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Fark SearchWeb Fark
Sun November 15, 2009
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Sports by Brooks) Amusing Tennessee Titans Owner Bud Adams so excited with win over Buffalo today that he flipped the bird at the Bills. Twice. (with pic)  (sportsbybrooks.com) (153)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this polygonal creation presentation  (online.wsj.com) (56)
(Newsweek) Obvious 10 worst predictions of the last decade. Websites will stop producing top X list as slideshows strangely absent  (2010.newsweek.com) (257)
(Telegraph) Interesting New research concludes that lesbian couples make better parents than heterosexual couples. Still no cure for cancer  (telegraph.co.uk) (374)
(CBS News) Strange BAGHDAD (AP) - It's Saturday night at the Alwiyah Club, and 21-year-old Sarah al-Kimackchy is doing the hip thing - playing bingo  (cbsnews.com) (49)
(CBS New York) Scary I cannot haz cheezburger? I CANNOT HAZ CHEEZBURGER?  (wcbstv.com) (240)
(MSNBC) Interesting Oyster eaters tell FDA they can have their out of season mussels when they pry their oyster knives out of their cold, dead hands  (msnbc.msn.com) (98)
(WBBM) Cool Attention John Mellencamp, the state of Indiana is holding $828 of your money, Larry Bird, they have $80 of yours. If not claimed in 30 days, the state keeps it  (wbbm780.com) (51)
(Seattle Times) Asinine After 13 yrs of being a confidential narcotic informant, helping win 90 federal convictions, a Salvadoran man says he wants to get a regular job and settle down. How about deportation, instead?  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (101)
(Branson) Obvious Actual headline: "Ham and beans 'good stuff'." Duh  (bransondailynews.com) (62)
(Some Guy) Strange If you have in your possession a 1,500-pound historic Civil War cannon, Vallejo police would like a word with you  (insidebayarea.com) (50)
(News.com.au) Strange Residents complaining about churches playing loud rock music. Bonus: Picture of what christian musicians may look like  (news.com.au) (177)
(News.com.au) Stupid Not news: A person is jailed and charged with receiving stolen property given to him by a friend. News: it is a 12-year-old boy. Fark: over a 70 cent piece of chocolate  (news.com.au) (87)
(Brockton Enterprise) Asinine Police officer files request for overtime pay for all the time he spent preparing for and appearing in court for felony trial. Fark: He was the one on trial  (enterprisenews.com) (39)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these parachutists  (af.mil) (43)
(Thurston County Sheriff) Stupid Law enforcement site warns parents: "If your kid is into Dungeons & Dragons, he's actually a computer addict ripe for grooming by Internet pedophiles"  (co.thurston.wa.us) (375)
(Boston Globe) Unlikely Phrases soon to be banned from Massachusetts schools: "four eyes", "you dress like a girl", "you dance like a spastic monkey"  (boston.com) (94)
(cfnews13.com) Weird ♫ Meet Darryl Bain ♫ High on cocaine ♫ New York cops, you better stop that fiend ♫ Tased from the front ♫ Handcuffed behind ♫ And you know he's on the coroner's mind ♫  (cfnews13.com) (110)
(Daily Mail) Hero Study from the Institute of Henpecked Husbands shows that household chores could reduce a man's sperm count, thereby giving men the perfect escape clause from housework  (dailymail.co.uk) (80)
(Cracked) Spiffy Seven great products for telling the world you're a rich dick  (cracked.com) (99)
(English Russia) Interesting New Russian palace with mystery owner is being built near Moscow. Given that the owner got Google to strike it from their satellite images, subby's guessing it belongs to Dick Cheney  (englishrussia.com) (84)
(CBS Miami) Florida When forced to choose between his home and a 300-pound Yorkshire pig named Strawberry, a South Florida man chooses the 300-pound Yorkshire pig named Strawberry  (cbs4.com) (46)
(Canoe) Sad Moose becomes first victim of Canada's newly armed border guards, squirrel escapes unharmed  (cnews.canoe.ca) (52)
(The New York Times) Asinine Looking for new source of income, teachers turn to selling lesson plans online. Looking for new source of revenue, districts turn to demanding a cut of the teachers' profits. Who wins? The intellectual property lawyers, of course  (nytimes.com) (62)
(ABC News) Followup Remember the swim club that didn't want the brown kids dirtying their pool? They've just filed for bankruptcy. Schadenfreude ensues  (abcnews.go.com) (105)
(Miami Herald) Sappy Today's "anonymous man returns library books after 50 years and pays ridiculous fine because of guilt" is brought to you by Phoenix, Az  (miamiherald.com) (58)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this symbolic symbiosis  (brandonwaybright.com) (28)
(WFTV) Florida 59-year-old teacher arrested for having sex with his high school students. Naw, just kidding, he's just threatening to shoot them, other teachers and school principal too  (wftv.com) (58)
(Slashdot) Stupid In response to lawsuit, TSA changes its rules, now stating that it can only screen for unsafe materials. I guess that means we can bring fingernail clippers and water bottles on planes again. Tag is for the rule that forbade them to begin with  (news.slashdot.org) (338)

Sat November 14, 2009
(Boston Globe) Dumbass Not News: Police arrest college students for underage drinking. News: 105 of them at one party. Fark: "The house is about 200 yards from the police station"  (boston.com) (82)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this prickly pair  (i4.photobucket.com) (31)
(The Atlantic) Amusing The 35 most bizarre science fair projects. "Will there be minorities in heaven" and "Is ham tasty" included  (andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com) (180)
(Newsday) Cool Why atheists find religion later in life  (newsday.com) (969)
(CNN) Interesting Last signed autograph of John F. Kennedy sells for a sum that could blow your mind  T-Shirt  (cnn.com) (121)
(Sign On San Diego) Dumbass Worker falsifies records about methane gas, faces 2 years in PMITA. Dude, blame it on the dog like the rest of us  (signonsandiego.com) (32)
