Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Archives for 2010-02-28

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Sun February 28, 2010

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
(Some Guy)		Old news: man dies after thirteen years in prison for rape and murder he didn't commit. First time ever: Texas governor to pardon innocent man after he's dead (radio.woai.com)	(297)
(TriCities.com)		American Taliban: Group hands out leaflets to women dressed "provocatively", blaming them if they get raped (www2.tricities.com)	(495)
		What's the worse that can happen when a man in a wheelchair dives into the mosh pit at an AC/DC concert? (news.com.au)	(117)
		Family of 3-year-old who died in a freak car accident sues the driver's wife's parents, the dealership, the electric company, other dead victim's families and basically anyone within a mile of the accident (denverpost.com)	(281)
		Photoshop this fashionable ski mask (theglobeandmail.com)	(46)
		Giant granite head of King Tut's grandfather unearthed in ruined funerary temple, buried in its jammies (npr.org)	(72)
		British teacher kills herself after ex-boyfriend posts naked photos of her on Facebook. With "would have" pic (news.sky.com)	(328)
		Restored train station in Virginia features White and Colored entrances (washingtonpost.com)	(144)
		Drunkest Olympics ever: Vancouver drinks Athens, Torino and Beijing under the table (time.com)	(114)
		Drink and we'll tell your parents. Colleges reporting students to their parents if they're found with so much as a beer in the dorm (sfgate.com)	(214)
(The Citizen)		My blood pressure is sky high, my heart's going like crazy, but I'm OK, the dog's OK, and I saved the hot rod and Harley" (thecitizenonline.com)	(45)
		Airlines taking their lessons from cellphone companies, charging extra for "amenities." Like $80 for an aisle seat (sfgate.com)	(210)
(Panama City News Herald)		K-Mart frowns upon entering the store in a Speedo and sneakers and terrorizing customers with a double-ended dildo (newsherald.com)	(85)
		DC hospital fires 11 nurses for not owning SUVs (washingtonpost.com)	(185)
		Chile? Healthcare? Forget that, there is a White Woman missing (abcnews.go.com)	(109)
(Some Guy)		Nevada goes the way of France by implementing 4 day work week. Brie eating surrender monkeys rejoice (lasvegassun.com)	(71)
		Mr. Pink now blogs for the New York Times (cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com)	(289)
		News: Couple grabs jewelry from store and runs. Fark: They leave their 4 yr old son behind (philly.com)	(40)
		Not that we're trying to cover anything up, but if you report a UFO sighting from now on, we'll be burning your evidence (dailystar.co.uk)	(32)
		School officials are sick and tired of watching those sexy, juicy children all day (telegram.com)	(181)
		If you're going to hop in your car and fire shots at someone who was on your propeprty early one morning, make sure you're not going after the newspaper delivery guy (nwfdailynews.com)	(49)
		Man sticks his cell phone under the stall in the woman's bathroom at a bowling alley. Gets charged with eavesdropping (ajc.com)	(27)
		3:15 ESTcan't come fast enough - this is it, your official Canada vs US gold medal hockey thread (nhl.com)	(lots)
		Mayoral candidate charged with battery on six teenage skateboarders vows to fire the police chief if elected (nwfdailynews.com)	(62)
		Divorce lawyers revel in spouses' Facebook posts. It's "like gasoline on the fire" (www2.tbo.com)	(212)
		Airline passenger eats his winning scratchcard in protest at not being handed the $13,500 prize immediately (dailyexpress.co.uk)	(73)
		Photoshop these peculiar plants (farm4.static.flickr.com)	(51)
(Some Guy)		ATF takes shipment of airsoft guns because "with minimal work it could be converted to a machine gun" (koinlocal6.com)	(180)
		There is now a formula that determines the optimal time to begin the process of hating the one you love (dailymail.co.uk)	(74)
(Some Block Style Guy)		Before companies had Web sites and home pages, they had letterheads (letterheady.com)	(68)
		Why are cities across America shortening the lengths of yellow lights? One guess people, one guess (alternet.org)	(146)
		I'm think I'm goin' to Kathmandu / That's really really what I wanna do / Goin' to their #@#%$# Cursing Festival too (news.yahoo.com)	(43)
		Valiant canine soldier awarded highest medal possible. He'd like his well-done, thank you (thesun.co.uk)	(73)
		Photoshop this salt spreader (inapcache.boston.com)	(25)
		Surfing's really cool, except when you originally went snow skiing, fall into Scottish avalanche (news.bbc.co.uk)	(28)
		Starting this week, thousands of Iowans will lose their unemployment benefits thanks to a lack of action on behalf of the government. GO BIPARTISANSHIP (qctimes.com)	(407)
		Photographer makes miniature-scale landscapes using common household objects (metro.co.uk)	(48)

Sat February 27, 2010

	Man calls 911 to report he's being kidnapped. Police respond in seconds, as his drunk ass was in the back seat of the cop car, getting a ride home (nj.com)	(42)
	TaliBOOM (thesun.co.uk)	(145)
	If you're writing an article about the rise of drugs, it's best not to start out by saying your area is the best place to buy drugs in Iowa because there aren't enough police to contain everything (press-citizen.com)	(70)
