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Fark NotNewsletter: The Doctor is a woman? Oh yeah, well so's your mom!
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-07-17 2:38:35 PM (57 comments) | Permalink

Last week was a whole bunch of Donald Trump Jr. news. Oh, so very much Donald Trump Jr. news. If that's not your cup of tea, there was also a very messy eel truck accident, the reveal of a female (gasp!) Doctor Who, and today happens to be the 12th anniversary of the Grey Wave thread. Unfortunately, most of the images from the Grey Wave thread are lost to time. Maybe Doctor Who can bring them back.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Donald Trump Jr. - 570
Doctor Who - 191
Game of Thrones - 102
Florida - 488
Nope - 857
Bacon - 408
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
AOW shared a story about a run-in with a cottonmouth while fishing
scottydoesntknow posted some Ron Swanson in a Home Depot thread
bearded clamorer got an expert's opinion on the eel truck crash in Oregon
CipollinaFan defended a cop who shot two pit bulls
Cdr.Murdock told us how a new space army will be financed
Eddie Adams from Torrance gave Trump some credit
Giant Clown Shoe explained why police officers shouldn't be afraid
cowgirl toffee knew the right photographer for a couple's wedding day and night
Eddie Adams from Torrance thought Mosul didn't look so bad
fusillade762 had a suggestion when the Marco Polo building was on fire
 
Smartest:
TruBluTroll found some problems with an article about a child's death
wejash talked about how lawyers feel when they're pulled over for driving while black
nekom had a suggestion for someone who was fired by Home Depot
doyner thought a state attorney should have waited before identifying herself
fusillade762 had advice for handling things if a loved one with mental illness is in trouble
bingethinker thought a mother had a point about perfect attendance awards
tacos4jesus tries not to be a raving d-bag to employees
a_room_with_a_moose told us how to double your problems
BolloxReader discussed problems in socialist countries
fusillade762 commented on the need to punish people for posting about atheism online
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers
Funny: Spoon over Marin figured out which campground a Farker's visiting that has swastika-shaped ashtrays
Smart: PolloDiablo gave some good self-negating advice
Funny: Candygram4Mongo continued a musical headline about side dishes for ham
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Your day in court
Smartest: Keyth avoided going to jail, but didn't get to go free
Funniest: L.D. Ablo witnessed a courtroom dress code violation
 
Politics Funniest:
doyner found out what's on Donald Trump Jr.'s mind
netringer predicted Mike Pence's future
null let us know whether or not it's happening
WalkingCarpet shared Donald Trump's defense to collusion accusations
blastoh thought Donald Trump Jr. might as well keep on hunting
 
Politics Smartest:
Gubbo savored some irony
spongeboob pointed out the bias of The American College of Pediatricians
markie_farkie had hopes for the Trump family
roc6783 had a prediction about Joe Scarborough after leaving the GOP
cretinbob explained the difference between -gate and -ghazi
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba updated a classic arcade game
Colour_out_of_Space found the beauty in a terrifying beast
Yammering_Splat_Vector created the world's worst accessories
Stantz gave us a reason to stay out of the mountains
Vaginosilicosis freaked out some aliens
Alligator made a minifig into a different kind of warrior
stertz showed us why dragons breathe fire
grampy made a baddie into a saddie
ionthrust created an ice dragon
Dumski put a pinhead in charge
 
Farktography:
MorningBreath won Farktography Contest No. 636: "Flower Power 4: Moar Flowers" with a wet, pink daisy
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Wednesday, July 19th: 5th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
Wednesday, July 19th: Hop-Con 5.0 at Stone Brewing - Liberty Station in San Diego
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe
 
World's largest Ferris Wheel (630' high) nears completion in Dubai. Because when it's 110 degrees outside, why not try to get closer to the sun?
 
I suppose this explains why I never got the Beelzebubble-Bath I ordered back in 1983
 
Retail stores run scared as Amazon quickly approaches in the rear view mirror
 
Here are the weirdest laws in every state. How many have you violated?
 
Stuntman on the Walking Dead dies in fall on set. Doesn't rule out returning to the show
 
George R.R. Martin to spend even less time writing "The Winds of Winter"
 
BBC to reveal the new worst Doctor ever on Sunday
 
Enter Groundskeeper
 
♫ ♪ My Donnie lies over the Russians / My Donnie lies over the pee / My Donnie lies over and over / Stop straining our credulity ♪ ♫ 
 
RUSSIA RUSSIA RUSSheyIA RUthisSSIA RUSSIseemsA RlikeUSSIA RUSaSIA RgoodUSSIA RUSStimeIA RUtoSSIA RUSSItryA RUStoSIA RpassUSSIA RUSStrumpcareIA RUSSIA RUSSIA
 
Trump has an "enemies list" so extensive he makes Nixon look like a devout Quaker by comparison 
 
Jesus, Jesus
 
Chesapeake Bay area residents warned of waterspouts coming on shore. Eensy weensy spiders hardest hit
 
80-person human chain saves family from drowning. Link to the left, link to the right 
 
Quebec man wants to legalize squirrel hunt- ÉCUREUIL 
 
Tinder moments lead to old fashioned courtship
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Fark Party: Usually not as dirty as that sounds
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-07-10 2:16:48 PM (31 comments) | Permalink

There are a couple of big Fark Parties coming up next week - the annual "Farks in the Wild" Fark Party in the Buffalo Zoo and Hop-Con, the W00tstout release party in San Diego. Can't make it to either of these? Plan a Fark Party in your area (or someone else's area if you'll be visiting... giggity). Planning a Fark Party isn't hard - just pick a place and a time, submit the party, and then attend the party once it's time. If you've never been to a Fark Party, you should try it out. Farkers don't usually bite unless you ask them to.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Chris Christie - 218
Beach - 454
Vladimir Putin - 1117
Bacon - 323
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
Old Man Winter shared a classic fact about The Flat Earth Society
Non Sequitur Man shared an image mocking Chris Christie
Grumpy Cat saw the real reason Chris Christie isn't running for reelection
thorpe summed up the situation with North Korea
hodge-podge shared the true version of that "Footprints in the Sand" poem
Nogrhi responded to a study claiming you can take the fight against prostate cancer into your own hands
groppet shared incontrovertible proof that the earth is not flat
HighOnCraic showed us what's really happening at that beach that Chris Christie's family had to themselves
Etchy333 took a closer look at a photo that possibly shows what happened to Amelia Earhart
Number 216 showed Chris Christie hanging out at a cafe
 
Smartest:
wejash figured out why Hobby Lobby isn't in more trouble
ImpendingCynic wondered something about scumbags
Satanic_Hamster reacted to Chris Christie's beach bogarting
gilgigamesh compared the owners of Hobby Lobby to the Taliban
basemetal offered some advice
fusillade762 asked a question about Hobby Lobby's activities
sirrerun discussed the things "Christian money" can be spent on
Registered just to post this wasn't a fan of the way an article was written
Marcus Aurelius commented on the things that people will believe
Prey4reign doesn't feel sorry for Chris Christie anymore
 
