Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Archives for 2010-02-21

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Sun February 21, 2010

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Unemployed in the U.S.? Neck-deep in debt? Be glad you aren't in Spain, where collectors use bizarre public shaming to get payments (abcnews.go.com)	(164)
		Unemployed Americans breakfasting on Egg McNothing (washingtonpost.com)	(261)
(News4Jax)		KKK, NAACP hold rallies on same day in same Georgia town. Phlegm at 11 (news4jax.com)	(204)
		Women passes away at 93 leaving 15 children, 200 grandchildren and 2000 great-grandchildren. Funeral procession to be one hearse and 317 Suvs (nytimes.com)	(215)
		Minneapolis utility says woman consumed 200,000 gallons of water last month, still inexplicably thirsty (washingtonpost.com)	(83)
		Perfect man: a geek with two day beard. Add a beer gut and some Star Wars action figures and maybe you've got a chance, dude (dailymail.co.uk)	(245)
		Obama proposes Great Lakes cleanup, which presumably involves relocating Detroit to Nebraska (cbc.ca)	(108)
		If you're going to vandalize a sky bridge, don't look directly into the surveillance cameras and smile. Multiple times (qctimes.com)	(48)
		Male teacher arrested for having sex with 15-year-old female student. Since the gender roles are reversed this time, everyone act outraged (seattlepi.com)	(203)
		Photoshop this rainy day (farm3.static.flickr.com)	(33)
		Five widely believed World War II facts that are complete bullshiat. USA USA USA (cracked.com)	(390)
		'They have called me the mother of all scroungers but I couldn't care less. I have 17 kids and 14 of them still living here' (express.co.uk)	(52)
		Chapter 9 no longer limited to your deadbeat neighbors. Cities look for an easy way out in this great American story (finance.yahoo.com)	(62)
		Calm down, tinfoil-hat-wearing wingnuts: Those blacked-out sections of the government's UFO reports were just the bits where they were calling you tinfoil-hat-wearing wingnuts (news.bbc.co.uk)	(75)
		Muslims turning to home schooling in increasing numbers, a move that will surely be celebrated by conservative Christians (washingtonpost.com)	(249)
		Doctors confident of finding a cure for childhood peanut allergy. The cure is tentatively described as grabbing overprotective parents by the shoulders, shaking them, and telling them to quit being wusses (guardian.co.uk)	(244)
		When asked what he thought about the Tiger Woods scandal, and Tiger's return to Buddhism, the Dalai Lama responded, "Who?" Surprising answer from such a big hitter (nydailynews.com)	(106)
(Some Guy)		California Senate passes "Amazon Tax." Somewhere, Steve Jobs is smiling (taxprof.typepad.com)	(230)
		Mother and son kidnapping team is further proof that the family that preys together stays together (chron.com)	(19)
		California's Negrohead Mountain gets a new name that's less racially provocative. Again (sfgate.com)	(226)
(Some Guy)		America ranked laziest country in the wor (newser.com)	(225)
		Remember the Lockerbie bomber who was released from prison because he had three months to live and wanted to be with his family? That was six months ago and he's living it up in a luxury villa. "His condition has not deteriorated" (telegraph.co.uk)	(113)
		Newly found relic shows that Noah's Ark was circular and made of reeds, bullshiat (telegraph.co.uk)	(177)
		Photoshop these laser lookers (spiegel.de)	(39)
(Some Canuck)		"The witness, who wished to remain anonymous, said he had just parked his vehicle when he observed several women crouching down, appearing to have a conversation with the Grand Prix's tail lights" (windsorstar.com)	(48)
(Some Guy)		How many local, state, and federal agencies does it take to arrest a "major drug dealer?" Answer: 10. Fark: For less than a gram (galvestondailynews.com)	(98)
(Some Guy)		When stuck in the snow, don't use your husband's body for traction (wmdt.com)	(28)
(Some dog lover)		Girl drags 10 foot, 120 pound log a half-mile through the snow to save her dog (failuremag.com)	(102)
		Three girls killed by a train as they cross trestle bridge, will never get to see the body of Ray Brower (hosted.ap.org)	(217)
		Beer doctor once again proves to be a better job than gynecologist, probably because you don't get as tired of the bitter, yeasty notes in beer (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(56)
		Man opens up a museum dedicated to vacuums, knowing that it's going to suck (telegraph.co.uk)	(31)
		If you're going to fire your gun into the air to celebrate your nephew's marriage, try not to shoot the groom in the head (telegraph.co.uk)	(104)
		Photoshop this purple train (inapcache.boston.com)	(33)
		For Kansans who can afford a marriage license, why not pay more and get a heavy duty covenant marriage? (kansascity.com)	(152)
(Foreign Policy)		Tibet is about as much of a Shangri-La as the Dalai Lama is an alpaca (foreignpolicy.com)	(139)
		Apparently a backup camera is now considered a must have feature on new cars. Damn kids. Back in my day we were excited when a car came with air conditioning (autos.yahoo.com)	(335)
		Chances are the hair weaves and extensions you've paid for at expensive salons came from temples in India where poor women sacrificed it to their gods to give thanks. Fashion industry claims it's a win/win (abc.net.au)	(63)

Sat February 20, 2010

	Further cementing its spot as the Midwest's hippest state, Iowa is now looking to repeal a law that bans breweries from making and selling beer that has more than 5 percent alcohol content (desmoinesregister.com)	(107)
	LHC to be switched on again last week (news.bbc.co.uk)	(lots)
	Photoshop this Russian rehearsing (inapcache.boston.com)	(57)
	Poll indicates that most Americans oppose Obama's health reform - until they learn what's actually in it. In other words, the wharrgarbl is working (newsweek.com)	(585)
	Panda porn boosts male's sex drive, population of pandas (abcnews.go.com)	(78)
	"Gollum displays pervasive maladaptive behaviour... with a persistent disease course... [and] fulfils seven of the nine criteria for schizoid personality disorder." Isn't that precious (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(106)