(Some Chick) Dumbass When you are carrying 30 lbs of pot in your car try not to drive 40 mph over the speed limit past a cop  (post-trib.com) (87)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this lonely highway  (flickr.com) (75)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Strange Thought the chimp attack was fierce? "[H]e grabbed my leg with his mouth and went to jerking on me"  (star-telegram.com) (152)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass We can't stress this enough: If you're claiming disability checks, it's best not to be a golf champion on weekends  (dailymail.co.uk) (64)
(The Tennessean) Stupid Another day another student/teacher sex story. With hottie female teacher picture goodness  (tennessean.com) (218)
(The Tennessean) Dumbass Career-limiting move of the day: While forwarding himself a copy of a "White Pride" email he wants to print out, State Trooper manages to send copies to almost 800 other state employees  (tennessean.com) (632)
(Some Guy) Interesting You think you've got a tough job? Imagine being the veterinarian who has to help an elephant lose 1,000 pounds. "We've had to lay down the law"  (edmontonjournal.com) (40)
(Some Guy) Weird Art caskets: Because nothing symbolizes death with dignity more than being laid out in a "Return to Sender" coffin  (americancasketstore.com) (102)
(Some Guy) Amusing Cardboard cut-outs of police placed in stores to scare would-be thieves. Drunk decides to take one home with him  (gazette-news.co.uk) (32)
(The Sun) Unlikely "I saw UFO beam up a buffalo"  (thesun.co.uk) (85)
(Some Guy) Dumbass 69-year-old goes online, finds an actual 13-year-old girl... who then gives her login info to the cops. You can see where this is headed  (delawareonline.com) (104)
(BBC) Obvious The attention whore of Europe would like you to move in instead of just coming and going without spending any money  (news.bbc.co.uk) (69)
(ABC News) Obvious "You see an advertisement saying 'try it for free' for very little money, but soon after, you get a big charge on your credit-card bill. More ads... are offering free samples that are anything but free." Ric Romero? Yep  (abclocal.go.com) (65)
(WBIR) Obvious Cops who found magic mushroom grow house give up on counting them all, say it would be easier if the mushrooms would hold still and stop singing  T-Shirt  (wbir.com) (78)
(Some ChristWire) Asinine Dramatic exposé on the "Golden Girls", how one show turned a generation of boys into homosexuals; sadly this article is not satire  (christwire.org) (168)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop what this woman is holding  (farm4.static.flickr.com) (58)
(The Daily Gleaner) Sappy Merlot the cat, who went missing 17 months ago when he was less than a year old, has returned home for Caturday  (dailygleaner.canadaeast.com) (1500)
(News-Times) Stupid Middle school teacher resigns job she held for 22 years, after she's caught stealing small amounts of money from other teachers' purses. Must have needed it - her job only paid $95,000 a year  (newstimes.com) (83)
(The Tennessean) Dumbass But honestly, who amongst us hasn't mistaken a uniformed police officer for a Sonic drive-through waiter  (tennessean.com) (17)
(Las Vegas Now) Scary Creepy weatherman leaves around 100 voicemails to girl he just met. Wonders why she won't call him back  (lasvegasnow.com) (155)
(Some Guy) Strange Man charged with battery, grand theft, exhibition of a deadly weapon and a possible hate crime for holding a pen over his head. Penis Mightier  (volokh.com) (56)
(Boston Globe) Cool Comic books are doing surprisingly well even when big-boy books are struggling  (boston.com) (104)
(Las Vegas Now) Sad Commissioners strip the Las Vegas Strip of the Stripper Mobile. Won't someone please think of the strippers?  (lasvegasnow.com) (48)
(LA Times) Cool Here's what you're not getting for Christmas: Mercedes' updated version of its 50-years-ago gullwing coupe. 563hp, 0-60 in under 3.8 seconds, and explosive door hinges  (latimes.com) (79)
(io9) PSA We have two weeks before the first experiment is done with the large hadron collider. It's a little too late to save us from the banality of 2012, more John Cusack  (io9.com) (100)
(USA Today) Scary U.S. reports largest mumps outbreak in three years. Think of it like a swine flu outbreak, but serious  T-Shirt  (usatoday.com) (154)
(Journal Star) PSA Benningan's being foreclosed on. Thank god our long national nightmare is over  (journalstar.com) (131)

Fri November 13, 2009
(CNN) Obvious CNN points out the obvious: Hicks who rarely fly make it take 20 minutes for the rest of us to get on and off the plane  (cnn.com) (188)
(Some Guy) Florida Mental patient had been locked in a secure floor, but the nut bolted  (clickorlando.com) (33)
(Some Guy) Cool Don't be a pussy, Dr. Strange looks legit  (maxim.com) (59)
(Some Dude) Scary FDA threatens to ban drinks containing both alcohol and caffiene; The Dude does not abide  (medpagetoday.com) (256)
(Huffington Post) Obvious "The media fell hook, line and sinker once again for a military account of what happened during the tragedy... the cop most responsible for saving the day, it turns out, is a black man, not a white woman"  (huffingtonpost.com) (240)
(Washington Post) Followup Freezer cash former Congressman gets put on ice for 13 years  (washingtonpost.com) (62)
(Google) Strange Apparently in Belgrade, 'swine flu' loosely translates to 'vampire invasion'  (google.com) (48)
(Telegraph) Amusing Photographer says he can find smiley faces in everyday objects :)  (telegraph.co.uk) (70)
(LA Times) Amusing For seven months L.A. Sheriff deputies have been trying to figure out who is slapping 'Who is John Scott' stickers inside MTA buses. You'll never guess who they caught  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (148)
(Some Comrade) Photoshop Photoshop this parts carrying cart  (img-fotki.yandex.ru) (62)
(The Smoking Gun) Cool In this weeks Smoking Gun Lineup: Mustache Ride  (thesmokinggun.com) (298)
(Yahoo) Sad If you're the guy who stole the "2,554 Miles to Barstow" sign for the dozenth time, North Carolina would like a word with you. And that word is "Uncle"  (news.yahoo.com) (186)
(Some Guy) Asinine Today's inanimate object that is secretly trying to kill you is (Spins wheel...) Oh my god, run for life, it's a glass top table  (kirotv.com) (123)