TotalFark Discussion:
 Note: This comment can only be accessed by TotalFarkers
Funny: Another TotalFarker's fashion rules prompted Solty Dog to ask a question
 
 
Politics Funniest:
ralphjr found a picture of what Trump fans were so upset about on Independence Day
fusillade762 wished America a very special happy birthday
nekom explained why Oath Keepers were so protective (though it's the wrong state)
boxbot2000 shared Bill O'Reilly's suggestive tweet about the Trump/Putin meeting
paulsetas suffers from indecision
 
Politics Smartest:
LarryDan43 imagined Chelsea Clinton working for the White House
SoupGuru talked about the country being farked up
blastoh commented on Trump's tweet that showed him wrestling CNN
bloobeary was concerned about Donald Trump's behavior
Wookie_Jesus thought that the idiots who were angry about NPR's tweets actually follow NPR
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba saw Mitch McConnell enjoying a day off
Yammering_Splat_Vector had a special wish for Independence Day
RedZoneTuba did the "Petticoat Junction" thing
Herb Utsmelz flashed back to a classic fast food commercial
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel wanted an Independence Day homecoming
Surly U. Jest gave some guy an awesome back tattoo
SkunkWorx found a special message for Mike Pence
Mojongo showed us why Mike Pence isn't allowed to be alone with women who aren't his wife
Iggie gave us some beefcake to check out
abhorrent1 showed Rambo doing more extreme photography
 
Farktography:
orionid won Farktography Contest No. 635: "Take a Walk on the Wild Side" with some colorful fall foliage
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Wednesday, July 19th: 5th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
Wednesday, July 19th: Hop-Con 5.0 at Stone Brewing - Liberty Station in San Diego
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Pick up your fingers and read this
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-07-05 1:13:18 PM, edited 2017-07-05 2:41:07 PM (39 comments) | Permalink

Last week was crazypants, complete with the traditional pre-Independence Day fight between the U.S. president and various TV news organizations. And now here it is, the fifth of July. I hope a lot of you Farkers had a long weekend off of work and didn't blow off any of your body parts... unless that was your plan. And now if you're back at work, it's time to not work and read the Fark NotNewsletter. Be sure to check out the FarkStaff Pick, because there are some good laughs and time wasting there.
  
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Canada Day - 82
Joe Scarborough - 111
Mika Brzezinski - 423
Unhinged - 154
CNN - 706
Independence Day - 88
Fireworks - 614
Bacon - 209
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
kbronsito explained why it was okay for someone to destroy a Ten Commandments monument
Prey4reign thought a thicker book might have saved a life
Incident on 57th Street noted either a sin or an accomplishment
LewDux showed the uncensored version of a Sports Illustrated "swimsuit" issue photo
dragonchild came up with the rallying cry of those who wish for a supervolcano eruption
stk showed what it's like to get a face full of ashes
naughtyrev appreciated a suggestion in a "help me name my cat" thread
JasonOfOrillia had an offer for the ladies
johnsoninca summed up a sex-induced stroke
Cyrus the Mediocre wrote a theme song for Dragon Man, "the most-armed man in America"
 
Bonus FarkStaff Pick: 
This week's FarkStaff Pick isn't one comment, but an entire thread. If you missed the inspirational posters thread, make sure to check it out. Be warned: It'll make you laugh out loud, so take caution if you're reading it while at work or a funeral or something.
 
Smartest:
PlaidJaguar pointed out one problem with a Fark headline
Satanic_Hamster discussed Westerners visiting North Korea
Esroc thought, why not both?
Primum non nocere had a solution to the controversy over Ten Commandments monuments
Cortez the Killer came to bury the monument, not to praise it
timujin noted a mighty strong argument for having militia groups provide security for politicians
fusillade762 wondered why it's necessary to use militia volunteers for security
PirateKing pointed out why Ten Commandments monuments shouldn't be on public land
MrBallou brought up the name of one of the militia groups the Oregon GOP is partnering with
Weaver95 seemed to have expected this
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: Comments in this section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers
Funny: doglover answered the question, "What type of movie star do you want to be treated like?"
Funny: Soos showed TotalFarkers an amusing misspelling on an appliance
Smart: 433 had words of encouragement for another TotalFarker
 
CSB Sunday Morning: That time my town went Hollywood
Smartest:
hubiestubert talked about how New Englanders try not to annoy celebrities
Funniest: Non-CSB jokes were highest voted, then a bunch of CSBs tied with four votes each. You can check them out here.
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
raius cited the lesson learned by Trump-supporting adult film stars
Eddie Adams from Torrance posted a photo of what Mika Brzezinski looked like when Trump said she was bleeding from a facelift
foo monkey shared some of Donald Trump's more cromulent tweets
iron de havilland showed how working with Trump can affect people
MaudlinMutantMollusk revealed what Mitch McConnell is up to
 
Politics Smartest:
NewportBarGuy proposed an alternative to the NRA
Farking Clown Shoes explained why Trump has reverted to the classics
Ed Grubermann had a question for adult film stars who are Trump fans
Farking Clown Shoes thought a statement played into the Russians' hands
pkjun compared overtime pay to a puppy
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba showed us where the magic happens
Stantz revealed a secret hangar
grampy gave this team some helpful instructions
cowgirl toffee found out that something went wrong in construction
RedZoneTuba gave Uncle Fester some new equipment
manyone designed the world's worst building
durbnpoisn created the world's largest swimming pool
manyone made an aspirational poster
verchad gave Snoopy some competition
Iggie paid respects on a solemn occasion
 
Farktography:
orionid won Farktography Contest No. 634: "Airborne 2" with a photo of a very unlucky crustacean
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Wednesday, July 19th: 5th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
Wednesday, July 19th: Hop-Con 5.0 at Stone Brewing - Liberty Station in San Diego
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Man arrested after removing 500 roadside advertisements. Police went to his home, say all the signs were there
 
No charges filed in shooting death of Casper man. Well, he's a friendly ghost now
 
The last subway derailment this serious was the end of the Jared Fogle ad campaign
 
Man charged with breaking all ten commandments in a single act
 
Monk seal gives birth on Hawaiian resort beach. So much for those vows of celibacy and poverty
 
SAFE
 
The technologies that power and cool the Parker Solar Probe are considered revolutionary. BONUS: they even work at night
 
Deciding how erect Playgirl centerfolds should be was hard on the staff
 
France gets a head of Trump by inviting him to Bastille day
 
Hertz explores new self-driving partnerships, according to youngest son Dick
 
You can find the rest of the Fark Headlines of the Week right here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: I should buy a boat
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-06-26 12:01:49 PM (112 comments) | Permalink

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis: 
 
We've been highlighting the top entries from a thread about the best things that have happened in real life to folks as a result of being a member of the Fark community, and this week the winning entry is from botheyesshut:
 
-----
 
I found Fark when I turned 21 or so. Thought the headlines were much more fun than the ones from square news feeds, and quickly learned they often were more insightful, too.
 