(Montgomery News)	Amateur weather forecaster from Exeter Township, PA, who has successfully predicted the last two major winter storms in the Northeast, says Eastern seaboard is going to get 40 inches of snow on March 7th (montgomerynews.com)	(124)
	High school student forced to strip to his underwear and drink 15 cups of water over 90 minutes before he could urinate into a cup for a drug test (nzherald.co.nz)	(124)
	New Mexico man racks up $700 phone bill waiting on hold to claim $700 unemployment check. Ironic tag and Fail tag high five each other (huffingtonpost.com)	(94)
	Nanny-state institutes compulsory sex education, soon to be followed by compulsory teen pregnancy (dailymail.co.uk)	(142)
	Five-year-old boy breaks world record for air pushups, creepy photos (metro.co.uk)	(89)
	Don't you love finding a jar of pasta sauce that tastes just like how your mom made it with fresh basil, Italian cheeses, and glass shards? (dailymail.co.uk)	(44)
	Photoshop this grand gesture (online.wsj.com)	(61)
	"Although many men think they have struck gold when they discover Shannon has an addiction to sex, they quickly discover that it is not every man's fantasy" (thesun.co.uk)	(402)
	The face behind the voice of your GPS (smh.com.au)	(121)
(Some Guy)	Tsunami damage photos begin trickling in, not for the weak of heart (geofffox.com)	(244)
	Tinkerbell's vajayjay has been recalled (consumerist.com)	(92)
	Women's roller derby not silly enough for you? Try a ladies' arm wrestling league (washingtonpost.com)	(42)
(WDEF-TV 12)	Snuffy Smith accused of wielding staple gun at cop (wdef.com)	(30)
	Hey, the Catholic Church now owns all images of Jesus apparently, and they admitted they watched Roland Emmerich's 2012 (io9.com)	(152)
	Baker recalls "Lemon Chalet" Girl Scout cookies after factory mix-up makes them taste like ass instead (news.yahoo.com)	(103)
	Remodel your apartment kitchen with stuff you bought at IKEA? That's a lawsuitin' (cbsnews.com)	(94)
(KFVS12)	If a mom shows up to school with a sword and a 40 ounce bottle of Colt 45, things are probably not going to end well (kfvs12.com)	(77)
(Some Desi)	Editor: "Find an appropriate graphic for this article about strokes." Flunkie: "No problem" (indiatalkies.com)	(103)
	Single mom had sex 191 times with 12-year-old boy: "She even rewarded him with a pair of trainers once they'd slept together 100 times" (with 'Probably not' mugshot) (mirror.co.uk)	(136)
	MSNBC decides to go full retard (msnbc.msn.com)	(185)
	I'm a Farker in San Diego. Does tsunami 'advisory' mean I should GTFO? Supposed to be here at noon..What should I do? (signonsandiego.com)	(438)
	Who caused the economic meltdown? You guessed it: Hippies (abcnews.go.com)	(135)
	Taking a cell phone pic of your kid on an amusement park ride? Yeah that's classic pedophile behavior. You're going to have to come along with us, sir (dailymail.co.uk)	(206)
	Russian chimp sent to rehab: "The beer and cigarettes were ruining him. He would pester passers-by for booze" (msnbc.msn.com)	(42)
(We're naughty daily)	Parents angry at High School that forced students to take a sex survey and reported the results in the school paper. Bonus: School paper is the "Cougar Press". Giggity (wnd.com)	(59)
	Are those your breasts, or are you expecting an assassination attempt? (upi.com)	(140)
	English county votes to name road "Lara Croft Way," though no one will want to drive on it because of its massive speed bumps (news.bbc.co.uk)	(28)
(Some Guy)	Awwww look its jus to adora...AHHHHH GET IT OFF (Warning: slideshow. Slideshow of deadly cuteness) (mnn.com)	(153)
(Some Guy)	Fort Worth cops believe that gays and Mexican-Americans are more likely to be intoxicated in bars than other people (motherjones.com)	(166)
(Morning Star)	"Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask." (magic-city-news.com)	(206)
(KTLA)	Andy Griffith statue vandalized. Outraged local deputy says, "We've got to nip this in the bud." (ktla.com)	(67)
	Problem: County running out of money. Solution: Shake down the local hardware store for giving out free donuts and coffee without a health permit (vcstar.com)	(84)
	Are you ready? Hundreds of fans at an AC/DC concert thunderstruck after finding $75 parking tickets on their cars after the show. Hells bells (news.com.au)	(107)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop these contrasting careers (bigpicture.ru)	(36)
(Some Guy)	We may have figured out a way to kill off mosquitoes once and for all. Wait a minute, why are all the animals in the food chain systematically starting to disappear? Ah who cares, outdoor BBQ anyone? (mnn.com)	(184)
(Some Guy)	In hopes of understanding why popcorn smells so irresistably delectable in the movie theater, but less so at home, scientists are studying lab rats' sense of smound (mnn.com)	(47)
(MaineToday.com)	120mph in Dad's Hyundai earns you the Maine State Police "Speeder Of The Week" award. Must have going down a really big hill (onlinesentinel.com)	(93)
	"There are tanks all over the forest, abandoned. If you need one, come and get it,". ...And by tanks we mean about 100 T-80 battle tanks. Just a normal day in Elanovskaya, Russia (straitstimes.com)	(75)
(Some Guy)	Tennessee cops confused by newfangled brighter headlights, will issue tickets (officer.com)	(200)
