fail Merrill Lynch reveals at least $9.5 billion in additional writedowns, after the previous quarter's $5.7 billion "set the standard for a final round of writedowns in the financial sector" (12)
(AZCentral) Asinine Myth: Gas stations say they only make "a few cents" per gallon of gasoline sold. Fact: U.S. stations average a margin of 42 cents per gallon  T-Shirt (66)
(Dallas Observer) Stupid Texas's Oktoberfest having tough time with antiquated state law that prohibits prohibits beer, wine and liquor companies from offering any encouragement to drink alcohol  T-Shirt (19)
(Forbes) Interesting Tesla delays introduction of new electric car on news of lowering gas prices  T-Shirt (51)
(London Times) Hero A regulator actually has the balls to step up and admit he was at fault in the banking crisis. Get that man a pint  T-Shirt (30)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Harley-Davidson learns the hard way that it's not so easy to sell $35,000 cruisers when you're in the midst of a credit crisis  T-Shirt (57)
(Fox News) Asinine AIG did it again. This time, $86K for a hunting trip. In England  T-Shirt (310)

Wed October 15, 2008
(Gizmodo) Obvious Steve Jobs leaving Apple?  T-Shirt (49)
(Free Press) Scary Median sale price for Detroit homes drops to $9250. Apparently looking to keep pace with the Dow Jones  T-Shirt (93)
(MSN) Obvious Remember that record setting rally on Monday? The market doesn't  T-Shirt (161)
(AP) Obvious Oil plummets on news that it's not made from faberge eggs or bald eagle heads  T-Shirt (74)
(Some Surcharge) Obvious American Airlines parent AMR corp. posts $45 million profit on news that $15 t-shirt sales are actually pretty lucrative  T-Shirt (19)
(Bloomberg) Scary Iceland resumes stock trading after a three-day halt. Result: 77 percent drop  T-Shirt (65)
(Breitbart.com) Interesting Everybody stopped buying stuff in September: Retail sales down by 1.2 percent, the most in two years  T-Shirt (35)
(National Review) Scary "No one even meekly suggests that when the panic ends we should leave the rates alone, slash spending, and start paying off what we borrowed. The current medicine is starting to seem a lot like the disease" (67)
(Google) Interesting ♪ From the land of holy terror (terror)... comes the beer refreshing... Hamas, the beer refreshing... ♪ (34)
(LA Times) Interesting Nationalized U.S. banks (or whatever we're calling them) may go all nom nom nom on smaller, weaker banks. This should end well  T-Shirt (42)
(BBC) Followup Iceland officals "working day and night" to dig their way out of credit crisis. In related news, "day" in Iceland at this time of year is like eight minutes long  T-Shirt (17)

Tue October 14, 2008
(Miami Herald) Florida Nestle sues Miami Dade over fears that tap water advertising will cut into bottled water profits. N-E-S-T-L-E-S, Nestle sues the very best  T-Shirt (34)
(Canada.com) Asinine Bank bailouts in U.S. and Europe penalize Canadian banks for doing such a good job of not pissing away money that they don't need billions of dollars in free government money  T-Shirt (39)
(Dallas News) Obvious GM's Texas SUV plant adding overtime on 2 shifts on news that Americans have gone full retard on Tahoe and Suburban purchases again  T-Shirt (51)
(LA Times) Fail You want a seasonal job this holiday season? No, not yours  T-Shirt (119)
(Some Guy) Interesting The circle is complete. Wal Mart now selling cars  T-Shirt (28)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious Johnson & Johnson profits up 30% in 3rd quarter, as government buys $700 billion worth of shampoo for babies on Wall Street  T-Shirt (8)
(MSNBC) Asinine J.D. Power and associates fear that the global auto market will collapse in 2009, and by collapse they mean sell 400,000 fewer vehicles than in 2008  T-Shirt (23)
(Time) Interesting Time Magazine's top 10 "Biggest Golden Parachutes." If you're reading this, you're not on the list  T-Shirt (35)
(Fox Business) PSA Top 10 dumbest ways to go into debt  T-Shirt (139)
(CNN) Obvious Stocks rally, then falter upon news that the NFC East really does suck  T-Shirt (30)
(OUT-LAW) Silly Absolut sues Absolute Radio on grounds that people may confuse radio with vodka  T-Shirt (95)
(Daily Mail) Interesting You know who else saw Nazi memorabilia as an unbeatable hedge against inflation and tanking stock markets?  T-Shirt (23)
(Fox Business) Interesting Pepsi is not the choice of a new generation of 3,300 workers  T-Shirt (15)
(BBC) Obvious U.S. to buy $250b worth of stakes in "a wide variety of banks." Up until today, Bush didn't realize you could buy meat at the bank  T-Shirt (39)
(Yahoo) Obvious Growing number of U.S. workers are as poor as they would be if they just sat home all day collecting welfare. Suckers  T-Shirt (174)
(Reuters) Fail Linens 'n Things throws in the towel  T-Shirt (75)
(AP) Spiffy Stock market improves from "photos of sad traders" to "photos of excited traders"  T-Shirt (33)
(Bloomberg) Interesting The yen has fallen against major Western currencies following reports that shares in the Kamikaze Bank took a steep dive, the Sumo Bank went belly up and the Origami Bank folded  T-Shirt (17)
(Daily Mail) Followup Nobel Prize winner Paul Krugman has already credited Darth Vader and Captain Darling with saving the world's financial system. Henry Paulson still a rebel  T-Shirt (24)
(The Sun) Obvious As the credit market was crunching and their bank was collapsing around them, Lloyds TSB invited 1,000 staff and partners to party like it was 1989. The Sun is there  T-Shirt (8)
(ClusterStock) Unlikely Ben Bernanke writes op-ed piece for the Wall Street Journal, "How I Saved the Global Economy"  T-Shirt (36)
(Gawker) Fail Obvious: New York Times planning job cuts. Stupid: In the parts of the paper advertisers want most  T-Shirt (13)
(Some Guy) Interesting Two guys design a 113-mpg car that can reach speeds over 100 mph on diesel. Actually, they designed it in the 80s, but nobody gave a crap then  T-Shirt (77)
(CNN) Stupid What's the biggest battle happening in the U.S. today? A) The election? B) The battle to keep the economy floating like a marshmallow in hot chocolate? Or C) The battle for chocolate supremacy between Hershey and Mars? (37)
(Bloomberg) Obvious U.S. Treasury will invest $100+ billion in Citigroup, Wells Fargo, JPMorgan Chase, Bank of America, Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, State Street and Bank of New York Mellon. Propped up economy accomplished (52)

