Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Archives for 2010-01-24

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Sun January 24, 2010

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Mendocino County sheriff using imaging software to show kids what their faces would look like on meth, unintentionally transforms NPR host from "dork" to "awesome badass" (npr.org)	(141)
		Man who was woken up by 10-point-buck in his pajamas also doesn't care to belong to any club that will have him as a member (hosted.ap.org)	(77)
		Angry tenant throws eggs at dogs, owners. To get this over easy, omelette you add the puns (upi.com)	(62)
		Playboy's Miss April 1989, 40, found dead in her mobile home. Another black eye for the Playmate Retirement Plan (blog.cleveland.com)	(188)
(Some Guy)		Paging Ceiling Cat to frame 6 of today's For Better or For Worse (fborfw.com)	(113)
(Some Guy)		How not to ship a package (pic) (i.imgur.com)	(193)
		Photoshop this dome dancer (flickr.com)	(47)
		Shockingly, prison officials don't like it when you fake-electrocute inmates using a scanning chair and cream soup (nj.com)	(65)
		Bin Laden claims responsibility for the Christmas Day Underwear Bombing. If he wasn't scary before, he is now (latimes.com)	(212)
		BBC reports that haggis may soon be coming to the U.S., but it's unclear as to what this entrails (news.bbc.co.uk)	(132)
		Haitian man survives for eleven days buried under rubble by eating cookies and drinking pop and beer. Beer, is there anything it can't...yes, it's called "pop." Not "coke," not "soda," POP (google.com)	(589)
		If you've seen an escaped prisoner who is "currently naked, except for some weed matting he is wearing, and handcuffed,'' the Whakatane police would like you to call them (news.com.au)	(23)
		When reality imitates porn: United States and Britain are on the lookout for female bombers. Let the backroom searchers begin (smh.com.au)	(60)
		"Since the smoking ban, no one has given up cigarettes. They've just given up buying them, and this is the most annoying thing in all of human history" (timesonline.co.uk)	(349)
		Cold-blooded killer is icing snowmen in England (examiner.com)	(36)
		Faster than a speeding bartender. More powerful than a date rape drug (thesun.co.uk)	(98)
		"While (porn stars) rear ends look like sparkling puckers of delight, fashioned from the finest alabaster and stank, mine looks like the Sarlaac that ate Boba Fett" (cracked.com)	(196)
		Iranian passenger plane crashes, injuring 46. Investigators aren't sure of the exact cause yet, but it suspected that the Jews and the US are somehow involved (msnbc.msn.com)	(105)
		How to impress girls, Russian edition: ride the Moscow subway naked (en.rian.ru)	(52)
(Some Farkette)		Photoshop these colorful gentlemen (touristmaker.com)	(47)
(Some Guy)		If you need money for college fans of Star Trek can win a $500 Starfleet Academy Scholarship. The Klingon Language Institute awards $500 for a Memorial Scholarship for language study. bachHa (pittsburghlive.com)	(54)
		In Mayor Bloomberg's new, healthier NYC, you can spend five days in jail for possession of candy (nydailynews.com)	(87)
		Scientists have found sluttiest chick in whole world. With pic of chick (news.bbc.co.uk)	(121)
(Some Guy)		Electric blanket keeps entire house nice and toasty (bournemouthecho.co.uk)	(32)
		Finally fed up with flying coach, passenger attempts unaided paragliding (denverpost.com)	(44)
(mashtrends)		"Oral sex is the new goodnight kiss," according to teenagers who lie and documentary makers who like to scare parents (mashtrends.com)	(640)
		Tea sales rise in Britain for first time in four decades, driven by young women rejecting expensive American chain-coffee and returning to comfort of the traditional cuppa (news.scotsman.com)	(121)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop these parachutes (af.mil)	(37)
(sheboygan press)		One year ago, Jiffy the Border Collie was found morbidly obese and frozen to the sidewalk. Now: Jiffy has lost 40 lbs and can walk a mile without resting (sheboyganpress.com)	(79)
		Woman busted for getting drunk and repeatedly calling 911 to say she was just "tired of her husband" (tampabay.com)	(22)
		Ship collision causes 450,000 gallons of stinking slimy sulfurous crude oil to spill onto water in Port Arthur, Texas. No one notices (online.wsj.com)	(82)
		And then the Bomb Squad blew it up (seattlepi.com)	(92)

Sat January 23, 2010

	The office copier turns 50. The office copier turns 50. The office copier turns 50. The office copier turns 50. The office copier turns 50. The office copier turns 50. The office copier turns 50. The office copier tur CALL KEY OPERATOR (money.cnn.com)	(241)
(Some Guy)	28-year-old woman arrested for doing her job as a youth the rapist (democratandchronicle.com)	(91)
	Porn star Alexia Moore to offer a 'lesbian defense' when and you've already clicked the link haven't you? Well I guess I'll just go and do something productive then (cbsnews.com)	(205)
	Columnist worries that dieting in front of her kids will adversely influence them. Subby reflects back on Slim-Fast canned childhood and nods sadly (dove.msn.com)	(98)
	Photoshop this life line (farm3.static.flickr.com)	(53)
	Crack open a cold one and celebrate: Sunday is the 75th birthday of canned beer (news.yahoo.com)	(173)
(Harry's Place)	Anti-semitic Anglican vicar uses police to intimidate blogger, make him choose between cake or death (hurryupharry.org)	(189)