(Some Guy) Fail "It was just a routine car wash. Except there was no car -- and no clothing."  (kcra.com) (28)
(St. Petersburg Times) Interesting The lead singer of Missing Persons has been found in jail  (blogs.tampabay.com) (107)
(Some Guy) Asinine Manager trains employees for hold up situations by hiring man to burst in during buisness hours and put a gun to someones head. This should end well  (slashfood.com) (87)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Interesting Ohio is letting convicted mothers raise their children behind bars. What could go wrong? "Prison should be a place for punishment, not somewhere to raise babies."  (news.cincinnati.com) (102)
(Some meeper) Followup Amusing: High School principal tells his students they're not allowed to say "meep." Fark: Assistant principal reports an out-of-state attorney to the police for putting "meep" in an email  (theodoramichaels.com) (537)
(Gawker) Fail Pickup lines from the world's greatest poonhound: "Want some coffee and want it up the a**?" "Make sure to get a waxing; I'm going to make all your holes very sore" (Not safe for work language)  (gawker.com) (246)
(BBC) Dumbass Man caught with over 1,000 spiders at airport, faces up to one year in jail. That's gotta sting  (news.bbc.co.uk) (92)
(Denver Channel) Stupid Ted Haggard holds home prayer meeting: "For the people who come tonight, that means they believe in the resurrection in me." No word if the people participating in the resurrection came through the front door or the back door  (thedenverchannel.com) (84)
(Google) News Child-molesting evangelist Tony Alamo receives 175-year prison sentence that will surely involve no molestation of any sort whatsoever  (google.com) (175)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Girlfriend replaces her deployed boyfriend with a blow-up doll. Farkers nod knowingly, understanding the comfort that only a polyvinyl chloride mate can provide  (nwfdailynews.com) (102)
(Fox News) Cool NASA's glass is more than half filled on whether there is water on the moon  (foxnews.com) (146)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this piece of vintage jewelry  (img39.imageshack.us) (37)
(The Scotsman) Sad City to celebrate Christmas with no reference to Christianity, but will have a "spectacular festive celebration" including a solar-powered disco, a circus and a fairy on stilts  (news.scotsman.com) (328)
(Sign On San Diego) Interesting Also admitted he watched television shows, such as women's volleyball, that sexually stimulated him, a violation of the terms of his release  (signonsandiego.com) (143)
(WTOP) Spiffy ♪That deaf, dumb, blind dog / Sure is world record tall.♪  (wtop.com) (37)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Friday Photo Fun. Grandma has been a bad girl. Match her with her crime. Contest ends at 4pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com) (81)
(Some Correctness) Hero Superhero Smackdown Semifinal: Superman vs Wolverine  (thecorrectness.com) (263)
(News.com.au) Strange Melbourne night club bans metrosexuals in an effort to reduce violence, because in a bar fight you want to look out for the guy with orange skin and perfect hair who's putting chapstick on his lips  (news.com.au) (78)
(Boston Globe) Stupid Becuase nothing quite says "I love you" like 30% off a cordless rotary saw  (boston.com) (144)
(BBC) Interesting British gardeners urged to urinate on their plants to help them grow better. How very european  (news.bbc.co.uk) (135)
(Boston Channel) Dumbass Roommates' dispute over soccer match ends in a shootout  (thebostonchannel.com) (56)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Man thought he could elude police after a shootout by changing into a t-shirt and pajama pants. He thought wrong  (mcall.com) (30)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Police arrest the wrong woman after her identity was stolen. Oops  (katu.com) (68)
(CNN) Interesting Indian eunuchs allowed to choose a gender of "other" for ID cards, a political move that took balls  (edition.cnn.com) (88)
(Yahoo) Followup Contestant who died on the set of the reality show "Wipeout" had a rare genetic condition that lead to a stroke, not because his brain tried to strangle him in shame for appearing on the show "Wipeout" as earlier believed  (news.yahoo.com) (144)
(The Sun) Interesting Fisherman gets 233-pound catfish, hernia  (thesun.co.uk) (85)
(Telegraph) Amusing Spanish government gets a grip and decides to take a hands-on approach with a major new advertising campaign to teach children the joys of masturbation  (telegraph.co.uk) (158)
(Chronicle.com) Unlikely "My parents pay for my rent, college tuition, and entertainment, and my trust fund will ensure that I'll never actually have to get a job. FML"  (chronicle.com) (572)
(SFGate) Dumbass Sing us a song of your piano scam, sing us a song tonight. Well we're all in the mood for some forgery, and you took our money all right  T-Shirt  (sfgate.com) (50)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop these cautious commuters  (online.wsj.com) (53)
(New Zealand Herald) Silly 14 year-old boy flashes bus. Woman on bus begins screaming hysterically. Bus driver panics and drives bus into police station. Ta-daa  (nzherald.co.nz) (112)
(SFGate) Scary ♪Just a couple days ago / I set out on the trail / Lookin' for a plate of mushrooms / Not ones you get on sale / Pains got bad, and pains got worse / I guess you know the tune / Oh Lord, sick in Lodi again.♪  (sfgate.com) (62)
(People Magazine) Unlikely In the fine American tradition of really uncomfortable Thanksgivings, Sarah Palin says Levi Johnston "welcome" to come for dinner. That's family values you can believe in, by golly  (feeds.people.com) (255)
(Jacksonville.com) Cool In case you don't know what a bonobo is, there was an ugly-assed one born at the Jacksonville Zoo. W/pic  (jacksonville.com) (70)
(BBC) Strange Whoever left a sawn-off alligator head in a rural field in Yorkshire, England, congratulations, you scared the crap out of a dog walker  (news.bbc.co.uk) (54)

Thu November 12, 2009
(Some Cook) Silly Drew's list of 'seasonal' stories is woefully incomplete without "annual turkey baster search"  (aldenteblog.com) (56)
(The Consumerist) Obvious Experts wonder if the upswing in retail theft may be connected to the unemployment rate. What the hell kind of "experts" do we have analyzing this data?  (consumerist.com) (42)