Like the narrator of Fight Club, "I became addicted."
 
It took me time to grok that there were inside jokes all over the place, not just news stories I didn't have an angle on. It was common for facts and humor to blend seamlessly. (UFIA comes to mind). I couldn't let a single greenlit wisecrack slip by me undecyphered. I researched everything.
 
Within months I was the best informed kid downtown. I tried writing a headline or three, but lurking was more satisfying and educational. I've been coming here to learn and laugh every day since.
 
I keep expecting some other method of getting news will improve on Fark, but nothing ever does. I got the feeling Fark was the hidden inspiration behind Jon Stewart's Daily Show into a political force for good. Fark often reads like an outline of the show, only 3-14 days earlier on average.
 
Fark remains so far ahead of the competition that the Associated Press doesn't even seem aware certain powerful news aggregates have stayed relevant all this time. A survey I participated in by the U of Chicago for the AP yesterday centered on my most trusted news sources. Naturally Fark wasn't an option, but to simply click NYT, LAT or Al Jazeera would have been entirely false.
 
How can anyone get a proper grip on the news from one, two, or three trusted sources? The front page of Fark is far superior (once you learn the ropes). I wrote-in Fark.com as my number-one go to every time.
 
So yeah, the unexpected thing Fark caused for me is more than a decade of learning about the world and laughing out loud at the smallness of humanity. Fark knows there's such a thing as taking the world too seriously.
 
And what could be more unexpected today than a global crew of erudite, funny people publishing accolades and criticisms of what passes for journalism today, simply for the lulz and for love of learning?
 
Not much.
 
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
John Oliver - 197
Ken Ham - 57
Welcome to Fark - 55
welcometofark.jpg - 6
Bacon - 359
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
GreenAdder had some advice for Ken Ham and his Ark Encounter
Pocket Ninja taught us about Noah's gladiator match against a dinosaur
GreenAdder went on a rhyming binge
hobnail appreciated a weapon that's a lot more entertaining than a battle station
real_headhoncho suggested one way to handle a woman who only wants a white doctor
Shostie gave another Farker legal advice for fighting traffic tickets
Diogenes pointed out why a gladiator match between Noah and a tyrannosaurus rex is ridiculous
Wulfman told us what happened after a Canadian sniper made a record-breaking kill shot in Iraq
tjsands1118 had some hopes for what will happen to Ark Encounter
Danger Avoid Death shared a message from Jesus
 
Smartest:
wejash noticed the bigger problem when a police officer shot another cop
whatsupchuck had an idea what went wrong with the Ark Encounter theme park
Cubansaltyballs talked about the NRA's silence about Philando Castile's death
HedlessChickn was unimpressed with an anti-pot letter to the editor
FightDirector really just had one thing to say about the NRA
hobnail guessed at how Castile's girlfriend stayed relatively calm
Snapper Carr thought a bull fighting comparison was silly
MikeyFuccon commented on how life is different for kids today
Petit_Merdeux had another idea why Ken Ham's theme park is failing
fusillade762 explained why someone had such a hard time at a health clinic
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: Comments in this section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers
Funny: Ceteris Paribus says consoled a Farker whose cat is being a jerk
Funny: Solty Dog explained why someone's husband thought he made a connection with a stripper
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Out of your element
Smartest:
L.D. Ablo partied all night with law school grads, bikers and belly dancers
Funniest: elpresidenteALO went to a concert at a skating rink (this one tied for smartest, too)
 
________________________ 
 
A message from dugitman:
 
A couple weeks ago, I mentioned a generous TotalFarker donated ten 12-month TotalFark memberships to be given out to non-TotalFarkers in the CSB threads. This week's smartest and funniest entries were both TotalFarkers already, so I read through the thread and picked one of my favorites out. For some reason, "out of your element" brought out an inordinate amount of boat stories. This one by sxacho was my favorite for its mixture of engineering nerdiness with redneck biker cred.
 
________________________
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
Non Sequitur Man showed us how Donald Trump gets things done
gopher321 explained why protesters in wheelchairs were dragged away
X-Geek suggested a way to fill positions in Trump's administration
RJReves knew which coin should have Donald Trump's face on it
hobnail described what happens when Trump gets angry
 
Politics Smartest:
kbronsito discussed small towns' resentment of big cities
dionysusaur asked a question about health care
dionysusaur discussed people who leave small towns for big cities
Diogenes thought that Huckabee didn't think his analogy all the way through
patrick767 summed up the Senate Republicans' health care bill
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
#2 found someone to fill in for Press Snekretary
Iggie showed some anchors on Mattel's news networks
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel showed us how art is sometimes made
cowgirl toffee found a painter who really can't work from memory
RedZoneTuba protected a precious snowflake
stertz put this green fellow in danger of suffering a Shat attack
#2 decided this professor has one thing on his mind
Herb Utsmelz's television can't take it anymore
Surly U. Jest imagined a world in which people go to Baltimore for vacation
Surly U. Jest Jarritossed these sodas off the shelf
 
Farktography:
Warthog won Farktography Contest No. 633: "Noir 2: Prints of Darkness" with a bar scene
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Wednesday, July 19th: 5th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
Wednesday, July 19th: Hop-Con 5.0 at Stone Brewing - Liberty Station in San Diego
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Farking in the hospital
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-06-19 11:58:32 AM (63 comments) | Permalink

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis: 
 
A quick reminder - I know it's a couple of steps to go through, but if you could sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, and/or sign up a friend, it may not seem like much but it makes a huge difference to us!  Seriously, we would not have made it through the first six months of 2017 without the help of everyone who's signed up so far.  Thank you so much! 
 
We've been highlighting the top entries from a thread about the best things that have happened in real life to folks as a result of being a member of the Fark community, and this week the winning entry is from Zygar:
 
-----
 
Last year I had an aortic dissection, which, long story short, should have killed me. The 11-hour surgery was successful, but they did have to use the paddles to bring me back afterwards. I was fine for a day, but then my breathing became labored and I had to get a trach tube inserted and was put on a ventilator. I was unable to speak or really lift anything for about two months. I used to read Fark to my girlfriend daily before I was hospitalized. At first my visiting hours were just a few hours a day, one hour at a time. The only thing to occupy my time was a TV that I could barely see without my contacts. I was bored out of my mind. My girlfriend (now fiancee) remembered the fun times with Fark and decided to read the headlines to me (and the articles if I raised my hand ) while I was incapacitated. It was the highlight of my day, and really the only time I smiled while there. Now I'm back to semi-normal and still reading Fark every single day to her.
 