	Britain inexplicably raises terror alert from Blimey to Knackered (cbc.ca)	(152)
	Harvard Medical School: "You can't work for us and take money from the pharmaceutical companies". Doctor: "I quit" (boston.com)	(322)
(Orland Press Register)	School board reverses suspension of duck-hunting student who parked off campus with gun in truck. Principal blames elected school board for caving in to voters who hunt (orland-press-register.com)	(468)
	Never, EVER bring Pop Rocks to your job at the Coca-Cola bottling plant. Bad things can happen (9news.com)	(55)
	You've fortified your bunker, stockpiled your canned food water and ammo, but have you given any thought to what you'll WEAR to the Apocalypse? Fortunately, this designer's got that covered for you (news.yahoo.com)	(200)
	Liberian torture victims scarred for life, have yet to pay off late fees (miamiherald.com)	(50)
	In 1960, Joe Kittinger fell to Earth from the edge of space. Now Red Bull wants to take another guy to the same altitude and drop him there (youtube.com)	(86)
(Some Guy)	The rules of Pi Phi's dress code are very simple: no muffin tops, no camel toes, no tacky, cheapo pleather (fashionista.com)	(172)
	It should be a capital crime to piss away $600 worth of steak (foxnews.com)	(86)
	Canada's ambassador to Iran from 1977-1980, who saved US embassy personnel during the Iranian Revolution, was actually a spy for the CI eh (theglobeandmail.com)	(51)
	Naked woman withdrawn from bank in Farmington after collecting crazy interest (twincities.com)	(34)
	Muslim clerics, in an attempt to reconcile with the west, may issue a fatwa on dreadlocks (telegraph.co.uk)	(47)
(Some Guy)	Andy Dick arrested in West Virginia on two felony counts of sexual abuse, leaving many to wonder, what the hell was he doing in West Virginia? (herald-dispatch.com)	(194)
(Some Guy)	A year with Japanese snow monkeys. You've never seen so many amazing pictures of macaque (totallycoolpix.com)	(52)
	Here's the thing: If you're going to jump off a river jetty while riding your bicycle, it's not a good idea to tether yourself to the bike so you won't lose it. It will act as a weight (news.com.au)	(79)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop these miniature grills (ljplus.ru)	(36)
	New study shows Venezuela twice as dangerous to America's way of life than previously thought (news.bbc.co.uk)	(73)
	CoCo says goodbye (tmz.com)	(347)
(KTHV)	A trend no one saw coming: Braille literacy on decline (todaysthv.com)	(91)
(The Daily Item)	Five days stuck in a chimney should be enough to make Tiger the tabby think twice about breaking into any more houses, as he nearly missed being available for Caturday (dailyitem.com)	(904)
	Woman arrested with a .708 BAC in December stumbles into court, pleads guilty, then orders a round for the courtroom (azcentral.com)	(62)
	Australia opens its first video-game nightclub. Reports say it's packed with men, your space is invaded, and it will create a battle zone with all the tempest there (news.com.au)	(57)
(Some Guy)	Tarpon Fire Chief under investigation. Which is good, because we should know why fish need a fire chief (wtsp.com)	(25)
	Dairy farmer shoots and kills 51 of his cows, then turns rifle on himself. No need to cry (news.yahoo.com)	(132)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop these frosty rocks (pics.livejournal.com)	(35)
	Bristol Palin says she needs $1750 a month in child support to support her son while living in her parents mansion rent-free (tmz.com)	(377)
	Jean Simmons dead, plans for KISS rerereunion tour on hold (latimes.com)	(77)
(Some Guy)	Cocaine-munching driver claims it was donut. She probably could have gone free if she'd had a blown seal (thedailytimes.com)	(32)
	It's not a UFO. It's a streetlight. Or maybe 68 daredevil skydivers coming together in a near-perfect diamond (dailymail.co.uk)	(21)
	Gov't: NASA, will you meet the 2020 deadline we gave you for tracking all the rocks in the sky with zero funding? NASA: LOL, oh wait, you were serious? ROFL (blogs.usatoday.com)	(115)
	Nearly every broadcast and cable network aired the benefit for Haiti Friday night, but one network decided to 'go rogue' (mediamatters.org)	(857)
	Just so we're clear: If you want to get rid of your fetus by going to a clinic, half the country will rally to your cause. But if you try to do it yourself, you'll be charged with feticide (wcco.com)	(97)
(Some Guy)	Vikings fans respond to the awe-inspiring Prince "fight" song (with nice fark.com attribution.) (wwl.com)	(123)
	Out late at night? Check. Standing around minding your own business? Check. Being Black? Oh yeah that's a beat down by white cops (kdka.com)	(173)
	All charges to be dropped against 5 most dangerous terrorists currently in U.S. custody. Thanks Obama (foxnews.com)	(274)

Fri January 22, 2010

	Note to Florida Moms: If a spider jumps on your baby, just brush it off (tampabay.com)	(70)
	Here it is, ladies and gentlemen, your offical discussion thread for the final episode of "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien". LGT Gawker recap (tv.gawker.com)	(799)
	Photoshop this improvised protection (online.wsj.com)	(51)
	Tim Horton does its best to ruin its rival's name by sexually assaulting a 16-year old barista in a Starbucks (abcnews.go.com)	(144)
(Some Guy)	0oOBubbleo0Owrap0oOturnsOo050 (abclocal.go.com)	(44)