(The Consumerist) Hero MPAA shuts down an entire town's wi-fi because one person illegally downloaded a movie. Take that, illegal downloaders  (consumerist.com) (374)
(The New York Times) Asinine Verizon has found a way to charge you for accidental keystrokes  (nytimes.com) (225)
(The New York Times) Silly Coming to a hipster douche near you: 1890s fashion. 'Cause nothing says "manly" like knee socks, britches and a cape  (nytimes.com) (275)
(The Tennessean) Amusing Tennessee man found asleep in a ditch with a loaded rifle and a bottle of moonshine  (tennessean.com) (119)
(London Times) Interesting If there are aliens on other worlds, did Jesus die for their sins, too? After all, every Gelgamek is sacred  (timesonline.typepad.com) (257)
(Some Guy) Weird Murder suspect tells jury he has the cure for global warming, knows how to win in Afghanistan, and that George Bush was just a figurehead while he really ran the country. It should come as no surprise that he represented himself in court  (bnd.com) (48)
(10 News) Stupid ...and when they covered the Jews' cars in sticky-notes I said nothing, because I was not a Jew  (10news.com) (149)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this barrier balancer  (online.wsj.com) (34)
(The Consumerist) Strange You can make your very own Tamiflu at home. I'm sure this will end well  (consumerist.com) (124)
(Some Guy) Scary Ohio couple married 61 years and died one day apart. There is no escape. Did you hear me? NO ESCAPE  T-Shirt  (jacksonsun.com) (115)
(LA Times) Amusing Elmo vs Spiderman vs Chewbacca: LA's superhero turf wars heat up again  (latimes.com) (49)
(LA Times) Interesting John King to replace Lou Dobbs, says CNN. Dobbs' wife reportedly pleased  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (85)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Guy's cell phone minutes run out, so he calls 911 five times to see if anyone will have sex with him  (tampabay.com) (66)
(CNN) Followup *POP*  (cnn.com) (217)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Woman wins $1M McDonalds Monopoly prize. Plans to use winnings on new house, car, angioplasty  (dailyfinance.com) (264)
(Fox News) Dumbass You went full North by Northwest, dude. Never go full North by Northwest  (foxnews.com) (48)
(Yug Emos) Scary Not news: ex-soldier finds a gun in his garden - Still not news: man hands gun into police - Fark: Now faces five years in prison for possessing a firearm  (thisissurreytoday.co.uk) (540)
(Some Law-Talking Dude) Cool Bow wow wow, yippie yo, yippie yeah, Bow wow yippie yo yippie yeah (c)  (blogs.findlaw.com) (91)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Welcome to the internet, where men are men, women are men, and that 14 year old girl you're propositioning is actually your wife  (dailymail.co.uk) (425)
(Galveston Daily News) Dumbass Using only a cell phone and a pelican, man turns his $2 million Bugatti into a submarine  T-Shirt  (galvestondailynews.com) (163)
(Daily Record) PSA Unknown substance found on NJ Transit train. Probably cleanser  T-Shirt  (dailyrecord.com) (49)
(New York Daily News) Sad 90% of students at City University of New York can't do basic algebra. So, you know...just like the rest of the country  (nydailynews.com) (589)
(Daily Press) Amusing "Main Street merchants want crack at market" in Santa Monica, says poorly worded headline. Presumably this would be gourmet organic locally-grown crack  (smdp.com) (32)
(Komo) Obvious 14-year-old boy attacked by cougar, police say. His girlfriend isn't amused  (komonews.com) (198)
(Telegraph) Dumbass "Spiritualist" police trainer who called for the British police to include mediums and psychics in their investigation sues for discrimination after his bosses manage to stop laughing for long enough to sack him  (telegraph.co.uk) (66)
(mlive.com) Amusing First Paragraph: Police say a Twin Lake man broke into a woman's mobile home last week, pulled out a clump of her hair, punched her in the face and stole two couch cushions before leaving  (mlive.com) (58)
(The Courier) Scary Just in case Scotland didn't have enough problems already, now the beaches are radioactive  (thecourier.co.uk) (78)
(Gizmodo) Cool In a strange twist never before seen, teen uses Facebook to keep himself OUT of jail  (gizmodo.com) (154)
(Journal Gazette) Amusing Evidently unable to afford a trailer home, man arrested for operating a mobile meth lab on his moped  (journalgazette.net) (33)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop what this newlywedded Farker and his wife should be holding  (i625.photobucket.com) (78)
(The Register) Obvious "Brain-delving boffins in key monkey-butler breakthrough"  (theregister.co.uk) (65)
(BBC) Cool Royal Air Force display team announces its first female pilot. For safety's sake, she will be surrounded by men in bright red planes  (news.bbc.co.uk) (73)
(UPI) Amusing After putting out an arrest warrant on Spider-Man for hitting a guy, police find that they have not one, not two, not three, but FOUR Spider-Men to deal with  (upi.com) (53)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Welfare recipient and sometime model caught with four pounds of coke in her Benz. She is a naughty person, and subby votes for the Castle Anthrax punishment  (dailymail.co.uk) (82)
(My Fox DC) Stupid Man-gagement rings, made of masculine materials like steel, tungsten and cobalt, are gaining popularity among brides that buy them, jewelers that sell them, and douche bags that wear them  (myfoxdc.com) (483)
(TampaBays10.com) Sad Health officials advising against kids sitting on Santa's lap this year because of swine flu  (wtsp.com) (42)
(York Press) Sick Now I'll turn this dial - let me know if your view of me masturbating gets more or less focused  (yorkpress.co.uk) (99)
(3 News New Zealand) Hero 100-year-old refuses to retire, signing five-year lawnmowing contract. So keep off it  (3news.co.nz) (43)
(AZCentral) Dumbass Wife pulls knife on husband because he took her vodak away. He holds her at bay with a chair while dialing 911  (azcentral.com) (65)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Gallant parks his car in legally designated spaces and treats authority figures with respect. Goofus punches parking enforcement officers, drags them into the road, and bites them on the face  (news.com.au) (51)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Guy calls police to report his roommates are smashing potatoes over imaginary woman's head  (tampabay.com) (21)