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Fire Mueller - 214
Witch hunt - 148
London - 321
Steve Scalise - 382
Bacon - 372
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
stk found a new slogan for Fox News
Mad Scientist reacted to reaction gifs with a reaction gif (warning: this thread is gif-heavy)
Pocket Ninja explained how a shark bite was a sign from God
Mad Scientist shared a reaction to Obama in the gif thread
docpeteyJ thought a ship had an unfortunate name
mrshowrules posted a classic reaction gif
Mad Scientist saw a problem with an article about tricking people with fake outlet stickers
moothemagiccow shared a helpful tweet from Rand Paul
Satanic_Hamster was going to submit this with a better headline
Pocket Ninja summarized an article by a millennial who doesn't like brunch
 
Smartest:
moothemagiccow shared a helpful tweet from Rand Paul
NutWrench had a message for a man who shot his child
Pocket Ninja summarized an article by a millennial who doesn't like brunch
scottydoesntknow shared a message from Jesus
Hyjamon gave some odds for a shooting thread
moothemagiccow explained why Philando Castile was killed
stk found a new slogan for Fox News
rzrwiresunrise figured out why a woman was kicked out of a mall for her attire
pkjun suggested that governments are spending money on the wrong things
docpeteyJ reacted to the idea that rainbows are scaring people away from Disney World
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: Comments in this section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers
Smart: Drew gave an update on Fark's financial situation
Smart: Hyperbolic Hyperbole reminded Farkers in TotalFark Discussion to do the needful rather than just complaining about not being listed in the Fark NotNewsletter more often :P
Funny: KiwDaWabbit had encouragement for a Farker who wasn't sure about hitting on an attractive woman who has ugly kids
 
CSB Sunday Morning:  Best CSBs and TotalFark gifts from a thread fan
Smartest:
Praise Cheesus told us about having lunch with Adam West
Funniest: 905 once farted on Rick Perry
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
RTOGUY argued that a kid's Trump shirt shouldn't have been altered for a yearbook photo
Redh8t illustrated the White House chain of command
impaler showed the Snekretary's reaction to a Farker's invitation
grokca recognized what happens when Trump won't go somewhere if he'll be booed
BizarreMan found someone's reaction to hearing that Trump might not visit again
 
Politics Smartest:
F5 F5 Esc gave a Briton's opinion of Trump not wanting to visit
Ambivalence commented on Donald Trump's priorities
August11 had some advice for Trump in defending himself against the Russia allegations
RTOGUY argued that a kid's Trump shirt shouldn't have been altered for a yearbook photo
blastoh argued that the Republican Party is a cult
 
Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
pkjun listed the different kinds of Brexit
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector came up with a way to make executions more fun
Don_cos showed us what can happen if you play with matches
Yammering_Splat_Vector found a very discourteous driver
Herb Utsmelz uncovered a heinous crime
Octafrye had a suggestion for a giant ape
Surly U. Jest gave this Photoshop figure the proper patina
ionthrust added some cool texture in a coloring contest
Yammering_Splat_Vector thought this fellow looked chilly
RedZoneTuba put a delicious topping on a pizza pie
ionthrust showed what happens when quadcopters go too far
 
Farktography:
henryhill won Farktography Contest No. 632: "Motorcycles" with this great NYC snap
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, June 24th: Bay Area Fark Party - Oakland Beer Trail
Wednesday, July 19th: 5th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: How to Fark your way to the top
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-06-12 12:00:39 PM (41 comments) | Permalink

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis: 
 
A quick reminder - I know it's a couple of steps to go through, but if you could sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, and/or sign up a friend, it may not seem like much but it makes a huge difference to us!  Seriously, we would not have made it through the first six months of 2017 without the help of everyone who's signed up so far.  Thank you so much!
 
We've been highlighting the top entries from a thread about the best things that have happened in real life to folks as a result of being a member of the Fark community, and this week the winning entry is from hornblowerfan with a story about improved job prospects:
 
-----
 
Long story short: a very rude and snappish recruiter I just signed up with (through referral) was having a bit of a day, and his only funny moment was some vague reference to a meme I saw on Fark the day before. He lit up like a Christmas tree when I got the joke. We then spent an hour talking about our favorite stories and memes on Fark.
 
Then he said, "I'm not going to recommend you for this job you are dying to get, because the people are awful and you'll hate it. You are too good of a person for this job. Give me some time to find something else for you."
 
I was a bit stunned, but...three weeks later, he quickly got me real dream job (there were 186 applicants!!), had my cross-country move paid for, and got 120% of the salary I was asking.
 
All because of Fark. Seriously. Thank you!
 
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Vindicated - 75
Russian hookers - 38
Adam West - 111
Batman - 357
Bacon - 329
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
phlegmmo shared a photo of Selena Gomez with sidebewb
PirateKing let us know the names of George and Amal Clooney's kids
AgentKGB said goodbye to Adam West with a wonderful animated image
Bith Set Me Up was shocked by someone's name
Adam West for President reacted to news of Adam West's death
gilgigamesh saw other uses for "a taco truck at every mosque"
Bith Set Me Up completed a word in a Fark headline in the best way possible
bearded clamorer showed one way to deal with acoustic guitar players
lindalouwho continued the theme of the comments thread
Veda_Pierce found a new band name
 
Smartest:
amfv had nice things to say about Adam West
APO_Buddha shared a related headline from "The Onion"
fatalvenom had advice for a guy with a jealous girlfriend
Weaver95 explained why people's bad behavior is often blamed on Trump
Skarekrough shared a comic about gun violence
AirForceVet thought a man's act to save kids was justifiable
Cyrus the Mediocre checked out some astronomical charts
themindiswatching had a very controversial opinion about pizza
Dancin_In_Anson explained why a guy liked a butt pic on Instagram
Psychopusher was impressed that a cop didn't lose his temper
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: Comments in this section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers
rcf1105 explained what the hell is wrong with Bill Maher
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Nobody submitted one! But here's a message from dugitman:
 
________________________
 
There wasn't a CSB thread on Sunday, June 4th because I was on vacation and forgot to have it set up ahead of time. It's the first week we've missed in nearly three years, so apologies to all of you who follow the thread weekly.
 
 The next 3-5 weeks, we'll have new topics and an added bonus for non-TotalFarkers.A generous Farker has donated $500 with the stipulation it be given out as a one-year gift for 10 CSBs in the near future. One of the best things about this format has always been its free-form and meandering nature, so rather than have a single thread, or multi-thread "contest" type atmosphere with rigid rules for winners, we're going to turn it over to you users for giving out the 10 TotalFark gifts. As always, you can upvote the posts using the "smart" button, but feel free to quote great posts with a "smarted," or "TF" or +1, or whatever you want to sort of double nominate it. Along with the most "smarted" posts, modmins will go through the threads to pick a few of the later entries that didn't get the early voting love.
 