	Conan's Thursday night Tonight Show gets astonishing 2.6 rating, over 1 point higher than Leno's primetime show. Looks like NBC finally found themselves a late-night ho-- whoops, it seems they didn't (thrfeed.com)	(212)
	Bill to make strangulation a felony again falls short as legislature chokes (sltrib.com)	(64)
(What Does It Mean?)	Another U.S. induced earthquake test like the one used on Haiti is being planned so we can shake up things in Iran. What? Sounds legit (whatdoesitmean.com)	(128)
	This week's mugshot roundup: Are you ready for some football? (thesmokinggun.com)	(179)
(Some Guy)	The first pictures inside the tallest man-made waste of money ever built (decodedstuff.com)	(227)
	Today's weather forecast is calling for 9 inches. And it might snow (breitbart.tv)	(90)
(Some Guy)	Artist lends $7400 bronze statue to city park as part of effort make sculpture more accessible to the public. A little too accessible, as it turns out (greatfallstribune.com)	(74)
	Driver hit by Catholic school bus: 'All I thought was Holy (expletive)' (nwfdailynews.com)	(39)
	Happy News: Michigan unemployment creeps below15%, according to Department of Eeyore, Sad Trombone, and Debbie Downer (abcnews.go.com)	(158)
	7-foot radioactive penguin found in Tennessee woods (tennessean.com)	(120)
	Say 'cheese'. And stop being Asian (news.yahoo.com)	(209)
(KCFreePress.com)	Real men don't eat tapas (kcfreepress.com)	(225)
	Today's pictures of a chimp in court because he's at the center of a custody-DNA battle brought to you by Sarasota (wtsp.com)	(42)
(Some Guy)	47-year-old man pretends to be his 21-year-old daughter. Kinky (gettysburgtimes.com)	(61)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this fruit crate label (vintagraph.com)	(58)
	Today is National Squirrel Appreciation Day. Peanuts appreciated (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(119)
	"I told the manager there were 14 very dangerous metal forks on my table that had been unsupervised for at least two hours," reported John "Meat Tooth" Freeman (foxnews.com)	(92)
	British comedy sensation Marc Wootton goes undercover as an average talentless filmmaker in Hollywood. And it's even better than you expect (Sponsored link) (sho.com)	(50)
	How Fark is just like the Napoleonic Royal Navy: Hundreds of men and boys struggling to breathe rank air, subsisting on beef, pork, and gallons of beer (dailymail.co.uk)	(98)
	If you are a fire fighter in Brussels and your pay raise isn't approved, there's only one course of action. Turn your hoses on the police (dailymail.co.uk)	(41)
	Man paralyzed and in hospital has all he needs to help speedy recovery including handgun, bulletproof vest, cocaine, ecstasy and marijuana (thestar.com)	(47)
	Time travel with TSGs mug shot roundup.What is the modern tech company nickname of this late racketeer? Contest ends at 6pm Eastern (thesmokinggun.com)	(108)
	Colbert challenges speed skater Shani Davis to a race for the last slot on the US Olympic team. And kicks his ass (in the racing outfit department, at least) (colbertnation.com)	(69)
(Some Realist)	Teacher suspended 30 days because of Facebook photo that shows her at a bridal shower that had a male stripper. Fark: Someone else posted the photo. Moral: Teachers aren't allowed to have lives outside of school (post-gazette.com)	(352)
	Who knew that all the information we needed about Osama bin Laden could be found in a strip club in Damascus (myfoxdc.com)	(91)
	Yeah. I'd like a Whopper with cheese, hold the tomato, medium fries and a beer (usatoday.com)	(217)
	You're setting up a network for a county government. Which OS do you choose: a) Windows, b) Mac, or c) Cogsdale? (wtsp.com)	(247)
	Rule 34 about to be validated for ursine-maiesiophilia fetishists (abcnews.go.com)	(68)
	Farkers take note: If your female prison pen pal meets you at a motel room and wants to borrow your car to go on a beer run on her first day out of the pokey, she may be up to something. With mug shot goodness (wtsp.com)	(116)
	Unemployed British woman sets world record by collecting 12,113 different Pokemon items. She plans to celebrate the achievement with the boyfriend she clearly doesn't have (breitbart.com)	(92)
(Fox(y))	Town that "Mayberry" was based upon may get first strip club. Now Andy, Opie, and Barney won't have to go to Mt. Pilot just to see some tail (myfox8.com)	(84)
	French President Sarkozy to visit Rwanda, cites common history of hatred and contempt for Belgium (news.bbc.co.uk)	(16)
(Some Guy)	It just goes to prove, if you bounce checks and refuse to make good on them, there will be an arrest warrant in your future. Even if you are the County Commissioner (gwinnettdailypost.com)	(23)
	If you're going to leave your dog with a pet sitter, make sure the guy is not going to perform some bizarro surgery on him with dental floss and glue (wtsp.com)	(77)
	Problem: The security services have got wise to the fact that the bomb-detection dowsing rods you're selling them don't actually work. Solution: Bring out a newer model "that has flashing lights" (theregister.co.uk)	(88)
(Some Guy)	If your child gets bad grades, do you: a) get him tutor, b) help the child yourself, or c) make your child kill his pet hamster with a hammer? (chronicle.augusta.com)	(184)
	More US troops withdrawn due to joint and muscle pain than combat injury; army no longer gellin' like McClellan (news.bbc.co.uk)	(132)
	Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned -- especially one who can afford a billboard in the middle of Times Square (nypost.com)	(240)