Mon October 13, 2008
(BBC) Scary Think that $700 billion is too much to protect US banks? The EU is ready to offer 1.7 trillion euros to protect theirs  T-Shirt (63)
(The Industry Standard) Ironic Who cares if you're a Mac or PC? Investors gorge on both Apple and Microsoft stock  T-Shirt (15)
(CNN) News DOW closes with biggest point gain in history  T-Shirt (233)
(ClusterStock) Obvious CNBC hopes to boost ratings with Money Honey cat fight. Rawr  T-Shirt (19)
(AFP) Sad GM to close SUV plant in 2010. Just kidding, it's actually closing before Christmas  T-Shirt (59)
(ClusterStock) Interesting Hedge fund manager says you should buy Apple, Microsoft, Baidu, MasterCard, Visa, and Goldman Sachs. If you're not one of the 80%-85% of Americans who are broke and will suffer like a dog the next 10 years, that is (22)
(London Times) Interesting Bank of England to lend $200 million to Icelandic bank so it can pay back British depositors, who will promptly spend that money on beer and pork scratchings  T-Shirt (15)
(Financial Times) Followup Banks participating in the bail-out will lose huge tax breaks they get for paying their top executives millions a year. In other news, companies get huge tax breaks for paying their executives millions of dollars a year (18)
(ClusterStock) Interesting The retarded dart-throwing monkey at Goldman Sachs now claims oil will cost $50 per barrel by December  T-Shirt (34)
(CNBC) Spiffy DOW Gets Biggest Point Gain EVAR And All I Got Was This Farking T-Shirt  T-Shirt (93)
(Washington Post) Obvious More people choosing to torch their new cars for the insurance money rather than try and keep up the payments. "A lot of people are trying to dig themselves out of a jam"  T-Shirt (59)
(CNN) Obvious This is a good time to be in the comic book business  T-Shirt (30)
(Yahoo) Strange You know the housing market has plumbed new depths when a developer gives away two houses for the price of one  T-Shirt (9)
(Huffington Post) Stupid Good: Using "Spinal Tap" reference for article on the economy. Bad: It's written by Mrs. Nigel Tufnel  T-Shirt (16)
(AP) Interesting Paul Krugman wins Nobel. Damn liberal media conspiracy  T-Shirt (30)
(CNN) Unlikely CNN's top reporting team of Crackhead and Freebase says stocks are poised to rally... just like they said Friday morning  T-Shirt (113)
(MSNBC) Interesting World markets explode like a cow with dynamite in its stomach as world governments seek solutions to financial crisis  T-Shirt (136)
(London Times) Amusing "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife"  T-Shirt (10)
(Daily Star) Interesting Unexpected consequence of economic meltdown: Sales of maternity clothes and baby items soar as couples can no longer afford to go out so they stay home and reluctantly have sex with each other (76)
(London Times) Cool Ten guys who saw this mess coming  T-Shirt (57)
(MSNBC) Scary The economy is still going down. Should Congress: A) Stop having congressional sessions on steroids and baseball? B) Ignore the problem? Or C) Try another stimulus package?  T-Shirt (97)
(SeattlePI) Strange Archie McPhee's buys state liquor store for new headquarters. Because some people need rubber chickens more than vodak  T-Shirt (11)
(Bloomberg) Cool Asian markets react favorably to the world economic bailout plan. You can climb back in off the ledge now  T-Shirt (23)

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