Finally, thanks to all of you for making CSB Sunday Morning a cool weekly feature that shows there's a human side to a bunch of funny login names who spend most of their time snarking the internet and each other.
 
________________________
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
Rev.K provided an excerpt from James Comey's opening statement
xraygun shared the secret behind Trump's "covfefe" tweet
Mad Scientist showed off a very handsome flask
Pocket Ninja got technical about the United States Flag Code
HighOnCraic explained Sarah Huckabee Sanders' emoji-filled tweet
 
Politics Smartest:
optikeye thought that Eric Trump was projecting
NewportBarGuy responded to the question, "Is Trump trying to provoke a domestic terror attack?"
Farking Clown Shoes had a message for Donald Trump
Chariset got a point across without using words
sno man made an argument for taxpayer-funded birth control
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium made an ad for the first "Housewives" show worth checking out
Beltway Bandito's movie poster is in really poor taste
ToastmasterGeneral created a contest where there are no winners
Iggie made a "Star Trek" movie for the true fans
Circusdog320's movie featured the hero we all need
RedZoneTuba put imitation Sonny and Cher outside
Alligator made a very picky "Bachelorette"
#2 showed us what a young Captain Kangaroo looked like
stertz designed a kickass shirt
Surly U. Jest showed that Dolly Parton re-customized Bob Hope's golf cart
 
Farktography:
orionid won Farktography Contest No. 631: "Grave Goods" with a loving memorial and touching story
 If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, June 24th: Bay Area Fark Party - Oakland Beer Trail
Wednesday, July 19th: 5th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)  
 
I'm here to drink tea and kick ass, and I'm all out of tea
 
"My goodness My gracious" / they shouted "Come see 'em" / It's something brand new / A Dr. Seuss museum
 
Boy rescued from claw machine after firefighters spend 30 minutes and $20 trying to win him back
 
Yes. Well, when I see 5 weirdos dressed in togas stabbing the President in the middle of the park in full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards. That's *my* policy
 
ISIS leader reported killed in air strike; Sterling Archer inconsolable, erect
 
Mike Vick: "Nobody plays the way I played" doggone it
 
Olive oil may prevent brain tumors. Popeye impressed
 
'The Mummy' features a creepy, ageless creature who seeks nothing but world domination. But enough about Tom Cruise
 
⚓🚥🚥🚥🚥⚓🚥🚥🚥🚥🚥🚥🚥🗺🗺🗺🗺🗺🗺🏰🗺🗺🏰🏰🏰🚦 :/9//&🗿🛩⛩🏚 #🚦lolaklkk🚥🚦⛲🚝🚦🚞🚢🚂
 
Gambling addicts love Maryland's voluntary casino ban program, it's like having your chips and losing them too
 
You can find the rest of the Fark Headlines of the Week here. Don't forget to vote for your favorites. 
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)  
 
We had a tough one this week for you this week, as no one broke into the 1000 club. No Catchy Nickname came in first with 918, followed by Lord Jubjub in second with 914. ayslinnaria hit third with 910, followed by WooWarrior at 891 and nomen est omen rounding out the top 5 with a respectable 884.
 
The toughest question this week was over what corporate fast food chain took the initiative and rolled out a stoner-friendly billboard in New Mexico. Only 26% of quiztakers saw the article and knew that it was a local McDonald's franchise trying to pack in the seats like a Phish concert for its breakfast burrito.
 
The easiest question this week was on what you can buy at a photo kiosk in a mall in Moscow. 75% of our quiztakers knew that a few extra Rubles can get you a few extra Instagram likes. This says something about our modern life, but I'm not sure what.
 
On the Easy Quiz, the hardest question was over who would provide the MIT commencement address this year. Only 38% of quiztakers caught the article about Tim Cook bringing it to the nation's newest generation of engineers and technological innovators, I'm guessing Elon Musk would have done it, but dang, is that guy busy or what?
 
The easiest question on the Easy Quiz this week was over what species has been determined in court to be nonhuman and therefore ineligible for a writ of habeus corpus, and can therefore be detained in a cage indefinitely without trial. 92% of quiztakers knew it was the chimpanzee that was determined to not need a writ of habeus corpus.  Personally, I think they should have started somewhere else, as now we're apparently going to get rampaging tigers wandering around with lawyers running behind them with sheaths of paperwork demanding people sign disclaimers.
 
If you haven't had the chance, you can take this week's Fark Weird News Quiz right here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: The word of the week
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-06-05 11:44:45 AM (61 comments) | Permalink

Without a doubt, the word of the week was covfefe. It came to us late at night and took the world by storm. People tried to ascribe meaning to it, some more fervently than others. Based on context, I personally think covfefe is a verb meaning "to cut a rant off." I'm no linguist, though. I'll just say that we're about at capacity for covfefe references, so it's probably time to just name something Covfefe McCovfefeface and be done with it.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Covfefe - 1295
Paris Agreement/Accord - 1056
Kathy Griffin - 757
Wonder Woman - 328
Bacon - 328
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
Farking Clown Shoes was reminded of a snarky reply to another stupid complaint
wejash appreciated a nickname for Donald Trump...
in response to GardenWeasel's appreciation for one
tjsands1118 was confident in the ability to start a fire in an emergency
puffy999 found Tiger Woods featured in an advertisement
ColSanders found the person responsible for a British Airways tech issue
impaler showed the Press Snekretary reacting to some news
jso2897 showed us some feeling farkers having their feelings farked
davidphogan asked the question that Wisconsin hears all the time
impaler showed what happens when you mess with the snek
 
Smartest:
tjsands1118 sided with a bigoted farmer
Cewley commented on a Fark headline that I'm pretty sure was a joke
Chariset sided against a bigoted farmer
Bucky Katt asked a question about children in America being forced to marry their rapists
puffy999 suggested another way of dealing with the bigoted farmer
UberDave didn't think a bounty hunter acted with the utmost integrity
lostcat thought that sometimes it's best to keep your opinion to yourself
SpaceyCat pointed out that someone who was an experienced gun owner didn't act like it
GardenWeasel appreciated a nickname for Donald Trump
Farking Clown Shoes was reminded of a snarky reply to another stupid complaint
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Perfect moments
Smartest:
 hubiestubert's perfect moment involved looking into an angry girl's eyes
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
Mantour discovered that sometimes it's a good idea to look at the comment section
neaorin shared an educational tweet about covfefe
pkjun found an excuse that covers all bases
snowshovel appreciated Donald Trump's accomplishments
Mztlplx knew the source of mysterious red lights at the White House
 