(Gawker) Stupid "Stripper-mobile" just proves everything about Las Vegas has become absolutely ridiculous. That sound you hear is Dino and Frank spinning in their graves (with news video)  (gawker.com) (102)
(LA Times) Interesting What does a death sentence really mean? If you're in California, it means years and years of living in better conditions than the lifers get  (latimes.com) (136)
(News.com.au) Dumbass The curious case of heroin buttons  (news.com.au) (18)
(Mercury News) Asinine Pregnant teen arrested for burglary, goes into labor while being arrested. I hear mug shots make great birth announcements  (mercurynews.com) (37)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this iguana  (flickr.com) (32)
(WLUK) Amusing Ron Jeremy showing college campuses he's a master debater  (fox11online.com) (99)
(Abc.net.au) Dumbass A Massachusetts man is suing Bon Jovi, Time Warner and Major League Baseball for $400 billion because being stupid just doesn't pay enough  (abc.net.au) (45)
(My Fox Dallas) Fail Police accidentally ship 25 lbs of pot to prison in a crate marked as fruit. Fortunately the inmates who discovered mistake reported it immediately to prison authorities  (myfoxdfw.com) (56)
(SMH) Sappy Aussie bomb sniffing dog lost in Afghanistan desert for a year and presumed dead is rescued by US soldier. With happy one-year-late-bath pics. Subby has something in his eye  (smh.com.au) (128)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 236: "Destroyed." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (191)

Wed November 11, 2009
(Some Seafood Guy) Interesting Problem: Humans eat sharks, so sharks can't eat stingrays, so stingrays eat oysters. Solution: Humans eat stingrays  (marketplace.publicradio.org) (97)
(CBS 4 Denver) Unlikely Colorado's medical marijuana community wants to police itself, what could possibly go bong?  (cbs4denver.com) (54)
(The Register) Silly British MPs preparing to beat off invading horde of Olympic hookers, which seems backward to submitter  T-Shirt  (theregister.co.uk) (34)
(NJ.com) Dumbass Pizza delivery guy parks his car in a fire lane. Fortunately, he left the engine running, so a good samaritan saved him from a ticket by stealing the car  (nj.com) (52)
(Boston Globe) Cool The coolest street scenes of Havana you'll see all day  (boston.com) (175)
(Kansas City) Asinine Kansas City teacher fired after making jokes about Florida. Students erect signs to save his job  (kansascity.com) (202)
(The Morning Call) Followup Banana robber to face trial. He's expected to file a peel  (mcall.com) (41)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this building site break  (spiegel.de) (39)
(The Smoking Gun) Dumbass Imposter busted for posing as decorated Marine. Bonus: Charade was discovered at H.S. reunion when he ran into a real Navy Commander  (thesmokinggun.com) (859)
(PDN) Cool The coolest photo of Devils Tower you've seen since your routine training flight went missing in 1945  (pdnphotooftheday.com) (212)
(Yahoo) Cool Find yourself recently single and with no clue how to proceed? You are in luck. Come on out to the first ever Divorce, Separation and Bereavement fair  (news.yahoo.com) (355)
(Wall Street Journal) Fail Remember when New London took those homes and the Supreme Court said it was OK because they had this great development plan worked out with Pfizer...? Yeah, it didn't quite work out  (online.wsj.com) (437)
(BBC) Weird The deep-sea crab that eats trees....who knew you can grow trees at the bottom of the ocean  (news.bbc.co.uk) (98)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these masks  (af.mil) (26)
(The New York Times) Strange New Jersey judge allows quadriplegic man to buy guns. "He plans to mount the gun on his wheelchair and operate it with a breathing tube"  (nytimes.com) (286)
(Some Guy) Sappy Next time you think about yelling at your three-year old for digging in the yard, remember this story  (gnn.com) (94)
(3 News New Zealand) Dumbass Kyrgyzstan rejects UN ban on death penalty, offer of vowels  (3news.co.nz) (368)
(Washington Post) Asinine You know the price of college textbooks is getting out of hand when one gang of thieves can steal $90,000 of them from local libraries  (washingtonpost.com) (123)
(LA Times) Hero AMA calls for more marijuana research, Doritos  (latimes.com) (313)
(The News & Observer (NC)) Fail Problem: kids selling candy didn't raise much money for their middle school last year. Solution: sell grades instead  (newsobserver.com) (95)
(apan Today) Amusing How about a bra that doubles as a putting green with a built in speaker, pockets for extra balls and tees, and a detachable flag pin that serves as a score pin? Thanks, Japan  (japantoday.com) (863)
(FARK) FarkParty San Francisco Fark / Mentally Incontinent joint book signing and Fark Party, Thursday Nov 12 7pm Borders Books Stonestown Galleria. Drew and Joe will be on hand  (fark.com) (84)
(Boston Globe) Interesting Not news: four muggers rob man. News: the man is an Army reservist. Fark: they return his wallet, apologize, and thank him for his service. UltraFark: one of the muggers gives him a fistbump  (boston.com) (57)
(Wikipedia) Hero On the 11th hour, of the 11th day, of the 11th month the guns fell silent. Thanks to all the men and women who gave their lives for the country and braved the senselessness of war  (en.wikipedia.org) (474)
(New York Daily News) Asinine Okay then, your request to leave Scientology has been approved, all that remains is for you to claim your free fisting from Tom Cruise  (nydailynews.com) (179)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass PROTIP: If you're trying to lure cats out of hiding, don't use a lighter. It can only end one of two ways: badly and really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really badly  (mcall.com) (60)
(My Fox DC) Strange Some new fathers pass out cigars after the birth of their newborn. Others gather up the placenta and make it into a bendable teddy bear  (myfoxdc.com) (68)