	A masked man, a citizens group, a judge and other motorists are behind the fight against photo enforcement, ensuring there will be plenty of Fark headlines from Arizona (latimes.com)	(106)
(Some Guy)	Man gets away after robbing a Radio Shack. Which is odd, as subby thought you had to give your address for every transaction (pjstar.com)	(160)
	Gardenmagaddon is here, as hapless Southerners survey the frozen tundra in their lawns and are frozen in panic and uncertainty (chron.com)	(109)
	Running badly behind schedule and under international pressure to honor treaty obligations and complete the destruction of the US chemical weapons arsenal; the Army wants to pull out its universal plan B: "Just blow 'em up" (news.yahoo.com)	(105)
	Illegal immigrant siblings who risked their lives for four years going undercover for ICE, helping to bring down human smuggling and prostitution rings, won't be deported by ICE as a thank you after all (news.yahoo.com)	(53)
	Rhino pregnancy fuels hope for endangered species, rage amongst Fark Independents® (cnn.com)	(47)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop the Infinity Bridge (contemporist.com)	(46)
	Iraq war vet credited with keeping the death toll from the IRS building attack so low, as seconds after the plane hit, he grabbed a ladder, climbed into the burning building and rescued survivors (news.yahoo.com)	(139)
	With medical marijuana taking all the fun out of pot, kids now chewing angel's trumpet. Not quite as bad as it sounds (latimes.com)	(241)
	Two pigs stolen from a pub are being held for ransom. Police say they will not negotiate with bacon thieves, have a crack squad of butchers, eggs and toast, on standby (thesun.co.uk)	(28)
	That PA school webcam spying thing? Yeah, the FBI is investigating now (washingtonpost.com)	(217)
	RIAA throws dart at map and declares war on Canada (arstechnica.com)	(133)
	Tampa decides that the StripperMobile, aka "Skank Tank," is too nasty, even for Tampa (wtsp.com)	(78)
	Retired judge honors promise he made to offender 14 years ago: "If you (reform), I am here to stand behind you" (nytimes.com)	(117)
	Monastery in Austria is offering men the chance to be a monk for a weekend. Have some time for contemplation, search for inner peace, find God, bone up on onanism (news.bbc.co.uk)	(45)
	With no hopes of a medal, a lynx is on the loose and enjoying a couple of shining Olympic moments just in time for Caturday (with pics) (washingtonpost.com)	(858)
(Buzz Feed)	Twenty figure skaters looking their best - and it's not a slide show (buzzfeed.com)	(64)
	Meet the Abdominal Snow Man, with123 cocaine-filled condoms in his stomach (w/ pic) (metro.co.uk)	(32)
(Some Poor Guy)	Forgot your ATM pin code? Ramming it with a pickup will not work as an alternative (pjstar.com)	(18)
	Pure, unadulterated schadenfreude goodness as a loud-mouthed douchenozzle comes to the sudden realization he's in waaaaay over his head (liveleak.com)	(95)
	NASA looking for Muslim pilots to fly into the International Space Station (blogs.orlandosentinel.com)	(105)
	Woman drives off with her underwear-clad boyfriend on the hood of her car, causing skidmarks (hosted.ap.org)	(19)
(Some Guy)	Today's Fark-ready headline: "Gay Guardsman Still Drills With Unit" (military.com)	(53)
	Police release recording of Palo Alto plane crash as recorded by gunfire location system (mercurynews.com)	(30)
	Using Facebook or Twitter could raise your insurance premiums by 10 percent because they can alert criminals when users are not home (telegraph.co.uk)	(39)
	Ding! Inventor of the Easy Bake Oven dies (news10.net)	(46)
	Councils in the UK are issuing parking tickets to their own vehicles, then refusing to pay, then suing themselves. Stupid tag in use because 'Farking Idiots' tag unavailable (thesun.co.uk)	(30)
	Never got around to reading Drew's book? No worries, Cracked was kind enough to condense it into a "Top 5" list (cracked.com)	(58)
	God thinks you're fat (huffingtonpost.com)	(67)
	Photoshop this cranky cabby (online.wsj.com)	(30)
	Vodka and cigarettes go well together. Just not in your lap (nj.com)	(34)
	Cargo plane transforms into ordinary plane shortly after takeoff (msnbc.msn.com)	(28)
(Some Old Dude)	Not news: Man caught with a video camera in a screening of Avatar. News: He's 88 year old... Fark: And was filming it for his wife, who's too old to get to the movies these days. Aww (theherald.com.au)	(92)
	Youth convicted of burglary after breaking into house to set up bedroom for sexy tryst with his girlfriend (nzherald.co.nz)	(36)

Fri February 19, 2010

	You: "I think I'm having a heart attack. Please send an ambulance." 911 operator: "Will that be cash or credit?" (cbs13.com)	(172)
	Alexander Haig reportedly in critical condition at Johns Hopkins, still not in charge (latimes.com)	(96)
	How does Tiger Woods' apology stand up against other tearful media apologies? Let's compare (abcnews.go.com)	(126)
	"If we fed dolphins Twinkies, they would get diabetes." There is a lesson in there... somewhere (news.bbc.co.uk)	(70)
	Deadly minaret collapse in Morocco sends reporters scrambling to figure out what the fark a "minaret" is (edition.cnn.com)	(114)
	Photoshop this wire wrangler (online.wsj.com)	(53)
(NBC Chicago)	The new O'Hare runway is planned to go right over a cemetery, potentially displacing dozens of voters (nbcchicago.com)	(81)
	Gimmie an "M". Gimmie a "U". Gimmie a "Ewwwwww". It's your weekly Smoking Gun mughsot roundup (thesmokinggun.com)	(279)
	According to a pathologist, Drew Peterson's ex-wife Kathleen Savio was accidentally beaten up and drowned (chicagobreakingnews.com)	(37)
(Some Guy)	Man insists he didn't shoot his kid with a BB gun, and besides, he didn't think it was loaded, and besides that all the kids got shot with BBs when he was a kid (billingsgazette.com)	(53)
	For some reason, Wesley Snipes got asked what he thought about the dude who attacked the IRS building. No comment (yet) from Willie Nelson (abcnews.go.com)	(71)
	When your company asks you to deposit $18,000, they want you to deposit it in a bank, not the back of your closet (w/ "Don't worry, be happy" mugshot) (tampabay.com)	(32)
(Defense News)	American military gets its thumb drives back. U-S-B, U-S-B, U-S-B (defensenews.com)	(98)