	Boo-hoo, there are too many things to choose from (telegraph.co.uk)	(130)
(Some 1975 AMC)	Photoshop this primo Pacer (blogues.cyberpresse.ca)	(48)
(Some Guy)	Comcast employee stabbed in neck, rushed to hospital, surgery scheduled for next Tuesday sometime between 8am and 5pm (wfsb.com)	(72)
	For sale: One plane. Minor water damage, a few feathers embedded. Great for use as a boat (cnn.com)	(26)
(Some Guy)	Sappy: Man trapped under rubble in Haiti for 3 days writes goodbye notes to his sons. Cool: Man found alive by rescuers. Nerdy Cool: Used an iPhone app to fix his compound fracture and a head injury (sphere.com)	(77)
	Two men forget the two cardinal rules for making meth: don't do it near a school, and make sure you don't blow up half your house (qctimes.com)	(29)
(Timmins Daily Press)	Northern Ontario police officer gets a little too excited about tug of war (with pic of bulging sweatpants action) (timminspress.com)	(152)
	Doe, a deer, albino deer (dailymail.co.uk)	(42)
	Woman who lives alone says her digital cable box has a glitch that causes it to order pornography (consumerist.com)	(115)
(Some Arkansan)	Not news: Two rural schools in Arkansas vote to merge. Fark.com: The headline reads: "Weiner, Delight Agree to Long-distance Merger" Bonus: Suggest a mascot (arkansasbusiness.com)	(59)
	Newborn snatched from mother in maternity ward by social workers because she was "not clever enough to raise a child." (dailymail.co.uk)	(326)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this bevy of Buddhas (img-fotki.yandex.ru)	(37)

Thu January 21, 2010

	Muslims and Christians clash in violent riots in the city of Jos, Nigeria. Yeah, it's always the Jos behind it (independent.co.uk)	(117)
	Under pressure, Trijicon will remove the God code from its scopes. Military casualties expected to skyrocket (abcnews.go.com)	(513)
	Study says Britons think bacon comes from sheep, teeth from a glass (upi.com)	(47)
	TSA agent: I found cocaine in your bag. Just kidding, I planted it. Have a nice day (philly.com)	(235)
	Canine researcher ranks 110 dog breeds on the basis of the animals' intelligence. Your bulldog wants to go to Arizona State (blogs.chron.com)	(413)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this ice driller (img-fotki.yandex.ru)	(59)
	How did the SEC drop the ball so badly on Madoff and other scammers? Maybe because their system for managing whistleblower complaints makes an Applebee's suggestion box look like state of the art (washingtonpost.com)	(133)
	Shots fired at the Texas Capitol building, which would have been okay had the shooter applied for the correct permit (statesman.com)	(308)
	Today's Fark-ready headline: Flashier great tits produce stronger sperm (news.nationalgeographic.com)	(144)
	Tea Party leader arrested for raping a 7-year-old girl. Search of his house finds M-203 grenade launcher and, uh ... Wolverines? (crooksandliars.com)	(696)
	I'm sorry, we've denied your application for a car loan because of that Facebook picture of you doing jello shots during Beach Week (wtopnews.com)	(205)
	The Gary Busey Defense and six other police myths that television taught us (cracked.com)	(177)
	Fake cop arrested by fake prostitute (wxyz.com)	(70)
	Perp sets fire to NJ bowling alley and splits, gutting the building; rival bowling alley owner charged, but he says he's being framed. If convicted, could face harsh sentence because this will be his third strike (abcnews.go.com)	(61)
	After recently seeing Sam Jackson documentary, Feds move to keep snakes off planes (abcnews.go.com)	(36)
(AFH)	Join Fark's Haiti relief effort by supporting Architecture for Humanity. Yes, this is a repeat from two days ago (architectureforhumanity.org)	(90)
	Man who was diagnosed with an incurable brain illness 20 years ago has now been told he does not, in fact, have Huntingdon's disease after both his wife and daughters terminated pregnancies for fear of passing on the disease. Oops (news.stv.tv)	(160)
	Season 3 of Secret Diary of a Call Girl is out, featuring the girl you love to watch sexing it up. No, not her. Not her, either. This one. (Sponsored link) (sho.com)	(66)
	Some hipster doofuses prefer to live without heat. "I know this sounds really lame, but I listen to a lot of music and it just sounds better." Yes, it sounds lame (nytimes.com)	(470)
	Crematorium repairs force grieving relatives to play Hide and Sikh (news.bbc.co.uk)	(23)
	Oh stewardess, I speak alien (newscientist.com)	(225)
	We in the mass media don't have any solid information about Tiger Woods, so here's an article about how we don't have any solid information about Tiger Woods (abcnews.go.com)	(47)
	The first photographs of snowflakes, taken by a farmer in 1885 when he rigged up a microscope with a bellows camera, are up or sale (myfoxdc.com)	(60)
	Supreme Court rejects judicial activism, ruggedly overturns 100 years established law in favor of plaintiffs who were litigating on a completely different question (cnn.com)	(1049)
	Law makers in NH want to reach around the gay marriage law (news.yahoo.com)	(113)
	Italian buffalo mozzarella is all bull (news.bbc.co.uk)	(69)
	Hate doing laundry? Is nuking that TV dinner becoming too much of a chore for you? Why not let your robot handle it? (news.cnet.com)	(77)
	This just in: Tourists can be really quite stupid (news.com.au)	(151)
	Man gets two months in jail for licking a chicken. Chicken to get counseling (dailymail.co.uk)	(48)