(My Fox DC) Sad Get run over by a secret service agent once, shame on you. Get run over by a secret service agent twice, shame on...you  (myfoxdc.com) (26)
(Google) Hero To our Fark Veterans on Veterans Day: Here is a thread full of snark and thanks  (images.google.com) (416)
(The Register) Followup Three more scientists quit in protest at the Great Nutt Sack Controversy  (theregister.co.uk) (143)
(Telegraph) Obvious Britons are amongst the ugliest people in the world, according to a new report from the Institute of People with Functional Eyes  (telegraph.co.uk) (228)
(Salem News) Ironic In an effort to win Afghan hearts and minds, the U.S. military sends more lawyers  (salemnews.com) (28)
(BBC) Amusing Company in charge of UK rail network transporting 200 employees to conference by bus because train tickets are too expensive. Ironic and Obvious tags forced to stand after Amusing tag gets last seat onboard  (news.bbc.co.uk) (47)
(My Fox DC) Strange Man teaches kids how to stay out of gangs, protect the goal during shootouts  (myfoxdc.com) (18)
(Houston Chronicle) Strange Meet the man who makes beer with such ingredients as ham and cheese, Bac-O-Bits, peanut butter and chocolate, and Nutella  (chron.com) (53)
(Washington Post) Stupid After numerous civilian deaths and a long campaign of stonewalling, brinksmanship, and coverup, independent inspectors will finally allowed inside. Iran? Guess again  (washingtonpost.com) (34)
(Metro) Dumbass Let this be a lesson to you all, make sure you have a good nap before you try to pick any locks  (metro.co.uk) (16)
(Hartford Courant) Dumbass Man up to no gouda attempts to steal three blocks of cheese. Men in bleu say no whey, arrest him before he can edam up and achieve his feta accompli  (courant.com) (67)
(Telegraph) Hero Duly noted in this obituary: Giant clanking testicles do not stop one from giving one's windscreen a proper cleaning, even if it means nearly stalling out the plane to lean out the window while under German fire  (telegraph.co.uk) (65)
(Metro) Amusing British woman christens her new pet dog. In a pub. With beer  (metro.co.uk) (11)
(The Sun) Weird Darth Vader ends his tenure as a Dark Lord of the Sith and finds new work as a cathedral gargoyle. He still finds your lack of faith disturbing  (thesun.co.uk) (87)
(The Atlantic) Weird Japanese government imposes waistline standard in attempt to avoid American-style epidemic of obesity: 33.5 inches for men, 35.4 inches for women  (food.theatlantic.com) (126)
(Telegraph) Unlikely Jane Fonda says her sex life at 71 is better than ever, provided you don't get impaled by her metal hip  (telegraph.co.uk) (171)
(Examiner) Asinine Faced with a high school student wanting to bring her girlfriend to the prom, the principal does the only rational thing and threatens to cancel the prom (w/pic of what a high school lesbian might look like)  (examiner.com) (380)
(Island Packet) Silly Liquor store owner charged with being unable to recite her ABCs, or something. The Sheriff even has a special team for alphabetical enforcement  (islandpacket.com) (31)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this carnival carriage  (img-fotki.yandex.ru) (18)
(SMH) Dumbass Man threatens 9-year old girls with a nail-gun unless they play 'spin-the-bottle' with him. Prosecutor: "He promised chocolate cake - but there was no chocolate cake". That's right man - get him on false advertising  (brisbanetimes.com.au) (124)
(CNN) Scary If you're in Brazil and can read this, congratulations, you're not in the half of that country that's lost power  (edition.cnn.com) (58)
(Bloomberg) Dumbass United Airlines pilot E. Vermont Washington charged with being in a drunken state (or two) at Heathrow  (bloomberg.com) (53)
(The New York Times) Asinine Middle school food fight leads to 25 arrests. FOOD FIGHT  (nytimes.com) (115)

Tue November 10, 2009
(Science Daily) Scary High Fructose Corn Syrup raises hypertension risk 87%. Put down the Mountain Dew and back away slowly  (sciencedaily.com) (289)
(WAAY TV) Dumbass News: Man robs home. Fark: He leaves behind part of his nose  (waaytv.com) (57)
(USA Today) NewsFlash "DC Sniper" is pining for the fjords  (usatoday.com) (565)
(The Smoking Gun) Dumbass Barely breathing frat pledge registers BAC of nearly .500. Welcome to Phi Delta Theta, son  (thesmokinggun.com) (234)
(L.A. Metblogs) Amusing The traffic sign from L.A. Story has a cousin who lives in a gas pump at a 76 station in the Valley  (la.metblogs.com) (52)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this Chinese catwalker  (online.wsj.com) (27)
(Fox News) Obvious Fort Hood shooter is "aware that he's a suspect" according to his attorney  (foxnews.com) (224)
(MSNBC) Strange Man comes home from vacation. No, wait. Let me re-phrase that  (msnbc.msn.com) (115)
(CBC) Followup Ice-floe rescuers in Canada need to be rescued by ice-floe rescuers, who need to be rescued by ice-floe rescuers  (cbc.ca) (49)
(Florida Today) Followup Diapernaut gets a year of probation  (floridatoday.com) (71)
(Google) Amusing Google to Murdoch: "If publishers want their content to be removed from Google News specifically all they need to do it tell us."  (google.com) (205)
(Daily Herald) Unlikely Pre-paralegals from some community college defeat pre-laws from Yale, Villanova, Boston College, Wake Forest, Boston University, Dartmouth and Wellesley at a mock trial competition  (dailyherald.com) (131)
(Stuff) Fail "Anyone who found a block of cheese is asked to contact police."  (stuff.co.nz) (67)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Marine reservist attacks Greek Orthodox priest with a tire iron, then calls police to brag he's caught a terrorist  (tampabay.com) (157)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Minnesota traffic snarled after a fatal four-cow accident. Witnesses at the scene describe udder chaos  (inforum.com) (42)
(Oregon Live) News Mass shooting outside Portland, OR, up to 10 victims  (oregonlive.com) (542)
(CNN) Hero Move over, al Qaeda--there's a new jihadi code in town, and it doesn't like the way you play  (cnn.com) (190)
(LA Times) Scary 3 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the cow... Mad Cow disease. 2 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the bird... Avian flu. This year, Chinese calendar year of the pig... Swine flu. Next year is the year of the cock...Anybody else worried?  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (119)