(MaineToday.com)	The legend I'm told is of a ledge that grows bold and rips up big ships during low tides (pressherald.com)	(20)
	You're one dedicated marijuana smuggler if you're willing to put on a scuba suit and wade through a sewer in order to transport the goods. "The person saw the agents, dropped the bundles and began wading back toward Mexico." (azcentral.com)	(26)
(Hononlulu Star Bulletin)	You might want to skip the Saturday morning cartoons if you are in Hawaii, cause at 11:19am Spongebob is going to be making a housecall (starbulletin.com)	(762)
	Not News: Snow predicted. News: People panic, run to the store for bread and milk. Fark: Smart people stock up on cat food and kitty litter as we prepare for yet another snowy Caturday (washingtonpost.com)	(720)
	If you live in Arkansas, make sure your homeowner policy covers "intruding cows" (dallasnews.com)	(30)
	Gordon Brown insists Britain not involved in torture, conveniently forgetting the cuisine (telegraph.co.uk)	(49)
	Army Air Force officer who replied "Don't worry about it" to radar reports of blips around Pearl Harbor dead at 96 (washingtonpost.com)	(118)
	39-year-old Auckland mom arrested for supplying her son's 15-year-old best friend with copious amounts of liquor and sex. No name or mugshot, so feel free to insult the liquor bottle in the pic (nzherald.co.nz)	(23)
(USGS)	Reports coming in of an 8.5 earthquake hitting Chile (earthquake.usgs.gov)	(lots)
	Photoshop this flood watch (spiegel.de)	(44)
	"Honey? Were you expecting $120,000 worth of pot from FedEx?" (myfoxdc.com)	(96)

Fri February 26, 2010

	Legless man plants explosive device at NYC train station. Now the trains aren't running either (news.com.au)	(68)
	Here is a list of Britain's most unfortuneatly named people. "Stan Still, get a move on" never gets boring (telegraph.co.uk)	(218)
	Sorority of Zeta Tau Alpha (a mostly white sorority) wins a Sprite sponsored step competition. Black outrage causes Sprite to make black sorority "co-winners" (latimes.com)	(266)
	Bad: you have sex with a goat. Worse: you get caught. Fark: it makes international news. TotalFark: because the owner demands you initiate traditional wedding ceremonies (news.com.au)	(67)
	Dumb jock image is a myth, athletes do well academically. Those swirlies they gave you were just a demonstration of the coriolis effect (foxnews.com)	(184)
	The Secret Service computer system runs on a 1980s IBM mainframe with a rock-solid 68% uptime (abcnews.go.com)	(155)
	The world's oldest floating steel warship and Commodore Dewey's flagship, the USS Olympia, is rusting out and about to sink. You can have it for just $10 million in repairs (philly.com)	(66)
	Checked bags, peanuts and pillows aren't free anymore but the in-flight stewardess fistfight is still complimentary in New York (nypost.com)	(52)
	North Korean rice shipment to the Republic of Congo found to contain a suspicious level of T-55 tank parts. Authorities tipped off by the unlikelyhood of North Korea having any extra rice to ship anywhere (news.bbc.co.uk)	(74)
	Remember to count to ten before clicking the Mugshot Roundup (thesmokinggun.com)	(210)
	Photoshop Challenge: Spears, Gears, and Fears. Difficulty: No Britney (images.google.com)	(42)
(Some Guy)	Report: Vaccines didn't cause Jenny McCarthy's son's autism, because he doesn't have autism. Jenny McCarthy: "My bad" (hollywoodlife.com)	(439)
	Despite eating higher fat foods and doing less exercise, people in the '60s were skinnier due to all the shagging, protesting, assassinating, hippy-ing about, and other typical '60s-activities (news.bbc.co.uk)	(365)
	Dog survives small plane crash that killed its owner. Authorities suspect foul play, since they've learned that the dog took out a life insurance policy on its owner three days before the crash (foxnews.com)	(54)
	9 year-old British girl finds 700 year-old coin while working in her garden. 14 years later she is convicted in court for keeping the "Treasure" and not handing it over to the government (dailymail.co.uk)	(367)
(Slashfood)	A cold January in Florida is causing "tomato outages" at Burger King. With pic of the hard, green fruits being harvested (slashfood.com)	(123)
	The newest culprit in childhood obesity discovered: Grandparents. Obvious tag goes into insulin shock (parenting.blogs.nytimes.com)	(152)
(Some Guy)	Man dies waiting for Delta Air Lines flight out of Detroit, charged a $150 change fee after failing to board (wwj.com)	(125)
	You can now lease a Tesla Roadster for $1,658 a month. But think of all the gas you'll save (businessweek.com)	(218)
	Something something something, blind joke, something, NY Governor, something, not running for reelection, something (msnbc.msn.com)	(148)
(Some National Guard Guy)	The National Guard does not go door to door looking for new recruits. Please, make a note of it (gwinnettdailypost.com)	(63)
	Floridians baffled by new driver's license rules. "My Social Security card says Robert. My birth certificate says Bobby. They went and made me change my Social Security card to Bobby. I changed it and now I'm back" (tampabay.com)	(235)
	French animal welfare group calls for special road crossings for Frogs, presumably because they find it very difficult to get across with no legs (telegraph.co.uk)	(60)