Politics Smartest:
NewportBarGuy reacted to Trump's decision to withdraw from the Paris Agreement
scottydoesntknow thought Donald Trump had another motivation
FlashHarry could see what Trump's treatment of Comey meant
LowbrowDeluxe responded to a headline comparing Trump to Kennedy
Action Replay Nick reviewed Trump's presidency so far
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Surly U. Jest gave a very intimate view of Kim Il Sung
LiliVonShtupp made Trump a new coat of arms, as requested
dyfsunctional designed a mysterious coat of arms
FarkingIceHole put an obstacle on a bridge
ionthrust couldn't go wrong with animation and a kitty
Surly U. Jest created a landfidgeter
Iggie shared a failed class assignment
ionthrust made some hypnotic fidget spinners
moofburger coat of arms design had symbolic meaning
ADHD Librarian made a barely-SFW coat of arms
 
Farktography:
CiliarySpasm won Farktography Contest No. 630: "Amusement Parks" with a big top
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, June 24th: Bay Area Fark Party - Oakland Beer Trail
Wednesday, July 19th: 5th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
 
Beyond Fark
 
We're very sad to have lost Farker lockers. He was a very active, popular poster, well known in the TotalFark Discussion tab. You can read the memorial thread for lockers here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: When Farkers come together
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-05-30 1:44:10 PM, edited 2017-06-04 7:04:58 PM (61 comments) | Permalink

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis: 
 
Happy Tuesday, everyone!  Hope you had a great weekend.  Kentucky was supposed to be hit with storms all weekend, but the weather ended up being pretty great all around.  
 
A couple items of note -
 
Congrats to JD, the winning bidder of Fark Account One Million!  He's a long time Farker who decided to help support us after being a reader for over 15 years!  Hard to believe we're that old, but Fark's coming up on 20 years old soon.  We'll have to do something fun when that happens.  
 
We've been highlighting the top entries from a thread about the best things that have happened in real life to folks as a result of being a member of the Fark community, and this week, the winning entry was from Grand_Moff_Joseph with a couple of super unique instances:
 
-----
 
As a result of reading Fark?  Two "best things" come to mind:
 
1.  A particular highlight was Wrestlemania 30, in New Orleans.  Between social media and some epic Fark threads, I was able to share the live WM experience with my fellow Fark "smarks" in the FWC, and give them a bit of a tour around my hometown at the same time.  It was a wonderful experience that I was proud to share with the group - and one that I'd never have even thought about going to were I not on Fark.
 
2.  Back in 2012, Paul Ryan staged a photo-op at a Ohio soup kitchen. His team showed up when they were already closed, all but barged in, and staged a obviously fake scene of him "washing" pans that were already clean.  When news broke that the soup kitchen had initially refused the visit, as they are apolitical, the kitchen was hit with vile phone calls and threats of a donation boycott.
 
In the Fark thread on this, Queezyweasel said, "I wish we could donate to help them out."  I seconded that idea, and before I knew it, Cyclometh and others had set up a fundraiser and were hard at work spreading the word.  A couple of weeks - and even a bit of national press - later, and we Farkers had raised over $15K for that soup kitchen.
 
The funds were delivered, and the kitchen couldn't have been happier - well, except for the hungry families who benefited from Farkers' generosity of course.  Made me even prouder to say that I'm a Farker.
 
-----
 
Me too.  Can't improve any on what he said.  
 
As always, please please please sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, and/or sign up a friend! It may not seem like much, but it makes a huge difference to us!
 
BareFark gives you a no-ads experience, which is way better for both you and us.  Seriously, if everyone signed up for BareFark, we could get away with no ads whatsoever!  Pull the trigger today!  
 
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
G7 - 82
Roger Moore - 91
Handshake - 129
Bacon - 297
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
LordOfThePings made this comment before it was clear what actually happened
godxam thought of one way a guy could've responded to a racist rant
Mr. Coffee Nerves felt bad for women in customer service whose customers hit on them
TommyDeuce knew why someone stole statues of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young
Farking Clown Shoes reacted to a man's racist rant
sigdiamond2000 objected to a law banning rolling coal
Pocket Ninja explained why it infringes on religious freedom to ban rolling coal
jst3p wasn't ready to tone it down a notch
Ocean_Pimp explained what prevents terrorism
fusillade762 gave medical advice to someone who was injured by a Fark filter
 
Smartest:
FrancoFile pointed out a warning sign that someone is terrible
somedude210 didn't get the joke
derpes_simplex had a message for people spreading hate
Pocket Ninja explained what an article about "racist" wood paneling was really about
Gordon Bennett found an example of someone who can't be reasoned with
duppy shared a photo of a terrorist
davidphogan disagreed with criticism of some restaurant owners
meatofmystery didn't think an attack would be labeled terrorism
tjsands1118 wanted to see a group of people condemn an attack
SpaceyCat reacted to a hunter's death
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: Comments in this section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers 
Smart: Aarontology chose the toppings for the submitter's pizza
Funny: flucto summed up the kind of advice available from TotalFark Discussion
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Finding courage
Smartest:
 andychrist420 found that sometimes you have courage because there's no other choice
Funniest: Turns out this topic didn't really bring to mind any funny stories
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
The All-Powerful Atheismo showed us the Trump administration official who hasn't been compromised by the Russians
Dallymo had a physical reaction to news about Kushner's Kremlin communication plan
Gig103 showed Melania Trump following some common advice
MacgyverJr updated a handy list
kobrakai shared some tweets about TrumpCare
 
Politics Smartest:
danielem1 wanted to clear something up about Jared Kushner
The All-Powerful Atheismo discussed the difference between right wing and left wing conspiracy loons
Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste responded to a voter who felt fooled by Trump
Johnny Rockets compared Trump's message in the Holocaust memorial's guestbook to Obama's
hubiestubert had advice for Trump fans who felt betrayed by Reddit
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
bloobeary showed us the true purpose of that mysterious glowing orb
redmax found a wacky way to call attention to a very remote wind farm
Surly U. Jest found that clowns are awful even in office jobs
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium showed President Trump sharing some party favors
RedZoneTuba gave this showoff some company
Tom G made a portrait of a proud inventor at home
Don_cos recycled some Ringling Bros. equipment
RedZoneTuba discovered that cow beaches are basically like dog beaches
RedZoneTuba revealed the biggest question on Donald Trump's mind
Don_cos MOSFETted the desert
 
Farktography:
orionid won Farktography Contest No. 629: "Fire and Ice" with a photo of "Fire Water on Ice"
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, June 24th: Bay Area Fark Party - Oakland Beer Trail
Wednesday, July 19th: 5th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy
 