	FDA warning: If it's on fire, don't put it in your ear (wellness.blogs.time.com)	(157)
	Pros and cons of a robot army -- Pros: It's a ROBOT ARMY. Cons: It's a ROBOT ARMY (csmonitor.com)	(160)
	Alabama professor who shot and killed three colleagues wants to know if she still has a job at the university. Unlikely tag awarded tenure (news.yahoo.com)	(153)
	San Dimas rocks close local roads. I'm telling you, this place is great (abclocal.go.com)	(96)
(CNNGo)	American schools are finally using math teaching methods from Asia, which involve gambling with polar bears, according to pic (cnngo.com)	(64)
(White House)	Want President Obama to speak at your high school commencement? 1. Submit an application. 2. Get selected as a finalist. 3. Win public vote. 4. [Something about teleprompters] (whitehouse.gov)	(119)
	It turns out that the higher a person's IQ is, the more of a whack-a-doodle they become, like the Alabama psycho professor and her husband, both who sport IQs of 180+: "...they think differently than most people do" (blog.al.com)	(437)
	The best airport in the United States? Indianapolis International Airport. International because they do fly to Toronto (indystar.com)	(142)
	Some poor sap trimming trees gets shot in the limb (mysanantonio.com)	(34)
	Andrew Joseph Stack's friends never saw it coming, much like the people working in the Austin IRS office yesterday (news.yahoo.com)	(331)
	Nestle to introduce 19 flavors of Kit Kat to Japan, including sweet potato, green tea, and used schoolgirl panties (independent.co.uk)	(141)
	UN cafeteria shut down after mystery substance found. Swedish ambassador's lutefisk and Thai ambassador's durian fruit ruled out as suspects (news.yahoo.com)	(87)
	The psychic you're going to might be a fraud if she says she needs $9,000 for items from a Polo Ralph Lauren store for one of her rituals (nypost.com)	(64)
	Photoshop this peppy person (spiegel.de)	(50)
	Not News: Parents ban their 6 children from technology. Fark: Picture of their house looks like it is out of Lemony Snicket (dailymail.co.uk)	(224)
	Millionaire New Age douchebag who killed three people in a sweat lodge says he can't make bond, but would be willing to put up his collection of priceless crystals and dream catchers (hosted.ap.org)	(68)
	Russia says it has no Sirius plans to move Black Sea fleet to Abkhazia (en.rian.ru)	(28)
	If you're standing at the Washington Monument and looking at the Washington Monument and you don't know it's the Washington Monument then you're on your own (myfoxdc.com)	(122)
(Some Guy)	When you're a drug informant and you're hired, fired and arrested in the space of ten minutes, it's time to find a new line of work (capecodonline.com)	(46)
	Grocery store asks customers to check their donuts for steel pins. Again (cbc.ca)	(23)
	Reason number two Russians are funny: Russian town greets diminuitive President with sign saying, "We await you, Merry Gnome" (washingtonpost.com)	(46)
(Some Canadian)	Montreal's Brother Andre declared a saint. Statues of Virgin Mary reported crying maple syrup (montrealgazette.com)	(52)
	Swedish primary school expands its curriculum to include cannabis cultivation. The kids' coloring in projects have never looked so good (thelocal.se)	(28)
	US Marine recon teams air-dropped behind enemy lines to launch a suprise assault on the rear of the Taliban forces defending Marjah. But don't tell any one as it's a secret (abcnews.go.com)	(118)
	Friday Photo Fun from the Smoking Gun. What urban legend is the pictured convict responsible for? (thesmokinggun.com)	(219)
(Some Guy)	In one hand a WWII grenade, in the other a lighter. Since this is Fark, you know what happens next (failuremag.com)	(67)
	Prison: there is no guarantee you will be allowed to sleep with the inmates (metro.co.uk)	(28)
(My Fox)	Genetics replaces Long Island Ice Tea as the primary reason for why your girlfriend is a slut (myfoxatlanta.com)	(173)
	Australian employee sacked for repeatedly breaching safety rules awarded compensation after judges rule that he's too stupid to find another job (news.com.au)	(51)
	They tell you to use the right tool for the job. Shockingly, for removing icicles, a blowtorch turns out to be the wrong tool (wave3.com)	(40)
	Australians warned to avoid Bangkok because of political threat. And also because it really hurts (smh.com.au)	(51)
	According to her defense attorney, that Alabama teacher who went crazy nuts and shot up some people...is likely insane. And if you can't trust her defense attorney, then the only ones left to trust are the voices (news.yahoo.com)	(93)
	Women caned for illicit sex said they regretted their actions and welcomed the punishment, one adding, "And then the oral sex, yes?" (news.com.au)	(128)
	Pod of dolphins swims 12 miles up New Jersey river, mocks mankind for watching "Jersey Shore" (upi.com)	(39)
	Sarah Palin just got über-burned by Down's Syndrome actress Andrea Friedman (huffingtonpost.com)	(986)
	Overkill? 260 acre lake to be drained and refilled with salt water to kill snails (olympia.komonews.com)	(80)
(The Olympian)	Protip: When looking for a way to supplement your mayoral income, selling marijuana may not be the best choice (theolympian.com)	(37)
	The Pulitzer Prize Board reverses an administrator's earlier objection and permits the National Enquirer to submit their John Edwards coverage for award consideration in two categories (gawker.com)	(63)
	Photoshop this lichen (farm3.static.flickr.com)	(29)
	The clanging of the giant brass balls rings much quieter tonight as Canada's last WWI vet passes away at age 109 (cbc.ca)	(84)
	Man poses as a priest in online conversations with a police officer posing as a 13 year old girl. No, they do not cancel each other out, but guess which one was charged with... Grooming? (interact.stltoday.com)	(78)
	List of America's most miserable cities is in and - Whaaaa? - Detroit is not number 1? (realestate.yahoo.com)	(248)
	State tries to force man to pay child support for a child who was born when he was 7 years old (upi.com)	(139)
	In Iowa City, putting on a shirt and claiming to be an employee to get a key in order to steal food is an "elaborate scheme" (press-citizen.com)	(26)
	One third of dogs are overweight. Your dog wants some nice grilled fish (telegraph.co.uk)	(94)