	Some people rely on their personality or looks for sex; Florida man relied on imitation Percocet, which he created in his bathroom (nwfdailynews.com)	(55)
	Photoshop Theme: New Uses for Old Cell Phones (images.google.com)	(51)
	SeaWorld says it faces major public relations crisis since its park attractions EAT PEOPLE (washingtonpost.com)	(337)
	"But then, cats that look like love seats and dogs that waddle probably don't happen much outside the USA, either." (usatoday.com)	(163)
(Some Guy)	HOA applauds couple that plants a drought-tolerant garden in drought-plagued Southern California. Just kidding. They fine them and threaten to jail them (mnn.com)	(224)
	Fire at New Hampshire hotel spreads to entire block. That means like, half the state is on fire right? (abc6.com)	(98)
	If two high schoolers are fighting in your classroom, don't grab the little bastards by the neck, because they hate that (baltimoresun.com)	(164)
(Some Guy)	Parents in an uproar over a link on their school district's website that goes to an article describing Jesus as a "historical vampire" (heraldextra.com)	(184)
(West Mountain Tribune)	It's not exactly a good idea to use a weed burner to thaw out the pipes under your mom's trailer, especially if she's been smelling a propane leak lately (wetmountaintribune.com)	(35)
	Boy gets foot caught in escalator, which could have easily been avoided if some parent - who cares which one - had conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator (wbbm780.com)	(171)
	Photoshop these excited dogs (inapcache.boston.com)	(25)
(azfamily.com)	Drunk cop falls asleep in his car in an intersection then gets tased by fellow officers (azfamily.com)	(97)
	NYC officials advise citizens to avoid parks as trees in Central Park start acting out The Happening (nypost.com)	(59)
	Joke letter from principal accidentally sent home to parents by teacher. Parents of stupid and lazy kids want him removed. Tag is for teacher that didn't read the letter before sending it home to parents (abc15.com)	(278)
	Bus driver rescues woman from storm sewer. Still not sure how she got Kramden there (wpxi.com)	(51)
	Boner is a stiff (tmz.com)	(446)

Thu February 25, 2010

(Some Guy)	Don't you hate it when you're handcuffed inside a courtroom and everyone forgets about you and goes home for a long holiday weekend? (insidebayarea.com)	(115)
	With high-intensity interval training, you can spend even less time not exercising (news.yahoo.com)	(173)
	Theme: Animals Noah didn't allow onto his Ark (fark.com)	(63)
	People are now Twittering their abortions? We have officially reached the end of the internet (abcnews.go.com)	(783)
	So it's really not safe to meet people off the internet and have unprotected sex with strangers? (indystar.com)	(272)
	Spoiled NYC parents hire high-priced occupational therapists to train their precious snowflakes to hold a pencil or wield scissors (nytimes.com)	(186)
	Afghan army to Taliban: "Yo mama's so fat, she generates her own gravity"...Taliban to Afghan army: "Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries" (abcnews.go.com)	(150)
	Jerry Springer, a stripper, or the threat of jail? He picks Jerry, Jerry, Jerry (abclocal.go.com)	(65)
(Some Guy)	140 year old hot dog found, surprisingly not on the rollers at 7-11 (wwlp.com)	(107)
	The government's E-verify system that checks workers' SS#'s to ensure they are legally allowed to work in this country, has one teeny tiny flaw: It has no way of knowing that the SS# you give is really yours (news.yahoo.com)	(144)
	F&@#ing California lawmakers don't have enough s#%t to do (cbs13.com)	(221)
(Lowell Sun)	Police officer threatens to sue anybody who reveals that he responded to a call while drunk and nearly got shot by fellow officers as a result (lowellsun.com)	(66)
	Man who spent the last 8 years in jail after jury refused to buy his ridiculous defense that his Toyota suddenly accelerated on its own without warning, might have a huge "sorry about that" coming (news.yahoo.com)	(535)
	Please call 1-800-TIPS to report suspicious behavior, including but not limited to; faceless men, human-turtle hybrids, over-sized band-aid bandits, the undead homeless, or Burt Reynolds circa 1979 (huffingtonpost.com)	(73)
	Drunken motorist arrested for leaving gas station with hose still dangling from truck. Surprisingly wasn't a woman (charlotteobserver.com)	(61)
(Press of Atlantic City)	"Man tries to commit suicide after passing bad checks while dressed as a woman". With "some of you still would" pic (pressofatlanticcity.com)	(75)
	Students think their "lap dance teachers" didn't do anything wrong and shouldn't be punished, and that in return for this support, they shouldn't ever get homework again (cnews.canoe.ca)	(69)
	Black History month special: Ku Klux Klansman sues to "defend his culture." Apparently killing 3 civil rights workers in the 60s was okay (hosted.ap.org)	(161)
	Speaking to the few people left: Detroit Mayor emphasizes need to shrink city... crickets (detnews.com)	(161)
	"The first is that he was wearing a gold watch on his wrist, the second is a green tattoo on his left hand which she believes may have been a frog, and third, the offender dribbled saliva profusely during the attack" (news.bbc.co.uk)	(17)
	Apparently, it's OK to be a zombie in Minneapolis after all (startribune.com)	(49)