Undercover gator poaching operation nets nine arrests. Apparently, they can only be deep fried or fricasseed
 
Teen selling her virginity hopes to buy a car. Yugo, girl
 
Man tries to bite flight attendant then jumps off plane onto tarmac. The AAristocrats
 
They see me rollin', they hatin'
 
Trump toilet paper - be sure to wipe right
 
David Ortiz got an honorary degree from Boston University. Just call him Doctor Big Papi
 
Eating beans instead of beef would reduce methane emissions globally. Subby's wife begs to differ on this finding
 
Bill Cosby is paranoid and alone. Maybe he should take a Quaalude or something to relax
 
Outta the way, outta the way. Hey Eurotrash, step aside, America comin' through
 
90,000 pounds of breakfast sausage recalled. Discussion to the right. Links to the left 
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy
 
Our only Farker to crack the 10000 club this week is Troy Aikman's Giant Thumbs, who sits alone watching all the peasants below with his 1005. semisilentbob brings in second with 989, followed by wildcardjack in third with 970. Rounding out the top 5 we have Enormous-Schwanstucker with 911, and Dead for Tax Reasons with a respectable 898. Congratulations to you!
 
 The hardest question this week was about what endangered species scientists used a love hormone on. Only 39% of quiztakers knew that it was the gray seal that scientists injected with a low dosage of oxytocin that created a positive feedback loop and caused young seals to form lifelong friendships.
 
The easiest question this week was on what property the late actress Dina Merrill had sold. 71% of quiztakers knew she had sold her Mar-a-Lago estate to Donald Trump, who converted it to a now $200,000/year membership private club, and of course built in a golf course. If you're in the neighborhood, stop by and check out the specialty of the house - well done steak with ketchup (I wish I were joking).
 
On the Easy Quiz, the one that stumped the most quiztakers was over what prompted a Minnesota woman to spray pepper spray at 3 Wendy's employees. While I hate getting shortchanged on my bacon as much as the next person, only 53% of quiztakers knew that it was the freshness of her fries that sent this woman out of control.
 
The easiest of the easy quiz was over what the the Austin-American Statesman called the "Worst Tourist Trap in Texas." A whopping 97% of quiztakers knew that it was The Alamo. Maybe they could have improved the experience with a few relics like Mexican cannon surrounding it, or Jim Bowie's knife, or Davy Crockett's coonskin cap, or even Santa Anna's silk underpants (yes, that's a thing). But alas, all of those are found at other museums.  
 
Congratulations to the winners, and we'll see you on Friday for another edition of the Weekly Weird News Quiz!
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: A week of WTF
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-05-22 12:54:03 PM (64 comments) | Permalink

Every week when I write the Fark NotNewsletter, it's a reminder of all that transpired over the previous week. Sometimes, it's a bit of a struggle to think of topics for the intro (when Drew isn't writing one) and phrases for the "comment mentions" section. This week, though, SO MUCH HAPPENED! As I went though the comment votes, I thought, "Well, surely this happened the week before last and the thread spilled over to last week," but it wasn't so. It was a crazy motherfarking week! So enjoy this review - It's all here, ready. Fresh as harvest day.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Chris Cornell - 347
Roger Ailes - 419
Classified information - 391
Nut job - 213
Bacon - 411
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
AdmirableSnackbar imagined the last things someone said to Roger Ailes
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat guessed at how Roger Ailes died
Noah's Ark reminded Mike_LowELL of another case divine intervention
gameshowhost shared some loving words about Roger Ailes (source, I think)
Lurky McLurkerton knew what really happened to Ailes
Chris Ween shared one simple trick for accommodating a vegan at your barbecue
Mad Scientist could use a break from big news stories
J Noble Daggett had a religious experience
skinink provided an illustration for a story about a stolen luxury stroller
Geotpf came up with a name for a new Boeing fighter jet
 
Smartest:
Action Replay Nick summed up an argument for the existence of God
jso2897 thought that those wanting to honor their Confederate heritage had interesting timing
jaytkay thought there was an important lesson to be learned from the U.S. Civil War
Another website's comments section made Dahnkster envision dire consequences
FlashHarry discussed Roger Ailes' legacy
Action Replay Nick didn't appreciate a school's overreaction to a student's shirt
duppy described a protest against a Confederate statue removal
timujin beat the 99.9% certainty that a discovery was the remains of Noah's Ark
Tyrosine had a grudge hire work out
fusillade762 found the surprising part of a story about a school employee being a dumbass
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Your Mom
Smartest:
Spanky McStupid told us about a cheeky mom
Funniest: mrshowrules has a smartass mom
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
scottydoesntknow gave the proper way to reboot Trump's White House
Pinnacle Point wanted to help with the Trump/Russia investigation
alizeran shared a delicious Trump portrait
Ambivalence requested a meeting with David Clarke
pkjun explained why there isn't a Trump/Russia scandal
 
Politics Smartest:
crypticsatellite learned something when news broke that Trump shared classified information with Russia
Ambivalence pointed out another politician who was treated worse than Trump
Skanque didn't think Trump intentionally shared classified information
Fredster predicted some reactions to news that Trump asked Comey to drop the Flynn investigation
HMS_Blinkin defended The Washington Post
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel found a gaggle of Spicers
manyone made a bicycle for you and your little one
Don_cos gave us a reading lesson
Siberian Khatru showed Sean Spicer taking advantage of a nice rack
Surly U. Jest showed us what Joe Biden's been up to lately
Don_cos found that some people prefer hiding in the bushes
Circusdog320 gave these birds a real fight
Circusdog320 found a sad Spicer who's up to no good
Iggie showed that things could have been much worse for Nancy Kerrigan
eyeoftheaxis redesigned some classic packaging
 
Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 628: "To the Moon and Back" ended in a tie between DesertDemonWY's Super Blood Moon and orionid's Road to the Sea Beach
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, June 24th: Bay Area Fark Party - Oakland Beer Trail
Wednesday, July 19th: 5th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Fark is having an auction
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-05-16 12:02:39 PM (94 comments) | Permalink

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis:
 
Recently Fark passed a milestone - our One Millionth user account.  Unfortunately a spammer nabbed it and the next real live person with a super off-color login name.  Which we greatly appreciated but made it hard to celebrate publicly.
 
Meanwhile, on an unrelated note our hardware fund is a bit low.  We price The Cloud out every year, and so far it's still not cheaper for us to host offsite.  We don't need a ton of CPU power to run Fark but our stuff could use some upgrades.
 
Then in a beer-influenced moment of inspiration, it occurred to me that we could put account One Million to good use to help with our hardware fund.
 
So we're auctioning off account number One Million!  Winner gets to pick the login and do with it whatever one does with a Fark login.  Just think, you could post comments in the politics tab with account One Million and come out without any hit to your online credibility.  And probably some other stuff.
 