	Daycare operators learn that "Leave no man behind" also applies to 2-year-old girls on field trips to New York City (nj.com)	(105)

Thu February 18, 2010

(WLWT 5)	Frustrated Owner Bulldozes Home Ahead Of Foreclosure (wlwt.com)	(280)
	"Operation: Iraqi Freedom" to become "Operation: New Dawn", be even tougher on hard grease (hosted.ap.org)	(81)
	Wife of televangelist Benny Hinn files for divorce, claims 'that incessant song' as cruel and inhumane (chron.com)	(130)
(Some Guy)	What's black and white and almost ran over? (wsbtv.com)	(50)
(Some Guy)	No matter how funny you think it is, the police will not be amused if you blindfold your young son and film him running into walls (w/ "Dude, I am so stoned" mugshots) (charlotteobserver.com)	(77)
	"Please 'Feed The Children' now. For every dollar you donate, twenty three cents will go a child of your choice" (cbsnews.com)	(141)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this hipster scoping out a really low coffee table (contemporist.com)	(40)
	If a sheriff's deputy asks you to leave a bar because you're disturbing people, the last thing you want to say is, "I'm waiting for the real cops to tell me to leave" (nwfdailynews.com)	(69)
	Police are searching for someone driving a silver Ford Focus, who violated a gas station's "Take a baby leave a baby" policy (thebostonchannel.com)	(38)
(Daily InterLake)	Today's headline slipped through by bored copy editor: "City puts lid on marijuana businesses" (dailyinterlake.com)	(65)
	State legislator wants to wants to bring Maryland "into the enlightened world of other states such as West Virginia and Arkansas" that outlaw marriages between first cousins (news.yahoo.com)	(89)
	Taliban fighters running out of ammo, despite all the bullets and bombs being sent their way (news.bbc.co.uk)	(89)
	Today's mangled metaphor: Contractors find it hard to jump through hoops when they're bogged down by red tape. In other words, you can't make a silk purse out of a pig in a poke because that's a horse of a different stripe (abcnews.go.com)	(42)
	Coup succeeds in detaining Niger president, exciting teabaggers who misread the headline (reuters.com)	(640)
	Not news: School issues laptops complete with webcams to students. Fark: School then activates webcams to spy on students and their families (boingboing.net)	(410)
	Looking for a high school teaching job? Rhode Island might be hiring 74 teachers on February 22. Bonus: All at one school (abcnews.go.com)	(188)
	Somewhere, a lonely woman longing for Robert Pattinson developed, produced, and sold a body pillow of him in all his sparkly Twilightness. And now, they've made other characters and are selling them too (consumerist.com)	(205)
	If you are a pastor trying to garner support for a law imposing the death penalty for gay sex, do you: C) Show hardcore gay porn during church services (sfgate.com)	(242)
(Some Guy)	"Cock Got Your Tongue? 'Rooster Fighting' story leaves local news anchor at a loss for words" (blogs.riverfronttimes.com)	(37)
(Details)	You're raising a douchebag (details.com)	(226)
	If at first you can't succeed at finding fame and fortune by framing the Duke lacrosse team, try beating your boyfriend and setting him on fire (wral.com)	(117)
(Courthouse News)	ATF uses undercover agent against Hell's Angels using undercover agent, then ATF discredits him, but then pay him $373,000, but then accuse him of setting his own house on fire, then botch the investigation of the fire. Silly ATF (courthousenews.com)	(84)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop these canalside buildings (fotkon.ru)	(46)
	Absolutely the coolest photos of dolphins catching some waves that you'll see today (telegraph.co.uk)	(68)
(OnlineAthens)	When paying a visit to your drug house, if there are cops in the driveway you should probably keep driving (onlineathens.com)	(31)
(Screen Junkies)	The 10 worst best picture Oscar winners of all time. No, guys, you misspelled Slumdog Millionaire (screenjunkies.com)	(646)
	Sarah Palin's daughter is all, "He makes lots of money and I want it." The father of former Governor of Alaska and Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin's grandchild is all, "No way." (myfoxtwincities.com)	(383)
	Small plane slams into Austin building near FBI offices. FBI investigates possible ties between Al Qaeda and gravity (abcnews.go.com)	(lots)
	Shooting angers Portland, Oregon's black community; rest of city shocked to learn they have one (abcnews.go.com)	(175)
	The Castleford Area Voice for the Elderly has been successful at preventing the politically correct renaming of a Victorian landmark . "I feel we should never alter names, and Tickle Cock has a very clear message behind it" (telegraph.co.uk)	(67)
	A wonderful bird is the pelican / His bill can hold more than his belly can / He can hold in his beak / enough food for a week / but even he can't quite swallow a weatherman (stuff.co.nz)	(51)
	If you oversleep and are late meeting your bail bondsman to turn yourself in for violating probation for domestic violence, you probably shouldn't punch your girlfriend in the face for not waking you up in time (tampabay.com)	(78)
	Australia discovers a new weapon in the fight against the marauding cane toads: cat food (news.com.au)	(96)
	Newly released MoD files reveal that Britain was nearly invaded by giant flying chocolate bars from space (independent.co.uk)	(86)
	"After about a year, the white worms dig through the body towards the skin, releasing chemicals to burn the flesh and then spewing thousands of larvae as they exit" (telegraph.co.uk)	(217)
	Caption this sad superhero (inapcache.boston.com)	(73)
	'Fat birds get laid sooner, have more one-night stands' says report from the Department of Not What You Think (theregister.co.uk)	(47)
	Swiss prostitutes will be trained to use defibrillators in brothels to prevent clients dying. The safe word is GAAAAAAAA (telegraph.co.uk)	(67)
	Thank God (cnn.com)	(534)
	Drunk, covered in nicotine patches, and hiding in a restaurant bathroom is no way to go through life, son (cbc.ca)	(25)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop these bored guards and their hairy friend (pics.livejournal.com)	(29)