	The fair market value of the White House has dropped 5.1% since 2009. Which, coincidentally, is the same year the Obamas moved in (cnn.com)	(123)
	Mornington Crescent goes galactic (telegraph.co.uk)	(100)
	Amy Fisher to bare all for charity. It's a Buttafuocin time (nypost.com)	(91)
	Actual headline: "SoCal braces for 4th day of rain, wind and weather." Weather? Dear God. How will they survive weather? (news.yahoo.com)	(194)
	After being grounded for five weeks, teen girl turns to Facebook to overturn her unjust sentence. Grounded, with internet access? Kids today have it so hard (news.cnet.com)	(131)
	Not news: Driver gets two tickets after police review speed camera. Fark: His car was parked (NSFWish sidebar image) (telegraph.co.uk)	(81)
	Lawyer tells judge defendant is competent to stand trial. Defendant tries to kill lawyer. Lawyer adds, "Perhaps I spoke too hastily" (bostonherald.com)	(27)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this fox (img-fotki.yandex.ru)	(56)
	Swedish students occupy brewery as part of a series of demonstrations aimed at convincing management to build a beer pipeline to their university (thelocal.se)	(37)
	Dogs can have OCD too. turns the lights off Dogs can have OCD too. does another pass, making sure they're all off Dogs can have OCD too. another pass Dogs can have OCD too. another pass (dailymail.co.uk)	(112)
(Panama City News Herald)	Topless bar to open soon next door to home for unwed mothers. Florida tag beats out Spiffy, Obvious tags (newsherald.com)	(105)
(W S J)	Police cite 35 drivers in four hours for not yielding to pedestrians. But it's so hard to see them while I'm texting (host.madison.com)	(115)
(Some Guy)	Group wants to build male Statue of Liberty. Erection to cost 150 million (postandcourier.com)	(67)
(Korea Times)	"I will refrain from speculating about what drives Korea's insatiable appetite for bought sex, simply because I don't believe that I could without more research" (koreatimes.co.kr)	(63)
	2010 economy in a nutshell: ski resort where Winter Olympics are to be held next month is in foreclosure, might be auctioned off during the Games (sports.espn.go.com)	(49)
	Richard Winters, Commander of Easy Company during World War II, turns 92 today. Here's a clip from "Band of Brothers" (youtube.com)	(249)
	By extension, Einstein would have been a great gamer. n00b (news.bbc.co.uk)	(60)
	Fleeing suspect jumps off NJ Turnpike overpass, resulting in two broken legs, charges of resisting arrest, eluding police, and toll evasion (nj.com)	(40)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this dental appointment (bigpicture.ru)	(55)
	White House will host carp summit to avoid a serious roe between states (jsonline.com)	(53)
	Coyote spotted in Harlem tranquilized, captured. Though rare, coyote sightings in Harlem are not as rare as Republican sightings (cnn.com)	(86)
	Theme of Farktography Contest No. 246: "Sunrise...Sunset..." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)	(304)

Wed January 20, 2010

(KCTV 5)	Three teens involved in car wash robbery figured they'd clean up by just polishing off the victim, but two ended up getting waxed themselves and eventually had to throw in the towel (kctv5.com)	(79)
	New, state-of-the-art high school features solar panels, electronic whiteboards, and two off-duty police officers to direct traffic because they forgot stoplights and crosswalks (nj.com)	(128)
(ktvb.com)	Nobody is listening to the plight of the deaf in Idaho (ktvb.com)	(93)
	'Terror-pisser' killed neighbour's garden with night-time golden showers (thelocal.de)	(70)
	Thieves sought in massive hay theft. Bale expected to be very high (wgal.com)	(32)
	You know life is bad when you're living in a cave above town with only your modeling portfolio and a pit bull named Grunt (billingsgazette.com)	(157)
	Company has plan to solve energy crisis using orbiting laser satellites. Not sure why they need an underground volcano headquarters, though (news.bbc.co.uk)	(99)
(colorlines.com)	Police in New Orleans now enforcing "unnatural copulation law" guaranteeing this year's Mardi Gras will be a surefire hit (colorlines.com)	(215)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this yelling yahoo (sportpicture.ru)	(50)
	Apparently the TSA can now take files off your computers and cell phones and turn them over to "unknown third parties" without cause. Subby can think of 1984 reasons why this is bad (gamepolitics.com)	(441)
	It's Penguin Awareness Day, so drive carefully (jacksonville.com)	(97)
	Grandmother of the year candidate after 10-year old girl's pit bull mauling: Walk it off... and bring me the peroxide (indystar.com)	(193)
(azfamily.com)	Could somebody please explain to me how this global warming is supposed to work again because there's currently a blizzard watch for southern Arizona (azfamily.com)	(534)
(Some Joliet Guy)	So, and this is important, when you put on a ski mask and walk up to the counter demanding money but nobody is around to hear it, it's still a robbery (suburbanchicagonews.com)	(29)
	America's Gayest City? Well, that peach can symbolize a lot of things, I guess (ajc.com)	(308)
	Graco to recall 1.5 million baby strollers after children injure fingers, fail to save on car insurance (google.com)	(72)
	The White House crashers were finally invited to something. Well, invited...subpoenaed...same thing (myfoxdc.com)	(56)