(Baltimore Sun) Dumbass Man charged for allegedly assaulting construction worker with a backhoe. Officials say the victim was lucky he didn't suffer grader harm  (baltimoresun.com) (50)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Followup Evidence found of plot to kill cartoonist, but details are sketchy  (suntimes.com) (165)
(Chicago Tribune) Scary ♫The best part of waking up is a CTA bus crashing into the side of your house♫  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (55)
(My Fox DC) Cool The president calls him..."The Crustmaster"  (myfoxdc.com) (154)
(Some Guy) Scary Hello, insurance company, yeah a grizzly bear ate my airplane  (blogs.timeslive.co.za) (59)
(Denver Post) Dumbass Man charged with sexually assaulting 14-year-old girl over several months, even though he paid her mom each time, fair and square  (denverpost.com) (229)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you're a cop it's probably best not to wait three days to send a runaway home. You might just get fired. Also you shouldn't really have sex with him either  (post-gazette.com) (90)
(The Consumerist) Asinine Not news: Woman buys $300 worth of stuff from Menards. Still not news: They don't charge her for $5.99 worth of drill bits. Fark: They make her pay $150 to not call the cops on her for shoplifting  (consumerist.com) (289)
(Kansas City) News Possible hostage situation in Jefferson City, MO government building. Information is sparse, but witnesses say police are moving on up  T-Shirt  (primebuzz.kcstar.com) (206)
(Wikipedia) Hero In honor of the Marine Corps birthday here is a list of notable Marines. Jonathan Winters? Really? Semper Fi  (en.wikipedia.org) (296)
(USA Today) Obvious Apparently, more people will want to buy a product that is offered at a cheaper price compared to the higher prices for that product at competing sellers. Huh  (usatoday.com) (93)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Rubber baby buggy bummer  (dailymail.co.uk) (66)
(TampaBays10.com) Dumbass Pepper spray + hand dryer + McDonalds = bad idea  (wtsp.com) (91)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida All-out brawl erupts at wedding after guests upset when groom throws money on the dance floor for kids to pick up. Bonus: Woman puts the groom's 74-year old grandmother in a choke hold  (wtsp.com) (130)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this man and mess in Marseille  (online.wsj.com) (32)
(SFGate) Scary Landslide in India kills 42 and demolishes hundreds of homes. To top it all off, they're going to need a new deli  T-Shirt  (sfgate.com) (70)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Families struggle with science, faith when viable eggs are frozen in lab; it's certainly not an over easy decision  (chicagotribune.com) (141)
(AZCentral) Sad Government tells church it can't feed the poor  (azcentral.com) (413)
(USA Today) Asinine You'd think that a community's problem with pedestrians who don't know how to cross streets would be self-correcting, but no  (usatoday.com) (83)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Take the rate of off-label marketing, A, multiply by the probable rate of prosecution, B, multiply by the average fine, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a drug approval study, we don't do one  (bloomberg.com) (193)
(Boston Globe) Dumbass Boston University demonstrates, again, why the school should not be allowed to start experimenting with Ebola and plague in downtown Boston  (boston.com) (51)
(CBS New York) Scary Gunman enters New York high school, takes principal hostage. Party at Lloyd Dobler's house stat  (wcbstv.com) (38)
(Salem News) Amusing Principal uses automated calling system to warn parents that students could be suspended for using made-up word at school. It's not news, it's Meep  (salemnews.com) (238)
(Yahoo) Cool Teen finds himself trapped on an ice floe with three polar bears. Teen wins  (ca.news.yahoo.com) (221)
(KLTV) Asinine Couple demand roadside cross and flowers be removed from their property. You know, the ones marking the spot where their pit bulls mauled a 10-year-old to death  (kltv.com) (625)
(Yahoo) Followup FBI reviewing its internal evaluation of Ft. Hood shooter Nidal, considering upgrading their assessment from "Harmless" to "Mostly harmless"  (fe5.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com) (198)
(WHIO) Dumbass Man arrested for fighting with his girlfriend over a crack pipe. Oh, and trying to stab her. And trying to set her on fire. And trying to set her truck on fire  (newstalkradiowhio.com) (24)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing Real men of genius: Today we celebrate you, Mr "posts a personal ad looking for lesbians to impregnate" guy  (thelocal.se) (74)
(Lacrosse Tribune) Fail Seven-point buck deer loses antler battle with elk. Fark: Because the elk was a concrete lawn ornament  (lacrossetribune.com) (92)
(Some Message) Caption Caption the text message that made Leonardo DiCaprio grin from ear to ear  (img4.imageshack.us) (110)
(News.com.au) Fail Police officer: your breath test shows no alcohol, enjoy the rest of your night. Driver: Thanks officer, but can you make sure the mystical dragons aren't still following me?  (themercury.com.au) (49)
(Newson6) PSA Make sure your cell phone is locked so you don't accidentally dial numbers. Numbers like 911. While you're discussing a drug deal  (newson6.com) (38)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these spirited students  (trinityjournal.com) (41)
(Abc.net.au) Interesting Bunnies with penis implants. Hugh Hefner not amused  (abc.net.au) (71)
(Fox News) Obvious In a prelude to 2012, North and South Korea are shooting at each other  (foxnews.com) (140)
(Telegraph) Amusing We miss George Bush because Obama has been attacked by a vampire. Or something like that  (telegraph.co.uk) (358)
(News.com.au) Asinine Mount Alvernia College suspends student for shaving her head to raise money for cancer research. Stay classy, Mount Alvernia College  (news.com.au) (82)

Mon November 09, 2009