	"'What are you doing?' she asked when she heard her husband's urine spraying the floor." Then it gets weird (with HER mugshoot goodness) (tampabay.com)	(81)
	Let's throw a "ghetto-themed" Black History party on campus. What could possibly go wrong? (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(238)
	Ignore expiration dates, a.k.a. "toss it when it starts to smell like Amy Winehouse" (slate.com)	(168)
(WWL)	Horror in the heartland: Shortage of pickled pig's lips expected after Louisiana plant burns (wwl.com)	(34)
	Why are so many women not having sex? This is new? (blogs.telegraph.co.uk)	(220)
	Officials decide against autopsy on climber that fell into Mt. St. Helens, satisfied with "fell into volcano" (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(64)
(TheSunNews)	Best mugshot so far this week (thesunnews.com)	(36)
	Kay Burley: "Fiscal stimulus package aside, is that a bruise on your forehead?" Joe Biden: "No, it is Ash Wednesday." "Oops, sorry, I've said three Hail Marys, everything is going to be fine" (dailymail.co.uk)	(234)
	You're in court on burglary charges, do you then: a) Commit more robberies b) Drop a charge sheet with your name on it at one crime scene c) Leave a DVD of your police interview at another d) All of the above? (news.com.au)	(17)
	Photoshop this da Vinci under wraps (online.wsj.com)	(71)
	Bill Clinton blames heart problem on stress, sleepless nights of dealing with Haiti. Pay no attention to the mound of Big Mac wrappers in his trash can (news.yahoo.com)	(58)
	Cutest perversion of the natural order of things you'll see this evening (dailymail.co.uk)	(121)
	Upside: you're living in the second most affordable city in the nation. Downside: it's Detroit (money.cnn.com)	(94)
	Theme of Farktography Contest No. 250: "Farktography Classic: Reflections 2" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)	(208)

Wed February 17, 2010

(KSL.com)	If you must park on the freeway, hide the drugs. But if you can't do that, at least make sure the car isn't stolen. And if you can't do that, at least don't have sex in the back seat with a minor half your age (ksl.com)	(54)
	Canada drops the ball yet again, lets a mentally ill man with a homemade security pass through two checkpoints and to within feet of Joe Biden during Vancouver opening ceremonies (ctvbc.ctv.ca)	(154)
	The last sardine factory in the U.S. is closing its doors causing 128 people to crowd the unemployment office like... like... something (bangordailynews.com)	(130)
(Pasadena Star News)	Sure, $8.87 per gallon is a lot to pay for gas, but what you're really paying for is the ambience (pasadenastarnews.com)	(108)
	Local Italian-American group puts the pressure on organizers of a mafia-themed charity fundraiser, saying it's offensive to them (mysuncoast.com)	(60)
	♫ You say to-MAY-to ♫ I break your freakin' neck ♫ (sun-sentinel.com)	(68)
	Teen with brass balls pulls woman, two children from car stuck on tracks moments before train smashed into it (sacbee.com)	(112)
	Finally, someone gets kicked off a plane for a good reason (network.nationalpost.com)	(122)
	Obama administration grants Temporary Protected Status (TPS) to Haitians illegally residing in United States. If only there were some kind of report summarizing the government's efforts to keep track of them (abcnews.go.com)	(137)
	Fire chief warns of city burning down due to snow (indystar.com)	(48)
(Some Conspiracy Guy)	Three Tesla electric car company employees killed in plane crash that probably wasn't a sabotage job by the oil industry (gas2.org)	(165)
	Transgendered woman sues police for extra-thorough frisking (nj.com)	(151)
	Iowa pharmacy board gives unanimous thumbs up to medical marijuana (desmoinesregister.com)	(127)
	And the sign said long haired freaky people need not apply...oh or arrogant Americans (foxnews.com)	(151)
	Photoshop Theme: Euphemisms (en.wikipedia.org)	(67)
	"One (bucket) had a thick, yellowish material the consistency of corn syrup, while the other had spilled a reddish powder. He then sprayed the dry-chemical extinguisher on the buckets. That apparently was a bad thing to do." (sltrib.com)	(97)
	Police looking for a man who stole seven bottles of shampoo from store. With 'Head and shoulders and no neck' mugshot (buffalonews.com)	(29)
	Sorority hazing is becoming increasingly violent, disturbing, Bonus: mention of the abominable practice of "boob ranking" (abcnews.go.com)	(286)
	13-year-old smarter than Utah state legislature; saves daylight savings time (abc4.com)	(204)
	An interactive look at 101...um, well, they're not quite a mop and not quite a puppet, but man...So, to answer you question, I don't know (nationalpost.com)	(48)
	You have bedbugs. That's bad. But here's a spray to repel bedbugs. That's good. The spray is made from cinnamon and magic and doesn't work. That's bad (sfgate.com)	(62)
(InForum)	Change name to "The Impaler." Proclaim self a vampire. Woo teenage girl. Run for MN governor. Wait, one of these things doesn't belong here (inforum.com)	(150)
	It's probably not good for the marriage when your wife starts dating the marriage therapist (abcnews.go.com)	(82)
(Some Guy)	Who knew I wasn't allowed to carry a quarter million dollars in my spare tire (newschannel9.com)	(116)
	A look at the deadly kids' toys of yesteryear, with a video of John Krasinski from The Office recalling how he impaled his brother with a Lawn Dart (retrocrush.com)	(255)
	Oops, we locked you up for a decade. Our bad.... how does 4.1 million dollars sound? (cnn.com)	(248)
	As his health declines, Kim Jong-Il's sister seems to be gaining more power in North Korea. In other news, Kim Jong-Il apparently has a sister (news.yahoo.com)	(119)
	You really have to wonder about what went wrong in your life if you're a guy who dresses like a girl to rob a Hustler Hollywood boutique on Valentine's Day (interact.stltoday.com)	(39)
	Poll: Americans are the most attractive people in the world. USA USA USA (telegraph.co.uk)	(497)
	Over 600 chickens were seized from a poultry trafficker's home. Police estimate their total street value at $1,000,000 (sfgate.com)	(62)
	Finland, which is fifth in the world in legal gun ownership, may ban semi-automatic handguns after a student went postal with one. So now the violently insane will be able to kill only six people before reloading (breitbart.com)	(368)