(Some Guy)	School evacuated after Kermit the Frog found in parking lot (dailycamera.com)	(137)
(Some Guy)	Teacher jailed for providing tequila to students. With "It would take a whole lotta tequila" pic (coloradoan.com)	(90)
	The C ran away with the L in the Class of 2010 (chron.com)	(140)
	Man banned from public park after he allegedly tried to have sex with a tree (thescottishsun.co.uk)	(110)
	College puts orange stickers on known party houses. Supposedly this is supposed to shame and embarass the students who live there (thebostonchannel.com)	(140)
(Some Guy)	First, you get to have sex with your smokin' hot teacher, then you want to get paid for it (wbbm780.com)	(144)
(The Frisky)	Dating bloggers write a list of signs that a man is an egomaniac, with items like "Begins 75% of sentences with 'I'". You know, like a dating blogger might do (thefrisky.com)	(178)
(Herald Sun)	Wal-Mart citizen rights pioneer who quieted unruly child sentenced to six months in prison (heraldsun.com.au)	(393)
	If you've ever wanted to jump the bones of an English princess, here's your chance (breitbart.com)	(76)
	The coolest helicopter crash test you will see today. Bonus crash test dummies (nasa.gov)	(108)
	Meet Richard Reynolds, the hacker who can get root in places nobody thought possible (wired.co.uk)	(91)
(NBC Washington)	Virginia governor wants to raise speed limit so instead of everybody speeding, almost everybody will be speeding (nbcwashington.com)	(187)
	Survey claims UK employees named Andy and Sarah most likely to fake being sick to get out of work. In other news, there was actually a survey done to determine this (telegraph.co.uk)	(44)
	Subby shocked to learn that his 18 year old nubile, pneumatic, nymphomaniac, broadminded Swedish cheerleader on-line girlfriend may not be who he actually says he is (news.com.au)	(126)
	Enjoy your time on the beach and remember these few tips for your shore leave: the boat leaves at 7pm, Haitians speak French, and for God's sake don't wave food or water where they can see it....it will only make them angrier (news.yahoo.com)	(205)
	Doctor-recommended diet: eat a stick of butter, kid, it'll make you feel better (wcco.com)	(63)
	6.1 aftershock hits Haiti. Damage expected to be minimal, because there's really nothing left to wreck (uk.reuters.com)	(173)
(Some Guy)	Laurel and Hardy jailed for drugs, find themselves pickled in a nice kettle of fish (citizensvoice.com)	(41)
	Breaking into someone's house is one thing. Staying around while taking a shower, cutting your hair, and watching TV while you make fried chicken might be just a tiny bit overconfident (accessatlanta.com)	(29)
	Tree in Chicago sports some serious wood (abclocal.go.com)	(55)
	If you're thinking of making a donation to help the Haitians in their time of need, make sure it's not really going to the Swedish Necrophilia Association (thelocal.se)	(72)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this railroad worker (shorpy.com)	(46)
(Some Guy)	Each month the equivalent of seven large swimming pools of grease make their way down Seattle's drains, proving hippies do take baths once in awhile (mnn.com)	(126)
	"Sir, did your suitcase just sneeze?" (dailymail.co.uk)	(34)
(Some Guy)	My mama said not to put beans in your ears, radio-control car antennas in your nose (thecourier.co.uk)	(38)
	Today's Ready for Fark Headline: Man bites off cop's nipple during fight outside bar (abc15.com)	(67)
	If you're too drunk to keep your kid from getting out of the car and calling 911, you're too drunk to drive (theledger.com)	(21)
	ADIDAS, apparently (news.com.au)	(135)
	E-mugging has replaced real mugging, says columnist who doesn't get out much (startribune.com)	(47)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this confused classroom (9gag.com)	(48)
(American Decency Association)	Carnival Cruise Line's singles cruises might include "singles meet-ups, dancing and partying". Guess who has a problem with that (americandecency.org)	(249)
(The Pulse)	Hospital decides to lead by example by hiring only healthy people, will employ only vegetarians with low cholesterol, blood pressure and body fat index. Just kidding, they're singling out those evil smokers (chattanoogapulse.com)	(331)
	Britain considers ban on dental equipment (news.yahoo.com)	(48)

Tue January 19, 2010

	If you were murdered would you please contact the Calgary police, they would like a word with you (cnews.canoe.ca)	(33)
	Man suffocates wife and lives happily ever after. Nah, just kidding he then cut off his own legs with circular saw and bled to death (myfoxdfw.com)	(122)
	Not news: Racial bias alleged in Chicago suburb's hiring practice. News: all those hired were black, those passed over were white. Fark: No, those two about cover it, actually (chicagobreakingnews.com)	(260)
(AFH)	Join Fark's Haiti relief effort by supporting Architecture for Humanity (architectureforhumanity.org)	(504)
	Where's your Teddy now? (hosted.ap.org)	(2686)
(Some Guy)	Today in World's Weirdest Fetishes: "Ohio County Pays Man $1,500 for Bat Bite" (newstimes.com)	(30)
(Evening Star)	There were no rubber friction treads to keep her from slipping, explained the bus driver with a blank stair (eveningstar.co.uk)	(23)
	Your cat wants a temple. You probably already knew that (news.bbc.co.uk)	(65)
	Scientists say that monkey brains are 'hardwired' for simple math; humans still unable to calculate a tip (news.yahoo.com)	(54)