To make things more interesting, Hop-Con 5.0 is coming up on July 19th in San Diego.  I'll toss in a pass to the event.  Aside from quality time with me, you get drink tickets for all Five W00tstouts - yes it's been five years since the first W00tstout (and it still tastes amazing, had one the other day).  Wish we could cover associated travel costs getting to the event but unfortunately no dice.  Check out http://www.stonebrewing.com/events/hop-con-50 for more details.
 
So go check out the auction and take a shot! http://www.ebay.com/itm/-/222512343691
 
-----
 
Next up in our What's The Best Thing That Happened To You As a Result of Fark - Hyperbolic Hyperbole with a situation that isn't all that uncommon as I understand it:
 
Best and most unexpected: I met my wife in TFD. We lived on opposite coasts and really never would have met otherwise. Our son just turned 1. He's an entire person that wouldn't exist if Fark didn't.
Fark has also been a great place to drink and talk with folks and wake up in the morning and realize you bought someone a five pound bag of macaroni and cheese powder because reasons but that's neither here nor there
 
-----
 
I lost count awhile ago but there are well over a thousand Fark marriages and probably close to that many Fark babies out there now.  Keep em coming!
 
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Nothingburger - 54
James Comey - 3784
Classified - 526
Showboat - 74
Salad - 250
Bacon - 415
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
edmo applied what was learned from an article about overbreeding ruining dogs
Mr. Coffee Nerves asked the wife about having an open marriage
Im_Gumby knew what to fill a Trump piñata with
TabASlotB had something to say about that viral real estate listing with a mystery man living upstairs
mama2tnt showed a photo from another Leeroy Jenkins adventure
kbronsito shared a quote about country music
The All-Powerful Atheismo improved a real estate listing
Tr0mBoNe summed up how a gamer was saved by "The Elder Scrolls"
naughtyrev shared an image macro
Orion5k thought one movie was better than the book
 
Smartest:
CipollinaFan had a suggestion for towing and impound fees owed after a stolen car is recovered
Yankees Team Gynecologist thought you might discover something if you ask for an open marriage
Barfmaker thought requesting a refund from an airline was reasonable
davidphogan was mad at MADD
LarryDan43 thought a spouse would agree to an open marriage for one reason
Ambivalence discussed another aspect of a problem that a woman was dealing with
timujin thought some investigators didn't understand how THC is metabolized
namegoeshere figured that a "drug expert" was really detecting something else
Mr. Coffee Nerves explained why social media managers should be paid handsomely *cough*
August11 compared having an open marriage to moving to Idaho
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: Comments in this section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers
Smart: GrahamManning explained what should make a man lose his "man card"
Smart: Hyperbolic Hyperbole discussed what makes a voter anti-woman
Funny: LaurenAguilera's friend's mom drives a crappy car
Smart: Timanous comforted a Farker who was sad to part with something
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Some assembly required
Smartest:
bighairyguy found the best way to assemble a grill
Funniest: ingo forgot a minor detail in planning a home improvement project
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
mongbiohazard had to find out how to deal with a nothingburger
Mr. Coffee Nerves noticed what it sometimes takes for people to understand the other side
Lenny_da_Hog questioned the significance of the French election results
impaler showed Sean Spicer looking a little more relaxed
Mantour found a former president's reaction to an investigation
 
Politics Smartest:
somedude210 gave France some credit
holdmybones toasted the French
scottydoesntknow detected some projection
ginandbacon examined someone's reasons for voting Republican
JulieAzel626 imagined France with an electoral college
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
noazark made that "Citizen Kane" applause scene even better
verchad cast this cat in an exciting TV show
Iggie was happy to do the laundry
Herb Utsmelz showed us that Trump supporters are everywhere
Don_cos found a glamorous celebrity couple at the beach
Alligator made a pirate be more true to his name
Yammering_Splat_Vector had a visitor who was bearing his testimony
RedZoneTuba found out that this bear is Catholic
Yammering_Splat_Vector created a new Kitler
RedZoneTuba showed someone being sneaky with the pigskin
 
Farktography:
This was a special Farktography contest - the Farktography 12th anniversary. Congratulations and thanks for sharing with us for 12 years, Farktographers. This thread ended in a tie between orionid's "Between Tranquility and Tempest" and Elsinore's "Point of Separation."
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, June 24th: Bay Area Fark Party - Oakland Beer Trail
Wednesday, July 19th: 5th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Liberté, Equalité, Évitez la Stupidité
 
Well, it's just after eight o'clock, and time for the penguin on top of your Falkland Islands to explode. I said, it's time to explode. Aren't you going to explode?
 
Airport brawl erupts after people realize they can't leave Florida
 
We're in trouble / POTUS is crazy / We need a distraction / so Comey, maybe?
 
Anne Frank Memorial defaced with racist, anti-Semitic messages. At least that's what they told her
 
Olympic figure skater Michelle Kwan finally decides that her marriage is on thin ice
 
There is no dino, only Zuul
 
Lorde discusses the meaning of "Green Light" though she hasn't even cracked the Top 100 submitters list yet
 
Trump wants to cancel the highest-rated comedy on afternoon TV
 
Texas Instruments graphing calculators being replaced by free online math tool. Company foresees severe 535507 
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
No one cracked the 1000 club this time on the quiz. In first place we have wxboy with 937, followed by Teaser with 931 and Go'zirra with 927. Gunsmack snags 4th with 920, andKaiser Chieftess rounds out the top 5 with 915.
 
It was brought to my attention that there was an error on this quiz. The guy that started a fire to smoke out the varmint infestation in his house, and wound up burning it down, was actually trying to get rid of possums, which was not offered as a possible choice. My sincere apologies for this, I offer no excuse, it was my fault and I will work to ensure this kind of error does not happen again in the future. 
 
The hardest question on this week's quiz was over what candy Hershey had chosen to represent the state of Georgia. Only 17% of quiztakers knew that it was Honey-roasted Reese's cups. Having lived in Atlanta myself for over a decade, I kind of agree that either of the other ones would be a better representation.
 
The Easiest question on this quiz was over what establishment was being sued by the band The Eagles. 86% of quiztakers knew that a motel in Baja California, Mexico was trying to pass itself off as 'the' Hotel California, and the band was none too happy about that.
 
The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was on what a Columbian woman swallowed to hide from her husband. Inly 46% of quiztakers knew it was $7000 in cash that she had been saving in US currency. The pictures of the Benjamins after they had been removed did not make me inclined to do business with her.
 
The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over what a woman had been using for 40 years that likely contributed to her ovarian cancer. 88% of quiztakers knew that the talc in products such as Johnson & Johnson baby powder has been shown in several studies to cause problems with repeated use over the course of many years.
 
Congratulations to the winners, and we'll see you next week!
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