	Who killed Chandra Levy? If you answered Gary Condit, like most Americans who read the news, the man actually on trial for her murder doesn't want you on his jury (wtop.com)	(194)
	Have you ever, like, really listened to the ice, man? (silentlistening.wordpress.com)	(66)
	Photoshop this view into Atlantis (nasa.gov)	(47)
	You're a convicted hitman paid to make an "appearance" at a wedding. Do you C) Show up in a yellow Lamborghini LP-640, crash into a Ferrari, and then beat up people taking pictures? (jalopnik.com)	(53)
	Israel says there is no reason to believe they killed a top Hamas figure in his Dubai hotel room. Other than the the 11 men who travelled together to Dubai using fake Israeli passports shortly before he got dead, that is (abcnews.go.com)	(465)
	Before you launch your new fleet of police UAVs, it might be worth just double checking it's legal to fly them (telegraph.co.uk)	(54)
	FDA tells Kellogs to leggo its (listeria contaminated) Eggos (news.yahoo.com)	(51)
	Mi ro oft anoi ts A &T as pref rred 'Wi dows P one 7' ca r er. Th s is ... news for pe ple st ll us ng AT&T (pcworld.com)	(144)
	Some days you slap the bear, some days the bear slaps you (wtsp.com)	(76)
	Woman surprises roommate by re-enacting scene from Valentine's Day movie. Unfortunately for him, it's "My Bloody Valentine" (vvdailypress.com)	(35)
	Don't you hate it when you find out your beer is skanked? (theregister.co.uk)	(46)
	A woman learns an important lesson about setting your GPS on 'fastest trip' compared to 'shortest distance' after being stuck on a snowmobile trail for several hours (sunjournal.com)	(118)
	Car crashes at auction, seriously injuring 4, I have 4, do I hear 5, I have 5, make that 6 seriously injured (news.yahoo.com)	(34)
	NYC mayor says Coney Island "is coming back, big time". Like some sort of... circular weather pattern... I'm drawing a blank, help me out here (google.com)	(60)
	Atheist billboard vandalized. Where's your science now? (upi.com)	(1214)
	If you lose the safe from your home marijuana grow operation in a robbery, let it go, because man, it's gone (nj.com)	(21)
	Teenager convicted for Facebook insult. You're gonna get poked (ajc.com)	(74)
	VA lawmakers want to give active duty military access to carpool lanes regardless of vehicle occupancy (wvec.com)	(213)
(Some Guy6/no-)	Actual headline: "Couple Blows Restaurant Before Paying for Valentine's Day Meal" (kitsapsun.com)	(43)
(Some Girl)	Photoshop this crackled cube (blogcdn.com)	(58)
	Cat with a tin can stuck on its head used the force to get itself to a wildlife rescue centre (news.bbc.co.uk)	(59)
	When trying to convince your wife not to leave you, attacking her plane with a spear and machete isn't a great start (news.com.au)	(33)
	We have nothing to fear except fear itself....and bears (thelocal.se)	(58)
	Poll shows that Britons wash their sheets as often as they brush their teeth (upi.com)	(79)
	IOC orders athletes to remove "Support our Troops" message from helmet because it's "political propaganda". Thanks world, we'll remember that next time your sorry asses need saving (reuters.com)	(693)

Tue February 16, 2010

	Foodies do taste test of Whole Foods local produce against Walmart local produce, not entirely happy to discover they ended up preferring Walmart fruits and vegetables at two-thirds the price (theatlantic.com)	(317)
	Six hospitals in Ohio say they will no longer hire anyone who uses tobacco products (daytondailynews.com)	(464)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this old flame (pics.livejournal.com)	(43)
	Two decades of classic Bidenisms including an oldie but goodie from 1998, "to dethrone Saddam Hussein over the long haul." (pajamasmedia.com)	(154)
	Judge rules that idiot kid's online rant is protected by the First Amendment. Youtube-commenters rejoice (miamiherald.com)	(126)
(Zero Hedge)	We can relax now. China dumped $34.2 billion worth of T-bills, so we're back to being mostly owned by the Japanese now (zerohedge.com)	(262)
	Americans on health care bill: Can we just scrap it and start over with a new one? White House: Yes we can (prescriptions.blogs.nytimes.com)	(368)
	Bacon. One more wonderful thing it can do (google.com)	(47)
(Some Guy)	Texas town to make threesomes illegal unless they're related (herald-zeitung.com)	(94)
	Subby was bitten by a radioactive bedbug. What kind of superpowers should they expect? Voting enabled (en.wikipedia.org)	(382)
	Senate hopeful suggests Obama got his birth certificate through identity theft (azcentral.com)	(216)
	Argentina moves on Falkland Islands. This is not a repeat from 1982 (news.bbc.co.uk)	(129)
(KCFreePress.com)	Journey, Styx, Kansas and Boston are the four crap bands of the apocalypse (kcfreepress.com)	(347)
	Second-generation nerds review '80s arcade favorites of first-generation nerds (blog.al.com)	(163)
	45 inches of snow in Baltimore means 8 murder free days in a row (weblogs.baltimoresun.com)	(63)
(readthehook.com)	EBay pulls listings for back-issues of High Times magazine at federal government's request (readthehook.com)	(123)
	Iran's Military: strangely powerful or exceptionally lame? (life.com)	(159)
	Neighbors, armchair psychiatrists have field day with Alabama university shooter. "I believe men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but some women are from Mars" (abcnews.go.com)	(56)
	Anti-anxiety drugs are addictive. EVERYBODY PANIC attack (nydailynews.com)	(179)
(Some Guy)	If you're on death row in Kentucky, don't worry if the executioner can't find the veins in your arm. They'll just use the veins in your neck instead (courier-journal.com)	(201)
(Some Guy)	'Atlanta Progressive News' fires senior reporter for violating paper's editorial policy by adhering to "the notion that there was an objective reality that could be reported objectively" (blogs.creativeloafing.com)	(97)
	30 Dumb Inventions: From a curved-barrel machine gun to a strapless, backless, wireless, support-less bra... even a baby cage so you can suspend your infant in a wire cage outside of your window to save room in your apartment (life.com)	(138)
	Having solved all the city's other crimes, New York police are now cracking down on subway riders who put their feet up on the seats (nypost.com)	(86)