(wpix.com)	Mutated human washes up near government disease research center. Senator Kelly unavailable for comment (wpix.com)	(92)
	As the Incredible Hulk attacks Moses, SpiderMan rescues Eve from...What???? (orlandosentinel.com)	(53)
(Some Guy)	Man recreates Grand Theft Auto in Virginia. And yes, shooting down police helicopters is involved (wset.com)	(255)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this gaping maw (worldwidephotowalk.com)	(47)
(Some Guy)	If at first you don't succeed in robbing a store, try, try aga--what? You screwed up the second time too? Fark it (wlwt.com)	(15)
(Some Guy)	Restaurant robbed by a pair of ninjas, who reportedly vanished without a trace. Well, duh (blogs.westword.com)	(57)
(Some Guy)	It has come to this: public libraries are accused of costing book industries over $100 billion per year (publishersweekly.com)	(370)
	Husbands get more benefit from marriage than wives, such as a valuable, constant stream of constructive criticism (usatoday.com)	(269)
	Volunteer color guard coach puts his flagpole where it isn't allowed, gets penalized by the judges (philly.com)	(64)
(Some Guy)	New broadband stimulus requirements ask cities only to show how much porn they need (govtech.com)	(81)
(Some Fault)	Today's 5.8 earthquake brought to you by the Cayman Islands (wptv.com)	(83)
	Proctologist ordered to pay compensation for "incomplete treatment"; patient's condition eventually rectified (timesofindia.indiatimes.com)	(41)
	That hands-free cell phone will be a blessing when you need both hands to shoot out your SUV's windows after you drive into a lake (abcnews.go.com)	(43)
	Haitian orphans land in Pittsburgh. Haven't they suffered enough? (abcnews.go.com)	(143)
	The reason you're alive to read this instead of chasing rats for food in a post-apocalyptic wasteland is that the swine flu epidemic never quite happened in the US (townhall.com)	(102)
	Six logical fallacies that cost you money every day. List would have been 1,000,006 logical fallacies that cost you money every day, but authors opted not to mention Congress (cracked.com)	(339)
	Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig may be waddling into court over misleading ads (msnbc.msn.com)	(62)
	Father of a teen who burned her face by falling face-first into KFC poutine during an epileptic seizure wants warning signs on the poutine. Because that would have prevented the injury (cnews.canoe.ca)	(185)
	Mystery visitor fails to leave roses on Edgar Allen Poe's grave for his birthday for the first time in 60 years. Nevermore? (news.yahoo.com)	(109)
	The first rule of fight club is, don't set up a facebook group about fight club (winnipegsun.com)	(37)
	This Valentine's Day, White Castle fast food restaurants offer you a sure-fire way to break up with your girlfriend (suntimes.com)	(112)
	Should victims of unconstitutional police actions be financially compensated even if police acted in good faith and victim suffered no financial loss? Bonus: Police seize car searching for pie (nationalpost.com)	(122)
(Drew)	Haiti's devastation means that the news media has less filler to produce. And that's a good thing. Plus Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 1/10 through 1/16 (fark.com)	(43)
	Man rushed to hospital with acute neck injuries from an angle-grinder accident (news.com.au)	(68)
	Man planning to fly an ultralight from the UK to Australia wastes no time crashing into the ocean (guardian.co.uk)	(86)
	Meat packing company recalls 390 tons (one metric Your Mom) of ground beef (reuters.com)	(57)
	When you come to an intersection, right of way always goes to the two masked men carrying guns at 4 o'clock in the afternoon (myfoxdc.com)	(37)
	The state budget would have been balanced but mom said no video games for a month because I got a 'D' in algebra (myfoxdc.com)	(51)
	Ruin your childhood at the Masters of the Universe art show, complete with Skeletor naked on a Cringer-skin rug (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(107)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop these hoops (worldwidephotowalk.com)	(37)
(Cambridge News)	"Hi, that 19th century 'Downing Street' sign you're auctioning? It's probably from Downing Street here in Cambridge, not London. Oh, and while you're on? Give it back" (cambridge-news.co.uk)	(27)
(KESQ)	Sheep go to heaven, goats go to strip clubs (kesq.com)	(73)
	MIT graduate goes on trial today for trying to shoot some guys who flew to Pakistan to ask her why she wasn't illiterate like all the other women there (boston.com)	(121)
(WSB-TV)	Frugal mugger adapts to troubled economic times by taking victims money, as well as his shoes and pants (wsbtv.com)	(21)
	Starving, thirsty, homeless Haitians can rest easy now that their solar-powered bibles have finally arrived (news.com.au)	(469)
	In the last 22 months, a man's ashes have been taken to Nepal, the Australian Outback, the Chinese-Mongolian border, a Rwandan volcano, Iceland, Benin and the waters off Zanzibar. Meanwhile, subby went to New York. Once (azcentral.com)	(66)
	Man discovers what could be one of the world's largest and most valuable meteorites in his yard. Police confiscate it for "security reasons" (news.com.au)	(119)
	81% of Americans want legal weed (abcnews.go.com)	(504)
(Some Guy)	What's worse than being shot and having to drive yourself to the hospital? Getting pulled over and charged with DUI on the way to the hospital (syracuse.com)	(69)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this series 60 Detroit diesel (detroitdiesel.com)	(28)