	Saga of the Nut vendor continues: Vendors protest in Manhattan, shouting 'let our people go' and 'God Almighty'....'We need to pee like everyone else.' (w/pic of "We need to pee just like everyone else.") (nypost.com)	(59)
	"Canada: the skinny and weakling bro to a beefy United States and a colonial outpost to the United Kingdom, whose Queen smiles happily from Canadian postage stamps. " Gee Russia, what do you REALLY think? (english.pravda.ru)	(338)
(WLBZ2.com)	Woman banned from restaurant for being a poor tipper, total biatch (wlbz2.com)	(730)
	Police arrive to see woman crying and yelling profanities as chocolate milk spills out of her pants. Just another day in your local Publix (nwfdailynews.com)	(71)
	Pay me the ransom or your Facebook account gets it (nypost.com)	(63)
(News-Leader.com)	Hospital admits those receiving certain cancer treatment last year were exposed to dangerous levels of radiation. A spokesperson for the patients indicated that he was, "angry, and you wouldn't like [him] when [he's] angry." (news-leader.com)	(41)
	How NOT to apply for a job: seven of the most douche-tastic video resumes you will ever see (tv.gawker.com)	(119)
	Customer to movie theater manager: your theater sucks. Manager to customer: go fark yourself and find a different theater (consumerist.com)	(400)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop these violinists (img-fotki.yandex.ru)	(29)
(Some Guy)	Trying to use the old, "I accidentally shot my girlfriend while cleaning my gun" excuse works better if you only shot her one time (timesnews.net)	(97)
	There's a wrong time to accidentally dial 911. Like when you're in the middle of committing the crime and you're discussing it (upi.com)	(21)
	Low-carb diet can increase bad cholesterol levels. So be careful, both of you still trying it (news.yahoo.com)	(220)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this handshake (img121.imageshack.us)	(41)
	State of California sends out jackbooted booze police to various bars around San Francisco, trying to nab bartenders illegally infusing drinks to create limoncello (sfgate.com)	(198)
	If you're a woman who has sex with 15-year-old boy, try not to blab about it to his mother the next time you get drunk (nwfdailynews.com)	(153)
	Theme of Farktography Contest No. 251: On the Streets. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)	(221)

Wed February 24, 2010

	Steel Balls laid to ground today (foxnews.com)	(386)
	Cash-strapped LA is going after unlicensed dogs. But the dogs are fighting back, saying that they have no money because they've lost their wallets...which also have their licenses in them (news.yahoo.com)	(55)
	"Ontario Farmers Embrace Water Buffalo." New Zealand shepherds also thank them for taking off the pressure for a while (thestar.com)	(37)
(The Telegraph)	Lawsuit claims Blimpie's "Double-Stacked" subs have less than half the meat, seeks $75,000 for everyone who has ordered one. Plaintiffs sound fat (thetelegraph.com)	(105)
(pittsbrugh channel)	Like your wife, GM to stop offering Hummers (thepittsburghchannel.com)	(149)
	Photoshop these big blue eyes (spiegel.de)	(41)
	The funniest headline fails of all time. OF ALL TIME (huffingtonpost.com)	(147)
	You may be able to treat sleep apnea by stimulating your tongue. Giggity (news.cnet.com)	(112)
(Some Golfer)	Not news: A bunch of white guys are coming to the Augusta area for the Masters Tournament. Fark: It's the KKK (chronicle.augusta.com)	(154)
	You HAD a right to remain silent (chicagotribune.com)	(395)
	New $1 billion US Embassy in London to consist of a glass cube surrounded by a moat. Yes, a moat. w/ pic (timesonline.co.uk)	(255)
(Some Guy)	Hundreds of thousands of people pay a fee to visit gigantic dark damp hole in Kentucky. Apparently my ex-wife is doing well (wlky.com)	(77)
	Italian oil spill threatens extra virginity of nation's countryside (abcnews.go.com)	(51)
(Some Guy)	Killer whale at SeaWorld finally lives up to the hype (clickorlando.com)	(642)
(Some Guy)	FTC reports ID theft complaints drop. Fail to note impossibly long task of cleaning up your credit as primary reason (redtape.msnbc.com)	(45)
	Having solved the crushing deficit, high unemployment, and miserable education, the Tennessee legislature gets down to the crucial vote: Whether to allow fish tanks in barber shops (tennessean.com)	(31)
(Some Guy)	Superintendent of lowest performing school to teachers: "Help us help the kids by spending a little extra time with them". Teacher union:" Pay us $90/hr". Supt.: "You're fired. All 75 of you" (projo.com)	(830)
	Scientists discover area of western North Atlantic where trash tends to accumulate, naming it "Quebec" (news.bbc.co.uk)	(90)
(Some Guy)	Snowpocalypse, Snowmageddon, Snoverkill and ... 'Snowicane' (theithacajournal.com)	(124)
	Photoshop this pole position (inapcache.boston.com)	(41)
	A ranger was feeding a komodo dragon...until he got rescued (news.yahoo.com)	(90)
	Jeeesh.....can't a guy go to the bathroom without NYC taking away your whole livelihood (nypost.com)	(79)
	Refreshing honesty after a plane lands on an active Interstate: "the belly of the plane was right over me so I did the manly thing and screamed" (rgj.com)	(71)
	Carrie Prejean was a poser: Miss Beverly Hills says that gays should be executed (news.com.au)	(486)