	News: Lawyer for crook calls detectives to turn in item his client stole. Fark: a 30" Newtonian reflector telescope (ksat.com)	(75)
	You called it, Fark: proposal at NY Rangers game a fake (outofbounds.nbcsports.com)	(52)
	Catholic dad defies court order and gets his child baptized against the wishes of his ex-wife. He sees no problem, because Catholicism is just a part of Judaism, with slightly less guilt (abcnews.go.com)	(357)
(Some Guy)	Man who killed his mistress after she told him he "wasn't big enough for her" enters penal system (news.ninemsn.com.au)	(138)
	Large python stolen from Florida petting zoo. In other news, large pythons are kept in petting zoos (sun-sentinel.com)	(38)
	Study suggests that women like to shop due to gatherer instincts (msnbc.msn.com)	(114)
	You know those police cameras you see everywhere violating our privacy? Well that's finally about to change. From now on, you won't see 'em (msnbc.msn.com)	(125)
(Some Guy)	Man caught using conterfeit money says the fake bills were actually part of an art project (sheboyganpress.com)	(43)
	79-year old survives four days on uninhibited island after his boat sinks, needs no stinking lawn (chicagotribune.com)	(121)
	Today's sentence you'll wish you'd never read: "Nearby, a man reached inside his skimpy nun's outfit and shortly afterward emitted a sigh of relief" (news.yahoo.com)	(61)
	The five most romantic spots in Disney World. Number six: The restrooms, because they're free (blog.canoe.ca)	(136)
	Photoshop this ghostly jelly (photography.nationalgeographic.com)	(56)
(Some Guy)	Camel Towing Co. will snatch drivers from any hairy situation (blogs.riverfronttimes.com)	(84)
	The other, other, other white meat (ottawasun.com)	(90)
(Drew)	Drew attends TED, but fails to steal the seat from Bill Gates' wife. Also, some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 2/7 thru 2/13 (fark.com)	(51)
	Experts say a big reason that North Dakota's economy is the best in the nation is their unique state-owned bank -- a legacy of when socialists controlled the state (news.yahoo.com)	(189)
	Signs you are having a bad day: 1) you get hit by a car 2) the car's occupants beat you to death (foxnews.com)	(89)
	High tech industry is facing a critical shortage of vital rare earth elements critical to almost all their devices. Gee if only they'd had some warning that RARE EARTHS were in limited supply (news.yahoo.com)	(189)
	In search of London's "best" meat pies with mashed potatoes, eels, and watery parsley gravy. And this nation once ruled half the globe? (washingtonpost.com)	(194)
(Móri and Erpur)	Icelandic rappers keep it real by settling old disputes with a knife, a Doberman, and a mop (icelandreview.com)	(44)
	Strippers in the back of a truck - aka "Stripper Mobile" too risque for Vegas. Solution? Tampa (wtsp.com)	(129)
	Schools forcing students to sign contracts to attend dances to prevent "grinding". Promote the program with the slogan "Dance like Grandma's watching" (msnbc.msn.com)	(262)
(KYW 1060)	Your mama's so dumb, she got caught shoplifting from QVC (kyw1060.com)	(82)
	Small airplane crashes near Jersey shore. So close (abcnews.go.com)	(53)
	I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse, except when it's deadly (3news.co.nz)	(69)
	Pro tip: If you want to get away with euthanising your lover, it's not best to broadcast it on-air at the BBC Fark: Even the East Midlands programme. Someone watches that, apparently (timesonline.co.uk)	(25)
	Mind of a criminal: "Gee, if I stick this syringe in this tube of meat...I can finally steal that vacuum I always wanted" (digtriad.com)	(44)
	Apparently, a good-looking ex-kids show TV presenter showing 10 things she can do with a lemon is not an audience-puller (lep.co.uk)	(78)
	Toyota faces new reports of sudden-acceleration deaths. They just can't catch a brake (latimes.com)	(300)
	Florida man, dressed in gold necklaces and driving a Lexus, wonders why no one accepted his family in Hazelton, North Dakota. "People thought I was a drug dealer" (abcnews.go.com)	(240)
	"Debate over GM eggplant consumes India." I agree, that is the stupidest name for a car I've ever heard (reuters.com)	(152)
	Gamers have overtaken biker gangs as the most feared group in Australia (news.com.au)	(118)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this big train (img11.nnm.ru)	(44)
	Passenger gets pissed off at Mitt Romney before takeoff for no real reason, with the expected result (myfoxboston.com)	(168)
	Things to bring back from Puerto Rico: Souvenir keychains, alcohol, baggage soaked in jet fuel (9news.com)	(28)
	A ghostly girl snapped at a ruined castle could be the spirit of a Countess who lived there, experts say (thesun.co.uk)	(377)
	Taliban's top military commander, Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar, has been captured in Karachi, Pakistan (nytimes.com)	(351)
	This is exactly why Mt. St. Helens needs to be bulldozed to the ground. It's too dangerous to just leave sitting there (oregonlive.com)	(157)

Mon February 15, 2010

	Photoshop these long tongues (inapcache.boston.com)	(36)
(Lots And Lots Of Snow)	Sick and tired of snow? Console yourself as you browse through this extreme snow gallery that makes the 'snowpocalypse' look like an afternoon tea party (darkroastedblend.com)	(118)
	So it turns out that urban legend of a guy who has every year of Corvette ever made just rotting in storage is no legend, just urban (jalopnik.com)	(124)
(Galesburg Register-Mail)	WWII soldier with balls of steel talks about battling the Japanese, fighting cancer today. "I grabbed him by his head and snapped his neck." Look out, cancer (galesburg.com)	(277)
	NFL: Our copyright notice is copyrighted (arstechnica.com)	(101)
(KOTV)	Oral university eliminating 50 positions due to smaller staff (newson6.com)	(56)
	Kim Jong-il urged to run for Rep. John Murtha's vacant congressional seat (content.usatoday.com)	(96)
	11 things you really did not want to know about Vancouver (slideshow) (life.com)	(175)
	Australian PM Kevin Rudd thinks young women getting Ph.Ds is an "excuse" to avoid starting families (smh.com.au)	(265)