(www.catholic.org) Interesting Catholics discover that Scientologists are forced by Scientology to have abortions. Xenu runs for cover while Farkers try to find enough popcorn  (catholic.org) (582)
(WTOP) Obvious Douchebag cyclist runs red lights and stop signs, rides on sidewalks and roads where cyclists are not allowed, and is completely indifferent to the traffic congestion he is causing. It's okay though, because he is the mayor of Washington DC  (wtop.com) (138)
(News.com.au) Dumbass ♫ At the car wash ♫ Busted at the car wash, yeah ♫ Cops nabbed them for indecency ♫ At the car wash, yeah ♫  (news.com.au) (40)
(Some Guy) Fail "Liquor Store Clerk Held Up by Screwdriver." No word on what the screwdriver used for a weapon  (am1150.ca) (52)
(Boston Globe) Silly Slideshow of famous people who've had swine flu. Now hopefully the sickness will get the media attention it deserves  (boston.com) (78)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this shovelful of dirt  (tsa.gov) (46)
(Some Guy) Cool The federal government is willing to pay up to $66,542 plus living benefits if you don't mind mushing 31-dogs across Denali National Park  (adn.com) (138)
(Kansas City) Scary "The bullet zipped over fields and pasture from the south as Long's car traveled west from her aunt's house. The two would meet at a point on 307th Street at precisely the same instant."  (kansascity.com) (170)
(New York Daily News) Asinine Sometimes there are signs that you've chosen the wrong profession. Bus driver, on his first day back after being suspended for texting while driving, runs over student  (nydailynews.com) (69)
(Some Guy) Scary Strollers recalled due to C) amputation  (clickorlando.com) (180)
(LA Times) Interesting Tips on how to raise a vegetarian child so that he grows up to be healthy, happy and insufferably self-righteous just like you  (latimes.com) (763)
(CBC) Misc Vandal causes oil spill into Nova Scotia river. Not a slick move, but oil bet he thought it was a gas  (cbc.ca) (59)
(Drew) FarkBlog It's the "still not quite Thanksgiving but there's not much to talk about" edition of the Fark Betting Line, as well as some of our favorite Headlines of the Week for 11/1 - 11/7  (fark.com) (38)
(Some Guy) Amusing Let there be light -- And when you're done reading, you can eat this bacon lampshade  (odditycentral.com) (43)
(NASA) Photoshop Photoshop this not so real moon landing  (history.nasa.gov) (59)
(Yahoo) Scary Computer viruses are now downloading child porn to your computer then calling the Feds, for the lulz  (tech.yahoo.com) (319)
(New York Daily News) Asinine This just in: Fort Hood shooter described as "scary" by someone's mom  (nydailynews.com) (222)
(Hartford Courant) Obvious Connecticut's gum control laws are having little effect on the state's gum crimes  (courant.com) (56)
(Philly) Obvious "Thanks to $25 million in recovery money, America's poorest city now has hippos."  (philly.com) (194)
(Wired UK) Cool The coolest Martian jellyfish you'll see all day  (wired.co.uk) (56)
(Examiner) Ironic Brazilian student expelled from Brazilian university for wearing dress so short you could see her Brazilian  (examiner.com) (369)
(Topless Robot) Obvious Pizza rolls are truly the pinnacle of human scientific endeavor. No, seriously  (toplessrobot.com) (203)
(The Local (Sweden)) Spiffy Gay rights in Sweden take a bold step forwards and sideways with the consecration of their first lesbian bishop  (thelocal.se) (101)
(Some Guy) Sad Two decades after the Berlin Wall came down, many in the once divided city no longer even remember where it stood. Hey Germany, that's why we use slogans here in the States. 9-11-2000, Never Forget  T-Shirt  (english.aljazeera.net) (319)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Amusing Ladies and Gentleman, the train is about to enter a tunnel  (lep.co.uk) (40)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Bank robber had a banana in his pocket, was not happy to get arrested after leaving his wallet on a bank counter  (mcall.com) (12)
(National Hurricane Center) PSA Milk ✔ TP ✔ Beer ✔ Flashlight ✔ Overexcited weatherman on TV ✔ . It's your Hurricane Ida discussion  (nhc.noaa.gov) (115)
(London Times) Dumbass It's nice that you make the effort to hand write your letters of condolence, but you should really make sure you spell their names right  (timesonline.co.uk) (82)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Dumbass Is that the ambulance service? Could I have a can of lager please?  (lep.co.uk) (18)
(News.com.au) Scary School headmaster demoted to school headlessmaster  (theaustralian.com.au) (54)
(Washington Post) Amusing Here's a hint: If you're a deer who's making a break from the National Zoo, don't get so excited by the people cheering you on that you jump into the lion's den  (washingtonpost.com) (175)
(News.com.au) Weird Armed thug places order at McDonald's before he robble-robbles the place  (theaustralian.com.au) (35)
(Some Guy) Interesting How 7,000 Vermont residents were almost encased in a mile-long plastic dome  (hplusmagazine.com) (124)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this beach beauty  (farm4.static.flickr.com) (45)
(Some Chick) Fail Woman deceives her husband and friends into believing she had breast cancer and needed treatment. She spent $10K they raised on a boob job  (wacotrib.com) (133)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Strange Girl, 12, gives birth to boy for her 15-year-old husband. In Tennessee? West Virginia? No, New South Wales, Australia  (theage.com.au) (197)
(Yahoo) Stupid 12-year-old girl suspended from school for piercing her nose, which perfectly normal in India, not as normal in Utah as multiple moms  (news.yahoo.com) (127)
(ABC Action News) Florida When searching for your dog, always look under car first before reaching underneath. That shadow might really be an alligator instead  (abcactionnews.com) (54)
(Cape Cod Online) Dumbass State Senator forgets he's supposed to make drugs sound bad, not cool; describes Oxycontin as "a rocket ship to heroin." Every kid knows rocket ships are cool  (capecodonline.com) (90)
(Omaha World Herald) Cool After her husband gets locked up for dealing meth, pissed-off wife goes undercover, takes down major meth ring. Hell hath no fury like a Latina who ain't getting any  (omaha.com) (151)

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