	If you think turning off the ignition, standing on the brakes, or putting the car in neutral will stop your out-of-control Toyota or Lexus, boy are you in for an amusing twist (consumerist.com)	(724)
	Study shows that a little prick may help with depression from pregnancy, also may be cause of the symptom (reuters.com)	(61)
	Leaked Israeli intelligence report shows that one of its most valuable informants over the past decade, who prevented dozens of terror attacks, was the son of Hamas' founder (news.yahoo.com)	(62)
	Yet another reason to avoid taking a cruise: over 450 crew members and passengers came down with very...unpleasant symptoms (consumerist.com)	(103)
	Oh my God, they killed Ahmed! You bastards! (huffingtonpost.com)	(84)
	Painting authenticated as a Van Gogh after 35 years. The backlog on fake Van Goghs could just make you Scream (news.yahoo.com)	(76)
	Awkward headline of the day: "Teacher given good behaviour for underage sex" (abc.net.au)	(42)
(The Joplin Globe)	Man sues Kansas City Royals over being hit with a flying wiener that left him cockeyed (joplinglobe.com)	(123)
(Some Guy)	.167. Twice the legal limit to be pushing a baby stroller (dailymail.com)	(83)
	Denny's diners are already high/drunk enough to choose to eat at Denny's. This is just going to mess them up even more (news.cnet.com)	(54)
	Man who lost hand in train accident two weeks ago is apparently a slow learner as he gets hit by train...again (latimes.com)	(48)
(Some Guy)	He's finally given us up, let us down (neowin.net)	(156)
(Some Guy)	Teen girl fights off would-be attackers on today's episode of "Ow my balls" (heraldsun.com.au)	(98)
(Some Guy)	Police officers are trained to discern the subtle clues that a driver may be intoxicated. Lane drift, slow reaction time, an entirely missing wheel (m.cumberlink.com)	(31)
	How not to surf on the hood of your car while being chased by police (khou.com)	(73)
	Italian court finds Google violated privacy. Xeni Jardin and 3 others liked this. View all 5 comments (nytimes.com)	(137)
	Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, Abe Vigoda celebrates his 89th birthday (imdb.com)	(131)
	Florida woman's love handles stop a bullet. USA, USA, USA (3news.co.nz)	(127)
(Some Guy)	Hospital infections kill 48,000 people each year. If only there was some building we could take these sick people to in hopes of them being cured (mnn.com)	(114)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this hairball (markshannon.com)	(36)
(Some Tweaker)	Pippi Longstocking gets an extreme meth makeover, arrested (koco.com)	(96)
	The Shawspoon Redemption (news.com.au)	(43)
	Enough is ENOUGH. I have had it with this MONKEY-FIGHTING SNAKE HEAD IN MY MONDAY-TO-FRIDAY BAG OF GREEN BEANS (news.com.au)	(110)
	"You have the right to, like, not say anything. You have the right to an attorney, unfrozen caveman lawyer or other law-talking guy. If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me in a court of law?" (csmonitor.com)	(138)

Tue February 23, 2010

(Some Guy)	Australia declares "permanent terror threat," will introduce face scans and fingerprints to prevent any criminals or convicts from entering the country (timescolonist.com)	(158)
	Navy plans to allow women to serve on submarines. Seaman (earthtimes.org)	(275)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this soaking skirmish (bigpicture.ru)	(41)
	If you find yourself running down the street grabbing drums and kicking the rear of a dancing dragon only to find a boy inside, you're either an angry politician or on shrooms (dailymail.co.uk)	(53)
	Builder takes picture of ghost. Link includes eerie "I can't tell by the pixels" photo (thesun.co.uk)	(177)
	Today's terrifying number from the Department of Oh Crap We're Screwed is: 702 (abcnews.go.com)	(288)
	Tiger Woods apologizes at pre-school. "Sometimes, when a man loves a woman, and she has fantastic cans, an ass you could carry books on, and a special area blessed by Jesus, boo-boos can happen" (sports.yahoo.com)	(109)
(Some Guy)	I wonder if anything good came in the mail today? Rats (fergusfallsjournal.com)	(58)
	Mother gets dead son's sperm for child. That's one weird trade (abcnews.go.com)	(120)
(wpbf.com)	Mom: Forget your lunch, go hungry. School: Not so fast (wpbf.com)	(482)
	Photoshop this fireworks display (inapcache.boston.com)	(49)
	If you've ever found yourself wondering what Strawberry Shortcake, Rainbow Bright and what Subby can only assume is Winnie the Pooh would look like in a post-apocalyptic battle against Brainy Smurf you're in luck, and really weird (io9.com)	(172)
	MBA student emails professor to complain about lateness policy. Win ensues (deadspin.com)	(618)
(Some Guy)	You know jail security is crappy when an imate escapes through the toilet (clickorlando.com)	(50)
(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)	Golden Retriever puppy cam. Warning: Things will be chewed very cutely (post-gazette.com)	(149)
	Top 10 most dangerous foods. OM NOM N (time.com)	(242)
	If your designated driver is only fourteen, you might want to make sure she isn't drunk, too (third story) (statesman.com)	(32)
	Governor Paterson says he can't see the problem with his plunging poll numbers (nydailynews.com)	(56)
(Grannies from Hell)	Bad to the bone retiree talks her fellow retirees into crashing a biker bar. Go granny, go (nbcchicago.com)	(71)
	Lead us not into purely hypothetical situations, but deliver us from homework (abclocal.go.com)	(111)