	Sad: Man, unemployed for a year, builds igloo to live in. Fark: Has cable, surround sound and plenty of ice cold beer (cleveland.com)	(123)
	Jimmy Carter is our "best former president ever." Yeah. If you mean its best he's no longer president (newsbusters.org)	(372)
	Photoshop this plasma thingy (farm3.static.flickr.com)	(55)
	Politician wants to make it illegal for other politicians to investigate gun dealers breaking federal law (nydailynews.com)	(626)
	Dogdom triple crown at stake. Enterprising Scottie beaming up at Westminster (wbbm780.com)	(62)
	TSA winning the hearts and minds of traveling public. Just kidding....they make a four year-old take off leg braces so he can't walk (philly.com)	(338)
	Author compiles 238 years' worth of New Yorkers doing what they do best: pissing and moaning, bellyaching, complaining, kvetching, biatching and writing whiny letters to the mayor (cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com)	(29)
	No jail time for the Playboy model who tried to prove Rule #34 is alive and well when she slammed a rival's head into a nightclub toilet (telegraph.co.uk)	(277)
	Students suspended after fight, do their parents - C: Sue the school system for denying their precious snowflakes an education? (newsobserver.com)	(120)
	Having solved all the other problems in the city, San Francisco creates a task force to determine the proper ratio of sunlight to shade in public parks (sfgate.com)	(73)
	Yeah...I need a #1 with a Coke and a Happy Meal with a cheeseburger, apple dippers, and a dimebag. What? (press-citizen.com)	(76)
(Some Guy)	The Captain of the now sunk Ady Gil has boarded a Japanese Whaling vessel demanding the arrest of its Captain and $3 million in damages for his ship. Surely this will end well (seashepherd.org)	(642)
(Hutchinson News)	Politician who voted for "keep right except to pass" law says it works so she wants to repeal it (hutchnews.com)	(164)
(Springfield Republican)	If you pay your bills on time Springfield will empty your trash barrel. If you have an $8 unpaid trash collection fee the city will take the barrel too (masslive.com)	(66)
	Police bust Massachusetts bird-fighting ring. Fark: finches (metrowestdailynews.com)	(43)
	Poet and two-time Pulitzer Prize finalist Clifton is dead. Andy Kaufman unavailable for comment (upi.com)	(30)
	More bootstrappy fiscal policy, this time from Utah, where they're considering dropping 12th grade altogether (latimes.com)	(251)
	Man celebrates Valentine's Day by forcing the police to shoot him in the heart (sfgate.com)	(52)
(Some Guy)	WaPo: Don't donate to Wyclef's charity. MSM: Donate to American Red Cross. ARC: We seem to have misplaced $175 million (fwix.com)	(118)
(kcra.com)	Oh, that scraping sound on the roof of your SUV? No need to worry about that. That's just a plane coming in for a landing (kcra.com)	(30)
	If a train leaves west Brussels going 120 kilometers an hour, and a second train leaves east Brussels on the same track going 110 kilometers an hour, how long until 25 people are dead? (abcnews.go.com)	(75)
(cfnews13.com)	Woman drives drunk on her way to visit an inmate. Jailarity ensues (w/ a horrifying mugshot that looks like the spawn of Harry Knowles and Mister Freeze) (cfnews13.com)	(60)
	Which of these is the most logical explanation for the size of your pet rabbit? A) You feed him too much. B) His mother was also enormous. C) He's possessed by the spirit of a ghoul (metro.co.uk)	(90)
(Some Guy)	"Why won't funeral directors hire me?" Because you've got two tattoos on your face, moron (sunderlandecho.com)	(172)
	"Everyone is welcome here. It's just that at the end of the day, we're saying, 'Go back home. You don't live here.' It has nothing to do with racism" (theglobeandmail.com)	(218)
	Photoshop a cookbook you'll probably never see (images.google.com)	(72)
	Reporter shows up to report on BNP press conference. Things get rough when they start to play "I've got your nose" (timesonline.co.uk)	(134)
	If you're gonna run a weed growing operation in your house, calling the cops on your live-in suicidal girlfriend might not be a good idea (tcpalm.com)	(43)
	'Good' cholesterol can cause heart disease, 'bad' cholesterol can be harmless, and eggs -- ah, screw all of this, I'm taking up smoking (msnbc.msn.com)	(112)
	Texas politician and Hair Magnate to announce "miracle" grooming product that blows as much hot air as he does (blogs.chron.com)	(43)
	Soda: the tobacco for the 21st century. First multi-million dollar lawsuit for someone who drank 10 one gallon AM/PM sodas in a day for ten years to happen within the next half decade (huffingtonpost.com)	(141)
	When handcuffs won't keep 6-year-old girls from throwing temper tantrums, there's always adult insane asylums (tcpalm.com)	(153)
	Toyota driver thinks that it's relevant that his brakes weren't working before the crash for which he was convicted in 2006 (twincities.com)	(143)
	Unemployed and living in your mom's basement playing video games all day? You're not lazy, you just have Sluggish Cognitive Tempo Disorder according to the latest edition of the psychiatrists' "bible." (dailymail.co.uk)	(111)
	After giving birth to her 6th child, single mother's three bedroom home wasn't big enough. With the £80,000 a year housing allowance she's moved into the five bedroom house next door to Sir Paul McCartney (dailymail.co.uk)	(186)
	According to Meredith Vieira and NBC, Michael J. Fox died of cancer while attempting to run across Canada (sports.yahoo.com)	(88)
(Commercial Appeal)	The first rule of Chuck E. Cheese fight club is don't ask about the vending machine (commercialappeal.com)	(62)
	Former Olympians Peggy Fleming, Vonetta Flowers injured in Joe Biden motorcade crash. 5.7, 5.8, 5.9, 5.9, 6.0, 5.7 (msnbc.msn.com)	(49)
	UAH professor who killed three colleagues last week, shot brother in 1986, was also suspect in Harvard bomb plot in 1993. Will soon be linked to Kennedy assassination (msnbc.msn.com)	(120)
	New suvery discovers most men would prefer to marry a woman with a pleasant nature than a supermodel. In other news, most men are taking surveys with their wives standing right next to them (dailymail.co.uk)	(146)
	Photoshop these googly eyes (spiegel.de)	(30)
	Majority of both sexes put blame on rape victims for getting raped. WTF? (news.bbc.co.uk)	(585)