(Some Guy)	More and more couples are seeking therapy because one of them is going green. "The danger arises when one partner undergoes an environmental 'waking up' process way before the other, leaving a new values gap between them" (mnn.com)	(322)

Mon January 18, 2010

(Topless Robot)	16 awesome fictional firearms: You can have your blasters, phasers and sonic shotguns, but none holds a candle against a good ol' fashioned ACME disintegrator gun (toplessrobot.com)	(539)
	Love: giving her flowers. True love: cleaning the house while she gets a massage with friends. Let It Go, Man, She's Gone: Googling her name 40,000 times, breaking into her car, getting sent to jail (dailymail.co.uk)	(91)
	You're a DJ and there's a suicidal woman holding up traffic, so you C) Take commuter's request for Van Halen's "Jump" (cnews.canoe.ca)	(281)
	It's all fun and games at the strip bar until a customer gets unhappy about a dance, grabs a gun, tries to rob the place, chases the dancer up to the roof, shoots the manager, sets a fire inside the club, and then dies (azcentral.com)	(178)
(KARE11.com)	Minneapolis cop crashes his squad car into Indian restaurant, curries no favor with owner (kare11.com)	(56)
(KTHV)	North Dakota City skips a day on new calendar. Printer defends error, says January is the coldest month of the year and having one day less works for him. Well, okay (todaysthv.com)	(52)
(Some Craton)	Photoshop this Pangea day tribute (panthealee.com)	(49)
(Some Guy)	Most amazing sculptures made from single sheets of paper you'll see today (petercallesen.com)	(83)
	Woman jailed for false rape claim after police prove alleged rapist Derek Cummings didn't (news.bbc.co.uk)	(372)
	Taco Bell founder makes a run for the coroner (sfgate.com)	(257)
	Military sets their sights on deciphering secret bible code (abcnews.go.com)	(388)
(Some Guy)	They used to be filled with banana creme until WW2 when bananas were scarce and other things you didn't know about Twinkies (w/ Twinkie wrapped in bacon Stonehenge pic) (todayifoundout.com)	(129)
	Kid expelled for shotgun in truck off-campus was suspended before for using n-word in class+calling teacher a "stupid Mexican". Also flunked English, math, and history, but got an A in shop. Way to break that redneck stereotype, kid (sacbee.com)	(651)
	6.0 magnitude earthquake hits third-world country. This is not a repeat from last week (msnbc.msn.com)	(116)
	Field trip to bucolic country farm is ruined when the children are attacked by a rabid calf (baltimoresun.com)	(42)
	NJ passes law requiring chain restaurants to put calories counts on menus. Including for that double mango margarita explosion you've been sucking down, rummy (nj.com)	(126)
	Not news: Customer doesn't tip and complains pizza is cold. News: Guy then punches delivery guy, fracturing his skull. Fark: "My husband is in jail for no reason and that is not right" (suntimes.com)	(374)
	As God is my witness, I thought Turkey could surf (reuters.com)	(48)
(Some Guy)	If you murder your maid in the bathroom and no one is around to clean up after you, then how long will it take before she is found? (mmail.com.my)	(52)
	Coolest pics of curious belugas you'll see today (dailymail.co.uk)	(75)
	Popemobile quality control tester freed from Turkish prision (news.bbc.co.uk)	(62)
(Poynter)	With the exception of potential zombie attack, the health risk from unburied corpses is overstated (poynter.org)	(83)
(Some Guy)	We've secretly replaced these people's flu vaccine with insulin shots. Let's see if they notice (www2.newsadvance.com)	(53)
	When life imitates the plot to a Dr Seuss book, you know someone's going to get stabbed (3news.co.nz)	(80)
(KSBW.COM)	Woman murders husband over a) money, b) another woman, or c) tacos (ksbw.com)	(144)
	How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Enough to save six people for 50 hours (cnn.com)	(42)
	Foreign-born French must surrender proof of citizenship (news.yahoo.com)	(99)
(Some Guy)	Ever wanted to watch a 100+ year light bulb.. light? Well it's your lucky day. We'll get the paint drying cam up next (centennialbulb.org)	(120)
	Photoshop this sole soul (spiegel.de)	(55)
	Burglar accidentally Tases, handcuffs himself (orlandosentinel.com)	(44)
	News cameraman misses money-shot of a child being rescued from rubble in Haiti because he put the camera down in order to help dig her out. Subby has something in his eye (themercury.com.au)	(163)
	Old and busted: placing bouquets of flowers at a grave site. New hotness: Leaving a severed head to gaily adorn your recently departed crime-boss' crypt (earthtimes.org)	(60)
(New York Magazine)	A bunch of signs in downtown New York are showing both Walk and Don't Walk at the same time. What could possibly go wrong? (nymag.com)	(115)
	Photoshop this view through (farm4.static.flickr.com)	(31)
	Man takes two 12-packs from hotel store without paying. When hotel staff confronts man he collapses and dies. Wife is mortified and apologizes for husband's behavior. No, just kidding, she's suing hotel for unspecified amount (myfoxla.com)	(184)
	Leading heart surgeon, presumably dead inside, wants to ban butter to protect the nation's health. Could bacon be next? (dailymail.co.uk)	(232)
	Haiti continues to be plagued by dela-OMG, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS? PRINCE WILLIAM IS GOING BALD (dailymail.co.uk)	(201)