	Toyota to tell Congress that it's not electronics causing acceleration problems, but floor mats and gas pedals and cementheads who step on the wrong pedal (nytimes.com)	(223)
	Are the Olympics ready for ... pole dancing? (msnbc.msn.com)	(169)
	$175 and a cockatoo will get you A) two pre-schoolers B) 15 months hard labor C) your daily dose of WTF D) all of the above (abcnews.go.com)	(69)
	Six years later and we are still talking about a 1 second look at Janet Jackson's nipple. Thanks for having your priorities straight, America (foxnews.com)	(212)
(Ocala.com)	In case you neglected to mark it down on your calendar, the annual Air Potato Round-Up is this weekend (ocala.com)	(27)
	Not News: City fights to euthanize "vicious dog", News: dog is tiny showdog Dachsund, Fark: who bit a vet tech during dental surgery (thedenverchannel.com)	(318)
	Hilton employees settle lawsuit after being fired for witnessing hotel execs in a huge drunken sex dogpile in the aptly named ballroom (startribune.com)	(147)
	Webcam software maker says that spying on naked school children should be left to the professionals (computerworld.com)	(114)
	Ayatollah Khomeini throws his support to the anti-government protestors, futher destabilizing the repressive government. No, this isn't a repeat of 1979, but it's beginning to feel like it (abcnews.go.com)	(80)
	Elvis Presley has left the building and has been cleared to fly through an automated passport scanning system. Meanwhile, 3 year olds still get searched by airport security because they have the same name as terrorists (cnn.com)	(57)
	Organic snack bars recalled after they're a bit too effective at helping people lose weight. Might be the salmonella contamination (ajc.com)	(33)
	In the game of Pirates and Navies, Helicopter gunship always beats wooden skiff (news.yahoo.com)	(95)
	Criminal mastermind steals phone from a locker, sends over 500 text messages with it (press-citizen.com)	(33)
	Doctors find drug that apparently cures melanoma. Still no cure for Fark clichés (nytimes.com)	(59)
(Some PTA)	Teacher arrested for DUI...on her way TO school (dumbassdaily.com)	(69)
	Remember a time when facts settled arguments? Those were the good old days, before the dark times ... before people became estranged from critical thinking, divorced from logic, alienated from even objective truth (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(699)
	After destroying the movie industry in every way humanly possible, Warner Bros. has decided it's time to branch out (kotaku.com)	(56)
	68-year-old man tries to pass a beer bottle off as a gun and attempts to rob his roommate. Somehow, he didn't think his cunning plan all the way through (mcall.com)	(30)
	Dogs used to calm victims of violence during court testimony. Your dog promises to eat the steak, the whole steak, and nothing but the steak (content.usatoday.net)	(64)
	Swedish stoner dude flippers out and turns to cops for help as cannabis turns his girfriend into a dolphin (thelocal.se)	(107)
(Contemporist)	Photoshop this sad, sad chair (contemporist.com)	(54)
	Three men in their mid-30s devise a plan to steal gas from a gas station's underground tank using a van with a false floor and an elaborate siphoning system. Would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddlesome gas fumes (azcentral.com)	(93)
	Research shows that women make 3 times as many hot drinks for workmates as men. No word on making turkey pot pie (dailymail.co.uk)	(80)
(Some girly man)	"Pink frosting and/or sprinkles cause testicular shrinkage. Men just can't be too careful." (calgaryherald.com)	(51)
(Some Guy)	The state of Texas is trying to build a clone army by submitting newborn blood samples to the Armed Forces' "Forensic Database" (news.sciencemag.org)	(94)
(krdo.com)	Joran van der Squeal (krdo.com)	(105)
	Half of Britain's six-year-old girls 'want to be thinner' (telegraph.co.uk)	(179)
	Not news: Woman attacked in street. News: With a sword. Fark: Attacker said the reason for the assault was "Four quarts low on the truck" TotalFark: Did Subby mention attacker is a psychiatrist? (local12.com)	(57)
	Photoshop this pair's parry (online.wsj.com)	(41)
	Britain's National Health Service spent £4 million funding four homeopathic hospitals last year. Suggestion: this year, give each hospital £10, and tell them it will work better because it's diluted (timesonline.co.uk)	(179)
	Rude Jersey toll collectors? I, for one, am shocked (thesmokinggun.com)	(129)

Mon February 22, 2010

	A truckload of confiscated marijuana disappeared somewhere between Memphis and Louisville. Police saw several vehicles pull up to the parked tractor-trailer, leave, come back, then leave again. When police checked the truck, it was empty (upi.com)	(129)
(Delaware online)	Grand jury indicts man in 103 child rapes. That's 471 charges in all. And if you don't believe that's possible don't worry, he videotaped it (delawareonline.com)	(533)
	Former President Cheney hospitalized (foxnews.com)	(1182)
	Amish business owner fed up with burglaries sets up surveillance system, catches crook on camera. Article comes complete with sweet graven surveillance image (wgal.com)	(136)
(WOAI)	Cause you start out with illegal garage sales, then you're robbing liquor stores and sellin' crack and runnin' over school kids with your car (radio.woai.com)	(63)
	Aboriginal group: We think the "native" costumes worn by the Olympic ice skaters are another example of our culture being exploited. Ice skating coach: It's not even about you, STFU (abcnews.go.com)	(302)
	Photoshop this luger (cache.boston.com)	(49)
	Man arrested for repeatedly attempting to breakdance. "He wore a large diamond buckle, causing extensive gouging damage to hardwood floors" (wivb.com)	(83)
	Police would like you to know that the earlier report of a girl's rape is "erroneous", and if you have any information on the rape that didn't happen you should call Secret Witness (rgj.com)	(98)
	This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy had roast beef. This little piggy had none. And this little piggy went "wee wee wee" when an eagle carried him away for a delicious meal (desmoinesregister.com)	(68)
	Dutch troops exiting Afghanistan, leaving the whole operation rudderless (azcentral.com)	(61)
	Former sheepherder now speaks Spanish and English besides other middle eastern languages, and can't get enough pizza or vegetarian sub sandwiches. Ladies and gentlemen, Gitmo turned this man into a monster (abcnews.go.com)	(110)
	Man arrested for beating his mom with a wooden sword (w/ "shiver me timbers" mugshot) (cbs13.com)	(86)
	9/11 was an inside job using explosives - say crazies/truthers/conspiracy freaks? No. 1,000 architects and engineers want to know (washingtontimes.com)	(912)
(Drew)	Slutty genes, King Tut's failed pyramid scheme and the street value of illegal poultry: Fark's favorite headlines of the week from 2/14 - 2/20 (fark.com)	(30)
	The coolest photos from the just-ended shuttle mission you'll see today (sacbee.com)	(203)
(Some Guy)	Stereotypes for users of 40 websites."Fark: People who laugh at the word 'news'" (lalawag.com)	(167)
(UTV News)	Attention old farts everywhere; we "millennials" prefer be called the "Hero" generation (u.tv)	(461)
	I do... want this baby out (today.msnbc.msn.com)	(74)
	Dumb: Man has thousand mile commute to work because he decided to keep his job with GM. Fark: To save money (news.yahoo.com)	(135)
	Today marks beginning of Beer Week in Sacramento. Meanwhile, Stockton gears up for Meth Week (sacbee.com)	(57)
	More and more senior citizens are discovering the joys of pot and can't understand why everyone else their age isn't doing it."They're missing a lot of fun and a lot of relief." (azcentral.com)	(131)
	Watchdog group says "Doomsday is here for Illinois." Quick, call the Justice League (suntimes.com)	(86)
	Need to cool down? Race down a hill on your nipples and get the 14,000 strong crowd mad (some pics NSFW) (thelocal.de)	(224)
	Annoyed at the St. Petersburg Times telling pesky truths about them for years, the Church of Scientology hires three veteran journalists to investigate the paper. Says one of the journalists, "I can certainly use the money these days" (washingtonpost.com)	(140)
	The University of Alabama in Huntsville shooter may have booby-trapped the science building with a "herpes bomb." Now, that's just cold (sore) (nytimes.com)	(138)
	You know your family has issues when a judge has to order your Mom's ashes divided in half because you and your siblings can't even agree on where to scatter them (abcnews.go.com)	(47)
	Mysterious ring of water vapor presages invasion from space, or scattered showers. The Sun is there to partly cloudy (thesun.co.uk)	(60)
	Proving that crazy is genetic, the daughter of the man who flew his plane into the Austin IRS building is calling her dad a hero (azcentral.com)	(298)
	British passengers "rescued" after sitting for an hour in a train that happened to stop - just outside the station. Oh the humanity (news.bbc.co.uk)	(34)
	Guy arrested for DUI hands keys to officer, says "Here, I'm done anyway," then asks him to turn on the blue lights while bugging him about what his favorite drink is (nwfdailynews.com)	(33)
(WLBZ2.com)	And the winner of the 2010 Maine Chevrolet Sebago Ice Fishing Derby is Bert Enni, for pulling a 2 ton, 180 inch Chevy Silverado out of the ice (wlbz2.com)	(30)
(mediasteed.com)	Students survive after their classroom capsizes (mediasteed.com)	(34)
	Woman loses control of car, ends up in creek, inadvertently becomes convenient bridge (mcall.com)	(71)
	An inside look at the IED disposal team of the 20th Support Command. Their motto: "Initial success or total failure" (timesonline.co.uk)	(62)
	Photoshop this lamp post (farm5.static.flickr.com)	(48)
	Police escape fail (wcbs880.com)	(31)
	Since 1997, England has lost libraries but gained strip clubs (dailymail.co.uk)	(83)
(Some Guy)	Woman killed by flaming tire at drag race. Goodyear? No, the worst (news.ninemsn.com.au)	(175)
	Addressing the most pressing problem facing the nation, pediatricians and your mom call for choke-proof hot dog (usatoday.com)	(110)
	Family finds box containing mementos of their deceased mother's first husband, including his Purple Heart and Silver Star from Korea with letter signed by Harry Truman, and a photo of her with hole made by the bullet that killed him (helenair.com)	(150)
	Photoshop this lockset (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(44)
	Women fight on Facebook, then decide to sort it out face-to-face. Thing is, one of them forgot to bring her knife (news.com.au)	(57)